


Believe in Me

by Elleberquist6



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No YouTube, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Dogwalker!Phil, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Illusions, Kitsune, Kitsune!Dan, M/M, Magical Realism, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-04-19 11:43:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 40
Words: 85,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14236554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elleberquist6/pseuds/Elleberquist6
Summary: Dan Howell is living at home while he’s saving money for college, which isn’t easy since his parents don’t understand him. Unlike them, he loves dogs, is a vegetarian, has no interest in the family business, and he despises the supernatural. He struggles to accept things that are illogical, even though he is a kitsune. Kitsune are foxes whose powers involve the ability to cast illusions, but Dan just wants to be normal. Phil Lester has just moved to London, where he works as a dog walker. When his path crosses with Dan, Phil is eager to get to know him. Unfortunately, Phil soon finds that being friends with Dan is far more complicated than he could have imagined.





	1. Prologue and Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> I'm uploading a prologue and chapter 1 at the same time. The prologue is a huge info dump of AU details and character backstory that I felt necessary to to flesh out in order to write this story. If you're here for just the Phan and not the backstory, feel free to skip the prologue (there's a mildly disturbing scene in it anyway).

“Tale of the Kitsune” (the oldest surviving Japanese tale about the shape-shifting fox, written by the monk Kyoukai in the late eight or early ninth century):  
  
_There lived a man named Ono. He fell in love with a very beautiful lady he met at a vast moor, and soon they became lovers. He married her a year later, and they lived a happy life._

_Years later, his beautiful wife gave birth to their son. Simultaneously, their dog also gave birth to a pup. As the pup grew up, it always barked and growled at Ono's wife. She always avoided the pup (now a dog), and became very tense when it was around. One day, it suddenly attacked her violently. She ran and ran and when she got cornered, she had no choice, but to reveal her true form, which was a fox-like creature, in an attempt to scare the dog away._

_When she saw that her husband saw her transform, she panicked and leaped over the fence and tried to flee. As she was escaping, Ono called out to her, "You might be a fox, but I still love you! My heart will always be yours. I still want you to stay with me forever. Whenever you want to come back home, you will always be welcome."_

_That night, and every night after that, she came home to her husband and child. She slept in his arms, and they continued to live happily ever after. From that day onward, the fox was called "kitsune" because kitsu-ne means come and sleep, and ki-tsune means always._  

Source: http://japanlover.me/cool/kakkoii-information/tale-of-the-kitsune-fox/ _  
_

 

# PROLOGUE

 

1965 – London

Elspeth Smith was alone. She had accepted that she would always be alone, but that did nothing to fill the emptiness inside her – she felt like her skin was a brittle shell surrounding a hollow center, and one day the surface would crack. She would blow away like dust in the wind.

Elspeth was lonely, but there was nothing that could be done about this. She wasn’t like other women. She wasn’t even like her parents. Elspeth learned at a young age that she was adopted. Her parents couldn’t help her to understand herself, and they no longer talked to her. They couldn’t even tell her who her biological parents were, and Elspeth looked but she couldn’t find them either.

Her search for the truth about herself had led her to a career as a secretary in a Social Services office, but she soon found out more about herself in the bookshelves of the mythology section at the library. Kitsune… yes, that seemed to fit. Knowing the name for what she most likely was didn’t offer much solace though. She was still alone.  
           

 

“Weirdest fucking kid I’ve ever seen. What kind of kid doesn’t like a puppy?”

Elspeth looked up from her desk, surprised by these words. She was even more startled to see a puppy in her coworker’s arms. She shrunk slightly in her chair as the puppy started to rumble with a low growl at the sight of her, but Elspeth hid her fear and asked her coworker, “What kid?”

He gestured to a closed door with the hand that wasn’t holding the puppy. “There’s a little girl in there. She was found living on the streets. We’ve since learned that her parents are dead. I thought a puppy might cheer her up and give her something to play with while arrangements are being made for her, but she freaked out when I brought it into the room. Isn’t that weird?”

Elspeth nodded, though she could think of a reason why a child might be scared of a puppy. It couldn’t be though… the odds of it, of finding someone like herself. Elspeth couldn’t stop thinking about it, and she slipped away from her desk when no one was looking.

She entered the room where the girl was staying. There were chairs, a table, crayons and drawing paper, but the little girl – she must have been 5 or 6 years old – was huddled in a ball in a corner of the room. Her long brown hair was hiding her face.

When the door clicked shut, the girl shivered at the sound. She whispered, “Please don’t bring it back. I don’t like dogs.”

“I didn’t bring the dog back.” Elspeth crossed the room and knelt before the girl. “What’s your name?”

“Gertrude. I like to be called Trudy.” The girl looked up and she wiped her blotchy cheeks dry. “What are you here for? People came to ask me questions already, and I told them everything I know.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Trudy. I’m Elspeth.” She hesitated. This girl was smart, much more so than she should be for her age, so Elspeth had to be careful not to make her close up. “I only have one more question for you: why don’t you like dogs?”

The girl hugged her knees closer to her chest. “I… don’t know how to explain it. Not in a way that would make sense to anyone.”

“Maybe I’m not just anyone. Maybe I will understand.”

The girl bit her lip for a moment, but then she started talking, “Dogs see me in a way that people can’t. People look at me and they just see a girl, but dogs know that there is something different about me. I can’t hide from them. They make me show what I am, and then people can see it, too.”

Elspeth sat in stunned silence when the girl stopped talking.

The girl looked at Elspeth, and then her cheeks flushed. “See? I told you that you wouldn’t understand.”

“No, I do. Trudy, I understand everything.” Elspeth glanced at the door, saw it was still closed, and then looked at the girl again. As the girl watched her carefully, her eyes widened as a fluffy black tail suddenly appeared behind her. The fur billowed, buffeted by a noncorporeal breeze. “You’re like me, aren’t you Trudy?”

Trudy nodded and a fluffy white fox tail appeared behind her. She wrapped the tail comfortingly around her legs, but it didn’t shift the fabric of her dress. “The man didn’t see my tail,” she announced, as if expecting Elspeth to chastise her in the way a protective mother would. “I kept it hidden behind me when the dog scared me.”

“Good girl,” Elspeth said. _My girl,_ she was already thinking.  
  
           

The adoption went perfectly, but there was one issue that Elspeth didn’t foresee. She had been wrong. Trudy wasn’t a kitsune like her. She was a fox – Elspeth hadn’t been wrong about that – but she was a different kind of fox. She was a gumiho. Elspeth figured this out when the girl insisted she was hungry, no matter what she fed her. Trudy asked her adoptive mother for a special type of meat that her late parents said ‘made her strong.’ Elspeth thought she knew what the meat was, but she still didn’t know what to do.

Elspeth took her to a doctor when the girl started losing weight. The doctor called it ‘failure to thrive’, but he couldn’t help. He stuck Elspeth’s crying little girl with needles, ran tests, and found no answers. As little Trudy became paler and weaker, the doctor eventually started talking about being prepared for the worst. When Elspeth asked him what he meant, he said that she should make the girl comfortable, and make plans… And then Elspeth knew what she needed to do.

Elspeth visited several funeral homes until she found the perfect one, which was run by the perfect man: he was alone, he was trusting, and he was kind. Elspeth came to visit him, and she told him mostly the truth. Her little girl was sick, and the doctor had told her to make preparations; the only thing she hadn’t been honest about was Trudy’s imminent demise. No, her mother wasn’t going to let her die.

The funeral director, whose name was Mr. Howell, went above and beyond to try to comfort the grieving mother. He invited her into the kitchen to offer her a hot drink. He showed her the selection of tea and coffee in the kitchen cupboard, but he didn’t have one she liked, and would he be kind enough to go to the store and buy it? Yes, he was kind enough.

While he was out, Elspeth went to the basement to get what she came for. No one was in the basement but the dead. She opened the drawers in the wall until she found one that was occupied by an unembalmed man whose chest was stitched closed. Elspeth’s stomach squirmed at the thought of what she was about to do, but she _would not_ let her little girl die, and she needed this. Elspeth pulled on a pair of gloves and cut the stitches with a pair of scissors. The man’s ribs had already been cut, so she easily extracted the liver. The bloody organ shivered gelatinously in her hand as she deposited it in a bag that she hid at the bottom of her purse. Then she stitched the body closed so that Mr. Howell wouldn’t suspect anything, and she disposed of the bloody gloves.

She was upstairs and waiting at the kitchen table when Mr. Howell returned with the tea that she requested. She honestly felt bad making excuses to leave without having a drink, but she had to get the liver on ice. Mr. Howell didn’t help her guilt by continuing to be so nice. He even offered her a business card, saying, “My personal number is written on the back. If you ever need anyone to talk to, please call.”

No one had ever been so nice to her. She looked at him – really looked at him for the first time. He was in his 30s (around her age) with tanned skin, wavy brown hair, and kind brown eyes. He was lovely. So, she said, “You know, I think I will call. Thank you.”

 

 

Six months later, Elspeth became Mrs. David Howell of Howell’s Funeral Home. At first, she told herself that dating a funeral director and mortician was just an easy way to get continued access to the organs that her daughter needed to be healthy, but eventually Elspeth had to admit to herself that she liked him. He was wonderful with Trudy too, whom they were both overjoyed to see was recovering from her mysterious illness. They had become a family, and they had even decided to grow their family. In 1968, Elspeth gave birth to a son, whom they named James. Elspeth was completely happy, and she could never foresee this feeling ending.

Then, her husband found her standing over a body, holding a bloody liver. Elspeth tried to explain herself and the needs that Trudy had. She even showed him her tail. She thought that he would understand since she knew that he loved their daughter as much as she did, but he only became more horrified. She left with Trudy. Her husband was sitting in a chair holding the baby when she left, clutching their son as if he was protecting him from her.

It wasn’t long though until she knew… she wasn’t sure how she knew, but she knew that her husband was crying for her. He still loved her and he wanted her to come back. So, she went back, and they tried to be a family again. Things were different, but he needed her and his son needed his mother, so he was prepared to turn a blind eye as she took from the dead what Trudy needed.

The children grew and they were happy. It became clear that little James was a kitsune like his mother. His tail was white when he was young, but it turned black when he celebrated his 21st birthday, though they didn’t understand at the time what that meant. He took after his father too, who he made proud by going to school to be a mortician. It wasn’t long after that that they lost David in a car accident. Elspeth was devastated by the loss, but she saw her son was really a man now when he carried on for the family. He ran the business in his father’s place and he provided for his sister. He didn’t exactly see her as a sister, though – she was so much more to him.

They announced their engagement to their bemused mother, but when they explained things to her she understood. James and Trudy had dated other people and denied their feelings for so long, but no one had ever understood them the way the other did. It would take some time for Elspeth to become used to the idea of her children being a couple, but she tried to be accepting. After her rocky marriage to a human who never completely understood her, Elspeth could see the appeal in marrying a fox, and her children had yet to meet another fox outside of the family.

In the end, Elspeth found that all that mattered to her was that her children were happy. It wasn’t long after the marriage that their family grew again. They named their first son Adam and their second one Dan. At this point in her life, Elspeth was completely content. She was sitting in the parlor of the funeral home (it was also the family’s home with bedrooms upstairs), watching little Adam crawling on the carpet, while Trudy sat with baby Dan bundled in her arms. Everything seemed right with the world, so she was surprised Trudy started to cry.

“I’m scared for them. For my sons,” Trudy explained to her mother. “What are they? Who will they be like?”

Elspeth looked at the babies as she considered it. “I’m sure they’re foxes. I’ve seen dogs bark at them in their strollers. So, the only question is if they are kitsune or gumiho.”

Trudy nodded, clearly at this point in her contemplations. “You raised me and James. Were there any differences? Besides the fact that I got sick?”

There had been some. James had been a mischievous child, but she would almost call Trudy malevolent – her pranks had always gone too far, people had gotten hurt, and Trudy had never cared. Trudy didn’t need reminding of this, and they couldn’t be sure if this part of her nature really came from the fox. Also, all of her energy was now focused on being a protective mother, so Elspeth wasn’t going to judge her daughter for her past. “Well,” she said. “There was the way his tailed changed color when he became a man.”

They still didn’t know why James had a black tail, though Trudy’s tail had stayed white. They assumed it had to do with how he was a different species of fox. Trudy shook her head, looking at her sleeping son. “This can’t wait until they’re grown. What if they get sick like I did? If they’re gumiho they need to eat what I eat to stay healthy and grow.”

Elspeth gave her daughter a sad look. “You want them to be gumiho.”

“Of course I do! I brought them into the world. I…” Trudy didn’t need to explain it. She was young, but they had all noticed it. James was 8 years younger than his wife, but the difference wasn’t noticeable. He was aging and she wasn’t. They knew it must have something to do with the lifeforce she obtained from the livers, and she was coming to accept that she was probably going to outlive her husband. She didn’t want to outlive her sons. How could she even comprehend the possibility, while holding her newborn in her arms? She couldn’t. Trudy looked at the baby and insisted, “He’s a gumiho. They both are. I know it, and they need to eat what I eat.”

All Elspeth could say was, “I’d suggest waiting until they’re ready for solid foods.”

Trudy nodded. “And let’s do some research. I know you tried to find out what you were through books when you were younger, but maybe there is more we can find out now. When they’re older, I want to be able to explain to them what they are.”

 

#    
CHAPTER ONE

_Kitsune fact: Kitsune tend to live in families, and work together as much as possible. Lone kitsune tend to try and make families. Even myobu prefer to drive away nogitsune, instead of killing them. [https://littlespacefox.weebly.com/kitsune-mythology.html]_

 

2011 – London

Phil Lester woke up that morning, convinced that today was going to be the best day of his life. He didn’t have a job when he moved to London recently, and he had taken a small apartment while he searched for employment. The apartment didn’t allow pets, so when he saw a job opening with a dog walking agency, it seemed like a perfect fit – if he couldn’t have his own dog, he could spend the day with other people’s dogs.

Admittedly, he was a bit intimidated by the mental image he had of a dog walker being towed by the leashes of 6 or more dogs (he fell down often enough when he wasn’t being dragged by dogs), but his interview went well with the agency and they told him that he would be started on a trial basis with only one client – a Rottweiler.

The next day, he was happy to find that his client’s home was walking distance from his apartment. A smiling woman in her 40s answered the door. “You must be Phil! I’m Hannah. Come in and I’ll introduce you to Rotty.”

Phil grinned. “Your Rottweiler’s name is Rotty? I like it.”

“Yes, it’s short for Rotten. He’s a bit of a problem child, which is why I’m here to make sure that you two get along. He needs a firm hand. Someone who can show him who is in charge so he behaves himself.”

Phil was beginning to feel a bit out of his depth. He was prepared to give the dog some exercise, but he knew nothing about obedience training. Then Phil relaxed a bit when he met the dog, who was sitting on a bed, chewing on a rawhide toy. The dog looked up at Phil, slobber dripping from his lips, and Phil felt his heart melt. He knelt before the bed and he let the dog sniff his hand, ignoring the drool. Finally, the dog gave his hand a lick.

The owner, who was watching the exchange, cooed in delight. “He likes you! So, are you ready to take him out for a while? He loves Regent’s Park.” Phil nodded, and Hannah handed him a leash to clip onto the dog’s collar. “I’m going to be around the house today if anything goes wrong. You have my number, so feel free to call me.”

Phil’s eyes widened. “Are you expecting something to go wrong?”

“No, it’s just that Rotty has a bad track record with walkers, so I like to be prepared.” She saw the alarm on Phil’s face. “He doesn’t bite! He’s a sweetheart. But he has a habit of pulling and sometimes he gets away from people. I’ve almost lost him before because some people walking him were too scared to let me know that he had gotten away from them. So, please call me if that happens and I will come help you find him.”

Phil nodded, appreciating her straightforwardness. “I hope it won’t come to that.” He looked at the dog and gave him an affectionate pat. “You won’t try to get away from me, will you?”

 

 

As they strolled around Regent’s Park, Phil gripped the leash tighter whenever the dog seemed to pay particular interest to anything around them: a squirrel scurrying up the trunk of a tree, another dog chasing a frisbee, and in particular a pond that was surrounded by ducks. The dog was remarkably well behaved though, and he never attempted to escape Phil’s grip on the leash. It made Phil give the dog a stroke to reward him, murmuring, “You’re just misunderstood, aren’t you? You’re a good boy.”

Phil started to relax and enjoy the beautiful day. It was a rare sunny day in London, and he could hardly believe that this was his life now – he was getting paid to walk through a beautiful park with a sweet dog. It was almost perfect.

The only problem was that Phil wasn’t used to walking this much, and he hadn’t realized that he was so out of shape. His legs were killing him, and he stopped when he couldn’t take it anymore, which made the dog turn to look at him. The Rottweiler’s orange eyebrow-shaped markings gave him a surprised expression which made Phil laugh. “Rotty, what do you say about taking a quick break?”

The dog didn’t object, so they walked to a bench under a tree. There was a boy sitting on one end of the bench, so Phil sat on the other end. Phil glanced at the boy and saw that he had fallen asleep in a slumped position with a book in his lap. Phil glanced at the book curiously – _Game of Thrones_. The boy had good taste in books.

The dog huffed a sigh and looked wistfully around the park.

“Just give me a moment, Rotty,” Phil assured the dog. He reached down to massage the cramped muscles in his calves through his black skinny jeans. While he did this, he found himself glancing at the sleeping boy again. He was around Phil’s age, maybe a couple years younger. Something about his face kept drawing Phil’s attention. Well, not _something_. It was obvious that the boy was lovely. The long dark lashes of his closed eyes were splayed across his cheeks. His lightly tanned skin was speckled with the occasional freckle. His brown curly hair was shifted by a passing breeze.

Phil returned his attention to Rotty, preparing to tell him that it was time to go, but the dog wasn’t in front of him anymore. Then he saw that the dog was sniffing industriously at the paperback copy of _Game of Thrones_ in the boy’s lap. “Rotty, no!” He hissed in a whisper, tugging lightly on the leash. “You’ll wake him up. Leave it, it’s not yours.”

The dog was ignoring him. He had stopped sniffing the book and was now sniffing at the boy under the book; he was sniffing with such intensity that Phil suspected the boy might have dog biscuits in his pockets. The dog continued to investigate the boy, completely ignoring Phil as his pleading rose in pitch from a terse whisper to shrill commands. It was no surprise when the boy woke up with Rotty now sniffing the front of his black t-shirt. The boy blinked a few times in surprise, looking between the dog and Phil. Then they were both looking at Rotty as the dog went completely still, except for his sides which were vibrating with a growl.

Phil tried to put some authority in his voice as he tightened his grip on the leash. “Rotty, what are you doing?” The dog was baring his teeth. Phil pulled the leash forcefully, but the dog didn’t move an inch – he was strong. Phil looked at the boy. “I… I don’t know what’s wrong with him. Have you got food or something in your pockets? Maybe he wants you to give it to him?”

The boy shook his head slightly. He was stiff with terror.

“Okay,” Phil’s brain was whirring. This could go very badly in the next moment if he wasn’t careful. He knew that this breed of dog had a very nasty bite. Phil stood up and planted both feet firmly on the ground behind the dog. He gripped the leash as tight as he could with both hands. “Alright, I’ve got him. Can you slide off the bench and get away from him? I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s got him like this.”

“I do,” the boy said, but he didn’t stop to explain. He scrambled off the bench and out of reach of the dog’s bite, but instead of running he turned to look back at Phil. He opened his mouth like he wanted to say something. Then his eyes went wide as Rotty lunged for him. Phil saw nothing but pavement as the powerful dog pulled him over.

Phil lay still for a moment, stunned by the sensation of having the breath knocked painfully out of his chest by the fall. As he started breathing again, he heard the sound of a dog barking. Phil looked up to see the boy scrambling into the tree behind the bench while Rotty ran circles around the trunk. Slobber was trailing from his jowls as he barked menacingly. Phil got to his feet. “Rotty! Hey, Rotten. Stop. Heel! You have been a very bad dog. You hear me? Bad dog!”

Rotty stopped running to look at him with sad eyes. His ears pressed against his head and he gave a soft whimper. Then he sprinted away. Before Phil could call the dog or even see where he was running, there was a shout as the boy fell out of the tree, landing face-first in the grass where the dog had been standing a moment before. Phil heard the boy grunt in pain, so he sprinted to his side.

“Hey, are you okay?” He knelt beside him and rested a hand on the boy’s back.

He shifted under Phil’s hand and then got to his knees. His left arm was hanging limply at his side and he hissed in pain as he held it against his body with his right hand. The boy shook his head in answer to Phil’s question. “No, I’m not okay. Something is wrong with my arm.”

“It’s okay. There’s a hospital not far from here. I’ll take you there.” He tried to infuse his words with calmness, though he was freaking out.

The boy looked around, and Phil couldn’t help noticing how pretty his eyes were – brown, but not a boring shade. They reminded him of hot chocolate, the real kind of hot chocolate that you have to warm up on the stove. The eyes shifted to Phil’s face. “Where is your dog?”

“He’s not mine. I don’t know where he is. He ran off right before you fell.”

Phil thought the boy had asked because he was worried that the dog was going to attack him again, but the boy’s eyes widened in alarm. “You have to find him. You can’t leave him here. He’ll find the road, wander into it, and get hit by a car.”

“Okay, I’ll find him, and then we’ll go to the A&E. Don’t try to go anywhere. I’ll be back in a minute.” He gave the boy’s uninjured arm what he hoped was a reassuring squeeze. Then Phil stood up and looked around. He was grateful to spot Rotty in the distance, and he started running towards the dog. Rotty was happily sniffing at a German Shepherd – the dogs were spinning in circles while both trying to sniff each other at the same time – and the German Shepherd’s owner was watching with a bemused expression on her face. Before Rotty even knew Phil was there, he had picked up the leash that was trailing on the ground behind him. He waved in farewell to the owner of the other dog and started leading Rotty back to the injured boy.

“Don’t run off like that again, please.” The dog looked up at him, and he could tell from his eyes that the dog hadn’t forgotten how Phil shouted at him. Phil sighed as he fished his phone out of his pocket. “I’m sorry I shouted at you. Just behave, okay? Let’s see if your mum can pick you up.”

“Hello?” Hannah answered the call. “Phil?”

“Yes, it’s me. Something happened.” He quickly explained the situation to her.

“Oh my God, he’s going to sue me.” Hannah gasped.

“I hope it won’t come to that. Could you come get Rotty so I can take him to the hospital? Sorry about all this.” He was trying to balance his phone between his shoulder and his cheek while he tied Rotty’s leash to the bench where this all had started.

“Yes, I’m about a 10-minute walk from the park. I’m coming. Where exactly are you?” He could hear things clattering on Hannah’s end of the call, and it sounded like she was hastily tossing objects into her purse.

He looked around and described his location in relation to a bridge and the nearby duck pond, and then he hung up with Hannah’s assurance that she would be there soon. Rotty was stretched out on the pavement, ready to take a nap after his exploits, and then Phil looked at the boy. His back was resting against the tree now and his eyes were closed. Phil would believe that he had fallen asleep again if he weren’t holding his body so stiffly, like he was afraid that any movement would cause him pain.

Phil walked over and sat in the grass beside him. The boy’s eyes opened. He glanced at the dog and then at Phil. “He’s tied up,” Phil said. “His owner is coming to get him. She’ll be here soon. Thanks for telling me to find him before we left.”

The boy nodded. “Of course. I’d never forgive myself if he got hurt because you’d left him here alone.” He smiled, and he had a dimple in his cheek that made Phil’s stomach flip for some reason. “I like dogs, even though they don’t like me much.”

“I noticed.” Phil gave a slight breathy laugh, though he wasn’t exactly sure what he was laughing at. Was the boy saying that he was attacked by dogs on a regular basis? The only part of what he’d said that Phil was able to grasp was the fact that he said he liked dogs. Phil found that he was pathetically keeping a mental tally of the boy’s positive characteristics: likes dogs, _check,_ reads Game of Thrones, _check,_ is really nice despite the fact that he is probably in pain right now, _check._ Suddenly, the fact that he was gorgeous was the least interesting fact about him.

Phil gave his head a slight shake to clear it. “Seriously, how is your arm? Can you wait a few moments to get help, or do we need to go now?”

The boy glanced at his limp arm. “I think it’s dislocated. It’s not that bad until I try to move. I can wait.” He showed Phil the smashed iPhone in the palm of his right hand. “When you went to get the dog, I was going to call my parents, but it won’t even turn on. Completely broken… I must have landed on it when I fell.”

“Oh!” Phil tried to hand him his phone. “You can use mine.”

The boy tucked his broken phone into his pocket, but he didn’t take Phil’s phone. “Thanks, but I can’t remember their numbers off the top of my head. I had them all programmed into my phone.”

Phil nodded in understanding, since he couldn’t recall his own parents’ phone numbers. He opened Google on his phone, preparing to search for something. “What about work numbers? Are they at an office right now? I could look up the phone number of the business and you could call them that way.”

The boy stiffened and looked away. Phil could tell that he’d made him uncomfortable, but he couldn’t imagine why. Maybe his arm was just hurting. “No… I don’t think there’s any way to reach them. Do you mind taking me? I’m sure I’ll be fine once you drop me off.”

“I’m not just dropping you off. I’m staying until I’m sure you’re okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I'm just looking for general feedback on this. I would like to know what you think. Let me know anything, like if you think the dog's name is stupid (I kind of hate it). 
> 
> Also, each chapter is going to be followed by a quote from somewhere, and I will be noting the source. I don't want it to look like I'm cheating on the word count by inflating my story with words that weren't written by me. Is this a problem for anyone? Would you prefer if I put these quotes in the beginning chapter notes instead? Or is it okay? Let me know, thanks!
> 
> A few general notes on this work: 
> 
> 1) About Dan's "family" in this story, I'm aware of the A****n situation. Dan's family is entirely fictionalized, and I've tagged the brother as Original Male Character. I've changed names and will only be borrowing from themes of Dan's life that he has shared, ex: his family wanting him to study something that he didn't like at university.
> 
> 2) I will not be tagging character death concerning a secondary character for reasons that will become clear later, though death is discussed. I will be handling it in a way that I do not believe will be triggering.
> 
> 3) I hope that my application of Japanese and Korean myths to British characters does not come across as cultural appropriation. By having two characters be adopted, I tried to convey a sense of loss of heritage, as if these characters could have long-lost Asian ancestry, which has unfortunate consequences for them. This is never directly implied or addressed though, and the story is set in London.


	2. Chapter 2

  
_Kitsune fact: Kitsune live by an honor code that is believed to be set by Inari (Kitsunes have religion too). Though the details are not written in stone, and each (Myobu) kitsune follows it in his or her own way. One rule is to always repay debts with equal or greater value. [http://fandom.wikia.com/]_

  
They didn’t have to wait long for Hannah to arrive. She apologized so profusely for her dog’s behavior that she seemed to be making the boy uncomfortable. Phil finally convinced her that the best thing she could do was to lead Rotty away.

Phil helped the boy to stand. He paled and swayed in place for a moment, but he didn’t fall over. For a second, Phil thought he saw something white flicker behind the boy, but Phil blinked and when he looked again it was gone. It was white and fuzzy. Could it have been a white squirrel running up the tree? He decided that his eyes were playing tricks on him, and he focused on making sure that the boy was okay. The boy assured Phil that he could walk, and they headed in the direction of the hospital.

When they arrived, Phil made the boy sit while he got a clipboard from the front desk with paperwork that needed to be filled out. He sat down beside him and started to hand the clipboard to him, saying, “Good thing you hurt your left arm.”

The boy gave him a sheepish grin and shook his head. “I’m lefthanded. Would you mind helping me?”

“Oh, darn. Lefthanded? That sucks.” Phil rested the clipboard on his own knee, looking it over as he prepared to start filling it out.

The boy gave him an odd look. “You don’t swear?”

“I do sometimes, but I reserve it for special occasions. Like stubbing a toe or raging out during video games.” He stared at the paperwork, realizing the only boxes he could fill out were ‘describe the injury’ and ‘how did it happen’.

“Interesting. I’m quite the opposite. I don’t wait for an occasion.” Before Phil could comment, the boy was handing him his wallet. “Here, most of that info is on my driver’s license.”

Phil opened the wallet and then started copying the address onto the forms. When he got to the name, he said, “Nice to meet you, Daniel. I’m Phil.”

The boy named Daniel snorted. “Nice to meet you, too. You can call me Dan.”

 

           

A while later, Dan’s name was called and Phil waited in the chair by the front desk. He was playing Angry Birds on his phone when someone said his name. “Phil? We can go now.”

He looked up to see Dan, who was now wearing a sling. “So, you were right? It was just dislocated?”

“Yeah, they popped it back into place. I only have to wear this sling for a couple days, and then I should be fine.” They started walking to the door, and Dan said, “Thanks for staying while the doctor took care of me. You really didn’t have to do that.”

“Of course. I would have worried about you otherwise.” They lapsed into silence as they walked, neither of them seeming sure of where they were walking. Phil didn’t want to say goodbye, but he couldn’t think of an excuse to linger longer. Phil gestured to a street that they were about to walk past. “I live in an apartment down there.”

Dan stopped on the corner. “Oh. I’m a bit farther down here,” he nodded down the street. “I live in the historic district.”

“I’ll walk you home.” Phil stared down the street again, but Dan stopped him with a light touch on his elbow.

“Don’t be silly. Go home. I’m fine and it would be dark by the time you walked yourself home.” Dan took a step away from him.

“I’m not scared of the dark,” Phil insisted.

Dan shook his head. “I don’t need you to walk me home. Bye, Phil. I hope that I see you around.”

Phil stood on the street corner for a moment, watching as Dan walked away. He knew that Dan was fine and that he would make it home okay; Phil just hadn’t wanted to leave his company. And how could he rationalize that to a person he just met without sounding crazy? Sighing, Phil turned and walked to his apartment.

 

 

The next day, Phil presented to Hannah’s house, a bit unsure if he still had a job. She asked about the boy Phil had taken to A&E, and then assured him that she was happy with how he handled the emergency, so of course he was still her dogwalker. Phil greeted Rotty, and the dog seemed to have forgiven him for shouting as he happily licked Phil’s hand in greeting.

Meanwhile, Phil hadn’t forgotten about yesterday. He constantly patted and reassured Rotty as they strolled through Regent’s Park, both to make up for yesterday and to keep the dog under control, but Rotty made no move to escape him again.

Phil was also looking around for Dan, hoping to run into him and ask him how his arm was healing, but the boy wasn’t wandering around in this area of the park. Eventually, they were passing near the bench from yesterday. Phil found himself tightening his grip on Rotty’s leash just in case, but the bench was unoccupied. But there was something under it…

Phil reached under the bench. He found the copy of _Game of Thrones_ that he had seen on Dan’s lap yesterday. He wished he could return it, but he couldn’t recall Dan’s address from the hospital paperwork. Phil ran his fingers over the pages of the book and he felt something hard. He flipped open the book, but the hard thing he had felt was just a bookmark. He was about to close the book when he saw that the bookmark was actually a business card. He extracted it and read the card:

  
_Howell’s Funeral Home_  
_A family business since 1960_  
_James Howell, proprietor_

Howell… that was Dan’s last name. Also, the address on the card looked familiar. So, the boy lived in his family’s funeral home. Phil tucked the book under his arm as he got up to continue the walk. Now he knew where to return the book.

 

 

The walk finished without incident. Rotty actually seemed a bit worn out after yesterday’s escapades and he behaved perfectly. Phil returned the dog to his home and then started in the direction of Dan’s. It was a bit chilly and he zipped his jacket shut, tucking the book in the space between his t-shirt and his jacket so that he could put his hands in his pockets. He found himself entering the historic district, and from what Dan said he knew that he must be getting close. The buildings around him looked like they had once been affluent homes, but most of them had been converted into businesses. Phil started looking at house numbers and signs as he walked past.

He saw a white house. It had a small yard that was big enough for only a tree and a couple bushes because most of the yard was taken up by a large front porch that was occupied by a porch swing and chairs. The sign told Phil that he had found Howell’s Funeral Home, so he started up the steps.

“Phil?”

He turned at the sound of his name. Dan was lying flat on his back in the porch swing – Phil hadn’t seen him from the street because his view had been blocked by the railing. He smiled at Dan as the boy sat up. “Hey, how are you feeling?”

“Fine.” Dan glanced at the sling that his arm was still in, but he seemed to find his health trivial in comparison to a bigger question. “What are you doing here? How did you even know where ‘here’ was?”

“Oh!” Phil extracted the book from his jacket and handed it to Dan. “There was a business card inside with an address.”

Dan sighed and scooted over on the porch swing. “Sorry. For acting like you were a creepy stalker. You want to sit down?”

“Thanks. My legs are killing me. I just got off work. That’s where I found your book.”

Dan looked down at the book and he stroked the cover. Then he asked, “What’s your job?”

“I’m a dog walker.”

Dan smiled. “That sounds like a fun job.”

“It is.” Phil returned his smile. “Yesterday was my first day on the job actually.”

 “I suppose you could say it was an eventful first day.” Dan looked like he was suppressing a laugh as he bit his bottom lip.

Phil shrugged and he said sarcastically, “Maybe for some dogwalkers, but it was a pretty average day for me.”

“Oh really?” Dan was having trouble concealing the fact that he was laughing now.

“Oh yeah, I catch people falling out of trees all the time.”

“You didn’t catch me, you let me hit the ground!” Dan’s voice was high with indignation, but his eyes sparkled with humor.

Phil shrugged, “That’s not how I remember it happening.”

“You’re mental. Then how did I injure my arm?”

“Okay, fine, I’ve never caught you or anyone else as they were falling from a tree,” Phil admitted, earning a satisfied snort from Dan. He wanted to stay longer, but as they lapsed into silence he realized he didn’t have an excuse to stay. He couldn’t even reasonably ask for Dan’s number since he saw Dan’s phone get destroyed yesterday.

“Hey, Phil…” Dan hesitated before going on. “Seriously, you might not have caught me, but I owe you.”

“No, you don’t. I didn’t do anything. It’s my fault you got hurt. I should have held onto the dog – I feel awful about that.”

Dan shook his head. “It wasn’t your fault. Really. I do owe you. You helped me when I was hurt, you returned my book, and you’ve been really nice to me. I owe you a favor. Anything you want. Just let me know.”

Phil bit his lip, wanting to ask what kind of favor. He was bad at reading people and he was unsure if the words had been said with any kind of inflection. Was it a friendly favor, like calling if he ever needed help moving furniture? Or was Dan flirting? Phil hoped it was the latter. Suddenly, he knew what he wanted to ask. “Can I cash that favor in tonight? Or another night if you’re not free?”

Dan’s eyebrows rose. “What?”

The flush in Dan’s cheeks showed Phil how his words had sounded. “I was just asking you if you wanted to get something to eat! You know, so we could talk some more.”

Dan took a breath as he relaxed. “That sounds nice. Sure. Oh, you should know I’m a vegetarian.”

Phil nodded. “Okay. I know a place that does veggie wraps that are supposed to be great.”

 


	3. Chapter 3

  
_Kitsune fact: Freedom is very important to the kitsune. They do not accept being forced into something they do not wish, and do not like being bound or trapped. Doing so weakens the kitsune, and is frowned upon by other kitsune. [https://littlespacefox.weebly.com/kitsune-mythology.html]_

 

  
Later that night, Phil was anxiously rolling a glass of ice water between his palms to stop himself from checking his phone again, since it wasn’t like Dan had a phone, so he couldn’t text Phil to tell him why he was 15 minutes late.

Perhaps Phil had given him the wrong restaurant name earlier. Or maybe Dan had changed his mind about meeting Phil; he had jokingly called him a stalker earlier. He had been joking then, right? The chair across from him pulled out, and Phil jumped in surprise.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” Dan said with a laugh as he sat. Phil looked him over. He had changed out of his casual black t-shirt and was now wearing a black button-down shirt, his curly hair had been tamed with a bit of product, and he was wearing studded earrings. His arm was still in a sling and he picked up the menu with one hand.

“Hey, good to see you.” Phil bit his lip as he thought about telling Dan how nice he looked, but they hadn’t really established if they were hanging out as friends or more yet.

“You too.” He lowered the menu as he looked at Phil instead, and his eyes widened slightly as he seemed to note that Phil had dressed up for this as well – he was wearing his blue button-down shirt that was patterned with small white stars. Dan dropped the menu as he gave Phil his full attention. He said with a small smile, “I know this was your idea, but I kind of didn’t expect you to be here when I walked in.”

“Oh? Why is that?” Phil was completely baffled.

Dan shrugged. “No one ever wants to hang out with the weird guy who lives in a funeral home. Also, you know I lied to you the day we met. You asked me if my parents had a work number, but I was too embarrassed to tell you that it was on the card lying in the book a few feet from us. I caused you so much trouble that day, which could have all been avoided.”

“You were no trouble, but I realized that you lied. I hate it when people lie to me. I hate it more than anything, but I thought you might have a reason. I wanted to give you a chance to explain yourself.”

Dan beamed at him. “Thank you. I was too embarrassed to tell you about the funeral home. It’s just that… it wasn’t easy growing up there, and whenever people at school found out they always made my life hell. I know I’m out of school now, but I guess I’m not over it.”

“I can understand that. Thank you for telling me. We’re okay. Really.” Dan didn’t look convinced, so Phil gave him his brightest smile. “I’ll tell you something about my school life if you like. It’s not something really bad, but I don’t want you to feel like you’re the only one opening up.”

“Yes, please. Do tell.” Dan took a sip of ice water, since they were still waiting on their server.

“I bred hamsters when I was a kid. My hamsters Phoebe and Norris had 13 babies. I brought the babies to school to sell them, and everyone started calling me ‘Hamster Boy’. At first it didn’t bother me. I was a weird kid and I embraced it, but this happened in the early years of school, and people – not my friends but everyone else – kept calling me that for years. Like, until we graduated.”

Dan made a sympathetic noise. “They sound like assholes. School sucks.”

“It does.” Phil looked Dan over again, still unsure how old he was. “How long has it been since you escaped?”

Dan grinned, and the glint in his eyes told him that he knew what Phil was asking. “Two years. I’m 20, what about you?”

“25,” Phil said, relieved that the age difference wasn’t that much. At that point, their waiter arrived. Dan ordered a whole wheat wrap with hummus, spinach leaves, and grilled vegetables, while Phil ordered a grilled chicken Caesar wrap. While they waited for their food to come, Phil said, “So, you know what I do for a living…”

Dan laughed. “Please don’t worry about offending me. You can ask me anything. In answer to your question, I work in a coffee shop. I’m saving up money for college right now. My parents were willing to pay for my college when I first graduated high school, but we disagreed on what my Major would be. I finally told them I was taking a gap year to think about things, but really I was tired of arguing about it. It’s been two years now and nothing has changed except for the fact that I need to earn my own tuition if I want to go to school.”

“What do you want to study?” Phil asked.

Dan shrugged. “I suppose I’ll figure that out once I get there. I was originally going to sign up as ‘Undecided’.”

Phil nodded. “I did the same thing until I settled on Linguistics. So, what do your parents want you to study?”

“You saw my dad’s business card, didn’t you?” Dan snorted and shook his head.

Phil opened and closed his mouth in confusion. Then he got it. “A family business since 1960? Oh. So, what would you have to study to make him happy? Embalming and…”

“There’s a few options, they tell me. The way the business is run now, my dad does all the stuff with dead bodies – embalming, cosmetics, and… They keep telling me that if I’m squeamish I can study to take over the part of the business that my mum handles – accounting, management, ordering caskets, and comforting bereaved clients. I find the idea of doing all of that just as horrifying as handling dead bodies. I’ve lived in a funeral home for 20 years. It’s suffocating me. I don’t care where I go or what I do for a living. I just want out.”

Before Phil could say anything, Dan gave him a quick smile and said, “That’s it, I’m shutting up. You said you went to college for Linguistics, not psychotherapy. Tell me more about that, please.”

They chatted comfortably about Phil’s love of language until their wraps arrived. Then, Phil decided to explore something they might have in common. He had found Dan underneath a copy of _Game of Thrones_ , but that didn’t necessarily make him a nerd like Phil; he might only be reading it because it was popular. Mentally crossing his fingers, Phil asked, “So, how are you liking that book?”

“ _Thrones_?” Dan asked, and then shrugged. “I keep falling asleep when I read it because I’ve already seen that season of the show and I know what’s going to happen.” Phil felt his heart fall, since maybe this meant he and Dan didn’t have that much in common. Then Dan went on, “I call myself a nerd, but this probably makes me sound bad to say I prefer the show. It’s just that when the show first came out and I heard about it I had to make a choice: am I going to read the book first or watch the show? One was going to spoil the other for me, so that meant I wasn’t going to enjoy the other as much. I had more time for the show, so I watched that first. And now… well, you saw me. I’m falling asleep in the park.”

Phil laughed, and they moved onto the topic of video games.

 

 

They were strolling home in the dark, still feeling a bit uncomfortable after the check. They had both awkwardly paid for their half. Phil had reached for the check first, feeling like he should pay since he had asked Dan to dinner. Then Dan had pulled the check back across the table, wanting to pay since he had said that he was repaying a favor. Neither of them mentioned the unspoken fact that this might be a date.

Dan’s house was closer and it was on the way to Phil’s apartment, so they walked in that direction. Phil was feeling anxious again about the fact that he had no pretense to meet Dan again, but surely they would be seeing more of each other, right? They were friends now, weren’t they?

Time seemed to be moving too fast and then they were standing on the steps in front of Dan’s front porch. No light was on and Dan’s face was illuminated only by a distant streetlamp and the moon. He looked a bit sad, and Phil wanted to touch him, but he silently waited for something to happen. Then Dan’s lips turned up in a slight smile. “Thanks for tonight. I don’t meet people or go out a lot. And if I do, I don’t meet anyone like you. You’re really great to talk to. I had a lot of fun tonight.”

“Me too. Could I see you again sometime?” He grinned broadly as Dan nodded. On impulse, he leaned forward. At the last second, Dan turned his head and Phil’s lips brushed against his smooth cheek. Phil pulled back, his cheeks flushed with heat. “Dan, I’m sorry! I should have asked you before doing that.”

“It’s fine,” Dan insisted, though he was obviously flustered.

“No, it’s not. We haven’t even talked about what this is. I shouldn’t have tried to do that. I don’t even know if you like me like that. I…” Phil left the silent question hanging in the air.

Dan looked down at his feet. “I do like you, but it shouldn’t mean anything. We shouldn’t start anything. You’re not going to like me once you get to know me.”

Phil shook his head, though Dan still wasn’t looking at him. “Hey, let me be the judge of that. Let me get to know you and then we’ll see if I still like you, okay?”

“Okay,” Dan said in a soft voice. Then he leaned in to give Phil a lingering hug.

Phil laughed as they pulled apart. “That was nice. I’m not used to hugging someone my own height, except for my brother. Usually I have to crouch.”

“I know what you mean,” Dan said with a smile. “You have a brother?”

“Yeah, he lives up north.” Phil was happy to continue the conversation, even if it was in pitch black on a chilly night. “What about you?”

Dan shook his head. “I… had a brother.” He saw Phil stiffen in response, and he shook his head again. He took something from his pocket. “I don’t want to talk about that now. Phil, I’m going to get my phone replaced in the next couple days. Until then, here’s that business card from before,” he said, handing Phil the card that he had been using as a bookmark. “My mum will pick up the phone in her office, but just ask for me. I’d love to see you again.”

“Sure, we could see a movie or something.”

Dan grinned. “I’d love that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The scene where they're discussing 'Thrones' is based on something Dan sais in a liveshow. Smh, he is so wrong. The books are ALWAYS better than the show and must be read. The real Dan actually said he hasn't finished reading the books, and I'm so disappointed in him.  
> \-- English Major rant over --  
> Sorry ;)
> 
> I'm looking forward to posting the next chapter because some interesting things start happening. I haven't decided on an update schedule for this yet (though I have 20 chapters written) because it seems odd to have two fics in progress at once on AO3. I just loved this story too much to wait until my other one was complete to share some of it, so I hope you don't mind sporadic updates.


	4. Chapter 4

  
_Kitsune fact: Kitsune are emotional and very vengeful. Kitsune will lose their temper at the slightest provocation. Once someone has earned a kitsune's enmity, the kitsune will begin enacting revenge that can become quite extreme. On the other hand, those who have earned a kitsune's trust and loyalty will see a friendship that can last through many trials. [https://littlespacefox.weebly.com/kitsune-mythology.html]_

  
Phil really didn’t want to, but he waited a day before calling Dan. After attempting to kiss Dan without asking, he felt it best to at least follow one rule in the dating rulebook in an attempt to not come on too strong. Finally, he allowed himself permission to ring the number the next day.

A woman answered in a morose voice, saying, “Howell’s Funeral Home. This is Trudy Howell speaking. How may I help you today?”

“Hi, um, I’m calling for Dan?” The woman didn’t say anything, so Phil went on, “His cellphone is broken, so he told me that I could reach him at this number.”

“Of course. Sorry, no one ever talks to Dan, so I was surprised. One moment, let me get him.” Phil heard her place the phone on the desk, and he winced sympathetically for Dan. He would die of shame if his mother had said something like that to someone calling for him. He hoped that Dan’s mother wasn’t always like that.

A few moments later, Dan said in a breathy voice, “Hello? Is this Phil?”

“Yeah, it’s me. I was calling to see if you were still interested in seeing a movie.”

“Sure, what movie?”

“I’m dying to see _Thor,_ but I don’t know anyone nerdy enough to accompany me. Can you think of someone?”

Dan laughed and then sighed dramatically. “I don’t know. I unfortunately might not be nerdy enough to enjoy the film. Oh, but could I please come with you to appreciate the beauty of Chris Hemsworth?”

Phil made a sound like he was debating it. “That should suffice.”

 

 

Phil returned home after the movie, feeling like he was glowing from spending time in Dan’s company. They hadn’t talked as much as they had on the first… he still wasn’t sure if it was a date, but they hadn’t talked as much and they had only touched on the shared armrest of the movie theater chairs. Still, it was great. They were both relaxing in each other’s company. Phil had never felt so comfortable with someone he had just met.

At the end of the night, Dan told him that he had replaced his cell phone and he gave Phil the number. Phil was lying in bed, debating if he would annoy Dan by texting him this late at night or if Dan was expecting a text. Phil shook his head, deciding to toss out the dating rulebook. He really liked Dan and he didn’t want to feel restricted by anything – he just wanted to fling himself into this exciting wave of emotions and enjoy the ride, not caring where he ended up.

Phil texted, _I had so much fun tonight, thanks for coming with me :D  
_

A response came from the number Dan had given him, _who is this i don’t know you i'm calling the police and they are going to trace your number_

 _What?? Dan, it’s me. This is Dan right?_ Phil texted back hastily.

 _yes, just messing with you, haha i had fun, too, thanks_ Dan replied.

_You’re evil, I was really thinking some random person was calling the cops on me. My heart is racing.  
_

_sorry XD_

Phil was quickly realizing that he would never be able to stay mad at Dan, no matter what he did. He sent a last text, _Night Dan, sleep well._

_you too :)_

Phil placed his phone on the bedside table. His head was so full of thoughts of Dan that he started to set his alarm, but at the last moment he remembered that tomorrow was his day off and he could sleep in. He happily settled into his pillows, not intending to move from the spot until noon tomorrow.

“What is so interesting about you?” said a voice.

A voice in his apartment, which should be empty. One of Phil’s greatest fears was burglars. On his first day moving into his college dorm, he was informed that he was given a bedroom closest to the door since he was the tallest and would be expected to overpower anyone who broke into the dorm. Since that day, wherever he lived he couldn’t sleep without first checking that all the doors and windows were locked. He knew that he had done this tonight.

As Phil sat up with a scream, he saw the dark silhouette of a man in his bedroom and saw that his half-decade of preparation had come to this – a burglar was going to kill him. Phil grabbed a pillow off his bed and threw it at the man. He knew that he had aimed it well, but the man showed no reaction to being hit.

Phil scrambled out of his bed. He ran like the dogs of hell were chasing him and he made it to the bathroom, locking the door between him and the man. He patted the empty pockets of his pajamas, though he knew that his phone was on the nightstand in his bedroom. The burglar would probably take it, the tv, and Phil’s laptop, but Phil didn’t care as long as the man left.

Then, the world went mad. That’s the only way that Phil could describe the sight of a transparent man sliding through the solid wood of his bathroom door. The laws of Physics didn’t make sense anymore. The universe no longer had rules. This wasn’t rational.

Phil gaped at the man who shouldn’t be standing in the same room with him. The man wasn’t exactly solid. Phil could see the grain of the wood door behind him. Also, light and shadows didn’t seem to touch him in a way that was normal. Phil could make out the color of his clothes and his brown hair, but he seemed washed out, like a watercolor painting.

As Phil focused on the man’s face, his jaw dropped open further. The man looked like Dan, but wrong somehow. His jaw was firmer and more masculine. His wavy hair was cut shorter and slick with hair gel. There was something dark and mischievous in his eyes. He was like Dan, but nothing was right about him.

The transparent man shook his head, and it seemed like he had been assessing Phil as much as Phil had been him. “What does my brother see in you?”

“What? Who is your brother?” Phil couldn’t believe that he was talking to something that had just glided through his bathroom door – it seemed insane that things that glide through doors have families, even as he realized whose brother this must be. The man didn’t say anything, so Phil answered his own question. “You’re Dan’s brother. He told me about you.”

“Oh?” Dan’s brother’s interest focused on Phil, and the glint in his eyes made Phil realize that he did not want to attract this thing’s interest. It was like being spotted by a shark in the middle of an empty ocean. “What did he say about me?”

“Not… not much,” Phil stammered. “Just that you’re dead.”

The ghost laughed, and his laugh was nothing like Dan’s. It was deep and there was no mirth to it. Then the ghost shook his head, jaw gritted with unmistakable anger. “I’m not dead. He lied to you.”

“Do you see a light? You’re dead. Go to the light.”

The ghost stared at him in disbelief. “Are you trying to _Ghost Whisper_ me?”

“Maybe.” Phil turned on the tap in his bathroom sink, filling it with a shallow pool of water. He mumbled a quick prayer over the water. In truth, he was trying to channel Buffy more than he was God, but he hoped that it worked just the same and that the water in his sink was now Holy Water. He turned back to the ghost. “You’re my friend’s dead brother, so I’m going to ask you nicely first – please leave my home. You’re not welcome here.”

The ghost glanced at the sink. “What was that you were doing with the water?”

Phil scooped up a handful of water and flung it at the ghost. The water splattered on the bathroom door while the ghost blinked at him. Then the ghost grinned. “I get why he likes you now. You’re a weirdo like him. Later.”

Phil exhaled in relief as the ghost drifted through the bathroom door, and hopefully out of the apartment. He drained the Holy Water from the sink, thinking that Buffy would be proud of him. Phil returned to his bedroom, which was thankfully empty, and he collapsed into his bed in exhaustion.

  
Phil woke up much earlier than he’d intended to wake the next day. He would have found it easier to forget last night if he hadn’t stepped into a puddle on his way into the bathroom – it was the water that he had thrown at the ghost.

Phil got dressed quickly. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to say, but he knew that he had to talk to Dan.  

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this "ghost" is the character death I mentioned in an earlier note. There's going to be a lot revealed about him in future chapters and he's a major character, but I don't think the circumstances of his "death" are triggering.
> 
> In case you're wondering why they went to see Thor, remember I decided to set this in 2011, and I'll be making occasional mentions such as this to the year. 
> 
> What do you think of the section where they text? I've never written anything like this before. If you like it I might do more sections like this in future chapters.
> 
> Lastly, I like to think that this is exactly how the real Phil Lester would react if a ghost appeared before him :D


	5. Chapter 5

  
_Kitsune fact: Kitsune do not accept aid from those who are not willing. Those who wish to aid a kitsune must do so of their own free will. Kitsune are very loath to ask for help, and as such, most aid must come from another's initiative. [https://littlespacefox.weebly.com/kitsune-mythology.html]_

 

  
Phil pushed open the door of the coffee shop where Dan worked, making a bell chime. He knew that this morning was Dan’s first day back at work since recovering from the injury to his shoulder, and Dan would be working the register. He had intended to drop in later to get a coffee or a pastry and to hopefully steal a quick word with him, but he decided to come in early to beat the morning rush.

Dan was leaning at the counter near the cash register, and he grinned widely when he saw Phil. “What are you doing up at this ungodly hour?”

Phil approached the counter, feeling a bit breathless as he tried to rationalize last night in the light of the morning. “I saw a… I had a bad dream, and it made me want to see you.”

He hadn’t meant that to sound romantic, but it seemed to have that effect as Dan’s eyes shimmered and he only paused to tell a coworker that he was taking a break before untying his apron and leading them outside. They sat at a table in the outdoor area of the shop, the only people using it on this chilly morning.

Once they were settled, Dan said, “I’m sorry to hear that you had a rough night.”

Phil shrugged. “It wasn’t that rough. I was brave.”

“I wish that I had been there so that you didn’t have to be brave.” They were both silent for a moment as they appreciated what Dan had said and how it hinted at more than a casual friendship. Then Dan asked, “What was the dream about?”

Phil hesitated. “Do you believe in ghosts?”

Dan shrugged. “Not really. Well… sort of. They scare me. Anything not rational or quantifiable scares me. I’m scared of the concept of ghosts, but I’m not sure that I believe in them.”

“I would have said the same thing before last night. Now I think I’m losing my mind. A ghost who kind of looked like you appeared in my bedroom last night.”

Dan raised his eyebrows. “You had a dream that I died and visited you as a ghost?”

“No,” Phil shook his head, aware that he was about to walk on shaky ground. If Martyn were dead and someone casually brought it up, Phil would be furious. But last night was so weird that he had to talk about it and hope that Dan didn’t get offended. “The ghost said that he was your brother.”

“You saw him, too?” Dan whispered. Then he clamped his lips shut like he had said too much. Something had shifted in his eyes, too. Phil could tell that Dan was taking this seriously now.

“It was real, wasn’t it? I didn’t think it was a dream. I didn’t think I was going crazy.” Phil saw the truth on Dan’s face, but he felt no satisfaction in it. All he saw were the tears threatening to spill from Dan’s eyes. He reached across the table to give Dan’s hand a squeeze. “Dan, that must be awful, seeing your brother like that. I’m so sorry.”

Dan sniffled and managed to keep his tears from falling. “The worst part is that my parents don’t believe he’s dead.”

Phil’s eyes widened. “They think he’s alive? How is that? Did he disappear?”

Dan hesitated before nodding. “Yes, you could say that. He disappeared, so they haven’t accepted that their son is gone. They get angry when I mention it, so I have no one who I can talk to about this.”

Phil gave Dan’s hand another hard squeeze before releasing it. “Now you have me. You can always talk to me about this, or anything else.”

“Thanks, Phil.” Dan gave him a wobbly smile.

Phil sighed. “I wish I could do more. I feel so useless. For some reason, years of watching scifi and fantasy television made me think I would know what to do when I met a ghost. You ask them what they want, you help them, and they move on. I wish I could help so that you don’t have to see him and feel like this.”

Dan narrowed his eyes. “Phil… did you talk to my brother last night? I thought you just saw him. Tell me you didn’t talk to him.”

“He talked to me first. I asked him if he saw a light and he looked at me like I was nuts. Then I… I hope this doesn’t offend you, but I made some Holy Water and banished him. I’m sorry, but I wanted to go back to bed and I couldn’t do that with your brother in my room.”

Dan gaped at him, cleared his throat, and he said, “You really did that?”

Phil gave a slight nod. “Please don’t be mad at me. I didn’t know what else to do.”

“I’m not mad. I’m impressed. You weren’t exaggerating when you said you were brave. Besides, in my experience with my brother, he just leaves whenever he’s bored or has accomplished what he came to do, so I doubt you actually banished him. You probably just amused him.”

Phil snorted. “Yeah, now that I think about it, he was smiling when he left.”

“Phil,” Dan said as he averted his gaze. “I’m really sorry that you had to deal with that. I’ll understand if you don’t want to see me again. I know all of this is really weird.”

“Of course I want to see you. Don’t be silly.” Phil watched Dan’s posture relax at his words. They sat in silence for a moment as a breeze whipped fallen leaves in a flurry across the pavement. Finally, Phil decided to shift the topic back to what was most important in this moment. “If you want to, would you tell me something about your brother? Were you very close?

Dan started to shake his head, but then he stopped. “We weren’t close anymore, but we were a long time ago. He was my best friend when I was a kid, and I followed him everywhere. I thought he was so cool.” Dan shook his head and became lost in thought for a moment. “Then things changed when I started going to the same school as him. He was older and he’d shaken off the stigma of living in a funeral home by becoming a jock – no one messed with him. I was different, and I only became weirder as a theater geek. At first, my brother ignored me in school. Eventually, he started joining in with the crowd of bullies who were tormenting me.”

Phil winced, picturing himself in that situation. Martyn had never betrayed him like that, and Phil couldn’t imagine how Dan felt.

Dan gave him a small smile. “It’s okay. It got better. Once we were both out of school, he matured a bit. He reached out and tried to make amends. We had just started talking again, when…”

As Dan drifted off, Phil knew exactly what had happened. “Dan, I’m so sorry.”

Dan shrugged stiff shoulders. He looked like he was barely holding it together and his eyes were brimming with tears.

“Can I hug you?” Phil asked in a whisper. Dan nodded, so Phil moved to the chair next to him and pulled Dan against his shoulder.

Dan sniffled against Phil’s shoulder for a few moments before pulling away and rubbing his eyes. “I’m going to have to go back inside soon.”

Phil frowned, feeling like he’d done the wrong thing. He shouldn’t have brought this up now while Dan had to go back to work. If they were going to talk about this, they should have done it later when Phil had time to comfort Dan and make sure that he was okay.

Dan seemed to notice something in Phil’s expression. “I’m fine. Really. I’ve dealt with this already. My brother has been gone for a while.”

Phil wasn’t fooled by this false bravado, but now wasn’t the time to help Dan with this, since he had to go back to work. As they got up, Phil said, “Oh, I didn’t mention the oddest part about last night. Your brother had a tail. It was black and bushy, like a fox’s tail. Everything about last night was so odd that I didn’t ask him about it. I’m wondering now though… Dan, why did your brother have a tail?”

Dan looked away and swallowed heavily.

“Dan? What is it?” He leaned closer until he caught Dan’s gaze.

Dan blinked. Then he shook his head. He was looking Phil right in the eyes as he said, “That’s odd. I don’t know why he would have a tail. Are you sure that you weren’t seeing things?”

“Seeing things? In addition to the ghost whom we have both seen?” Phil asked. Dan shrugged in response to this, and Phil was almost positive that he was lying. Phil hated few things as much as he hated being lied to, so for the moment he decided to ignore it. He really liked Dan, but he couldn’t continue liking him if he was dishonest.

Phil decided to drop it for now, rather than let Dan dig himself deeper into a hole of deceit.

 


	6. Chapter 6

  
_Kitsune fact: Kitsune have to keep their promises, and especially follow their word of honour. They become self-destructive if they break a promise, and when someone else breaks a promise, they become deadly enemies. [https://littlespacefox.weebly.com/kitsune-mythology.html]_

**  
**

  
“Last customer before you get off, Howell,” his manager told him, nodding at the scrawny teenager who had just walked up to the counter. The teenager’s face was either covered with acne, freckles, or a mixture of the two – Dan wasn’t sure.

He grabbed a cup and a pen to take the customer’s order. “Hi there, could I get your name, please?”

“Adam.”

It could be a coincidence. Adam was a common name. Dan looked up and the teenager’s face split with a malevolent grin. The face was unfamiliar, but he knew that smile well.

“I’d like a hot chocolate,” Adam said, since Dan had been too stunned to ask.

Dan shook his head to clear it and started writing on the cup. He kept his eye on Adam as he waited at the other counter for his drink, picked it up, and then lingered by the door seemingly without purpose. Dan knew what Adam was waiting for, and since his shift was now over he couldn’t do anything but leave the shop, knowing that Adam would follow.

Without looking back, he snapped, “What?”

Adam fell into step beside him, sipping the hot chocolate. “Someone is rather cranky.”

“What do you want, Adam? And whose body are you wearing?”

Adam pulled a wallet out of his jeans and read the ID inside. “Jacob Parkins apparently.” He put Jacob’s wallet back in the pocket of his jeans. “I found him near the high school. Don’t worry, I’ll dump him back around there. No harm done. He just won’t remember the past few hours.”

“No harm done? Tell that to the years of therapy he’s going to sign up for because of this blackout.” Dan shot Adam an angry glare. “You didn’t need to possess anyone. You could have just shown up if you wanted something. I told you to stop possessing people.”

Adam took a long sip of his hot chocolate before tossing away the empty cup. “Yes, but then I wouldn’t have been able to taste that.”

Dan felt a pang of sympathy for his brother. In moments like this, he was forced to remember that it wasn’t Adam’s fault that he was like this – he was what their mum had made him. “Okay, forget it. What do you have to say about where you were last night?”

Adam laughed, but without humor. He sounded smug. “He told you about me? I didn’t think he would. Most humans rationalize it away when I show myself to them. They say that their eyes were playing tricks on them.”

“Phil isn’t most people. So, what were you thinking? Why go to his place?”

Adam shrugged. “I was hanging around the night when he tried to kiss you. I gave you guys some privacy after that, but I was curious. I followed him home to see where he lived, and last night I decided to invite myself in to have a chat.”

Dan shook his head. “I don’t understand. You’ve never shown any interest in my life before.”

“You never _had_ a life before. You went to school, you went home. Then you went to work and went home. Now though you’re actually doing something worth spying on.”

Dan’s cheeks got hot since that was actually a pretty accurate representation of his life, or the lack thereof before Phil. “Well, stop it. Leave Phil alone.”

“Have you fucked him yet?” Adam asked, ignoring him.

Dan felt his cheeks get hotter. “Fuck off, Adam.”

Adam laughed. “That would be a ‘no’. So, you’ve still got your v-card, little brother. Would you like some advice?”

He hated the fact that he actually wanted someone to talk to. He hadn’t kept in touch with anyone he knew from school. He didn’t talk to any of his coworkers outside of the coffee shop. He’d been alone for so long. He knew now that he had been isolating himself for years. Now that Phil was in his life, Dan was faced with the reality that Phil was his only friend. There was no one  had no one else who he could talk to.

He certainly wasn’t going to take relationship advice from Adam, who wasn’t really here to be helpful. Adam was here to taunt Dan for his own amusement, so Dan decided to ignore him since that sometimes made him go away. Adam nudged him with an elbow, which reminded Dan that he was wearing the body of a teenager and Dan cringed. “Come on, Dan! He likes you. What are you waiting for? Grab Phil by the ass and go for it.”

Dan’s stomach rolled with nausea. He was on his street now, and he started jogging until he made it to the porch. He didn’t look back until he had unlocked the door and was standing in the doorway. He knew that Adam wouldn’t follow him through the front door – he was avoiding their parents.

Adam was standing at the end of the sidewalk, shaking his head while wearing a large grin on his face. “I can’t believe you just ran from me, all because I tried to talk to you about sex. You are too much fun, little brother.”

Dan narrowed his eyes, but he didn’t say anything else as he shut the door between them. When he turned around, there was someone standing in the foyer behind him – his grandmother was placing a flower arrangement on a table, and she was watching him with shrewd eyes.

“Was that Adam again?” she asked.

Dan nodded. He glanced through the glass pane at the top of the door to see if Adam was still there, but the sidewalk was empty now.

Grandma sighed. “I think you need some tea.”

He didn’t think that tea would help, but his grandmother made the best tea, so Dan followed her to the kitchen. A few moments later, they were settled at the kitchen table, sipping tea and munching on scones. “So,” Grandma asked. “What did he do now?”

Dan hesitated. This wasn’t an ideal conversation to have with his grandmother, but there was no one else who would understand Adam’s role in this. “I’ve been seeing someone. Adam found out and he went to his apartment. I never wanted him to know about any of this, but now my brother has started to bring him into this world…”

“He? Your boyfriend?” His grandmother took a moment to process that. Dan had told her that he was bisexual years ago, but he’d never seriously dated anyone before now. Her surprise faded after a moment and she gave him a warm smile. “How did your boyfriend react to your brother? Did Adam scare him away?”

Dan shook his head. He couldn’t quite believe it, but he told his grandmother, “No, he wasn’t that scared. He thought Adam was a ghost, so he tried to banish him. He… this guy I’m seeing, I think he’s really special.”

His grandmother nodded, and she looked pensive as she took a sip of tea. “It sounds like he is. He sounds very open-minded. Your grandfather, as much as I loved him, had trouble accepting anything that went against his limited view of the world. He couldn’t believe in magic, even when it happened right before his eyes.”

Dan frowned. Sometimes he felt like he took more after his late grandfather than anyone else in his family.

His grandmother gave him a warm smile, as if she knew what he was thinking. “He was a human, but he had his own form of magic. He had a good heart, and he had a greater capacity for love than anyone else I have ever known – love is a stronger force of magic than anything we kitsune can perform.” She placed her now-empty teacup in its saucer. “So, are you going to tell your boyfriend what you are? I waited years to tell your grandfather. I think things would have gone better if I hadn’t waited.”

Dan shook his head. “I only just met him. We’ve only seen each other a few times. It isn’t that serious yet.”

Her wise dark eyes evaluated his features, and he knew that she could tell what he wasn’t saying – Dan had trouble letting people get close to him. He pushed people away and never let people get a glimpse of who he was, as if he was afraid of who they would see. Phil had already gotten closer to him than anyone had in years, and only because Dan had become so desperately lonely – and Phil was both persistent and amazing.

His grandmother, who had watched Dan closely enough over the past few years to become familiar with his pattern of behavior, gave him a sad look. “I think you should let this one in. He sounds special.”

“Yeah, so special that Adam now knows who he is and showed up in his home. Grandma, I can’t protect him from Adam – he doesn’t listen to me! I told him to leave Phil alone, but he just kept saying things to me… Adam was possessing some kid’s body. What if he decides it would be fun to possess Phil? What if Phil starts losing time and thinks there’s something wrong with his head? Adam could ruin Phil’s life if he wanted to, and all for a laugh. It would be my fault. Phil doesn’t deserve that. I should… I should tell Phil I won’t see him again. Then maybe Adam will leave him alone.”

Grandma shook her head. “You don’t truly understand what Adam has become.”

“He’s an evil spirit. He has been haunting me, and now he is haunting Phil.”

“No, he is a Reiko kitsune. A ghost fox. He is bad, but not evil. He still has a sense of pack, and to him you are family. He wants to talk to you. I know it hurts because he is different, but you should let him be a part of your life. I think Adam will respond to this, and in return he will do something you ask, like leaving your boyfriend alone.”

“Okay, I will think about it. Thanks, Grandma. And thanks for the tea.” He carried the cups to the sink for her, and then he made his excuses to leave – he wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold the smiling mask on his face.

She hadn’t convinced him that there was another option, and it seemed like leaving Phil was best for him. His grandmother talked about love, but it didn’t make sense to Dan. If love really was more than chemicals in the brain and it was a form of magic like his grandmother believed, then it wasn’t a good thing. It was a dark and destructive force. His mother claimed to love him and his brother, but her love had only ever hurt them. Dan was determined to never fall in love – he knew that in the end love caused pain to everyone involved.

At the same time, now that Phil was a part of his life Dan didn’t want to let him go. Dan walked into his room and collapsed face-first onto his bed, completely unsure of what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the first chapter from Dan's POV! I asked this during my last fic and since some different people are reading I thought I should ask again: should I note if it is Dan or Phil's POV before chapters?


	7. Chapter 7

_Kitsune fact: Kitsune are notorious for seeing a weakness in someone, and aggravating the weakness, until others see it. To those who are 'immoral', they tend to 'help', making the person more immoral, or guiding the person down the path of self-destruction. To the ones they consider 'moral', they become friendly, and helpful, though they may still play a trick, or show a small flaw in the person, to teach them humility. [https://littlespacefox.weebly.com/kitsune-mythology.html]_

  
  
           

Dan decided to take his grandma’s advice, and he texted Phil, _hey do me a favor and tell me if adam shows up again  
_

Phil texted back almost immediately, _Sure, but are you okay? Do you need to talk?_

Dan wasn’t surprised by Phil’s concern after the way he had broken down the last time they discussed Adam. This wasn’t something he could easily explain in a text – his relationship with his brother was far too complicated for that. His feelings for Adam weren’t even simple enough to be summed up by one word, fondness or loathing. He felt something in between the two, and more than anything he missed the person his brother once was, way back when they were kids. Also, he regretted the fact that his brother would never get a chance to be that person again, now that he was trapped in this awful fate.

Dan replied to Phil, _im fine really, i just wanted to try something my grandma suggested  
_

_Oh?_ Phil asked.

 _yes my grandma thinks i should talk to adam, so tell me if hes at your place please,_ Dan replied. He was fidgeting in his bed, made uncomfortable by this topic. He still half expected Phil to tell him he was crazy for casually discussing ghosts.

 _Sure. I’ll call you,_ Phil responded.

Dan smiled because of course Phil wasn’t going to call him crazy; Phil was amazing. Still, there was no need to push the issue, so Dan decided to shift the topic to something lighter, and in the next moment they could have passed for a pair of normal boys whose lives weren’t complicated by ghosts, aggressive dogs, and the question of whether they were friends or more.

 

 

A few days later, Dan was lying on his bed, listening to Muse when his phone rung. He was pleasantly surprised to see that Phil was calling, so he answered, “Hello?”

“Uh, Dan… You told me to call if your brother showed up again?”

Dan bolted upright on his bed. “Adam’s there? What’s he doing? Are you okay?”

“Yeah. He’s just sort of floating around, making sarcastic comments. He’s currently judging my DVD collection. Why? Do you think he’s going to do something? Should I be scared of him?”

As Dan slid his feet into his shoes, he was struck once more by how special Phil was – he was actually asking if he should be scared of a ghost. “Just hang on, I’m on my way. Oh, I need your address.”

“I’ll text it to you.”

 

 

This wasn’t how he had been expecting to see the inside of Phil’s apartment. Phil opened his door, his blue-green eyes wide with alarm, and he pointed a finger at his living room. “In there,” he said in a breathy voice.

Dan nodded and headed for the living room. Adam had apparently moved on from looking at Phil’s DVDs, and he was now perusing a shelf full of CDs. Dan took a deep breath to calm himself. He was going to talk to Adam – anything to get him to leave Phil alone. When he knew that he wasn’t going to start shouting at him, he said, “Hey, bro. Whatcha doing?”

Adam looked over his shoulder, one eyebrow arched. “Did you just call me ‘bro’? Is that how we talk now? Okay. Sup, dude?”

Dan sighed. “Hey, I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring you lately. If you want, we can talk. You don’t have to hang around here. Come by the house and I’ll hang out with you.”

“Why would I want to hang out with you? I think I want to stick around here.” Adam flopped himself onto Phil’s sofa, though the cushions didn’t shift beneath him. He gestured behind Dan, and Dan glanced over his shoulder to see Phil standing there, regarding the ghost with wide eyes. Adam said, “He’s funny. He yelps when he sees me, but then he acts all tough and throws water at me. I like him. He’s different from other people.”

Dan felt his blood boiling and his hands fisted at his sides. “Yeah? Well, you’re going to leave him alone. If you want to harass someone, then harass me. I’m talking to you, Adam! I thought this was what you wanted. So, leave Phil alone. Come home with me.”

Adam snorted and shook his head. “I didn’t want to talk to you. I was only hanging around you because unlike Mum and Dad you actually treat me different. They talk to me like they can get their son back if they coat the situation in enough pretty words. But this conversation with you? It’s almost as lame. You don’t give a fuck about me, just your boyfriend. You know what? I’m done with this conversation.”

Before Dan could say anything, Adam had stood up and drifted through the wall and into the next apartment. A woman’s startled scream came through the wall, and Phil winced. “Poor Mrs. Potterfield.” He gave Dan a small smile. “Don’t worry, she’s usually drunk at this time of day, so she probably won’t remember. Hey, thanks for coming to my rescue.”

Dan shook his head. “No problem. You wouldn’t have to deal with him at all if you didn’t know me.”

“Yeah, but then I wouldn’t know you. You’re worth some ghost drama.” Phil looked at the wall that Adam had walked through. “I wasn’t seeing things the first time. Your brother has a tail. What is up with that?”

Dan shrugged since he didn’t trust his voice.

Phil shook his head, but he let it go. He looked at Dan and the warm smile returned to his face. “Since you’re here, did you want to stay for a while?”

Dan felt his heart skip a beat. “And do what?”

“Whatever you want. Videogames maybe? I’m tired of hearing you brag about how great you are at Mario Kart. It’s time for you to prove it.”

 

 

After Dan spent the next few hours beating Phil at videogames, they decided to take a break. It was too early to think about dinner, so Phil made a bowl of popcorn and pulled something from the shelf. “Your brother wasn’t a big fan of my anime collection.”

“My brother is an asshole. What’s that?” he asked, gesturing to the box in Phil’s hands,

Phil showed him the DVD set that contained several Studio Ghibli movies. “Have you seen any of these?”

Dan flipped through the DVDs. “I love _My Neighbor Totoro._ And _Spirited Away._ What’s _Kiki’s Delivery Service?_ I’m not sure I’ve seen this one.”

Phil grinned. “Let me show it to you.”

As the movie started, parts of it seemed a bit familiar and Dan thought he might have seen it years ago, but he didn’t tell Phil, who was sitting beside him on the sofa with a smile that showed no signs of fading.

Dan’s chest filled with a feeling of warmth. This was a sensation that happened whenever he was around Phil – he was happy. Phil made him happy. The concept was so novel to him that he wanted to examine it closer, but he was afraid that the feeling would vanish like a shimmering mirage if he looked too closely at it.

His eyes were tired anyway, so he shut them.

Someone nudged his shoulder. There was fabric under his cheek. The fabric was damp. Dan blinked and he realized that he must have fallen asleep. He sat up slightly since he had fallen asleep against Phil’s chest. Oh God. Phil’s t-shirt was damp with his drool.

Dan’s cheeks flushed crimson and he flicked his eyes too Phil’s face, but he couldn’t make eye contact for long. He was mortified, and he knew that Phil could tell – Phil’s body was twitching with barely-contained laughter. Dan looked at the TV, which was now displaying the menu screen of the movie he fell asleep during. Dan mopped at his damp cheek with his sleeve. “Um… sorry. About your shirt.”

Phil had his hand over his mouth to muffle his laughter. When he had himself under control, he removed his hand and reached out to brush the curls back from Dan’s forehead. Dan’s cheeks were still hot, but he looked at Phil, who beamed at him. “I don’t care about my shirt. You’re adorable, you know that?”

Dan shook his head.

“I really like you.” Phil was staring at Dan’s mouth. He didn’t lean in though Dan could tell that he really wanted to, but after the last time Phil wasn't going to try that again without permission. He didn’t ask anything now. Phil was waiting.

Dan couldn’t move. It felt like time had stopped. The apartment had fallen silent. Then Dan realized that he had been holding his breath, and he couldn’t hold it any longer, so he inhaled sharply. That seemed to break the spell that had fallen over them, and Phil looked away. Phil’s bright smile was gone and he sagged against the back of the sofa – he was staring at nothing, and the disappointment was clear on his face.

“Phil…” Dan said in a soft voice. Phil didn’t even twitch in response, so Dan tried again in a louder voice. “Phil, I do care. I really like you, too. You’re my favorite person in the whole world, but I don’t think I can be more than your friend. It wouldn’t be fair to you.”

Phil looked at him, and then he shook his head. “I don’t understand.”

Dan bit his lip and looked away. “I like you, but it can never be more than that. I don’t want to fall for anyone. I _can’t_ fall for anyone.” He tried to read Phil’s expression, but Phil’s face seemed to be carefully cleared of emotion. “I’m sorry, but please say something. Do you… do you hate me?”

Phil shook his head, and finally the smile was back on his face again, making Dan’s heart skip a beat. “Of course not. I could never hate you. I told you – I like you. You still want to be friends, right?”

“Yes, please,” Dan whispered. There was another silent still moment as they stared at each other. Dan was getting the sense that everything inside of him was rushing towards Phil, but that he was holding it all back with a white-knuckled grip. He felt his grip slipping, so he stood up suddenly and looked at the time on his phone. He started talking very quickly. “Um, I think my mum wanted me home for dinner. I should go.”

“Oh,” Phil said, his blue-green eyes widening. “Okay… I guess I’ll see you later.”


	8. Chapter 8

_Kitsune fact: Kitsune are a victim of their own feelings. A kitsune's emotions can cause them harm, or distract them. The Sin of Regret can even kill a kitsune outright._ _https://littlespacefox.weebly.com/kitsune-mythology.html]_

  
  
           

Dan’s half-lie made his guts twist as he walked home. His mother might like him to be home for dinner, but she probably wouldn’t have noticed or minded his absence if he had stayed at Phil’s apartment longer. He hated lying to Phil, and he hated walking out of that door – hated it almost as much as he hated walking through the door of the funeral home.

Surprisingly, his mother was actually overjoyed to see him as she peeked around a doorway when he came in. “Dan! I was just about to call you. Come, come here! Your brother is home.”

“Okay…” Dan said, unsure if he could feign excitement. He didn’t bother to tell his mother that he had just spoken to Adam earlier. She guided him to the dining room where Adam was sitting with Grandma. They didn’t eat in here as a family very often, so he awkwardly took the chair beside Adam.

His grandma was at the end of the table, and she stood up. “I’ll give you a hand in the kitchen, Trudy.”

They walked into the next room where pots started clattering, and Dan was alone with his brother. He didn’t talk for a moment, thinking about what Adam had said earlier during their fight. Adam had been right: Dan hadn’t cared when he offered to talk to him, and he had been doing that for Phil. Dan still didn’t care – it hurt too much to care about Adam – but he was curious. So, he asked, “How did they trap you?”

Adam smirked. “I felt like talking to Grandma. We were having a chat in her room when Mum walked in. So, I got invited to dinner despite the fact that I can’t eat.”

Dan made a sympathetic noise. He couldn’t blame Adam for avoiding their mum if she was going to be like this. He found himself surprised by the words that came out of his mouth next, “Listen, Adam… I know what I tried to do earlier wasn’t coming from the right place. I offered to hang out with you for someone else’s sake, not yours. That wasn’t very nice of me. I’m sorry. The offer still stands, and I mean it now. For you, not him.”

Adam shrugged, but didn’t say anything as the rest of the family returned, chatting happily and placing serving platters laden with food on the table. His dad joined them too, sitting at the other end of the table, and they started passing plates around.

Dan’s mum asked him to pass her a serving plate full of a very dark red meat that made his stomach roll queasily. She was the only one who took any meat from this platter, which she drizzled with mushroom gravy. She started to extend the platter back to him. “Dan, are you sure you wouldn’t like any?”

“No, I’m fine with this,” he said, as the salad finally made it to him. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her shake her head at him.

The tension in the room relaxed as Dan’s father entertained them with a story about how his latest client unfortunately died when he stepped into traffic at the sight of a flock of helium-infused blow-up dolls which had floated away from the set of a porno. Mum shook her head in stern disapproval of the dinner conversation, but everyone else, including Grandma, was laughing. Once the laughter wound down, Dad asked Dan, “So, you were out for most of the day. Where were you?”

Dan glanced nervously at Adam, who was idly picking at his transparent fingernails while everyone else was eating.

Adam looked up, first at Dan and then he said to their father, “Oh, he was with me for part of the day.” Dan gave him a quick smile in thanks. Adam ignored the smile, saying to Dad, “And then he was with his boyfriend for the rest of the day.”

“Dan, are you seeing someone?” Dad asked. “Who? How long has this been going on?”

“I’m… not.” He glanced at his grandma, who frowned in understanding. He looked back to his father and saw that his mother was also listening intently. “I… he and I talked about it today and we’re just going to be friends.” Dan was suddenly distracted by an ache in his chest, and he rubbed his breastbone to try to make it go away; it didn’t help.

“Oh… that’s too bad it worked out like that, but so long as you’re happy…” his dad said awkwardly.

“Is he human?” Mum asked.

“Yes?” Dan answered, his surprise making it sound like a question. “What else would he be?”

She looked at her husband who sighed at her. In a low voice, Dan’s father said to her, “Be reasonable, Trudy. It’s not like there are a lot of people like us. He doesn’t have much choice but to date a human.”

Dan pulled the napkin off his lap and slapped it on the table, making his fork clatter against his plate. “It doesn’t matter. He’s not my boyfriend.” The ache was getting worse in his chest, so he stood up. “I’m going to my room. Um, thanks for dinner, Mum. It was nice.”

 

 

They didn’t stop him from leaving, and a few moments later he was gratefully collapsing face-first onto his mattress. He shut his eyes, trying to ignore the pain that was still burning in his chest.

“Is this how you spend your time? You just lie face-down and do nothing?”

Dan groaned at the sound of his brother’s voice. Reluctantly, he opened his eyes and said, “Why are you up here?”

“Dad started to ask me about my day and believe me – he does not want to know what I was doing earlier.” Adam sat on Dan’s bed, and he grinned, looking pleased about whatever mischief he accomplished today. “What’s wrong with you? You look weird.”

Dan sat up. His brother had always been self-centered, and he had never asked anything like that before. That more than anything made Dan respond, “My chest feels funny.” He rubbed at his breastbone again in demonstration. “It started aching right here. I don’t know why.”

Adam tilted his head, evaluating Dan. “Have you done anything you regret?”

“Huh?”

Adam sighed and shook his head. “Did you not listen at all when Mum and Grandma told you what it meant to be a kitsune? You’re not supposed to regret anything.”

“I regret, like, my whole life.” Dan tried to laugh, but it came out as a breathy gasp as he felt a sharp pain in his sternum. “So, what are you talking about? What does this have to do with being a fox?”

“No, the regret has got to be something big or specific. You did something and the Sin of Regret – that’s what Grandma called it – is making you hurt now.”

Dan rubbed his chest harder. “Bullshit. That can’t be what this is.”

“Whatever.” Adam snorted. “But I can tell you how it’s going to feel soon. You’re not going to sleep very well. The ache is going to wake you up. You’re not going to want to eat. You’re not going to be able to focus on anything. Then it will start getting harder to breathe.”

Dan’s hand fell to his side. “How do you know all of this?”

Adam seemed please that Dan was paying him full attention now. “When I was in elementary school, I stole the money box from the school bake sale. A girl who was working the sale, Emily, found out and confronted me. She didn’t tell anyone – she just told me that she knew it was me and she looked at me with these big sad green eyes. I laughed in her face at the time, but as I was lying in bed that night I started to feel like you feel now. It kept going on and on. I thought it was going to kill me, but I confessed to a teacher, gave back the money, and the pain stopped.”

Dan shook his head, resisting the urge to rub at his chest again. “This doesn’t make any sense. You do terrible things all the time.”

Adam snorted. “That’s different. This was the only time I ever regretted doing something.” He shrugged at the look that Dan gave him. “It’s the way we have to live. Regret kills us, as you can now tell.”

“Or you know, you could always be a nice person.”

Adam didn’t appear to be offended. “Being a goody two shoes doesn’t seem to be helping you much at the moment. What are you regretting?”

Dan bit his bottom lip and shook his head. Then he said, “That can’t be what this is. I don’t regret anything. This is insane.”

“If you say so.” Adam got off the bed. “I suggest that you figure out what you regret and see if you can ease your conscience. I hope you don’t die. That would make Mum really clingy when it comes to me if you do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If the mention of the helium-filled blow-up dolls sounded familiar, yes that was a nod to Six Feet Under (one of the best tv shows ever, and the house that I picture when I write about Howell's Funeral Home).
> 
> Since I note so many sources all the time, I feel that I have to mention that I couldn't find anything specific about "the Sin of Regret", just the brief mention I noted at the beginning of the chapter, so everything else about it in this chapter is my own invention. 
> 
> As we're getting deeper into the lore of kitsune, I might feel the need to note more things like this because I don't want to be seen as an authority on kitsune. Already, I'm twisting, expanding, and ignoring certain facts about kitsune to tell the story that I want to tell, and I don't want to mislead anyone by putting my own take on kitsune beside all of these sources at the start of each chapter. 
> 
> If you have any questions about kitsune, or comments on my interpretation of them, feel free to ask!


	9. Chapter 9

_Kitsune fact: Inari, in Japanese mythology, god primarily known as the protector of rice cultivation. The god also furthers prosperity and is worshiped particularly by merchants and tradesmen, is the patron deity of swordsmiths and is associated with brothels and entertainers._ _The fox, symbolizing both benevolence and malevolence, is sometimes identified with the messenger of Inari, and statues of foxes are found in great numbers both inside and outside shrines dedicated to the rice god. [https://www.britannica.com/topic/Inari]_

  
  
           

Phil tried to give Dan some space after he left. He didn’t call him, text him, or visit the coffeeshop in case Dan was working there, but he couldn’t get Dan out of his mind. He wasn’t sure if they were okay, and he would never forgive himself if his interest in Dan had cost him their friendship. He needed Dan in his life.

While he was walking Rotty in the park, he saw a flyer for a festival that was happening tonight by the Thames. Phil wouldn’t normally go to something like that – he was happiest spending time on his sofa – but it might be just the fun sort of activity to get his friendship with Dan back on the right track. He called Dan while he was still staring at the flyer and Rotty was happily sniffing at a patch of grass nearby.

Dan answered the phone in a scratchy voice, “Hello?”

“Dan! Sorry to bother you, did I wake you up? I was wondering if I could see you tonight. Are you free?”

“Um, yes. I’m glad you called. I really want to see you.”

“Great, I’m going to send you the details.” He glanced over his shoulder at the dog, who had lost interest in the patch of grass and was now trying to venture further into the park. “I’ve got to go, Rotty wants me to start walking again.”

“Okay, I’ll see you tonight.”

“Bye!” Phil hung up, took a picture of the flyer, and sent it to Dan.

 

Later that night, Dan was easy to spot in the crowd since he was over a head taller than most people. Phil pushed through the people at the festival until he was at Dan’s side. Dan hadn’t noticed him yet since he was looking at his phone, so Phil snuck up behind him and poked the back of his neck with a fingertip. Dan gasped and whirled around. “Don’t do that!”

Phil laughed and felt his tongue poking out of his teeth. Then a buzzing in his pocket distracted him.

“That’s me,” Dan explained. “I had just pressed ‘dial’ when you violated my neck.”

Phil pulled the phone out of his pocket and pressed ‘answer’. “Hello?” he said into the receiver while looking into Dan’s eyes.

Dan shook his head, but he seemed to be suppressing a smile. “You’re a bit of an oddball,” Dan said before ending the call.

“Hey, you hung up on me without saying goodbye!” He teased. “Now I’m not going to apologize for touching your neck.”

“Rude,” Dan said with a laugh.

They were getting jostled by the people pushing past them in the crowd, and Phil looked around. “Where do you want to go first?”

Dan shrugged. “Your choice. I’ll follow you anywhere.”

Phil led them down the street as they admired the attractions. The streetlamps and fairy lights strung through the trees lit the area in a yellow glow. Vendors tried to pull them into booths, selling t-shirts, jars of homemade jellies, and woodcarvings. Dan only showed interest in one of the booths, and they lingered for a moment. Phil was admiring a display of crystals when he saw that Dan had picked up a small statue. Phil moved to Dan’s side to take a look. The statue was carved in a black stone. It depicted an Asian man with a long beard. The long sleeves of his cloak were sculpted to look as if they were blowing in a breeze, and two foxes were preening at his feet. Phil asked, “Who is that?”

Dan jumped as if startled, but then he smiled at Phil. “He’s supposed to be a god. Inari.”

Phil had never heard of Inari, but he nodded. “It’s a beautiful statue. Do you want it?”

The vendor gave them a hopeful smile at these words, but Dan put the statue down and wiped his hand on the leg of his pants as if the statue got him dirty. He said to Phil, “No thanks. Let’s keep going.”

They moved further down the street to where some entertainers were performing street magic tricks with cards and another man was juggling flaming torches. “Let’s avoid that,” Phil suggested. “I’ll probably find a way to trip into him as we’re walking past, and the torches will go everywhere.”

Dan started to laugh, but it became a breathy gasp and he rubbed at his chest.

“What’s wrong?” Phil stopped walking to stare at him.

“Nothing.” Dan dropped his hand from his chest. He gave Phil a reassuring smile when Phil wasn’t convinced. “Let’s keep going.”

They headed in the direction of the food vendors and the smell of funnel cake topped with powdered sugar made Phil’s mouth water. He grabbed Dan’s arm and towed him toward the booth. “I’m hungry. Do you want something?”

Dan shook his head, but Phil ordered a large plate of funnel cake to share in case Dan changed his mind, and they settled at a table nearby. Phil quickly lost interest in the food as he took a closer look at Dan. He had dark circles under his eyes. He wasn’t rubbing his chest, but his arms were wrapped around his midsection and he was hunched over slightly. He looked exhausted and miserable.

“Are you okay?” Phil asked.

Dan started to nod, but then he shook his head. “I don’t feel very well.”

“Are you coming down with a cold?”

Dan shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Did you know you didn’t feel well earlier?”

Dan nodded. “I’ve felt lousy since last night. I didn’t sleep well and I haven’t been able to eat anything all day.”

“I shouldn’t have dragged you out tonight. I’m sorry.”

“I wanted to see you,” Dan insisted. “It doesn’t matter that I don’t feel well. I’d rather be here with you than anywhere else.”

“We could have done something sat on the sofa at home, you spork. I wouldn’t have made you come out if I knew you weren’t feeling well.”

Dan blushed slightly. “Oh. Well, I didn’t want to get in the way of you having fun and missing this festival.”

“I don’t mind. Do you want to go home? To my place or yours?”

“Um, was there anything you wanted to do before we leave?”

Phil looked around until the movement of the London eye caught his attention. Phil pointed to it. “Have you ever ridden that before?”

“When I was a kid. I don’t remember much about it. You want to ride it?”

Phil nodded eagerly. “It’s been on my to-do list since I moved here. I’d love to do that with you. Do you feel up to it?”

“Sure.”

They purchased a fast pass and stood in line while Phil finished his funnel cake. Dan was standing silently beside him with a pensive look on his face, and Phil left him to his thoughts. Finally, they were nearing the front of the line. Phil watched in horror as the pod rocked while the people in front of them got on. “Is that… normal?”

Dan laughed. “It’s fine. I won’t let you fall.”

They waited while their pod arrived, and then stepped on. The only other people in the pod with them were an elderly couple who walked to the other end of the pod to have a whispered conversation. Dan and Phil walked to the other end of the pod to look out the glass. Phil glanced at Dan since he was still worried about him feeling unwell, but Dan seemed to be okay right now.

Dan was gazing in wonderment at the London skyline that was twinkling with lights before them as their pod slowly rose in the air and rocked below their feet. Dan’s face was edged with blue light and he looked lovelier than anything outside the window, but Phil tore his eyes from Dan’s face to admire the view for a moment, and he recognized the illuminated face of a clock. Phil pointed it out, “I can see Big Ben.”

Dan made a soft noise in response. Phil looked up to see that Dan had started staring at him when he looked away, and Dan reached out a fingertip to brush something from his cheek. He explained, “You had powdered sugar on your face.”

“Oh,” Phil said, but his brows knit together in confusion. He had asked Dan here tonight in the hope that they could establish their friendship now that Dan knew he didn’t want a relationship, but that seemed like what this was – or was Phil just reading the signs and signals wrong? Did he want this so badly that he was projecting?

Dan also seemed to be thinking about the last time they were together on the sofa, as he bit his lip and looked away. “Phil… what I said when I was at your apartment…”

“I know. I haven’t forgotten. We’re friends.”

“We are, but about being more than that… I think I made a mistake.” He glanced at Phil who was gaping at him. “Is it too late for me to change my mind?”

“No,” Phil said in a breathy voice. He wanted to touch Dan, but he held back. Dan looked skittish, like he might try to run away if they weren’t trapped in a glass pod right now. “What changed your mind?”

“You. And the way I’ve felt since I walked out your door – the moment I did I realized I’d made a mistake. I’m still scared of this, but could I explain something to you?” When Phil nodded, Dan went on in a stronger voice, “I’m terrified of relationships. Every relationship I’ve ever seen in my life has been fucked up, and it’s all I know. My mum was adopted and she was raised as my dad’s sister before they got married. My grandma met my grandfather when she went to his funeral home to steal something, and that was the foundation of their relationship. And me?  I am so sure that I am going to end up like my brother that I haven’t even started living my life. There’s no point because I’m going to be just like Adam, so I can’t do this… It’s not fair to start anything with you when I’m going to be gone soon. This isn’t fair to you.”

Phil pulled him into a hug and Dan sagged against him. He was shaking slightly, so Phil rubbed his back and made _shushing_ noises. Once Dan had calmed a bit, Phil said, “Dan, about your family, none of that matters. They’re not us.”

Dan sniffled and pulled away. He gave Phil a quick smile and a nod. “I know. Really, I know that. I just needed you to know that stuff because you have to understand that all the times I’ve gotten scared and run away from you in the past it isn’t because of you and it isn’t because I don’t like you – I do, but everything I just said starts going through my mind. Do you understand?”

“I do. So, you’re ready to stop running?”

Dan bit his lip and looked away. “I don’t know why I let this stuff bother me so much. My family is fucked up, but you’re so different. I know that a relationship with you won’t be like the ones I’ve seen before. I think more than anything I’m scared of fucking you up by association.”

Phil couldn’t help giving a slight laugh, and when Dan looked at him he shook his head. “You won’t.” They were silent for a moment, and Phil said, “I can practically hear your brain because you’re thinking about something so hard – I can see it on your face. What are you thinking about?”

“I fell out of a tree on the day we met.”

Phil nodded. “Yeah, you did.”

“I don’t think I ever hit the ground. I feel like I’m still falling.”

Phil glanced out the window to where the cars and people moving below them were getting larger as the pod was descending. “That feeling might have something to do with where we’re standing.”

Dan sighed in exasperation. “I’m trying to be romantic, you dork, and you’re ruining it.”

“Oh! I’m sorry. Go ahead. I won’t interrupt.”

Dan shook his head and looked out the window, but he started talking again. “I fell out of a tree, and I feel like I’m still falling. I’ve never stopped. I’ve been falling for you since we met, but I’ve been fighting it. I didn’t know that being with someone didn’t have to be toxic or destructive. This thing with you feels so good and pure, and I don’t want to fight it anymore. I don’t think I _can_ fight it anyway. It feels like trying to fight gravity.”

When Phil was sure he was done, he said, “Can I kiss you? Please?”

Dan nodded, and Phil pressed their bodies together. The kiss was soft, sweet, and warm. He didn’t try to make Dan’s mouth open for him, and he was content in this moment to thread his fingers through Dan’s hair and linger while he familiarized himself with Dan’s scent. They pulled apart when they needed to breathe, and Dan moaned softly. “My heart feels like it’s going to pound out of my chest.”

“Can I feel?” Phil extended a hand, and when Dan nodded he rested a hand on Dan’s chest. Phil grinned. “Mine is going almost as fast.”

Dan gave a breathy laugh as he reached out to place a hand on Phil’s chest. “It is.”

“It’s going a bit faster now that you’re touching me.” The pod was getting very close to the ground now and he knew that they would have to pull apart to get out soon, but he never wanted to stop touching Dan.

Dan glanced at the door as he seemed to have realized the same thing. “If we’re going to be dating now, there’s something—”

“We are,” Phil interrupted, and then worried that he had offended Dan by being so bold.

Dan just smiled. “Well, then I should tell you that you’re my first boyfriend and I have no idea what I’m doing here. So, if I seem really thick or I don’t understand something that… well, just be patient with me please?”

“Of course,” Phil said, processing this information. He ran his hand from Dan’s chest to his arm and gave a reassuring squeeze. He had a mental image of taking Dan back to his apartment and removing all of his clothes, but Phil shook his head to dispel the image as he saw the nervousness behind Dan’s eyes. “Don’t worry. I’m patient. We’ll go slow, okay?”

The pod was rocking as they stepped off; Dan got off first and held out a hand to Phil to help him. He didn’t let go of Phil’s hand as they fell into step beside each other. “I’m ready to go,” Phil declared. “I’ll walk you home.”

“Thanks.”

Phil checked him over for signs of discomfort. “How are you feeling?” At Dan’s look, he elaborated, “The thing that was wrong earlier. Are you okay?”

“Oh!” Dan rubbed his chest briefly, but then let his hand drop. “Actually, I’m feeling a lot better.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is my favorite chapter that I have posted so far, mostly because I loved writing the setting (there will be more chapters like this in the future, as I get deeper into the magical realism I'm planning). The festival in this chapter is entirely fictionalized, so forgive me if no festivals like this are ever held by the Thames. I wanted to include the London Eye (and I watched a few videos of people riding it before I wrote about it). Oh, but if you want authenticity, the statue I describe is real, and you can see it if you visit the link :D


	10. Chapter 10

_Kitsune fact: Kitsune powers typically involve illusion, although some mind-affecting magic tricks and kitsunebi ('foxfire') are known. However, a kitsune's greatest asset is not his or her magic, but intelligence, wit, and misdirection._ _[https://littlespacefox.weebly.com/kitsune-mythology.html]_

 

           

The next morning when Phil was brushing his teeth, he caught a flicker of movement in the bathroom mirror and started to choke. Phil coughed and hacked foamy toothpaste into the sink while the ghost of Dan’s brother drifted closer.

“Sorry about that,” Adam said. “Should I have knocked?”

“Yes,” Phil said. He rinsed his mouth before turning to face Adam. “You know, I don’t mind having you around, but could we make the bathroom off-limits? I had enough of sharing bathrooms when I was at university.”

“I heard you brushing your teeth through the door. I wasn’t going to walk in on anything else.”

Phil sighed, since it didn’t seem like he was going to get a better response out of the ghost. “So, what’s up, Adam? You need anything?” Phil asked as he returned to his morning routine. He took off his glasses and peeled back his eyelids to place his contact lenses in his eyes.

“Nah, I don’t need anything. Just popped in to say ‘hi’.”

Phil gave Adam a curious glance, and the ghost’s eyes twinkled with mischief. “Really, is that all?”

Adam shrugged. “There might be something else. I know you and my brother were out last night. I saw him smiling today. He doesn’t smile much, so I asked him if anything happened. He told me to fuck off. So, I decided to fuck off over here and ask you what happened.”

Phil grinned when he heard that Dan was smiling. Then he saw something dark flicker behind Adam. “Hey, I have a question for you. I will answer yours if you answer mine.”

Adam seemed amused by this and he flashed a dimple like Dan’s, and the sight of it made Phil’s chest ache as he missed Dan – he saw Dan last night, and he already missed him so much.

Phil gestured to the black furry tail. “Why do you have a tail?”

His amusement vanished. “You don’t know? Well, I guess you don’t or you wouldn’t have asked. Sorry, I can’t answer that.”

Phil shook his head. “Why not?”

Adam started to drift backward in the air. “This doesn’t just affect me, so I can’t. I’ll see you later. Bye, Phil.”

Phil stared as the ghost drifted through the door. “Bye,” he said to the empty room.

 

 

While Phil was in the park at work, he got a text from Dan asking if he was free tonight. Phil eagerly texted back, inviting Dan to his apartment for dinner because after being in public with Dan yesterday, he wanted him all to himself today. Only once Dan accepted did Phil realize that he didn’t have any food in his place.

Phil looked down at the dog beside him. “How do you feel about a change of scenery? Want to come with me to the market?”

Rotty wagged his tail excitedly at the suggestion.

Phil led them out of the park and to an open market in the street where he was allowed to bring the dog with him. Rotty happily accepted pats from patrons of the market and a sample of bacon from a butcher. When Phil led him to the section of the market selling vegetables, the dog sniffed a tomato and lost interest. He waited patiently though while Phil selected the squash, broccoli, bell peppers, and snow peas he would need for the stir fry that he was planning. Phil bought a baguette as well and told the dog it was time to go home.

Once they were back at Hannah’s, the dog collapsed happily onto his bed, and Phil ran to his home, the shopping bag bouncing against his leg. The sun was setting, but he thought he might still have enough time to cook dinner before… Dan was leaning against his front door. “You’re early,” Phil said.

Dan looked up from his phone, which he slipped into his pocket. “Sorry, I wasn’t doing anything, so I came over.”

“That’s okay if you don’t mind watching me cook,” Phil said, unlocking the door of his apartment and letting them inside. He put the bag down on his kitchen counter.

“I don’t mind watching, but I’d rather help,” Dan said, looking at the veggies as Phil pulled them out of the bag.

“Sure!” Phil passed him a knife. With the two of them chopping, it didn’t take long to prepare a stir fry with sesame seeds and teriyaki sauce. Phil decided that it would be nice to eat at the breakfast bar, so he started placing their plates and the sliced bread there, and Dan sat down. Phil walked over to his fridge and peered inside, wishing he had wine – would Dan be expecting him to have wine? Phil glanced over his shoulder. “Are you okay with Ribena?”

“Yes, please,” Dan said with a smile. They settled into eat, and Dan moaned at the taste, which made Phil snicker.

After taking a sip of his drink, Phil said, “There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you. I know there are a few reasons why people go vegetarian. What’s yours?”

Dan looked away. “Oh… that’s kind of hard to explain.” Phil waited, though if Dan had changed the subject he wouldn’t have tried to change it back. Finally, Dan said, “My mum makes some rather extreme choices in the kitchen. I ate something she made about a year ago, and once I found out what it was I got sick. Violently. Since then I get nauseous, sometimes just at the smell of cooking meat. My mum thinks I’m being stupid, but I just really don’t want to eat meat again.”

“That’s understandable. I’ve heard of that happening. It’s called taste aversion. So, what meat was it that your mother made you eat?”

Dan shook his head. “You don’t want to know. Trust me. Especially not while we’re eating.”

Phil accepted this, and they returned to their meal. After, they placed their plates in the sink, and Phil asked, “Do you want to go to the living room?”

Dan nodded, and they settled onto the sofa. Phil glanced at the TV and he was about to offer to put something on when suddenly Dan’s face was before his. Phil leaned in. Dan tasted like Ribena and Phil lost himself in the kiss until he was leaning forward, pressing Dan into the pillows on the sofa.

Dan gasped against Phil’s mouth, and Phil pulled back. “Are you okay? Sorry, I know I said we were going to go slow.”

Dan didn’t move from where Phil had pushed him against the pillows. He made a soft sound and shook his head. “Don’t stop yet. You feel so nice.”

Phil leaned back in, but he paused to hover over Dan, admiring the features on the face that made his heart flutter. He placed a quick kiss between Dan’s eyebrows, on the tip of his nose, and then on each of his dimples before returning to his lips.

Dan murmured against his mouth, “You’re so strange.” He started exploring Phil’s body with his hands, running them over Phil’s shoulders, through his hair, and then he slipped them hesitantly under the hem of Phil’s shirt. Phil shivered at the feeling of Dan’s hands roaming over his bare back.

Phil decided to do some exploring as well, and he shifted his pelvis so that he could rub himself against Dan’s jeans. Dan gasped again, and Phil pulled back to see if he had crossed a line, but what he saw made him freeze in place. Dan looked up at him, and then followed his gaze to the white fox’s tail that was lying beside his leg on the sofa. The tip of the tail twitched, and then it vanished. Phil blinked his eyes as if to clear his vision, but the tail was gone and he knew that he hadn’t imagined it. He climbed off Dan to sit at the end of the sofa with his knees pulled up to his chest.

Dan sat up as well. He hadn’t taken his eyes off Phil and he seemed to be analyzing every movement and shift in Phil’s expression.

Phil cleared his throat, and Dan jumped slightly at the sound. Finally, Phil asked, “What was that? That I just saw?”

"Nothing," Dan said as he shook his head. "What are you talking about?"

Phil narrowed his eyes and said in a warning tone, "Don't do that. Talk."

Dan shrank under the weight of Phil's heavy gaze. Finally, he admitted, “I… sort of have a tail sometimes. Or rather all the time. I just am usually able to keep it hidden. I’m a kitsune. Is this something you can be okay with?”

“You think I’d break up with you because you have a tail?” He saw from Dan’s expression that he believed this was true. As Phil was opening his mouth to reassure Dan, he realized something. “You lied to me.”

Dan stiffened, and he didn’t deny it.

Phil took in Dan’s expression, and then he nodded. “When we were talking about your brother, I asked you about his tail. I asked you twice, and you told me that you didn’t know anything about it. You lied.”

“I’m sorry.” Dan bit his lip to stop himself from talking, but he couldn’t hold in the words. “Are you actually angrier about that than you are about the fact that I’m a fox?”

“Yes!”  Phil wasn’t shouting – Phil wasn’t the type of person who shouts in rage, but he was upset. He was more hurt than angry, and that made everything worse. “You’re _Naruto_ , big whoop. You didn’t choose to be what you are, but you _did_ choose to lie to me. Is this what you are? Are you always going to deceive me just because it makes things easier for you?”

“It’s who I’ve always been. It’s who I’ve had to be, but I hated lying to you.”

“Really?” Phil asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow. Then his voice hardened. “Because I remember the first time I tried to kiss you. Do you remember what we agreed that night? You didn’t think I’d like you once I knew you, so we agreed that we would be together once I got to know you. Dan, I still don’t know you and it’s because of things like this. You haven’t let me know you. You’re hiding behind lies and walls and secrets.”

“Are you…” Dan took a calming breath as he tried to hold in tears. “Are you saying you don’t want to see me again?”

Phil shook his head. “I need to think. I don’t know.”

“Okay, let me just say one more thing. If you give me a second chance, it will be different. I promise I’ll let you in this time. And I’ll never lie again. Not to you.”

Phil was silent for a moment. He looked away as he said, “Okay, I’ll think about it. Could you leave for now?”

Dan left without another word.

 

 

After getting ready for bed that night, Phil walked into his bedroom to see that Adam was sitting on his bed. His black, slightly transparent tail was lying across the blue-and-green duvet, and it was idly swishing as Phil stared at it. Adam cleared his throat to get Phil’s attention.

“What do you want?” Phil asked, though he really wasn’t in the mood for this visit.

Adam shrugged. “I just checked in on my brother. He’s crying.”

Phil sighed. Since Adam’s weight left no impression on his bed, it was easy to ignore him as Phil crawled into bed and turned his back on the ghost. Was he even really a ghost? Well, the only thing that was clear was that he was a fox. Phil put his glasses on the nightstand and turned off the light. He then said, “Go away, Adam.”

Adam made no sound, so Phil assumed that he had left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually Googled markets in London to try to find one near Regent's Park, found images of one that was perfect for what I had in mind, but it was about an hour away from the park -- oops. So I just didn't name the market that Phil visits :D
> 
> In case it wasn't clear why Dan's tail popped out, this was my own twist on the lore once more. There's a fact about kitsune that will be addressed more directly in a later chapter: kitsune's tails show sometimes when they lose control due to drunkenness. I decided that sexual arousal should have a similar effect in my story, though this wasn't specifically stated in the lore.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you read this chapter, I highly recommend watching "Sunshine through the Rain - Akira Kurosawa's Dreams". Here is the link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGyrdfXVOlA  
> It's a video that a man made based on a dream/nightmare he had of witnessing a kitsune's wedding, and the mood of this video helped to inspire me while writing this chapter.

_Kitsune fact: In the Nanbu Region, Aomori Prefecture, it is called "kitsune no yometori"… For sunshowers to be called this, there are various explanations, such as the explanation that for rain to fall even when the sky is clear gives the feeling like an impossible situation, one would feel like one is being tricked by something. There is also the explanation that people believed that a fox's wedding would take place during a sunshower… people thought that foxes made rain fall in order to prevent people from going up the mountain and seeing the fox's wedding [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kitsune_no_yomeiri]_

 

  
           

In the morning, Dan knocked on the door of Phil’s apartment, thinking as soon as he did so that he should have called first, but it was too late. Phil was opening the door before Dan had even lowered his hand from knocking. Phil looked him over, and Dan realized that he must look like a drowned rat – he could feel the rain in his hair and he knew the effect it must be having. Phil meanwhile looked flawless in a red and black checkered shirt with his hair pushed slightly back from his forehead.

“Would you like a towel?” Phil asked, now looking at the rainwater dripping from the hem of Dan’s black jacket to the carpet in the hall.

“No, we don’t have much time,” Dan said, now looking down the hallway to the stairs. He wanted to grab Phil’s hand and drag him with him.

“That’s a rather dramatic statement,” Phil commented, leaning on his doorway to show his unwillingness to move. “I sound like I’m about to follow you into an action movie and that there will be car chases, explosions, and Russian spies. Could you explain?”

“Sure, sorry.” Dan sighed, trying to think of where to begin. “I know you haven’t forgiven me yet and I haven’t given you much time to think, but I’d like to do something. I want to make a gesture to show you that I’m willing to open up, but this thing has a time limit on it. We’re going to miss it if we don’t leave now.”

“Now? It’s raining.”

Dan started shifting in place in his urgency to leave. “That’s the whole point! We have to go while it’s raining. It’s… it’s a fox thing. Listen, I’m late for a wedding and I’d like you to be my ‘plus one’. If you want to go, we have to leave now. Could you please just get an umbrella?”

Phil nodded, returned with an umbrella patterned with dogs, and locked his apartment. As they were walking down the hall, he stopped and looked down at himself. “I’m not dressed to attend a wedding. I should go back and change.”

“It’s casual dress. This is an impromptu wedding.” He touched Phil’s elbow to get him moving again, but they both stiffened at the contact, so he let go.

As they started down the stairs to the lobby of the apartment building, Phil asked, “Who is getting married?”

Dan shrugged. “Some kitsune my parents know. I’ve never met them. The only people there who I’ll know are my parents, my grandma, and my brother.” Dan bit his bottom lip for a moment, and then he said, “Phil, I appreciate that this is weird. You’re going to be meeting my family before we’ve even talked to decide if we’re still together, but if you’re okay with it then I want to show you this part of my life.”

Phil nodded. “I’m okay with it. Dan, I appreciate that you’re trying. Really, I do. I like gestures a lot more than I do words and promises. We’ll talk after today, okay?”

"That sounds good. Thank you." Dan smiled as he stepped out into the rain, looking up at the sun that was shining through the clouds.

 

 

Dan led Phil to Regent’s Park. They stepped off the path and stopped at the edge of a clearing. Phil peered through the trees from under his umbrella at the empty space there. He asked, “Are we in the right place?”

Dan felt stupid saying it, but he explained, “They’re there, but the wedding party is hidden behind an illusion.”

He expected Phil to laugh at the absurdity of it, but Phil’s eyes just widened and he stared harder at the clearing. “So, how do we get past the illusion?”

“I can get us through. I think.” At Phil’s look, he explained sheepishly. “I’m not very good at this stuff, but I’m going to try. Oh, and before I forget…” He pulled two white plastic masks out of the deep pockets of his coat. The masks were decorated simply with a dot for the nose, whiskers on the cheeks, and holes for the eyes – there was no space for the mouth. “We’re supposed to wear these. It’s traditional.”

Phil nodded and put on his mask. Dan did the same. Then he extended a hand palm-up to Phil, and Phil didn’t hesitate to take it. Then Dan closed his eyes and focused on what he needed to do. He knew that his tail was visible now, and he heard Phil gasp in surprise. With his eyes still closed, he took a step to the side, dragging Phil with him. Hoping that he had done it correctly, he opened his eyes and looked around. They had been standing in a sunshower the moment before, but now they were standing at the edge of a sunny clearing and there wasn’t a cloud above in the blue sky.

Phil’s eyes were darting around wildly, noting the white archway that hadn’t been there a moment before, the 9 people standing by it at the other end of the clearing who hadn’t seemed to notice their entrance, and the glowing balls of foxfire bobbing in the air around them. Also, Phil was the only person in the clearing who didn’t have a fox’s tail prominently on display.

Dan was still holding his hand and he gave it a reassuring squeeze. “Are you okay? I know this is a lot to take in.”

Phil started to nod, but then he glanced to the other people and he whispered, “Are they going to be annoyed that you brought me?”

Dan shook his head. “No, it’ll be fine.” He started pointing to the people as inconspicuously as possible. “That’s the couple. Those must be their parents. My mum is standing next to the bride,” he said, pointing to a pair of women. The bride was wearing a white kimono and her sleek black hair was draped across her shoulders. She had a black tail. His mum was a small woman, she wore her brown hair in a braid, and her tail was white. Phil wouldn’t be able to tell at the moment since Mum’s face was covered by a mask, but she looked like she was in her 30s, much too young to have a son Dan’s age – he would have to explain that to Phil eventually. Dan pointed to his dad next, a man with brown hair that was going silver at the temples and a black tail. “That’s my dad. And standing next to him is my grandma.”

His grandma saw him point her out. She had steel-gray hair and her shoulders were stooped slightly. Unlike everyone else in the clearing, she had two black tails. She gave them a wave, and Dan smiled though she wouldn’t be able to see it under the mask. He and Phil waved back. Phil looked around, as if expecting to see someone else. “Did you say Adam would be here?”

Dan nodded, and he looked but there was no one else in the clearing. “He’s supposed to be here. He might have decided to skip it, or he might just be hiding. Are you ready to go over and join the rest?”

Phil cast one last glance around the clearing. “How… is this all possible? You called it an illusion?”

“It’s complicated. I think Grandma said she made a pocket dimension. Just a small temporary one that we could step into so that the wedding would be private. I wish I could explain all this better, but I really hate _magic._ ” He felt the word twist his mouth, like he had just tasted something bad. “I don’t have any better explanation for you because I barely understand any of this.”

Phil nodded as he closed his umbrella and left it leaning against a tree. “Okay, that’s fine. I think this is all amazing, so I’ll just enjoy it and stop trying to understand it. I’m ready. Let’s go.”

 

 

It seemed like the wedding party had been waiting for them to walk over because as soon as they did the people in the clearing started shuffling into place. His grandmother stood at the center of the arch, looking imperial with her tails held high, one behind each of her shoulders. The bride and groom – who was also wearing a kimono – stood on either side of her. Dan’s father stood beside the groom as best man, and his mother was the matron of honor. Dan and Phil stood awkwardly in the back, trying to look inconspicuous behind the parents of the bride and groom.

The ceremony started, and Dan’s grandmother conducted it in Japanese, which he didn’t speak, but he appreciated the beauty of the language and the reactions it evoked from the couple. The groom was giggling and couldn’t stop touching the bride – he was rubbing her hands, stroking her hair, and he looked absolutely besotted. The bride was crying and kept trying to dry her cheeks, but she forgot she was wearing a mask and every time her hand connected with it she laughed at herself.

Finally, the ceremony reached a significant point, and the couple linked their black tails. His grandma waved her hand and the balls of foxfire floating in the air drifted closer and started spinning above the couple’s heads as they shared their first kiss as husband and wife. Everyone in the clearing clapped, and the couple’s parents walked forward to hug the bride and shake the groom’s hand.

Dan hadn’t noticed his parents coming closer until they were standing at his side. His dad clapped him on the shoulder. “Thanks for coming, son.”

His mother nodded. She was staring at Phil, but it seemed odd to him to make introductions to people who were wearing masks, so he didn’t bother. Mum said, “We’re going back to the house for the reception. Will you be coming?”

He glanced at Phil. He wasn’t sure if this was too much for him, but Phil’s shoulders were relaxed, and his blue-green eyes were wide with wonder as he stared at the orbs of foxfire that were still bobbing in the air above the couple. Dan looked back to his mum. “Sure, we might drop in. I don’t want to impose on the couple too much since I don’t know them…”

Dad shook his head. “Don’t worry about that, they’ll love to have you. We have so much food prepared for lunch that it would be a shame for it to go to waste.” He glanced at Phil as he said, “I hope that both of you will come.”

Phil nodded. “Thank you, sir.”

Dan’s parents headed for the edge of the trees and disappeared from sight. The couple and their parents headed in the same direction. Dan walked over to his grandmother, who was waving her hands in the air, and as she did so the foxfire started vanishing, popping out of existence. She turned her attention to the arch as Dan reached her side with Phil a pace behind him. He asked, “Is there anything I can do to help?”

She gave his arm a squeeze. “Thank you, sweetie. I’m closing this dimension, and I need everyone to be on the outside when I do it. There is something you can do: I think I saw your brother near the tree where your companion left his umbrella. Could you let him know and step outside together?”

“Sure, Grandma.” They started heading back to the tree, and they took off their masks as they did so. Dan tucked them into his pockets and Phil picked up his umbrella. Adam was leaning against the tree with his foot propped up, and he took a long drag on a cigarette. Dan wrinkled his nose at the smell, but he said, “Grandma wants us to get out.”

Adam snorted and glanced at Phil. “Everyone has been telling me to get out lately.”

Phil winced. “Sorry.”

Adam shook his head and laughed. “Just messing with you.”

They stepped through the illusion and back to reality where the sunshower continued.

 


	12. Chapter 12

_Kitsune fact: Foxfire (Kitsune-bi): By rubbing their tails together, a kitsune can make lightning or fire. The kitsune can also, to a small range, breathe out fire. Kitsune can also make small 'fox lanterns', by producing small balls of fire to float around them and guide their way. This fire can be used as a weapon, or as a toy. [https://kitsuney.weebly.com/kitsune-powers.html]_

 

  
           

As they stepped out into the rain, Phil held his umbrella so that it covered both him and Dan. He looked at Adam, who was now blowing smoke into the rain as if oblivious to it, but it seemed polite to offer. “Adam, there’s room for one more,” Phil said as he twitched the umbrella in invitation.

Adam glanced at his brother. “Is he for real?” He didn’t wait for Dan to respond. He stepped closer and held a hand before Phil, letting him see the way the raindrops that should be striking his skin were instead passing through it. “See? There’s no need. I’m not getting wet.”

“Oh,” Phil said. He tried to rub his nose inconspicuously, but when Adam had stepped closer the smell of smoke that was clinging to him had gotten stronger, and it was bothering Phil’s nose.

Adam noticed the hand gesture and he grinned. “I must have gotten the scent right! That’s the hardest part.” He saw Phil’s confusion and held the cigarette closer for Phil to see that it was as transparent as his hand. Adam then opened his mouth and held the cigarette before it. As he breathed, a wave of heat left his mouth and the tip of the cigarette glowed orange. He then sucked on it and exhaled another mouthful of smoke. He gestured with the cigarette as he explained. “The cig is an illusion, the fire is foxfire, and the smoke is another illusion which I’m rather proud of. Scent illusions are really subtle and tricky.”

Dan shook his head. “Why do it though? You can’t taste the cigarette, so what’s the point?”

Adam shrugged, dropped it, and motioned like he was rubbing it out under his foot. The dirt beneath his feet wasn’t disturbed though and the cigarette simply vanished. “I do it because it looks cool.” A dog barked nearby, and Adam stiffened. “I don’t like this place. I’m getting out of here. Smell ya later.”

“Bye,” Phil said. Once Adam was walking away, Phil turned to Dan. “Did he just quote Gary Oak?”

Dan nodded. “I think so. He was never as into Pokémon as I was, but we both grew up watching the show. I liked Ash and he liked Gary. We used to roleplay as them when we were kids. Those are some of my happiest childhood memories. I thought he’d forgotten…”

Phil glanced behind them, but the clearing looked as empty as it had appeared when they arrived. “Are we waiting for your grandma?”

Dan shook his head. “I’m not even sure if she’s still here. Let’s go.”

As they started walking, Phil mulled over his feelings from last night in light of what they had just seen. There seemed to be one more thing he had to settle before he could decide if he still felt deceived by Dan. “Can I ask you something?” Dan nodded in response, so Phil asked, “Is your brother really a ghost?”

Dan frowned. “It’s complicated. I think of him like that, but technically he’s a spirit. He just didn’t die in the traditional sense. There are different types of kitsune, and on his 21st birthday Adam became a Reiko kitsune – a malevolent ghost fox. He just… faded before our eyes as he lost his body. It was awful. The only way my parents have been able to process it is by treating him like he’s still alive and nothing has happened, but the life he was going to have is clearly over. He’s stuck like this, between life and death. His personality is different, too. He’s darker. He hurts people sometimes. That’s why I was so scared when he showed up at your place, but I guess you’re okay.”

Phil raised his eyebrows. He hadn’t considered the possibility that Dan’s brother might hurt him. “Oh… okay then.”

“Really, I don’t think he’s going to hurt you. Kitsune punish those who are immoral, but they become friendly and helpful to good people like you. The worst he would ever do to you is play a harmless trick on you.”

Phil nodded, processing this information. He was starting to feel like he had overreacted last night when he kicked Dan out for not being forthright about what he was, since it was now clear that he was so much more than could simply be stated by the word ‘fox’. He was part of another world, and it would take time to understand it.

As Phil looked around, he realized what part of the park they were passing through, and he pointed to the bench. “This is where we first met, isn’t it?”

Dan looked at the tree behind the bench and nodded. “Yeah, this is it.” They both stopped walking to look at the spot where their paths first crossed. Dan turned to face him, looking nervous as he bit his bottom lip. “Phil… about all this, I understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore. I lied and my life is complicated, and I—”

“It doesn’t make a difference to me,” Phil insisted. “It doesn’t matter to me if you’re a human or a fox – you’re you and I like you. I want to be in your life. Just do what makes you happy and let me do it with you.” Phil grinned. “That came out wrong. You know what I meant.”

“I do,” Dan said with a wobbly smile “So, you think you can forgive me for before? You’ll give me a second chance?”

Phil nodded. Dan was standing very close since they were sharing an umbrella, so it was easy to lean in for a kiss. He had intended to pull back, but Dan tilted his head and opened his mouth to Phil. Phil lost himself in the sensation, which left his head spinning. It was one thing to kiss Dan in a frenzied moment on the couch, but there was something that felt so much realer about this slow kiss.

Dan pulled away when he was panting for breath, and he rested his forehead against Phil’s. Their eyes were open, chocolate brown staring into blue-green. Phil whispered, “You feel amazing.”

“So do you,” Dan said with a shy smile. He shifted back a half step and adjusted his hair in a nervous gesture. “It’s a bit chilly out. Do you want to get going?”

“Oh!” Phil said in surprise, looking over Dan. “Of course, you’ve been wearing wet clothes for over an hour now, you probably want to change into something dry.”

Dan nodded, and they started walking in the direction of his home at a faster pace.

Phil bit his lip for a moment, but then he asked, “Can I ask you something else?”

Dan nodded with a smile. “Of course. I’m sure you have a lot of questions.”

“I do, but just one for now. When I first told you about seeing Adam, you said something odd that makes sense now that you’ve explained he’s a spirit. You said that you don’t believe in ghosts. When you said that, you meant the traditional sort of ghosts that people leave behind when they die. Is that right?”

“Yeah,” Dan said, his eyes widening. “You’re right. You’ve got it all worked out. Was that your question?”

Phil shook his head. “No. I don’t understand why you don’t believe in ghosts. What is that about? We’re surrounded by things that aren’t logical, so why draw the line at ghosts? How do you know they’re not real?”

Dan gave a slight chuckle. “Yeah, we’re surrounded by things that don’t make sense, and I don’t like it. I’m a rational person. I believe in what I can see, and I only believe in as much of the unexplained part of the world as I do because I’m forced to – it’s my life. Still, I don’t like it. I want to be normal. I’m not embracing the supernatural, and I deny and scientifically explain away as much as I possibly can.”

Phil nodded as he absorbed this information. “So, the things that your family can do, like your brother with the cigarette, you can’t do any of that?”

“Nope. At my age, my brother was practicing how to do illusions, but not me. I just want to be as close to human as possible.” Dan shrugged, but then he focused on Phil. “Why, were you hoping that I could do this stuff. Were you expecting some sort of magic show?”

“No. I don’t care. I’ll admit that I find all of this to be amazing, but you’re awesome without any of this. Really fucking awesome.” Dan had an odd look on his face, and Phil was worried that he hadn’t handled the situation with the proper gravity. It was a very serious insecurity that Dan just had brought up, and Phil couldn’t let him think that he was only hanging around because Dan had this one interesting aspect to him. “Dan, I mean it. I’m with you because I like you, not what you can do. You make me happy – just you, not this thing that you can do. Please believe me.”

Dan laughed. “I believe you. I was only staring at you because you swore. I guess this was one of the special occasions you mentioned.”

Phil felt his face get hot and mumbled, “I guess it was.” He felt his shoulders relax, once more content in the knowledge that Dan wanted to be with him and he knew that Phil wanted to be with him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that no one got triggered by Adam "smoking". I don't smoke and I'm not fond of it since my job is related to healthcare, but I wanted to write this scene -- both to reveal some more things about Adam and because I thought that I could write it in a way that was beautiful. There won't be more smoking in this fic, but there will be a bit of drinking.  
> Sorry that this chapter was mostly dialogue. The next chapter has some action in it, so look forward to that.


	13. Chapter 13

_Kitsune fact: To the kitsune, the number of tails they have are a show of prestige, skill, age, and rank. A kitsune may gain a tail for bringing honour to their family and clan, or could lose one for breaking kitsune law. Kitsune don't ask for extra tails. Instead, they are simply rewarded for their actions, or punished. Some kitsune train under others, hoping to gain wisdom and favour with their teachers. Some kitsune even take quests or go on journeys, to gain wisdom or power, hoping to find ways to gain in prestige and rank among the other kitsune, or with The Lady or Inari. [https://kitsuney.weebly.com/kitsune-powers.html]_

 

  
           

Once home, Dan led Phil upstairs quickly to his room, both out of a desire to find some dry clothes and to limit the time they spent downstairs. The spacious funeral home had 3 levels if you didn’t count the attic: the basement level belonged to the dead who were prepped for display, the first floor was used for business including meetings with clients and viewings of bodies, and the second story was where the Howell family lived and spent most of their free time, since a mourner or potential client could usually be found wandering around on the first floor.

In his eagerness to drag Phil away from the first floor, Dan didn’t really think about the fact that he was dragging him into his room until he had shut the door and turned around to see his bed. His cheeks got hot as he looked around the room. The black sheets on his bed were a tangled mess. There were clothes lying on the floor. Next to the bed were several empty bags of snacks.

Dan supposed it could look worse, though. He had a few paintings on the wall by an artist named Wirrow, and neither of the bedside tables nor his desk were cluttered with papers, thanks to his habit of tossing papers behind furniture when he got tired of the mess. Also, he had lit a scented candle last night and the scent still lingered, so this could be so much worse.

He gave Phil an awkward grin and waved absently at his room. “Make yourself at home.”

Phil glanced with interest around the room while he took the chair at the desk. Dan opened his wardrobe to find something dry to wear, but he turned around at the sound of Phil’s laugh. Phil shook his head while he covered his mouth with his hand. “Sorry. It’s just I hadn’t realized you only own black clothes.”

“Have you ever seen me wear something else?” Dan asked with an arched eyebrow.

“No, but oh my gosh. Your wardrobe looks like a black hole.”

“It’s beautiful. I want to dive inside and bathe my soul.” Dan turned his back on Phil as he flicked through the shirts on the hangers. “I’m not going to make excuses for it. I think I look good in black.”

“You do,” Phil said.

Suddenly, Dan was very happy that his back was turned to Phil as his cheeks flushed. He selected a black button-down shirt with a design stitched on the shoulders with metallic thread. He also grabbed black skinny jeans, but when he turned around he was faced with a problem. Was it really a problem, though? They had had their hands all over each other last night.

Phil seemed to have realized the same thing. “Oh! I can turn around.”

Dan started to shake his head. Then he started to nod. Neither gesture seemed to depict how he was feeling, so he just decided to talk. “I don’t know what I want you to do. I would have been very happy for you to see me without my clothes on last night.”

“Is it that I’m sitting here dressed?” Phil asked.

Dan looked around the room. “No. I think it’s this house. It makes me feel weird. I don’t feel free here like I did in your apartment.”

“Okay, so you don’t feel comfortable with this. That’s fine. I’ll step into the hall.” Phil put his hands on the arms of the chair as he prepared to get up.

“No, don’t go. I do feel comfortable with you. I mean like we are now. I think I’d feel weird if we tried to do anything here.” He glanced at the bed, and he thought it best to just come out and say it. “I don’t want to have sex with you here, but I feel fine with this much. I don’t mind you looking at me if you want to.”

He saw Phil’s pupils dilate slightly. “I’d… like that. If you’re sure it’s okay.

Dan unzipped his black jacket and hung it on a hook to dry. His black t-shirt was also soaking wet, and he could feel his nipples pebbled beneath the material. As he put his hands on the hem of the shirt, Phil surprised him.

“Wait, wait, stop. This isn’t how I pictured this. I want to see you, but I wanted to be the one to take your shirt off. So, maybe we should do this later. I’ll leave and…”

“No, I think I’d be fine with that. If that’s all you wanted to do.” Dan stepped closer so that he was within Phil’s reach.

Phil was still seated. He looked up to Dan’s face, and then back to the shirt. He lifted it, peeling the wet cotton off Dan’s skin. Dan shivered as the cool air in the room touched his bare skin, and he felt gooseflesh rising. Phil lifted the shirt over his head while Dan closed his eyes, and Dan raised his arms, eager to be free of his shirt. He heard the wet fabric flop to the floor, and he opened his eyes to see Phil’s gaze roaming over him. They were standing so close that he could feel Phil’s breath on his skin, but Phil didn’t touch him.

Dan bit his lip as a new worry crossed his mind. “Phil… you don’t think I’m teasing you, do you? Does it bother you that I don’t want to do anything now?”

“No,” Phil insisted as he shook his head. “The only thing that bothers me is that I can tell how cold you are right now. Put something on, okay?”

Dan gave him a quick smile as he crossed the room to where he’d left his dry clothes on his bed. Before he put them on, he slid his wet jeans down his legs, leaving him standing in only his pants, and he heard Phil make a noise in the back of his throat. “What?” Dan asked.

“Nothing, it’s just… God, you’re beautiful. You know that, don’t you?”

Dan flushed again and looked away. He didn’t say anything as he pulled on his jeans, but he gave Phil a small smile before buttoning his shirt.

 

 

Dan led Phil to the kitchen, circling past the dining room as they could hear the newlyweds and their parents conversing in Japanese at the table. As they entered the kitchen, they ran into Dan’s mother. Dan hesitated as he hadn’t had a chance to explain yet to Phil why his mother could pass for his older sister, but there was nothing to do but gesture between them and say, “Mum, I’d like you to meet Phil.”

Phil’s eyes widened, but he shook her hand and she smiled. She said, “Phil! Dan, is this the boy you mentioned the other night at dinner?”

Phil glanced at him and looked pleased when Dan nodded.

Mum’s smile widened. “Of course, and we spoke on the phone once, didn’t we? I’m very pleased to meet you.” She gestured to the food spread out across the kitchen counter. “Well, feel free to enjoy the food. You’re also welcome to join us in the dining room.”

“Thanks, we’ll probably just hang out in here,” Dan said, and his mum left them alone in the kitchen. Dan flashed Phil a quick smile. “Thanks for giving me an excuse to be antisocial. If you weren’t here I would have had to eat with the rest of them, and Mum would be conveniently forgetting that I’m a vegetarian every 5 minutes as she tried to get me to eat something.”

Phil walked over the counter to see what was there. “Did she cook anything that you can eat?”

Dan’s eyes passed quickly over the finger sandwiches and other lunch items until he settled on the desserts. He grabbed a mince pie, sank his teeth into it and moaned.

Phil giggled and covered his mouth with his hand. After casting his own dismissive look at the sandwiches, he also picked up a mince pie and leaned against the counter while he ate it. “The funny thing,” he commented between bites, “is that I thought these had meat in them when I was a kid.”

Dan snorted as he contemplated a second pie. “Really? No, you didn’t.”

“I’m not kidding. I wouldn’t eat them when I was a kid because I thought they were meat pies. I wouldn’t eat hotdogs either because I thought they were made of dog meat.”

Dan shook his head as he picked up another pie. “You sound like you were a bit of a weird kid.”

Phil grinned, appearing unoffended. “You don’t know the half of it.” He didn’t elaborate, and he didn’t reach for another pie. Instead, he looked around. His eyes settled on some clean juice glasses that were resting upside down on a tray, but the pitcher beside them was empty. Phil picked up one of the glasses and then started walking towards the fridge.

“What are you doing?” Dan said more forcefully than he meant to, and Phil nearly dropped the glass in his surprise. He walked over to Phil with an apologetic look, and he took the glass from his hand. “I mean, you’re my guest. I’ll get something for you to drink.”

“Okay…” Phil said dubiously, but he went back leaning against the counter. He was watching Dan carefully.

Dan pulled out the freezer drawer the bare minimum required for him to reach the ice tray, hoping that Phil wouldn’t find the numerous packages wrapped in butcher’s paper suspicious. He closed the freezer drawer and then looked at the fridge, which he knew would be trickier; it was full of see-through containers full of bloody pieces of meat. Dan made a show of smiling at Phil while he barely opened the door and pulled out a two-liter bottle of Coke. “How does this sound? Or would you like something else?”

“Sure, thanks.” Phil still looked a bit suspicious, but he let it go without question. There was a silent moment in which something passed between them. Phil knew that Dan was still holding something back, but despite everything that happened Phil was willing to let this go for now because Dan was obviously uncomfortable. Phil was letting it go, and they both knew it.

As Dan returned to his side with the Coke and his glass of ice, he gave Phil a quick kiss to thank him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have the same question for you that Dan had for Phil: "You don't think I'm teasing you, do you?"  
> It won't happen in the next chapter, but soon, I promise...  
> I hope this sort of steamy chapter will suffice until then <3


	14. Chapter 14

_Kitsune fact: Supposedly "moshi-moshi" was a particularly difficult tongue-twister for them, so unless you want to be mistaken for a fox, make sure you never say "moshi" just once. But the best defense against foxes is to have a dog. Foxes are said to be terrified of dogs because dogs aren't fooled by illusions. They will bark and let everyone know what's up, sometimes even causing the fox to lose its human form. Dogs were also even used in cures for possession…It's not a bad idea to be nice to foxes if you can, because they can be grateful (and given everything they are capable of, you probably would rather have them on your side). [https://www.tofugu.com/japan/kitsune-yokai-fox/]_

 

  
           

Phil was finding it difficult to go a day without seeing Dan, so while he was walking Rotty he took a detour by the coffeeshop where Dan worked. He was hoping to steal a moment with him at the counter while he ordered a drink, but he was thrilled to see Dan outside, the only person seated at the outdoor area on this chilly afternoon. “Dan!” he shouted as he jogged over to him, the dog bounding happily at his side. “Are you on your lunch break?”

“Yeah. Hey!” He stiffened as he saw that Phil wasn’t alone. “Oh, you brought…” Dan rose from his chair and backed up a step.

Phil tightened his grip on the leash, but Rotty was sniffing at the sidewalk and hadn’t seemed to notice Dan yet. He looked between his boyfriend standing stiffly with his back against the wall of the coffeeshop and then back to the passively snuffling dog. “Dan, are you frightened of him?”

Dan shrugged slightly, seeming scared of doing something that would attract the dog’s attention. “I love dogs, but they don’t love me.” He glanced at the coffeeshop where his coworkers could be seen bustling through the window, and then he looked back to Phil. He nodded. “Would you walk around the side of the building with me? If this doesn’t go well, I don’t want anyone to see.”

“Okay.” He continued to hold tightly onto the dog, who hadn’t paid Dan any attention yet. “Will you tell me what’s wrong? What do you think is going to happen?”

“Dogs don’t like kitsune. They sense the fox in us and they can reveal what we are. If this dog does that, I don’t want anyone to see but you.” They stopped walking in the empty alley beside the coffeeshop.

“I’m sorry,” Phil said. “I wouldn’t have come here with him if I knew.”

Dan looked at the dog with a smile. “I wish he liked me. I’d love to give him a pat.”

Phil glanced at Rotty. The dog was sitting beside Phil’s leg, and he looked at Dan with amber eyes. Phil might have imagined it, but it seemed like the dog’s eyes widened slightly as he focused on Dan and his orange eyebrows rose. Phil looked at Dan. “What is it that dogs don’t like about you? Do you smell different?”

Dan shrugged. “My grandma said they can see through our illusions and sense our true nature.”

“You have a good nature, though.” Phil crouched beside the dog and petted him as he spoke in a soft voice. “Rotty, do you remember Dan? You weren’t very nice to him once. Do you want to try saying ‘hello’ properly this time? He’s a good person, I promise.” Phil smiled up at Dan, who looked eager but hesitant. “I know this went horrible last time, but if you really want to do this I think it might be okay. Rotty is a sweet dog and he usually obeys me.”

“I want to try.” Dan knelt before them and held out his hand to the dog. “Hello there. Hi. Are you a good boy?”

Phil kept a tight grip on the dog’s collar. The dog leaned forward to sniff the back of Dan’s hand. The dog was leaning against Phil’s side, so he felt it when the dog started to growl softly. Dan heard it too, and he gave a soft gasp. He didn’t pull his hand back since a sudden movement might startle the dog, but a white tail appeared behind him. “Dan?” Phil asked.

“Can’t help it, sorry,” Dan whispered. He focused on the dog. “Please like me. I know I’m weird, but I really like you and I want to be your friend. Rotty, please.” Then the dog licked a stripe across the back of Dan’s hand. Dan laughed in surprise and beamed at Phil. “Do you think he’d let me pet him, or am I pressing my luck?”

“Try it. I’m holding his collar. I won’t let him go this time.” Phil took a calming breath. He was a bit nervous, but he knew the dog would be able to sense it if he let his anxiety get to him, so he just lost himself in the beauty of this moment. Dan’s eyes were shining with a bright and childlike glee as he reached for the dog. The dog watched his hand carefully, but he had stopped growling and he allowed Dan to stroke the top of his head.

“Oh, he’s so soft,” Dan exclaimed. He looked like he was about to start crying. “It’s been years since I got to pet a dog. A friend of mine had a puppy that I used to play with. It would bite me sometimes, but I didn’t care. When the puppy grew up though, it didn’t like me anymore. This is so amazing.”

Phil didn’t know what to say – all he wanted to do was hug Dan – but he stayed quiet and let Dan enjoy this moment. It wasn’t long before Dan glanced wistfully back to the coffeeshop. “I think my lunch break is over.”

“You have to go?” Phil asked.

Dan nodded and stood up. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and in the next moment his white tail disappeared. He opened his eyes and smiled at Phil. “Thanks for that. That made my day.”

Phil glanced at the dog, who had Dan fixed with a suspicious and unblinking gaze, but he didn’t look like he was going to attack. Phil released his collar and stood up so that he could approach Dan. “You make my day everyday, so you’re welcome.” He leaned in to give Dan a quick kiss goodbye.

 

 

Phil had been hoping to see Dan for dinner that night, but Dan was working a late shift, so Phil bought himself a small pizza for dinner and settled onto his couch to eat it while watching TV. He was flicking through the channels when a voice said, “Oh, what was that? Can you go back a channel?”

Phil started to choke on the bite of pizza that he had just taken, and he had to take a sip of his drink to swallow. “Oh. Hi, Adam. You startled me.” He obligingly changed the channel back to a documentary-style tv series where archaeologists were unearthing secrets about a lost civilization. “You like this type of show?”

Adam nodded. He was sitting on the sofa beside Phil with his knees pulled up to his chest. “I wanted to be an archaeologist. I hadn’t told mum and dad yet, but I was planning on changing my Major to archaeology when I… when this happened to me.”

Phil’s heart broke for the spirit and he didn’t know what to say.

Adam saw something in Phil’s expression, and he gave him a wobbly smile. “Hey, it’s not all bad. Now that I’m like this, I can go to museums all I like. I can be invisible if I want, so I get to slip into all the cool exhibits that are closed to the public.”

“That’s… a nice way of looking at it. If you want, you can come over and watch this channel on my tv anytime you want.”

Adam nodded. He rubbed his nose and looked away. “Hey, do me a favor? Don’t tell Dan that you saw me like this. I don’t want him to know that I miss my old life. It would just make him sad. That’s why whenever he’s around I always act so…” Adam shrugged, unable to come up with a word for how he acted around Dan.

Phil nodded, and they lapsed into silence, listening to the tv.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since this was a bit of a shorter chapter, I'm going to post another chapter late tomorrow.  
> Also, this fic is about to reach 1000 hits. I'm so excited, thank you so much!


	15. Chapter 15

_Kitsune fact:_ _Shrines are dedicated to kitsune, where devotees can leave offerings. Fox spirits are said to be particularly fond of a fried sliced tofu called aburage, which is accordingly found in the noodle-based dishes kitsune udon and kitsune soba. Similarly, Inari-zushi is a type of sushi named for Inari that consists of rice-filled pouches of fried tofu._ _[_ _https://littlespacefox.weebly.com/kitsune-mythology.html_ _/]_

 

 

 

Dan’s phone buzzed and he checked the message, smiling when he saw it was from Phil.

 _Hey :) Are you awake?_ Phil asked.

 _no i am writing this to you in my sleep zzz,_ Dan replied as he smirked.

_Oh, you’re asleep are you? I’ve always wanted to talk to someone while they were asleep._

_why what do you want to say,_ Dan asked.

 _I’ve heard that you can suggest things to people when they are asleep, which will influence their behavior when they wake up,_ Phil answered.

 _and what would you suggest to me,_ Dan asked.

_I’ll do it right now: Have dinner with Phil. There! Your behavior has been influenced and when you wake up you’ll have the urge to show up at my place tonight ;)_

_oh really? :D okay, what will we be having for dinner_

Phil’s response came after a delay, as if he was hesitant to ask something. _Dan, I hope this doesn’t offend you, but I was wondering if you eat sushi. You know, since you said you can’t eat cooked meat because of the smell._

Dan thought about it. He hadn’t eaten sushi since becoming a vegetarian, but he used to love it. As he considered it, he didn’t think that sushi would bother his stomach in the way that meat did, so he told Phil, _sushi sounds great thank you_  

They then made plans for dinner that night at Phil’s apartment.

When Adam materialized in his bedroom not long later – Adam had been coming around more since they got on better terms – Dan started to formulate a plan. As his brother drifted around the room, idly criticizing Dan’s sense of style, Dan bit his lip as he thought how to ask this. Finally, he worked up the courage. “Adam, would you show me how to do an illusion?”

He had expected a snide remark, but Adam turned around to face him with a grin. “Of course. I thought you’d never ask.”

 

 

Dan took a deep breath to steady himself as he stood on the threshold of Phil’s apartment. Then he knocked. Phil opened the door almost immediately and he pulled Dan into the apartment. “I’ve got something to show you!” Phil exclaimed as he led Dan to the kitchen.

Dan’s jaw dropped as he saw the meal spread across the kitchen counter. Phil had gone completely overboard, and this was not what Dan had expected when he agreed to sushi for dinner. “This is too much,” he said. “I can tell you spent a lot of money on this…”

“Don’t worry about it. I wanted tonight to be special.” Phil waved away the expense as they looked down at the plates. Phil started pointing to the dishes. “In case you changed your mind about eating fish, that’s a vegetable roll with cucumber, avocado, and cream cheese. The one next to it is a spicy tuna roll. That one over there is a rainbow roll with crab, tuna, avocado, and cucumber. This one is a crunch roll with tuna, seaweed, and tempura. The last one is a dragon roll with eel, crab, cucumber, and avocado. Oh, and I also got some inari.”

Dan jumped at the word. “You got some what?”

“These.” Phil pointed to a plate of something covered with breading. “They’re fried tofu filled with rice and carrot strips. Dan, what is it? You got really pale for a second.”

“Sorry, I’m fine. The name just startled me.”

Phil’s eyes widened. “Was that the name of the god who we saw a statue of?”

Dan nodded as he looked at the inari on the plate. “I didn’t realize there was a type of sushi named after him, but it makes sense. Inari was the god of rice cultivation. I don’t know anything else about Japanese gods. I only know a little about Inari because I’ve read about him in association to kitsune. The books claimed that some kitsune follow him and work as his messengers; they’re called Myobu and Zenko kitsune.”

Phil nodded. “Are your family either of those things?”

“No,” Dan shook his head. “My dad and grandma are Yako kitsune. My brother is a Reiko kitsune. My mum is a Gumiho, which is a bit different from a kitsune. I’m nothing in particular yet, just a kitsune.” Dan shifted uncomfortably, wanting to change the subject. He looked back to the food spread across the counter top. “I can’t believe how beautiful this looks. Food should not look this pretty.”

Phil grinned as he accepted the change of subject with ease. “I know, right? It’s too pretty to eat. Did you want to grab a stool? We can eat right here.”

As Dan sat, he turned his head to hide a smile. Phil was far too nice. It was obvious that he was more than curious about this part of Dan’s life, but he never pushed too hard to make Dan open up. It made Dan want to do something for him in return, which was why he had asked for Adam’s help earlier.

Phil placed two plates before them and also some bowls of ginger, wasabi, and soy sauce. There was an open bottle of wine and some glasses on the counter already. Phil held up some utensils as a choice before Dan, “Silverware or chopsticks?” Dan selected the chopsticks while Phil gave himself the silverware. “I always end up just stabbing things with chopsticks when I use them. I hope you won’t judge me.”

“Never,” Dan said with a grin. He felt so at ease with Phil that he finally worked up the courage to say, “Can I show you something?”

When Phil nodded, Dan closed his eyes. He focused in the way that Adam had shown him. He had practiced this in his room with his brother’s help, and it had worked. He thought that this would be so much easier to do in front of Phil, since he always felt relaxed around him, but Dan hit a wall.

He opened his eyes, seeing that a lone cherry blossom was drifting through the air to land on the counter beside Phil’s plate. Phil’s eyes were wide. “That was so cool.”

As they watched, the cherry blossom vanished from existence. “There was supposed to be more,” Dan said. “Something else was supposed to happen.”

“That was amazing, Dan. Really.” They started eating, but they were both quiet and distracted. Eventually, Phil broke the silence. “I meant what I said the other day. You don’t have to put on a magic show for me. I find you interesting without it.”

Dan nodded, but he kept his eyes on his food. “I know. I believed you, but I wanted to do something for you anyway. I just… There’s an issue I have, and I thought I was over it, but I guess I’m not.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Phil asked.

Dan took a bite of inari while he thought, but he nodded. Dan started slowly, “Something happened when I was a kid. I was six or seven when I was playing on the front lawn. I was doing an illusion – I don’t remember what – and I didn’t think anyone would see, but some older kids walking by saw me. They came into the yard and demanded that I show them how to do what they thought was a magic trick. I couldn’t do it and they kept insisting, even when I started to cry. They wouldn’t leave me alone and they wouldn’t let me go into my house. I got scared, and my tail appeared. They called me a freak and kicked me in the stomach.”

“Oh, Dan…” Phil sighed. He reached out to place his hand on Dan’s on the counter top, and he gave the hand a squeeze. “I’m so sorry.”

“It was okay. My grandma heard and came out of the house to save me. She chased them off. My ribs were bruised, but I was okay. Really.” He gave Phil a wobbly smile, but it wasn’t very convincing based on the look Phil gave him. He dropped the smile. “That was one of the last times I tried to do an illusion, until today. I’ve been…”

He doesn’t need to say what he’s been. Phil understood, and he pulled Dan into a hug. Dan fell to pieces and cried against Phil’s shoulder while Phil rubbed his back and murmured soothing things. As Dan calmed, he felt a wound he hadn’t realized was still opened finally begin to heal inside of him. His eyes were still closed as Phil held him, and Dan tried to focus once more on the illusion that Adam had helped him with.

Phil gasped, and Dan pulled away from him. His cheeks were still wet, but Dan was smiling as he dried them. He looked behind them to where Phil was staring. A blooming cherry blossom tree was growing out of the floor behind them. It shifted in a noncorporeal breeze, raining them with pink petals. Phil poked at a petal that landed on his knee, and then he beamed at Dan. “You’re incredible.”

“Thanks,” Dan said with a blush. “For everything.”

 

 

Later, once they had finished their dinner and stored the leftovers in the fridge, Phil asked, “Can you stay longer? We could watch a movie.”

Dan bit his lip, hesitating before saying, “I’d like to stay later. Actually, if it was okay I was wondering if I could spend the night.”

Phil stared at him with wide eyes. Then he lunged forward to give him a kiss, making Dan giggle breathily against his lips in surprise. “So, you want me to stay then?” he asked.

“Yes,” Phil said. “Please.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't eat sushi (raw food freaks me out) so I had to look up sushi to write this chapter. As I was looking at the pictures and descriptions of the food, I came across the inari and was completely shaken because I hadn't read yet that there was a type of sushi named after the god :D
> 
> I hope it doesn't bother anyone that I had a vegetarian eating fish. I just really wanted to write this scene, and I didn't have the character compromise his values, so I hope this is okay.


	16. Chapter 16

_Kitsune fact: The kitsune's greatest power is that of illusion. If a kitsune wished, he could make a human see almost anything…most cannot tell when they are being enchanted by the illusions of a kitsune, often because the kitsune will manifest something the person desires to see and so does not wish to disbelieve in it. A kitsune's illusions may even extend to smell, taste, even touch. A person wrapped up in the kitsune's glamour may not be able to tell the difference between the illusion and reality because it is so real. [https://www.unexplained-mysteries.com/forum/topic/77991-the-kitsune/]_

 

  
           

As Dan found himself lying on his back once more while Phil was on top of him kissing him, he was enjoying himself much more than the last time. Phil now knew so much about him, and he still liked him. Dan didn’t have to waste any concentration on keeping his tail hidden – which was currently lying beside him on the bed – and he could just enjoy this moment.

Phil pulled away and his eyes roved over Dan. “Could I take your shirt off? I want to see more of you.”

“Only if yours comes off, too,” Dan requested, and he was rewarded with the sight of pale skin lightly dusted with dark hairs. He ran a hand across Phil’s chest, admiring it, and then he unbuttoned his own shirt. He had expected Phil to just touch him, but Phil surprised him by leaning in, and Dan gasped when he felt Phil’s lips close over his nipple.

Phil leaned away at the sound. “Was that okay?”

“Yes, you just startled me,” Dan said with a breathy laugh.

Phil bit his bottom lip, hesitating. “About what you said before… I’m your first boyfriend. Have you ever been with anyone before?”

Dan had wanted to gloss over this point and keep going, but he had to admit, “I haven’t. I never let anyone get close to me before you. I never _wanted_ to be close to anyone before you.”

Phil hummed in understanding and he got a faraway look in his eyes as he thought about something. His fingertips were resting against the bare skin of Dan’s side, and they moved idly while he thought, making Dan’s skin tingle. Finally, Phil looked at Dan and he said, “I want you, but I don’t want to rush you into doing anything you’ll regret.”

“I want this, too. I won’t regret this,” Dan insisted. “Please keep going.”

Phil stripped off their jeans, leaving them in just their pants, and then they settled back into place with Phil kneeling between Dan’s legs. He ran a hand across Dan’s smooth chest, saying, “You’re so beautiful.”

“You must not be wearing your contacts,” Dan said, and he shook his head at the look Phil gave him. “You’re the one who is beautiful.”

Phil smiled and leaned in to give him a kiss. He didn’t linger for long on Dan’s lips, and Dan moaned as the kisses trailed down his neck, then across his heaving chest, and finally across his soft stomach. Phil pillowed his cheek on Dan’s belly as he looked up, and asked, “Would you like me to keep going?”

Dan didn’t trust his voice, so he just nodded and watched in wonder as Phil removed his boxer-briefs to reveal that he was already getting hard. As Phil lowered his mouth onto him, Dan closed his eyes to better appreciate the sensation. By the time he was gasping and writhing under the treatment Phil was giving him, he put a hand on Phil’s shoulder and said, “Wait, I don’t want to come yet.”

Phil pulled off with a _pop_ and smiled. “What else do you want me to do to you?”

“For a start, take your pants off please,” Dan requested. He was surprised to see Phil flush a bit at the suggestion – Phil was really adorable – but he obeyed and tossed his pants onto the floor with the rest of their clothes. Phil was also hard, and Dan looked over him admiringly. They were both large and about the same size; Dan was just a bit longer and Phil was just a bit thicker. Phil seemed to be waiting, and Dan remembered the question that he had been asked. He reached out to stroke Phil. “I want you inside me.”

Phil leaned forward to kiss him again, and they both quivered as their fully unclothed bodies connected. A few moments later, Phil was trying to continue kissing Dan while reaching blindly into his bedside drawer, and Dan giggled at his silliness. Finally, Phil located a bottle in the drawer. Dan saw that it was lube and he watched as Phil drizzled it onto his fingertips. Phil ran his other hand across Dan’s thigh and asked, “Can I use this on you?”

Dan nodded and opened his legs wider. He wrinkled his nose when he felt a fingertip being pressed into him.   
  
Phil laughed and when Dan flushed, he leaned forward to kiss the tip of Dan's nose. "Sorry for laughing. You just looked so cute when you scrunched up your nose like that. Does this feel weird?" he asked as he moved his finger in Dan. 

"A bit," Dan admitted with a nod. "Should it feel good?"

"It will. I'll make sure you feel good."  
  
Dan gasped as Phil inserted a second finger, and then his gasps became soft moans as Phil started to scissor him open. He was looking at Phil through heavy-lidded eyes, and he saw when Phil glanced back to the bedside drawer that was still slightly open, and Dan could guess what was in that drawer. “You don’t need to wear a condom if you’re clean. I want to feel you come inside me.”

Phil groaned in response, and his cock twitched. “I want you so badly.”

Dan felt ready, so he put his hands on Phil’s hips and tugged him closer. “Then come here. I’m yours.” He watched in fascination as his words made Phil shiver.

“One second, I need to…” Phil withdrew his fingers from Dan’s body, making him whimper, but he knew that he wouldn’t be empty for long. Phil coated his length in lube and then he leaned over Dan, supporting his weight on his elbows. “Are you ready? You want me to?”

“Yes,” Dan said as he shifted his hips to what seemed like it would be a better angle. Then he felt Phil pressing into him, and he bit his bottom lip to hold in a noise.

“Don’t do that,” Phil said as he stroked Dan’s cheek. He had stopped moving forward. “Talk to me. Let me know what you’re feeling. I don’t want to go any further until you’re ready.”

“Okay,” Dan said, and they went slowly. Dan’s hesitant words became a babble as Phil sunk further and further into his body, and then they started moving when Dan felt ready. His ability to speak left him though when Phil brushed against the bundle of nerves inside him, and all he could do was moan.

As Phil continued to thrust inside of him, he felt Phil's hands running all over his body, across his neck, his chest, down his sides before finally gripping his thighs. Dan felt like he was being worshiped, and that in combination with the fact that Phil's cock was brushing against his prostate was slowing pushing him over the edge. As the pleasure continued to build and he felt an orgasm creeping up his spine, Dan had to reach between them and squeeze the base of his cock to stop from coming. He didn't want it to be over yet.

“You’re close?” Phil asked in a breathy whisper. Dan could only groan in response as Phil was still pounding into him, but Phil understood. “I am, too. I’m not going to last much longer.” His thrusts were becoming erratic, and the arms that were supporting his weight were trembling.

Phil moved his face closer to Dan’s, trailing his nose across his cheek until he found Dan’s mouth. They were both breathing too heavily to deepen the kiss, but Phil’s mouth was on his when Dan felt Phil’s cock twitch inside him, which was followed by a rush of hot liquid. The sensation made his own erection pulse in his hand, and he released against his stomach. Phil’s face was above his, watching as Dan shuddered through his orgasm.

Phil gave him a lingering kiss before pulling out in a motion that made Dan grunt. “Are you okay? I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“No,” Dan said with a sigh. “Quite the opposite. That was amazing.”

“Oh, good. I thought so.” Phil flopped beside him on a pillow and closed his eyes. “Mmmh, sleepy.”

“You’re such a guy,” Dan said with a laugh, as he reached for a box of tissues on the bedside table. He dried his sticky stomach and tossed the tissues into the trash bin.

“I love you,” Phil said in a sigh.

Dan stiffened. With his heart pounding, he slowly turned to Phil only to see that Phil’s eyes were still closed, his breathing had evened, and he wasn’t waiting for a response. He had fallen asleep. Dan wanted to run, but he made himself sit on the bed for a few moments until he was sure that Phil had fallen into a deep sleep. Then he slowly slipped out of the bed, ignoring the feeling of Phil’s cum running down his legs as he gathered his clothes.

As he stood in the doorway, he had only intended to glance to see that Phil was still asleep, but he found himself staring for a long time as his heart squeezed in his chest. He swayed in the doorway, made indecisive by a desire to climb back into the warmth of Phil’s bed and to wrap his arms around him, but no. He had to leave. This was what was best for Phil, so he ran.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger. I promise that everything will be explained in the next chapter.
> 
> I still feel awkward writing smut. Please reassure me if you think I did a decent job...


	17. Chapter 17

_Kitsune fact: A kitsune's emotions are a weapon against a kitsune. Sorrow or guilt can paralyze them, and in the most extreme, it can kill them. A kitsune can be blinded from the darker side of a person by being treated well, and will be loathe to harm or work against those they have declared friends. [http://blackpawproductions.tripod.com/KitsuneClan/kitinfo.htm]_

 

  
           

Phil reached before him, but the sheets he touched were cold. He blinked and his eyes were scratchy, since he had fallen asleep in his contact lenses. He saw that his bed was empty, though it still smelled like Dan, so he knew that last night hadn’t been a dream. He glanced at the clock and saw that it was just after 9am – he hadn’t set an alarm because this was his day off. Thinking that Dan might be in another room, he called, “Dan?”

There was no response, so Phil got up to check the apartment, but it was empty and the cherry blossom tree from last night had vanished. He returned to the bedroom, just to be sure that Dan’s clothes weren’t on the floor anymore. He was gone.

Phil sat on the edge of the bed for a moment as he thought, trying to determine what he had done wrong last night that would make Dan leave, but he couldn’t recall anything. Dan had seemed happy. Did he regret the sex once it was over?

All that was clear was that he had to talk to Dan. This seemed to fit with his pattern of behavior – whenever they got closer, Dan ran. Phil had decided that he was prepared to chase him anywhere.

 

 

As Phil approached the funeral home, he saw Dan sitting on the porch swing, rocking idly. He froze when he saw Phil coming, but he waited. As Phil walked up the steps of the porch, he saw that Dan’s eyes were red-rimmed. Had he been crying? Phil’s stomach twisted as he wondered what had gone wrong last night. 

Phil waved to the spot on the swing beside Dan. “Can I sit down?”

Dan slid down the bench to make room for Phil to sit. “Sure, but you know you’re weird, don’t you? People of our generation usually text instead of making social calls.”

Phil stiffened and looked away. “Did you not want to see me?”

“I… I suppose I had to see you. I owe you an explanation. Do you know why I left?” He continued when Phil shook his head, “I left because of what you said when you were falling asleep.”

Phil bit his lip as he thought about it, but he shook his head. “I don’t remember. The last thing I remember is asking you if I hurt you. I didn’t, did I? I’m sorry.”

“No,” Dan shook his head fervently. “You didn’t hurt me. It was just what you said.”

“What did I say? I don’t remember, but I’m so sorry.”

“It wasn’t anything bad, don’t worry, but it made me realize something. I can’t do this.” Dan’s voice quavered, and Phil watched in stunned silence as tears started rolling down Dan’s cheeks. “It’s not fair to you. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Phil wrapped his arms around Dan, who cried against his shoulder. He rubbed Dan’s back soothingly as he insisted, “You’re not going to hurt me. Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Let me go,” Dan pleaded, but his arms were wrapped tightly around Phil. “Please let me go. Just forget me.”

Phil had been prepared to pull away from the hug, but he realized that Dan wasn’t asking to be released physically. Phil shook his head. “I’m not leaving you without an explanation. Tell me what’s wrong.”

Dan sobbed harder against Phil’s shoulder, and it was getting difficult to understand what he was saying, but Phil caught the words, “hurt you” and “bad for you.”

Phil shook his head. “You’re not. Please, Dan, I don’t understand what’s wrong.”

Dan sniffled and pulled back, wiping his cheeks. “There’s something I can show you. After you see this, you won’t want anything to do with me anymore.”

“Show me,” Phil said, though he already knew that nothing Dan could show him would make him feel this way.

Dan was still hiccupping with the occasional sob, so they made their way carefully into the house, since Dan didn’t want to run into anyone who might be home. Phil was surprised when their journey ended in the kitchen, but as he thought about it this made sense, given how odd Dan had been about the fridge. He leaned against the counter, waiting for Dan to show him something, and Dan opened the fridge.

At first, Phil didn’t see anything odd, but as Dan retrieved a clear plastic container Phil noticed that there were an unusual number of similar containers of bloody meat in the fridge. Dan brought the container he was holding closer, and he placed it on the counter so that Phil could examine it.

Phil didn’t touch it, but he tilted his head to peer through the side of the container at the piece of meat. “What is it?”

“Human liver.”

Phil shivered and resisted the urge to take a step away from the container. He took a calming breath. The first thought that came to mind was that serial killers keep meat in their fridges, but he didn’t want that to be true about Dan’s family. He focused on where they were standing, and he asked, “Is it from the bodies downstairs? Tell me it’s not from someone who was killed.”

Dan’s eyes widened. “No one was killed. My dad removed it from a body before embalming it.”

Phil nodded and focused on evening his breathing. “Oh, okay. So, why did he do that?”

“Remember how I told you my mum isn’t a kitsune? She’s a gumiho?” When Phil nodded Dan continued, “She needs to eat liver. She wastes away and dies if she doesn’t.”

Phil nodded his head. He thought that this was something he could wrap his mind around. It was like organ donation, and no one was being harmed. “Okay, I think that this is something I can handle. Was there anything else?”

Dan nodded and looked away. “When my brother and I were kids, Mum thought that we were gumiho like her. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Silence fell in the kitchen as Phil processed this information while Dan waited. Finally, Phil said, “Oh God, Dan. That’s why you hate the smell of cooked meat. You poor thing.”

Dan stared at him in shock. He whispered, “You feel sorry for me? You’re not disgusted by me?”

“It wasn’t your fault that you ate it. You were a kid and you didn’t know, right?”

Dan shook his head, and he had started crying again. As he sniffled, he returned the container to the fridge. He turned around and looked at Phil like he didn’t believe he was real. “I only found out last year what I was eating. I… Oh, Phil, is this really something you can look past? You still want me?”

“Of course I want you,” Phil insisted, but this only made Dan cry harder.

As Dan tried to control himself, he managed to say, “Let’s go to my room. I don’t want someone to hear this.”

Dan led Phil to his room, and Phil sat on the bed while Dan closed the door. Dan flopped on the bed and pulled a pillow against his chest, which seemed to calm him a bit. Phil stretched out on the bed, resting his head against the other pillow while he watched Dan. He asked, “Dan, what’s wrong? Please talk to me.”

Dan shook his head, but he said, “You and I have an expiration date. I should have told you sooner, but I didn’t think you would feel for me what you do – no one ever has before.”

Phil’s heart was pounding as he asked, “Are you sick?”

Dan shrugged. “No, but this isn’t much better. I’m turning 21 in a couple weeks. When that happens, I’ll be different. I won’t be just a kitsune anymore. I could turn into what Adam has become. Actually, I’m pretty sure that’s what will happen to me. I’m fucking damned. We both are after what our mother made us eat. I know it.”

“You’re not damned.” Phil took a calming breath. “So, if I understand this correctly, there are several different things that could happen when you’re 21, and that’s the worst-case scenario: you could become a spirit like Adam. Something else could happen though, right? It might not be that bad?”

“Yes,” Dan admitted in a whisper as he closed his eyes. “I’m so scared, Phil.”

Phil wrapped his arms around Dan, who was still hugging the pillow. “It’s going to be okay. I promise.”

“You should let me go. Just leave me,” Dan begged, but it was a futile plea, the last moment of struggle before he relented and accepted the comfort that Phil was offering.

Phil hugged him tighter. “Never.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I have finally revealed the central conflict of the story! What do you think? If you have read the prologue carefully, taken note of Dan's age, and caught what Dan hinted at on the London Eye, then hopefully this doesn't seem to have come out of nowhere. This conflict is another twist I've taken on the lore.  
> I came up with this idea when I was reading about the different types of kitsune. Kitsune is the general word for them, but there are different categories within this: good foxes, bad foxes, spirit foxes, etc. (There are different sub categories within this even where kitsune are tied to elements. For example, a kitsune might be a Fire Reiko kitsune. However, this gets complicated in relation to their powers and the fact that they live near this element to get their power, so I am omitting this elemental sub-category for simplicity's sake).  
> So, in my research I couldn't find any reason for how, when, and why a normal kitsune becomes a specialized type of kitsune. Why are some of them "good" foxes and others are "bad" foxes? So, I decided that it would be another thing that happens with age. There are already so many things in the lore where age is tied to the kitsune's power. If I were strictly following the lore at the moment, as a 20-year-old Dan would currently not have a human shape -- he would be stuck looking like a fox until he was 75 or 100 years old and had earned a few tails, but I decided not to do this for 2 reasons: 1) he'd be an old pervert dating Phil at that age and 2) I didn't want to write about shape shifting.  
> So, this is the basis for my decision in deciding that something significant would happen on Dan's 21st birthday. Let me know if this is confusing and I'll do my best to answer any questions in the comments.


	18. Chapter 18

_Kitsune fact: No two Kitsune are exactly alike, and all of them are complex characters. Their high intelligence and boundless creativity make them hard to predict. Still, they can be broadly split into two groups: the zenko and the yako._ _The zenko are good foxes who serve Inari, the goddess of rice and prosperity…The yako are bad foxes. While zenko foxes can be mischievous, yako foxes can be downright destructive. [https://mythology.net/japanese/japanese-creatures/kitsune/]_

 

  
           

As Dan’s breathing evened, Phil realized that he had fallen asleep. Phil rolled away from him, being careful to not wake him. Dan’s lovely face was blotchy from crying, but he looked peaceful, which made Phil smile. He hoped that Dan would have nice dreams.

Then a movement caught his eye, and Phil looked across the room. Adam was standing there. Phil was glad to see him, and he cautiously climbed out of the bed without waking Dan, and whispered, “Could I talk to you in another room?”

Adam nodded, and Phil left the room after one more glance to make sure that Dan was still asleep. As they entered the hall, Phil saw Dan’s grandmother, who smiled over her shoulder at him as she went around the corner. Phil looked around for somewhere that he could talk to Adam, but Adam was drifting through a door across the hall from Dan’s, and Phil turned the doorknob, finding that it was unlocked. There was a light switch on the wall, which he flipped.

Phil looked around the room. There was dust on every surface, including a nearby stack of magazines on archaeology, so Phil assumed that this was Adam’s room. Adam was drifting around the room, his black tail twitching in agitation as he looked at his dust-coated belongings.

Adam turned around finally, smirking at Phil as he said, “It’s been a while since I’ve been in here. How is my brother? I felt him crying.”

“You felt it?” Phil asked.

Adam nodded. “When someone who loves a kitsune cries, the kitsune can feel it. That’s how my grandparents got back together after a fight actually – my grandma knew that he still loved her. So, what’s wrong with Dan? Did you two have a fight?”

“Um, no…” Phil had wanted to ask Adam for some details about what was going to happen to Dan in a couple weeks, but he realized that this might be a painful subject for Adam, since he had gone through it. Adam was staring intently at him though, so Phil had to say, “He told me what might happened on his birthday.”

Adam winced. “Oh, that. I’m glad he told you. So, are you going to stick with him through it?”

“If he lets me,” Phil said with a nod. “He keeps running away from me. Adam, could you tell me more about this thing?”

Adam nodded as he sat on his bed, though his weight made no impression on the quilt. “Sure, what do you want to know?”

There was a chair at a desk across from the bed, and Phil turned the chair around and sat on it. “Dan has been telling me that there are different types of kitsune. Your dad and grandma are one kind, you are another, and there are more. So, is there any way to foresee what Dan will become?”

Adam shrugged, but said, “We think it has something to do with what you value. Dad and Grandma have similar values – they think alike, cherish the same things, and have the same goals. So, it made sense that they’re the same kind of kitsune: yako kitsune.”

The word ‘values’ stuck out to Phil, which made him think of the god who Dan told him about. Phil said, “Dan told me about someone named Inari. There are kitsune who follow this god. Do you think they became those types of kitsune because they valued Inari?”

Adam shrugged. “Could be. Phil, the thing you have to understand about my family is that we have no idea what we’re doing. This is all guesswork. There was no one around to tell my grandma what she was since she was adopted, and she’s done the best for us that she can by giving us books. The books only help a bit though; one book offers a speculation, and the next book declares that the speculation was completely wrong. We’re all in the dark, and we can only guess what will happen to Dan when he turns 21.”

Phil nodded in understanding, but he still felt that this thing about Inari might be a lead. “Adam, do you know if there are places around here that are associated with Inari? Like a temple?” It seemed like a long shot outside of Japan, but maybe there was a Buddhist temple in London.

Adam started to shake his head, but then he stopped. “Oh! There is a place. The Victoria and Albert Museum has an exhibit. There is a room with an ancient shrine that was transported from Japan and reassembled to look like it once did – there’s even a bowl of rice under glass on the altar.”

“So, this is a shrine for Inari?”

Adam nodded, but he raised a quizzical eyebrow. “Are you going to try to get my brother to worship Inari? You really don’t know him that well, do you?”

The words hit Phil like a blow and he flinched, but he insisted, “It can’t hurt, can it?”

“I suppose…” Adam said with a shrug. He looked around the dusty room with a grimace. He rose from the bed and declared, “I’m bored.”

“Wait! I had more questions,” Phil shouted, but the spirit ignored him and drifted through the closed door. Phil sighed as he stood from the chair and left the room. He glanced up and down the hall, which was now empty, and he returned to Dan’s bedroom.

Phil had opened the door as quietly as possible, so he was surprised to see Dan sitting up in bed, rubbing his eyes. Dan blinked at his entrance and said, “I thought you left.”

Phil hurriedly crossed the room and sat on the edge of the bed. “Oh, sweetheart, I’m not going to leave.” He reached out to brush his fingers through Dan’s curly fringe, noting how Dan’s eyes were puffy and he looked fragile, like he might fall apart again at any moment. “How do you feel?”

As Phil’s hand lingered in Dan’s hair, Dan leaned into the caress until his head was resting against Phil’s palm. His eyelids started to lower. “I’m exhausted. I don’t really feel like doing anything. I just want to stay in bed today. Phil, if you wouldn’t find it terribly boring, would you please stay with me here?”

Phil felt his heart squeeze in his chest at how vulnerable Dan looked. “Of course. I’m staying. Just let me know what you need.”

Dan looked across the room and gestured to his desk. “Um, would you mind getting my laptop? We could watch something on Netflix.”

“Sure.” Phil got the laptop and handed it to Dan. While Dan turned on the laptop, Phil crawled under the duvet beside Dan. As he inhaled Dan’s scent and felt his warmth, Phil’s body took note of the situation in light of what happened last night. Phil took a calming breath to steady himself, and he was able to stop his body from responding before Dan noticed anything. Then Phil asked, “What do you want to watch?”

“Something light and upbeat,” Dan said with a shrug. “Do you like _Friends?”_

“I love it,” Phil said with a smile. Once Dan had started the pilot, Phil said, “Here, let me hold the laptop.” Phil placed the laptop on the duvet above his stomach, and he wrapped an arm around Dan. He was wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt, and his body was soft against Phil’s.

Dan gasped softly, but allowed Phil to pull him closer, and he rested his head on Phil’s shoulder. “Are you sure that this isn’t too boring for you?”

“No, _shhh._ Just relax.” His arm was still around Dan, and he gave him a squeeze.

Dan melted against him, and by the second episode Phil realized that Dan had fallen asleep as the weight of his warm body settled against him. Phil had never felt so comfortable. He continued to watch the show, though he lowered the volume so that it didn’t wake Dan. It was a few hours before Dan stirred. He got up to use the bathroom, and then he returned, slipping under the sheets. Dan said, “Sorry, I didn’t realize that I had fallen asleep.”

“It’s okay. You needed the rest.” Phil started running his fingers through Dan’s curls, and this time Dan settled his head on Phil’s chest.

Dan sighed and murmured, “You smell good.”

Phil made a contented sound, and they stayed like this for a couple more hours, watching Friends until there was a knock on Dan’s bedroom door. The person knocking didn’t wait for a response before opening the door.

“Oh, hi,” Dan’s mother said as she peaked through the door. Dan sat up in bed and Phil pulled the duvet up higher on his chest, wishing it were socially acceptable to pull it over his head and hide from the intent dark eyes that fixed on him. Dan’s mum said, “Dan, will your friend be staying for dinner?”

“Uh,” Dan glanced at him, and Phil gave a slight nod of his head, showing that he wanted to stay. “Yes, Mum, if that’s okay with you.”

“Of course. Dinner will be ready in about a half hour.” She left and closed the door behind her.

Phil bit his lip as he contemplated a question, but after everything he had learned today he didn’t think that this would offend Dan. He closed the laptop and asked, “Dan, is she your biological mother. Not your stepmother or…?”

Dan smiled and shook his head. “I meant to explain earlier. Yeah, she’s my biological mother. She looks young because of what she eats – it’s a gumiho thing. She’s actually eight years older than my dad. That’s why she had hoped that my brother and I were gumiho. She’s probably going to outlive us all.”

Phil nodded and made a sound of understanding. His mother was protective as well, but it was hard to picture her doing the same thing that Dan’s mum had done. It seemed a bit selfish, and Phil was having trouble sympathizing with her after seeing the damage that her actions had had on Dan.

“I still can’t believe it,” Dan said. As Phil returned his attention to the moment, he saw that Dan was staring intently at him. “You know everything about me now, and you’re still here.”

Phil placed a kiss on Dan’s forehead. “Believe it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next few chapters are some of my favorites, so I'm so excited to post them :)
> 
> How do you think Phil's plan to visit the shrine will go?


	19. Chapter 19

_Kitsune fact: They are often tricksters, with motives that vary from mischief to malevolence, but some act as faithful guardians, friends, lovers, and even wives. Stories depict them as intelligent beings and as possessing magical abilities that increase with their age and wisdom. Limitations: Carelessness and/or drunkenness may reveal true form. [http://powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Kitsune_Physiology]_

 

  
           

After Phil leaned back from placing a kiss on Dan’s forehead, Dan found himself hating the space between them. Ignoring the fact that he should be getting out of bed and changing out of his pjs, he snuggled once more against Phil’s side. He felt Phil chuckle softly as he placed his cheek on Phil’s chest, and Dan closed his eyes. Dan sighed, “I don’t want to get up. I want to stay here with you.”

Phil ran his fingers through Dan’s hair. “Do you want me to tell your mum we won’t be coming downstairs? Maybe I can bring our dinner up here.”

Dan shook his head. “No, I’m being stupid. It’s not like I’m sick. There’s no reason why I can’t get out of bed.”

“It’s not stupid. Everyone has bad days. You needed this time to rest so that you could feel like yourself again.”

He squeezed his arm around Phil tighter. “Thanks for understanding. I’ve just been so stressed and today overwhelmed me. I feel so much better already.” He rolled his head so that he could see Phil’s face. “I feel up to going downstairs, but Phil… I know you didn’t expect to get stuck with me all day. Did you want to go home after dinner?”

Phil’s eyes widened, and Dan wasn’t used to seeing them so close, so he got lost for a moment in memorizing the placement of the yellow flecks in his blue-green irises. Phil shook his head. “I don’t want to leave. If you want me to, I’m staying. There is nowhere that I would rather be than right here.”

“Thank you,” Dan said with a smile. Then he slipped out of bed and walked to his wardrobe. As he opened it and looked through his clothes, he said, “My mum will be annoyed if I go to dinner dressed like this.”

Phil made an understanding noise while Dan selected a black t-shirt and skinny jeans. He didn’t comment as Dan changed his shirt, but his breathing became distinctly heavier when Dan slipped the sweatpants down his legs.

Dan snickered since he surprised Phil with the fact that he wasn’t wearing anything under the sweatpants. He shook his head, smiling in amusement at the flush on Phil’s cheeks. “Come on, nothing you haven’t seen before.”

Phil groaned. “I could look at you every day for the rest of my life, and it would still have the same effect on me. I’m never going to get tired of looking at you.”

“I like looking at you, too.” He gave Phil a sad smile, since Phil didn’t seem to have taken what he had shared earlier seriously. Or maybe they just had different outlooks. Phil was an optimist who believed that they had the rest of their lives ahead of them, and Dan was a pessimist who believed that they only had two weeks. At the moment, it didn’t seem to matter since they both wanted to spend those weeks together, and Dan was sure that they were going to be the best weeks of his life.

After staring at Phil for a moment, he finally shook himself out of his thoughts and pulled on his pants and jeans. He then walked over to the mirror to attempt to arrange his curly fringe with his fingertips. There didn’t seem to be much help for it, or for the dark circles under his eyes, so he gave up with a sigh and turned to Phil. Phil was now sitting on the edge of the bed, and he was nervously chewing on his bottom lip. Dan asked, “Are you okay?”

Phil blinked in surprise and released his lip from his teeth. “I was just thinking about dinner. About the fact that this is the first time I’m going to properly talk to your family. Any advice?”

“Oh.” Dan felt his heart squeeze at the fact that despite everything else they had going on, Phil was still worried about this. It made him realize that this relationship was only working because of Phil’s effort – Phil was grounding them in the present and reality. Dan felt a rush of fondness as he sat beside Phil on the bed. He gave him a reassuring smile as he said, “I don’t want you to feel any pressure. As far as my family is aware at the moment, we’re just friends. I’ll introduce you as my boyfriend now if you’re ready, but we don’t have to do this now if you just want to have dinner with my family.”

Phil nodded. “Thanks, but I’m ready to meet them as your boyfriend. If that’s okay. Is there anything I should know?”

Dan shrugged. “My dad is an easygoing guy. Laugh at his jokes and he’ll like you. My grandma already likes you from what I’ve told her about you, and she encouraged me to date you when we were just friends.” Phil beamed at this, and Dan smiled, too. “I think you’ll like her, too. I hope you do. She’s an amazing woman.”

“I’m sure I’ll like her. What about your mum? Any advice for winning her over?”

“My mum doesn’t really like people.” Dan snorted with a realization. “I think that’s the one way that I take after her. So, just do whatever you did to win me over.”

Phil grinned. “So, I’ll just be persistent, then.”

Dan nodded. He didn’t want to say this last part, but he had to warn Phil. “Oh, and don’t eat the dark red meat that will be on the table.”

Phil paled but said, “Okay.”

 

 

When they arrived in the dining room, Dan was pleased to see that only his grandma was there. She grinned at him as they joined her at the table, and she reached out to rub his arm. “How are you, sweetie?”

He flushed a bit at her attention, knowing that because she was a kitsune and he loved her that she would be aware he had been crying for most of the day. Normally she would have come into his room to check on him, but she must have left that to Phil today. Dan gave her a grateful smile as he said, “I’m okay. Grandma, I’d like you to meet my boyfriend, Phil.”

The pair didn’t need much help from Dan to settle into a comfortable conversation after finding they had common interests in houseplants, puzzles, and board games. By the time Dan’s parents arrived in the dining room with the food, they didn’t bother Phil at all since he was deep in conversation with Grandma.

Dan was relieved to see that the liver his mum usually ate was absent, perhaps due to Phil’s presence at her table. Instead, the only things on the table were two pans of lasagna – one with meat and one without – some sliced bread, and a bottle of wine. Considering the fact that they didn’t usually eat together as a family, other than that recent night when Adam was here, his mother had really outdone herself with this dinner. She didn’t even know at the moment that Phil was more than a friend. He gave her a grateful smile across the table, and she returned it with a slight quirk of her lips, but her eyes glinted. She glanced at Phil and then back to him. Dan nodded, still smiling.  

Once dinner had been eaten and cleared from the table, Grandma brought a puzzle to the dining room, which she spread across the table. Mum had brought chocolate mousse and a second bottle of red wine to the table, but there was enough room for the puzzle as Phil and Grandma started sorting through the pieces to find the edges first. Dan helped a bit, but as he got deeper into the bottle of wine his head got fuzzy and he couldn’t focus on it.

As he was rubbing at his eyes, his dad took away his half-full glass and drained it. “Hey!” Dan pouted. “That was mine.”

His dad clicked his tongue and shook his head. “You’re too much of a lightweight. You’re not even able to hide your tail anymore.”

Dan saw that Dad was right. Dan’s white tail was swishing beside his leg, and he had to admit that he was more than a bit buzzed at the moment. Still, he was having a good time, and he settled in to watch his Grandma and Phil working on the puzzle as he rested his head on his palm with his elbow on the table.

Eventually, his elbow started sliding across the table. Dan felt himself sagging into an unusual position, but he didn’t care as he could no longer be bothered to even keep his eyes open. He heard Phil snicker. “I think we’re going to have to continue this puzzle later, Mrs. Howell. I think I’m going to help this one get to bed.”

“Call me Elspeth,” Grandma said with a chuckle. “You’re right, though. It’s time for bed.”

Dan heard chairs moving, and then someone was shaking his shoulder. He sighed and grumbled under his breath, not wanting to move. He didn’t care that the table under his cheek was hard – he wanted to sleep.

“Dan?” Someone was shaking his shoulder again. “Dan, let’s go to bed.”

The voice sounded familiar. In a sigh, he asked in a slur, “Phil?”

Phil laughed. “Yeah, it’s me.”

Dan wanted Phil more than he wanted to sleep on the table, so he sat up and wrapped his arms around Phil’s shoulders. Phil laughed again, but understood what Dan wanted as he dragged Dan to his feet. Dan wavered, but kept one arm around Phil’s shoulder, and he allowed himself to be dragged to his bedroom.

When he let go of Phil, Dan flopped onto his bed with a little _huff_. He was still sleepy, but he managed to keep his eyes open as he looked a Phil, who was standing beside the bed. He smirked at Phil. “What is it?”

Phil shook his head with a smile. “Just you. I didn’t think you could get any cuter, but seeing you tipsy like this… Your cheeks are so rosy, your lips are pouty, your voice is soft and sweet.”

He pouted his lips more, since Phil seemed to like it. “If I’m so cute, then why are you over there?”

Phil flushed. “I wasn’t sure if you still wanted me to spend the night.”

Dan held out his arms. “Come here, please.”

“Okay, but I don’t want to sleep in my jeans.” As Phil started to remove his skinny jeans, Dan tried to do the same, but he didn’t get any farther than undoing the button and zipper. “Want some help? Just with the jeans. I wouldn’t take off anything else.”

Dan nodded and raised his hips to help as Phil tugged off his jeans and tossed them to the floor. Then before Phil could do anything else, Dan grabbed Phil’s shirt and tugged. Phil crashed on top of Dan with a surprised shout. Dan grunted under the sudden weight, but he got what he wanted and he wrapped his arms around Phil to hold him in place.

Phil gave a breathy laugh. “Hey, I should turn off the light. I’m sure there’s a more comfortable position for us to sleep in, too. Will you let me go for a second?”

“Just a second,” Dan insisted as he released him. Phil rolled off him to turn off the light before snuggling against his side. Dan sighed contentedly as he wrapped his arms once more around Phil. Still, he felt his brow crease with worry and he asked in a small and uncertain voice, “Stay?”

Phil snuggled closer. “Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had an awful day and I don't feel like writing anything today; however, I felt up to editing so now I'm posting the chapter I was going to post tomorrow. Ugh, this week is not going to be fun, but AO3 is brightening my day as always. This fic has 75 kudos and is about to reach 1,500 hits, which makes me so happy. Thank you!


	20. Chapter 20

_Kitsune fact: Foxes were considered holy animals since long before recorded history began in Japan. The farmers of ancient Japan revered foxes, which preyed on the mice and rats which destroy crops. Foxes have long been associated with Inari, the god of the harvest. Inari is said to use foxes as servants and messengers, and the majority of the foxes in his employ are the holy, white-furred kind known as myōbu. Myōbu statues are commonly found at Inari shrines. [http://yokai.com/myoubu/]_

 

  
           

Phil woke to the sight of Dan tugging a black polo shirt over his head. As Dan’s head slipped through the hole and he adjusted his hair, he saw that Phil was awake and sat on the edge of the bed with a smile. “Morning,” Dan said.

“Mmmh, it’s so early.” Phil reached out for Dan’s hand and gave him a slight tug, hoping to encourage Dan to crawl back into bed. “Come here.”

Dan squeezed his hand, but he didn’t come closer. “I wish I could. I’m on the schedule at the coffeeshop today. I have to go.”

Phil frowned, realizing that he also had to go to work, but he was more worried about Dan. He looked okay – he wasn’t showing any signs of a hangover and there were no dark circles under his eyes, but Phil was still worried. “Are you sure you feel up to it?”

Dan nodded. “Thanks to you, yes. You were really great yesterday.”

“I’m glad I could help,” Phil said with a smile. “Could I see you later?”

“Yes, please,” Dan said before kissing him goodbye.

Phil thought about the museum throughout the day, and he looked up the shrine that Adam had told him about on his phone while he was walking with Rotty in the park. It was everything that he had hoped, and Phil couldn’t wait to bring Dan there – this was the solution that they had been hoping for. He knew it.

Later that night, Phil was knocking on the door of the funeral home. Dan’s family had already eaten, but Phil had waited to eat dinner with Dan. They microwaved some leftover vegetable lasagna and ate while leaning against the kitchen counter, chatting comfortably. Phil waited until they were snuggled in Dan’s bed to ask, “Are you working tomorrow?”

“Uh uh.” Dan’s head shifted against his chest as he shook it. “Why? Did you want to do something?”

Phil was grinning because this was perfect. He had to walk Rotty tomorrow, but he could easily fit this into his afternoon. “Yes, could you meet me at the Victoria and Albert Museum tomorrow?”

 

 

The next day, Phil was scanning the crowd in the museum, looking for a familiar head topped with tousled brown curls. A warm breath tickled his ear. “Boo!”

Phil yelped and whirled around to see Dan laughing with rosy cheeks, and Phil pouted, “You scared me.”

Dan smirked, flashing dimples. “Sorry.”

Phil wasn’t really mad, so he reached out a finger to poke one of the dimples, and it faded under his fingertip as Dan’s broad grin relaxed into a warm smile. In the past couple days, Phil had noticed something change about Dan. With the revelation of all of his secrets, Dan had finally dropped all of his walls. Not only did Phil know him so much better now, but Dan was letting a soft and vulnerable side of himself show. It was absolutely adorable. He was gazing at Phil with chocolate-brown eyes, drinking in his features like he might never see Phil again, and Phil stood there silently with a smile on his face, enjoying the adoration.

Someone in the crowd bumped into Dan’s back, startling him. He looked around nervously. “Uh, Phil, did you want to move somewhere else? There are a lot of people here.”

“Yeah, I want to take you somewhere.” Phil grabbed Dan’s hand so that they didn’t get separated, and he dragged him through the crowd that was pressing into the entrance of the museum.

As they entered a quieter part of the museum, Dan said in a hushed voice, “Can I admit that I’m not that into art? Sure, I appreciate it, but more in a way like – _whoa, I could never paint that!_ I have no artistic talent, so I’ve never bothered to learn anything about famous artists. If we’re here to see a painting, I won’t know anything about that sort of thing.”

Phil gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. “We’re not here to see a painting. Just trust me.”

They continued strolling through the museum as Phil led them to the section on Japan. They passed lacquered boxes and ceramics without interest, but Dan stopped walking when he saw a suit of armor in a glass case. Phil stood at Dan’s side, admiring the samurai’s armor, which was fascinating. The intricately detailed panels of the armor were a deep blue and there were orange tassels on the shoulders – this was in sharp contrast to the scowling black mask that would cover the warrior’s face. It was a thing of beauty, but fierce at the same time.

Phil glanced at Dan, and Dan seemed to sense his gaze because he nodded and started moving again, allowing Phil to continue leading him through the exhibits. Phil started walking faster when he knew they were getting closer, dragging Dan behind him. Dan giggled in response to Phil’s enthusiasm. Finally, they were entering the room that Adam had told him about.

It took Phil’s breath away. This room had been completely transformed. It reminded him of the pocket dimension that Dan’s grandmother had made, where one moment he was standing in the rain and the next moment he was standing in a sunny clearing. This time, Phil felt like he had stepped out of a museum and into a shrine in the Japanese landscape.

On second glance, he saw that the grass, foliage, and even the stones scattered around the room were artificial. Even the brightness of the room was an effect caused by the skylight above them. The shrine was real, though. A cobblestone path down the room led to it, and the path was flanked by a dozen statues of foxes.

Phil looked at Dan with a grin, but then his grin wavered. The adorably soft and playful Dan who he had been becoming familiar with had once again vanished behind an expressionless mask, and he was holding himself stiffly. Dan looked like he didn’t want to be here. Phil asked, “Are you okay?”

Dan shrugged his rigid shoulders as he looked around the room, seeming in avoidance of Phil’s eyes. “Yeah, it’s just… is this what you brought me here to see?”

Phil swallowed heavily, since he sensed that he had done something wrong. But how could this be wrong if worshiping Inari could save Dan? He decided to keep going with the original plan, and if there was something wrong then Dan could just explain it.

Phil gave Dan’s hand a squeeze before he let go and started walking into the room. “I thought it would be fun,” Phil said hesitantly. “Adam told me about this place, and I…”

Dan looked at him finally. His lips quirked, but not enough to visibly be either a smile or a frown, but he sighed and started following Phil into the room. “I should have known Adam had something to do with this.”

Phil cringed at that response, and he turned away to hide his face. As he turned, he came face-to-face with one of the statues lining the path, and he paused to look closer at it. It was a simplified rendition of a fox carved in black stone. The fox was sitting upright with its tail in the air and ears pointed forward. Phil wondered aloud, “What’s in its mouth?”

Dan stepped closer to take a look. “A scroll I think. They’ve all got something either in their mouths or under their paws.”

As Phil walked past the other statues, he paused to look and saw that it was true – they were all holding something: a jewel, a key, a sheaf of rice, and the last fox by the shrine held a fox kit. Phil turned to look at the shrine. There was a low roof supported by red pillars – they would have to duck if they wanted to walk under the roof – and the pillars had Japanese characters written on them. The shrine didn’t have any walls, and he could see an altar, which was surrounded by smaller statues of foxes carved in white stone. All of the statues were unique with individual personalities.

As he walked closer, Phil focused on the altar and saw a bowl of rice sitting under a glass dome. Instead of walking up the steps of the altar, he knelt at the bottom and looked up because this seemed right – Dan was the one who should walk up those steps while Phil waited here. He felt Dan kneel beside him, and he looked at Dan with a smile.

Dan shook his head as he asked, “What are we doing here, Phil?”

Phil reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a small handful of uncooked rice. He cradled the grains between his palms like they were precious and attempted to pass them to Dan. “Here. Take them. Leave them on the altar. This will save you.”

Dan continued to shake his head and didn’t move to take the rice. “No. What are you talking about?”

Phil lowered his hands. “This is the answer to your problem. You might not become a kitsune like your brother if you do this. You can become like the kitsune who follow Inari. All you have to do is worship him.”

“I can’t.” His stony façade was cracking, and Phil could see a turmoil of emotions behind Dan’s eyes. The first thing that Phil gratefully noted was that Dan didn’t appear to be angry with him. But Dan was afraid.

Phil put the rice back in his pocket so that he could hold Dan’s hands and give them a reassuring squeeze. “What is it, Dan? I don’t understand what’s wrong. I thought this would help.”

Dan returned the squeeze before glancing at the shrine and then back to Phil. “This won’t help,” he said. “I appreciate that you were trying, but I don’t believe in any of this nonsense.”

“Nonsense?” Phil parroted. “You’re a kitsune. But Inari is nonsense?”

Dan closed his eyes and took a calming breath. Then he said, “Yes. It’s nonsense to me. Just as nonsense as I find labels. I’m not someone who can be summed up by a label – a label that describes who I am, what I believe in, and what I do with my life. I’m me.”

Phil wrapped his arms around Dan’s stiff body, and he spoke with his face buried in Dan’s hair. “I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. I’m sorry.” He breathed a sigh of relief as he felt Dan relax against him, and after a moment they pulled out of the hug. Phil gave Dan an apologetic smile. “I didn’t mean to make assumptions, and I really am sorry. Could you please explain it to me? I want to understand what all of this means to you.”

Dan nodded as he looked at the altar again. “I’ll try to explain… Actually, I think it’s pretty simple. I don’t believe Inari exists. I can’t see him, so I don’t believe he’s real.” Looking at the altar as well, Phil bit his lip. He didn’t want to upset Dan again, but this seemed so odd to him. Dan chuckled, drawing Phil’s attention back to him. “I can tell you want to say something. You can talk to me, Phil.”

Phil nodded. “It’s just… After meeting you and seeing all of these amazing things, I don’t have any trouble in believing that Inari is real. So, I was wondering why it’s different for you… and also, I was wondering why you aren’t willing to just try to believe, just a little bit. Maybe if you just try to worship Inari that will be enough.”

Dan gave him a sad smile as he shook his head. “No, Phil. I can’t do that. I’m not going to sign up for this religion. My religion is my own – I live my life by my values, and I try to be a good person. That’s all I can do.”

He gave Dan’s hands a squeeze. “I’m sorry. You’re right. That should be enough. I shouldn’t have brought you here. You _are_ a good person and you deserve good things.”

“Thanks.” Dan looked at the altar again with a sigh. “It would be so much simpler for me if I could walk this path, but I can’t. So… I still believe that my life is going to end in a couple weeks, and I think the same thing would happen even if I believed in him, even if I left rice on that altar, and even if he’s real. If Inari is real, I can’t imagine that he gives a damn about me.”

“Nothing bad is going to happen to you.” Phil was squeezing Dan’s hands so hard now that he might be leaving bruises, but he managed to get the brown eyes to shift back to his face. The eyes were shimmering, and Dan swallowed heavily as he stared at Phil. “I only just found you, so I can’t lose you now. I’m not going to let anything happen to you. Forget Inari – I’ll save you. Believe in me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [in the voice of the guy from the YouTube channel CinemaSins]: Title drop *sin counter dings*
> 
> Seriously though, I wanted to mention a couple things about this chapter. The shrine in this chapter is based on an exhibit I saw at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York years ago (not an Inari shrine, and I was too young at the time to be curious what it was a shrine for). The suit of armor that I wrote about is real though, and you can see a picture of it if you check out the Victoria and Albert Museum's website. When I saw the photo of it online, I just had to add a description of it to this chapter because it was so beautiful.


	21. Chapter 21

_Kitsune fact: Kitsune Seduction - A form of mind control, the kitsune ability of 'seduction' is one of the most commonly-mentioned skills in legends. By using their tail or tails in a swaying manner, or by meeting the gaze of a target, the kitsune is capable of taking over their mind. While under the control of the kitsune, the victim sees, thinks, and lives in a world designed by the kitsune, all inside the target's mind. The target is controlled until someone breaks the magic the kitsune's using. [https://littlespacefox.weebly.com/kitsune-mythology.html]_

  
**~ 15 days ~**

  
           

Dan didn’t seem to be in the best place emotionally as they left the museum – he was quiet and had a distant look on his face. As Phil checked the time on his phone, he bit his lip. Dan asked, “Do you have to go back to work?”

The words startled him, and Phil nearly dropped his phone as he looked at Dan. “Yeah, actually. I don’t want to leave yet. Where are you headed? I can walk you there.”

“I don’t have anywhere to be.” Dan said with a shrug. Then he looked up with a hopeful glance at Phil. “Hey, do you think that dog would mind if I tagged along?”

Phil beamed at him. “That sounds perfect. I think Rotty liked you. Let’s go.”

The dog gave Dan a few suspicious glances, but he didn’t growl. Dan didn’t risk trying to pet him again while they were in public, in case Rotty became agitated and caused Dan’s tail to appear, and so the walk went without incident while they strolled through the park.

Dan and Phil purposely kept talk to inconsequential things, seeming wary of the heavier topics after the museum. This changed only after Phil took the dog back home and brought up the subject of where they were going next. “So,” Phil said as they started strolling in the direction of his apartment. “Do you have somewhere else you want to be? You’ve seen a lot of me today. I’ll understand if you need a breather.”

Dan shook his head. “No, no breather. If you’re not tired of me, I’d like to go back to your place with you. Phil… you know how I keep saying things are going to happen ‘in a couple weeks’? Well, the countdown officially starts tomorrow. I’m turning 21 in exactly 14 days from tomorrow, and I’ve been thinking about how I want to spend those days. I want to see you every day and I want to spend every night in your arms. Please?”

Phil had wanted to deny again that something bad was going to happen, but as he saw the vulnerability and desperation in Dan’s eyes, all he could do was nod. He reached for Dan’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “Of course. I want to be with you as much as possible, too.”

They jogged up the stairs of the apartment and Phil opened the door for them. As Phil opened his mouth to suggest something for dinner, Dan lunged and clamped his mouth down on Phil’s. He was stiff with surprise, but Dan’s lips were soft and Phil relaxed against him and enjoyed the moment.

Phil allowed Dan to lead him to the next room between kisses, and then they were on the sofa. Dan tugged off his black t-shirt before working on the buttons of Phil’s shirt while Phil stared at him, taking in the sight of his flushed cheeks, unkempt curls, and the slight way his hands were shaking as he worked on removing Phil’s shirt.

They had only been together once so far, and it had been perfect – soft, and slow, and sweet. It seemed like Dan wanted a quick fuck right now, and Phil wasn’t sure if he could do that since he cared so much about Dan. Did Dan feel the same way? He had said that he liked Phil when they first started dating, but Phil’s memory of that moment was now colored by what he had learned about Dan. It seemed like convenient timing that he had come into Dan’s life at this moment when Dan most wanted to spend his nights in someone’s bed. What if Dan didn’t really care about him at all? What if Dan was only here for sex?

As Dan undid the last button of Phil’s shirt, he looked up at Phil, his chocolate-brown eyes shimmering. All Dan said was, “Please.”

Phil took a small bottle of lube from the pocket of his jeans before removing them. As he watched Dan shimmy out of his own jeans and toss his t-shirt onto the floor, Phil decided that he would do anything Dan wanted. If Dan didn’t really care about him, then that was okay – he cared enough for the both of them. In fact, Phil had to admit to himself that he didn’t just care about Dan. He loved him, but he didn’t think that Dan wanted to hear that right now.  
  
Dan leaned back into the sofa, smiling as Phil came closer. Phil drizzled some lube on his fingertips and rubbed them together to warm it. He placed the bottle aside and them ran his free hand over Dan’s side, admiring the softness of his skin.  
  
This seemed to make Dan impatient, as he huffed with a soft sigh. “Please, I need you.”

“Okay,” Phil said, moving his other hand between them.

Dan opened his thighs for Phil and gasped as Phil pushed a lubed finger into him. As the finger moved gently in and out of him, a crease appeared between his eyebrows. “I can take another. Please, go faster.”

He gave Dan what he wanted, pushing a second finger into him and then a third a moment later – he knew that Dan wanted this fast and didn’t care if his body had fully adjusted, but Phil was still being careful not to hurt him. Finally when Phil was sure that Dan was ready, he climbed on top of him, slicked lube over his length, and sunk into Dan’s body. Dan shifted his hips up and put his hands against the small of Phil’s back, pressing there as he wanted Phil kept going until he was fully inside. So, Phil gave him what he wanted.

When Phil paused to give Dan a moment, Dan only allowed himself a few seconds before urging Phil to start moving. As Phil tried to soften what they were doing with kisses to the side of Dan’s neck, Dan begged for it to be rougher as he scratched Phil’s back. And Phil couldn’t refuse. He slammed himself harder into Dan’s body, and honestly he had to admit that he loved the sounds that Dan was making: soft groans that melted to moans when Phil found his prostate.

Then Dan was shuddering beneath him as he came with his eyes squeezed tightly shut. The eyes opened when he felt Phil, who was still hard, starting to pull out of him. He pressed his thighs together to hold Phil in place. “No, don’t go. Use me.”

“Alright. I’m close.” Phil started moving again at a gentler pace, and Dan allowed it as whatever desperate need in him that had wanted it rough had been sated. Then, Phil buried himself deep inside Dan’s body when he came. As Phil brushed the curls back from Dan’s sweaty forehead, his heart gave a painful squeeze when Dan smiled at him. In that moment, he could almost believe that Dan loved him too.

 

 

A familiar buzzing roused Phil from his dreams. It wasn’t the sound of his alarm. Someone was calling him. He was still half-asleep when he picked up his phone from the nightstand and accepted the call, saying in a scratchy voice, “Hello?”

“Child!” It was his mum, and the cheeriness in her voice made him wince. He loved her, but something about her peppiness made him wish he had some coffee before attempting to have a conversation this early in the morning. “Sorry, did I wake you?”

“Yes, but it’s okay.” He said after clearing his throat. Honestly, he had wanted to sleep for a couple more hours, but he was awake now and wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep easily. His mum was a morning person, and he had long ago accepted the fact that she often woke him before his alarm. “Was there something you needed?”

“Yes, I was just making sure that you were able to get off work.” When he didn’t say anything, she clarified, “For your brother’s birthday?”

Phil sat bolt upright with a gasp. He had forgotten about Martyn’s birthday. Well, not completely. He remembered to schedule time off work weeks in advance and he had even glanced at the train schedule and planned what ticket he would buy – it was only recently that he forgot. Phil glanced beside him in bed to where Dan was lying. He was on his stomach, naked with just a tangled sheet wrapped around his hips. His eyes were closed and his breathing was even, so Phil’s phone call hadn’t woken him yet. Phil thought about slipping out of bed to finish the call, but the movement might wake Dan, so Phil decided to just keep his voice down.

He hadn’t responded, so Mum asked, “You weren’t able to get off work?”

“Oh, I did,” Phil said in a low voice. “It’s just that… I forgot about it after.”

“Is something wrong?” Mum asked in concerned.

Phil sighed and decided to tell the truth because he hated worrying her. “I’ve been seeing someone, and I sort of promised him that I would be hanging out with him on those days.”

“Oh!” Mum said in a bright voice. “Well, it’s nice that you’re seeing someone. So, you have plans to go somewhere on the day of your brother’s party? Or could you just bring this person with you?”

He gaped at the suggestion while staring at Dan. Would Dan want to come with him? Phil told his mum, “I’ll have to ask him first. Maybe. You and Martyn wouldn’t mind if I brought him?”

“Of course not, especially not if that’s the only way you can come. We miss you,” she said, and then he heard a teapot whistling in the background. “I have to go. Let me know once you know if you’re able to come. Bye, Child. Love you.”

“Bye, Mum. Love you, too.” He hung up and placed the phone back on his nightstand. Phil still didn’t think that he would be able to fall asleep again now that he was awake, but he was happy to settle back against his pillows. Dan continued to breathe evenly in his sleep. Phil watched him, memorizing the placement of the freckles on his cheeks.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got mixed feelings about this one. I almost posted this earlier today, but while editing I thought that I should extend a certain scene. So, I added 400 words to this chapter. The original version had a cut scene away from the smut because I didn't want to distract from what was important in that moment (Phil's feelings), but I decided to take it as a challenge to myself to see if I could write the sentiment into the smut as well. So, while I was fond of the original version that cut away before the sex, I hope that my tweaking and last minute additions/editing didn't ruin the sentiment here.


	22. Chapter 22

_Kitsune fact: Many Kitsune, both zenko and yako, seem to have a romantic streak as well. Disguised as beautiful young women, they frequently intermarry with humans. A few Kitsune may seduce men, only to rob them or place them in humiliating positions after they’ve fallen asleep. Most Kitsune prove to be affectionate and loyal wives, although the marriage usually ends with the Kitsune being chased away. [https://mythology.net/japanese/japanese-creatures/kitsune/]_

  
**~ 14 days ~**

  
           

Dan woke to the smell of coffee. He sighed into a pillow as he opened his eyes and then saw Phil in bed beside him. Phil was wearing his glasses, his fringe was pushed back from his forehead, and he was holding his phone with one hand while he sipped coffee from a mug with the other. Phil had been scrolling on his phone while sipping coffee, but at the sound of Dan’s sleepy sigh he put down his phone and lowered his mug with a smile.

Dan cleared his throat before asking, “Can I have some?”

Phil laughed and held up another mug that had been resting on the nightstand. “Of course.”

Dan rolled over carefully so that he didn’t jostle the mugs in Phil’s hands, and then he sat up to take his coffee from Phil. He moaned as he took a sip, making Phil chuckle.

They sat quietly for a moment as the caffeine woke them up, and then Phil said, “So, my mum called while you were asleep.” Dan made an interested noise, but didn’t otherwise comment. Phil continued, “She wanted to know if I would be going up North for my brother’s birthday party next week.”

Dan felt his stomach sink, as if he had been drinking lead instead of coffee. He looked away, staring at a corner of the room that was occupied by a houseplant, which looked to be in desperate need of water. “So, you’re going to be out of town for a while.”

“Dan…” Phil said in a soft voice, and the emotion in his voice drew Dan’s gaze. Phil smiled. “Last night we made an agreement. You haven’t forgotten, have you? You’re going to be sleeping in my arms for the next 14 days. So, while I’d planned to go up North for 3 days, I’ll cancel that plan if you don’t want to come with me. I’ll stay with you. But if you’d like to come with me that would be great.”

Dan felt his eyes getting misty, but he had cried so often in front of Phil that he didn’t want to do that right now. He took a calming breath and returned Phil’s smile. “I think I can get time off work for that. I’d love to come with you.”

 

 

Seven days later, they were sitting across from each other on the train. Phil was staring out the window, and Dan was nervously fidgeting across from him. The black jacket he was wearing was covered with zippers in odd places, and he found himself zipping and unzipping the ones on the sleeves until he caught Phil looking at him and he realized that the noise was probably annoying. He dropped his hand from the zipper and said, “Sorry.”

Phil shook his head. “It’s okay. I don’t mind. It’s just… are you worried about something? Are you scared to be meeting my family?”

“Yeah, I’m terrified of that, but there’s something else. Phil…” He looked at the window, but Dan could see Phil’s reflection in the glass, so that didn’t help. He swallowed heavily before continuing. “I feel guilty about this. I have been so needy lately, and it made you feel like you had to invite me on this trip with you. I should have said something earlier, before we got to this point. I should have convinced you that I would be fine in London for a few days without you.”

Phil placed a hand on Dan’s knee, making him meet his eyes. “Dan, I wanted to bring you with me. I’m happy that you’re here with me right now.”

Dan tried to smile, but it wouldn’t stay on his face. “What about your family, though? What are they going to think of this? Bringing someone home usually means that a relationship has gotten really serious.”

Phil withdrew his hand. “Um, it’s fine. My family will just think whatever I tell them. I mentioned that you’re my boyfriend, so… You know, just don’t worry about it,” Phil said with a smile, and suddenly he was speaking very fast. “My whole family is easygoing. Don’t worry about anything. I promise the next few days are going to be fun.”

Dan nodded as he took a deep breath, feeling his body relax.

 

 

Phil’s mum picked them up at the train station, and she surprised Dan by pulling him into a hug after she hugged Phil. She told Dan that he could call her ‘Kath’ and that she was pleased to meet him. Then Phil and his mum dropped into a comfortable conversation as they got into her car and she drove them to Phil’s childhood home. Once there, she left them to carry their bags upstairs, and Phil led Dan to his room where they would be staying. 

Dan sat on the bed, grinning as he looked around at the blue and green wallpaper that was a bit garish, the Buffy memorabilia, and the other signs of Phil’s presence in the room.

“What?” Phil asked suspiciously.

“It’s very you. I like it here,” Dan said, his grin widening. Then he saw someone in the doorway behind Phil. It was a tall man with sandy blonde hair, and he held his fingertip to his lips. Dan stayed quiet.

Phil’s attention was on Dan, and he had just opened his mouth to say something when the man in the doorway pounced on him. Phil yelped as the other man growled and wrapped his arms around Phil’s arms from behind, pinning them to his sides. Phil was squeezed helplessly in a tight embrace, and he tried to get away. The other man was stronger and Phil only went so far as to playfully kick at his shins, so Phil remained trapped. Then he started laughing as he turned to Dan for help. “Save me.”

Dan shook his head with a smile, but the other man was already releasing Phil, who turned around to glower at him. The man held up his hands. “You can’t hurt me. It’s my birthday.”

“It’s not your birthday until tomorrow,” Phil said with a glare, but his expression softened the longer he looked at the man. He sighed and gestured between him and Dan. “Martyn, I’d like you to meet Dan. And Dan, this is my brother.”

The man named Martyn gave a wide grin as he held out a hand. “Ah, the infamous Dan.”

“Infamous?” Dan asked as he rose from the bed to shake Martyn’s hand. 

Martyn laughed before releasing Dan’s hand. “Yeah, I’d call you infamous. It’s been a while since Phil brought someone home, and Mum is so excited that she’s bouncing off the walls. You’re all she’s been talking about for the past week.”

Dan didn’t respond. He just shifted wide eyes to Phil’s face.

Phil shoved his brother’s shoulder lightly. “Mar, stop. You’re scaring him.”

“Really? I thought it was funny.” Martyn gave Dan an apologetic smile. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Dan told Martyn. Then he saw that Phil was still staring at him, so he gave Phil a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry, there’s nowhere for me to run off to this time.”

“Run?” Martyn asked.

Dan’s cheeks flushed because he hadn’t been expecting Phil’s brother to ask him about their sad little inside joke. Luckily, Phil explained it for him, “Dan has spent the majority of our relationship running away from me.”

“Oh, that’s understandable,” Martyn said.

“Hey!” Phil shoved him harder this time, but he was laughing. “That’s it, get out of my room.”

 

 

They spent an hour together in Phil’s room, settling in and unpacking their suitcases. Dan’s shoulders had stiffened during the conversation with Martyn, but once they were alone again Phil helped him to relax with banter and light conversation about teen Phil’s decorating style – Dan was especially amused by the posters of emo bands covering the walls.

Once they ran out of excuses to linger in the room, Dan said, “Your family probably wants you downstairs. It’s been a while since they’ve seen you, and I get to see you every day.”

Phil smiled. “Yeah, they’re probably wondering where I am. Hey, I hope Martyn didn’t scare you with that talk about Mum, but if you want to, you can stay up here. I can say you’re tired or you have a headache. I don’t want you to feel pressured.”

Dan shook his head. “It’s okay. I don’t want to make you lie to your family. Let’s go.”

Once downstairs, they found Phil’s father asleep in a recliner in front of the tv. Phil snickered softly at the sight, and they left the living room quietly so that they didn’t wake him. There were voices coming from the kitchen, so they followed the sound.

Mum cooed in delight at the sight of them in the doorway of the kitchen. “You’re just in time to help!” She gestured to the chaotic spread of baking supplies and ingredients across her kitchen counter. “Your brother couldn’t decide what flavor of cake he wanted for his birthday, so I’m making several small batches of cupcakes instead.”

Phil looked at Martyn and shook his head. “Red velvet is the best. What is wrong with you?”

Martyn grinned. “This way I get red velvet, chocolate, strawberry, and yellow cake. Be nice to me or I won’t share them with you.”

“Nope. And if you think you can stand between me and cupcakes, you have another thing coming.” Phil raised his hands in a playful boxer’s pose, and Martyn moved into a fighter’s stance in response.

“Play nice, boys.” Kath demanded with a wave of a spoon before putting them to work.

Dan wasn’t much of a baker, but he was grateful for the distraction of having a task to do with his hands. The Lesters kept up a constant chatter while they worked, and Kath shot several questions his way, which he answered in as few words as possible. He hated the hopeful way she looked at him, like he might become a common sight in her home. It was bad enough that Phil believed Dan would be in his life for a while – he couldn’t handle Phil’s family looking at him like that, too. It was all going to be over in a week.

By the time the cupcakes were in the oven, a considerable amount of flour had been spread around, and Kath was focused on cleaning up her kitchen. Phil didn’t seem to mind the patches of white on his black jeans, but Dan was dressed in black from head to toe, and he grimaced down at himself. “I look like a Dalmatian.”

“You do,” Phil said with a laugh. He leaned in to say _woof_ near Dan’s ear.

Dan would have enjoyed that, but Kath was watching and his face flashed scarlet. “Um, I think I’m going to change out of these. I’ll be back in a few.”

Dan hurried out of the kitchen without looking back, and he ran upstairs to slip into a nearly identical change of clothes that he had packed. As he stood in the empty bedroom, he realized that this was the first time that he had been alone in days; Phil had hardly left his side, even walking him to and from work. Dan’s heart gave a squeeze.

Phil was only downstairs, yet Dan missed him already. What was he doing up here? It seemed silly that he had let his anxiety grasp at an excuse to leave the room. It didn’t matter that he had to share Phil with his family right now and that his family was curious about Dan – any little bit of attention that Phil could spare for Dan was worth it.

 Dan hastened downstairs, but then he stopped. He was standing out of sight, just around the corner from the kitchen doorway. He had heard his name.

Kath was saying, “…like him. Dan’s a lovely boy.”

Phil said, “He is. He’s really special.”

Kath said, “You two seem fond of each other. I can tell from the way you look at each other. How serious is it?”

There was silence as Phil didn’t answer.

“Mum!” Martyn protested. “You don’t need to grill him, do you?”

“Thanks, Mar. But it’s okay,” Phil said. “I’m not sure how to answer that anyway. Sorry, Mum.”

Kath said, “Oh, I know you only got together recently. I was just asking how serious it is emotionally. Are you in love?”

There was a pause before Phil said, “I am. He’s not.”

Martyn sighed. “Mum, don’t look at him like that. You just said they got together recently. Leave them be.”

“Don’t make it sound like I’m meddling, I’m…”

The sound of her voice faded as Dan walked away from the kitchen. He was taking deep calming breaths to try to steady the emotions coursing through his body. His hands were shaking and his eyes were stinging with tears that he refused to let fall.

Dan found what he needed in the living room as he settled into the recliner beside Phil’s father, who was still asleep. If Dan went back upstairs to Phil’s room to hide, he knew that he would start crying and also that Phil’s family would notice his absence. As he sat next to Phil’s father, he was able to control himself as he focused on the rhythmic sound of the old man’s snoring. He closed his own eyes and tried to match the steady pace of the man’s breathing. It helped.

It took time, but Dan was able to convince himself that the world was not falling apart.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've spent my whole Memorial Day weekend writing, so I'm in a very good mood at the moment :D I hope you all are good, too. 
> 
> Oh! I joined tumblr recently, mostly so that I could make this page covered with links https://elleberquist6.tumblr.com/fanfiction  
> I don't really know how to use tumblr? Seriously, on the night I joined I whined to my sister, begging her for help, haha. But I'm learning :)


	23. Chapter 23

_Kitsune fact:_ _A kitsune can, to a limited extent, already influence the elements they are a part of, and if they study elemental magic, can become very dangerous in their field of study. Wind: With this study, they can create winds, cause tornadoes, and influence local weather patterns. This is also the element that manipulates ice and snow. [https://kitsuney.weebly.com/kitsune-powers.html]_

  
**~ 7 days ~**

  
           

After dinner, Kath tried to start a game of Monopoly, but Phil declined. He was looking at Dan as he told his mum, “I think we’re both tired from the travel. We’re going to turn in early.”

Dan didn’t dispute this claim, and he followed Phil upstairs to his bedroom. While Phil was closing the door, Dan flopped on his back on the bed and closed his eyes. He kept them closed when he felt Phil sit beside him and touch his cheek. 

“Are you okay?” Phil asked. “You were quiet at dinner. It was eerie. I’ve gotten used to the sound of your voice. Please talk to me.”

Dan opened his eyes the bare minimum necessary to see Phil’s face above his. “What do you want me to say?”

Phil bit his lip and looked away. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No,” Dan said as he shook his head. “You’re perfect.”

“No one is perfect,” Phil said as he returned his gaze to Dan. “If I did something wrong, please just tell me.”

Dan swallowed heavily. “No. It’s true. You’re perfect.” He could tell that Phil was going to protest, so he fisted a hand in the front of Phil’s shirt, and pulled him down until he could reach his lips. Dan had just wanted to kiss Phil to stop his words, but Phil responded.

Without leaving the kiss, Phil climbed into bed beside Dan. He threaded the fingers of one hand into Dan’s curls, and he let his other hand roam across Dan’s side, under his shirt, and then he placed the hand on Dan’s hip to pull Dan’s lower body against his. Phil rolled his hips against Dan.

Suddenly, this was all too much. He didn’t know why, but he couldn’t do this anymore. Dan felt like something was trying to claw out of his chest – it was hard to breathe, and he was gasping against Phil’s mouth, but Phil took it as a sign that Dan was enjoying this. There were tears stinging in his eyes, and he didn’t think that he would so easily be able to hide this from Phil, so he placed a hand against Phil’s chest and pushed him away gently.

“Dan?” Phil asked in a breathy voice.

Dan shook his head. He had composed his face, so hopefully Phil saw nothing. “I… I don’t want to.”

“Oh. That’s okay.” Phil rolled further away from him as he took a steadying breath, but Phil couldn’t hide how his body had responded to what they had been doing. “I think I’m going to take a shower.”

“Okay,” Dan said. He gave Phil a wobbly smile to encourage him to leave the room. It worked.

As soon as Phil was gone, Dan fell apart. He buried his face in Phil’s pillow to muffle the sound, but that had been a mistake – Phil brought his pillow from home to help him sleep, and it smelled so much like him. The clawing sensation in his chest got worse. He didn’t understand it.

How could Phil think that Dan felt nothing for him? He had never said it. He had never even admitted it to himself in his thoughts about Phil. It was hard when he had so recently believed that love didn’t exist, other than as a chemical reaction in the brain. Dan had always had trouble in believing in intangible things, but now that he had Phil he couldn’t deny what he felt. It seemed like the most obvious thing in the world.

If Dan of all people could believe in this feeling, how could Phil not? Phil had so easily accepted the existence of ghosts and Japanese gods – why was it so much harder for Phil to believe in Dan’s feelings? Had Dan been so awful to him that he couldn’t see how Dan really felt? Dan felt like the worst person in the world.

By the time that the pillow beneath his face was soaked, Dan heard the door open. He hadn’t wanted Phil to see him like this, but he hadn’t had time enough to get control of himself and now it was too late. He heard Phil gasp.

Phil said, “Dan, there’s snow in my room.”

“Oh?” Dan wasn’t sure what Phil was talking about, and he just took advantage of whatever had distracted Phil for a moment, as he tried to even his breathing and dry his cheeks before he had to turn around to face Phil.

“Um, I’m just going to lock the door so that my family doesn’t walk in and see this. That would be hard to explain,” Phil said, and Dan heard the lock clicking. Then Phil asked, “Why is there snow in my room? I’m not complaining – it’s beautiful. Did you do this for me, like the cherry blossom tree?”

Dan shook his head as he sat up, still facing the wall and headboard. He had stopped the tears from falling, but his breathing was ragged and he knew that he must look like a mess. He couldn’t help the quaver in his voice as he asked, “What are you talking about?”

“Dan, the snow. I… think it’s snow, but it feels warm. What is this?”

Dan hadn’t worked up the courage to turn around, but he saw it now. He looked down at the green and blue pillow. The pillowcase was coated with snow on either side where his face had been resting, and as he watched fresh snowflakes were falling on the tearstains. He felt the snow touching his face and hands as it fell, and Phil was right. It was snow, but it felt warm. This was some kind of illusion, but he wasn’t sure how he was doing it.

In his shock, he forgot about what he must look like now and he turned around to face Phil with wide eyes. Dan said, “I… I don’t know what’s going on.”

Phil’s expression had been full of a childlike delight as he watched the white snowflakes that were swirling around his room, as if they were in a snow globe, but when he saw Dan’s face his eyes widened in alarm. Phil rushed to his side and sat on the bed beside him. “Oh my gosh, what’s wrong?”

Dan shook his head as he turned to face Phil. When Phil raised his hand as if to touch Dan’s shoulder, Dan cringed away from it. He knew that he was being awful to Phil right now by worrying him, but as he was facing Phil now he was surprised to find that the emotional desolation he had been feeling before now was gone and had been replaced by anger. Phil doubted his feelings. How could he?

Phil pulled his hand back and let it fall to the bed, and he was momentarily distracted by the snow on his sheets. Then his eyes returned to Dan’s face, and the blue-green irises were shimmering. “Dan, please talk to me. You’re scaring me.”

Dan swallowed heavily. Phil hadn’t been scared when he thought that having Dan in his life meant that a ghost would show up at his place. He had only been scared for a moment when Dan showed him a fridge full of human liver. He hadn’t blinked an eye when Dan told him that they might only have two weeks together. But Phil was scared now? Dan took a calming breath before saying, “Don’t be scared.”

Phil nodded. “Okay, I won’t if you tell me what’s wrong.”

Dan bit his lip before admitting, “I heard you and your mum talking in the kitchen. When I left the room to change my clothes. I heard what she asked you, and I heard what you said. About you and me.”

Phil’s eyes widened. “Is that why you didn’t come back to the kitchen? I was wondering about that.” When Dan nodded, Phil sighed and said. “I wish you hadn’t heard that. Don’t worry about that. It doesn’t matter to me how you feel. I’m going to be there for you anyway.”

Dan stiffened in response to Phil’s words. Phil loved him, and he was going to be there for him regardless of how Dan felt – he was going to comfort Dan emotionally and physically. He was going to be there with Dan, even to the end if this went badly. And he expected nothing from Dan in return. 

Phil thought that he could say things like this and that it made Dan feel nothing. Dan felt like he was about to explode, so he snapped, “Do you want to know how I feel about you? I hate you!”

Phil blinked. His face was smooth and cleared of emotion. “You do?”

Dan wasn’t sure what he had expected. Should Phil have started crying? It made Dan angrier that he wasn’t being taken seriously. His mind was racing as he tried to think of insults that he could hurl at Phil, but nothing came to mind as he stared at Phil, perfect Phil who was watching him closely. The snow was still swirling around them and it was settling in Phil’s black hair, which was messy and spiky since it was drying from his shower.

Suddenly, all Dan wanted was to have his hands in that hair. He grabbed a fistful of it and pulled Phil against his face. Phil responded, moving his mouth in their usual slow sweet pace, but this made anger burn through Dan again, and he moved roughly against Phil with nips and bites. Then he shoved Phil back in the bed. They were only half lying in the bed with their legs still touching the floor, but Dan crawled on top of Phil, reveling in the feeling of having Phil pinned submissively beneath him. Phil had hurt him so badly today, and he wanted to make Phil pay for it.

When he felt Phil gasping for air against his lips, Dan pulled back so that Phil could catch his breath. Phil’s lips were puffy from the abuse, but his eyes blazed with emotion and Dan could tell that Phil was enjoying this. “I hate you so much,” Dan said in a defeated voice, knowing that it didn’t sound as convincing anymore.

“Why?” Phil asked as he panted to catch his breath.

“ ‘I am. He’s not.’ You said that to your mother when she asked if we’re in love.” The clawing sensation returned to his chest as he stared down at Phil, and this time it felt like both despair and rage were tearing him apart. It should be so simple for him to fix all of this. Phil had been wrong earlier, and all Dan had to do was say three little words to put things right. But Phil didn’t understand how hard this was for Dan, and the pressure of this moment wasn’t helping.

As Dan saw Phil looking at him, his blue-green eyes full of tenderness and concern, the anger left him and then there was only despair. He was going to lose Phil. Phil didn’t think he cared about him because Dan was too much of a mess to say three little words. Phil deserved better. Dan rolled off of Phil, resting on his stomach beside Phil who continued to watch him carefully. Dan rested his cheek on his right arm with his face turned to Phil. His other arm was stretched before him, and he felt the warm snow on the bed against his left hand. He had an idea and he moved a finger carefully through the snow.

After a moment, Phil said, “Dan… talk to me. I know you’re hurt, but I don’t understand why.”

Dan shook his head. “I don’t know how to say this.”

Phil rolled on his side, getting closer to Dan. “Please. I can tell that I hurt you, and I want to make this up to you. Tell me what you’re feeling.”

Dan gave him a small smile since his answer was ready. “I can’t say it, so you’ll just have to read it.” He gestured with his chin to where his left hand had been moving in the snow, carefully tracing letters.

It took Phil a couple seconds to understand what Dan was telling him to do, but then he also rolled onto his stomach, propping himself up on his elbows so that he could read what Dan had written in the snow. Phil read the words aloud, “ ‘I love you.’ ”


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've edited all of the chapters to delete the bold heading that say "CHAPTER". I used to think they looked nice and aesthetic above the italicized quotes, but now I've found that the most recent chapters since twenty-one are so long that some of the letters at the end are bumped to the next line when viewed on a mobile device and it's frustrating me.

Kitsune: A Little Mermaid Retelling, By Nicolette Andrews: _“We live so long, Rin, and they live only a moment. It is difficult to love them, they are fragile, but they love more fiercely because of it… If you have found someone who makes you happy, I want you to stay here with him.”_

~ 7 days ~ 

  
           

“ ‘I love you.’ ” Phil couldn’t believe his eyes as he read the words. He looked at Dan as he asked, “You love me?”

Dan bit his lip and he avoided Phil’s gaze. He didn’t have to say it though – Phil could see it now, and not just in the words that Dan had written. It was in the soft flush in Dan’s cheeks, the nervous way that Dan’s teeth sank into his bottom lip, and also in the way that his foot kept ‘accidentally’ brushing against Phil’s calf. Dan loved him. He really did.

As Phil thought back on the past week that they had spent together since he first decided that all Dan wanted from him was sex, Phil realized what an idiot he had been. Since he realized that he loved Dan, Phil had thought that it was enough for him to be in love without having his feelings returned as long as he got to be with Dan. Now Phil knew that his feelings had been returned the whole time – he had everything.

“I want to kiss you. Can I kiss you?” Phil wanted to lunge at Dan but considering that they had sort of been fighting a moment before it seemed polite to ask. Dan looked up with wide eyes and nodded. As their lips met, Phil’s mouth was still tingling from where Dan had bitten him earlier, but it felt good.

Phil didn’t like the way that they were positioned on the bed. He didn’t break the kiss, but he wrapped his arms around Dan and started to shift their bodies. Dan allowed Phil to guide him to the head of the bed until they were lying against the pillows. Phil now had Dan where he wanted him, but he kept his hands on Dan’s hips, shifting his hands to move Dan’s shirt out of the way until he could trace his fingers across the warm golden skin.

Dan moaned against Phil’s lips in response and thrust his hips forward, searching for contact. Phil gripped Dan’s hips as he moved his own pelvis, grinding them together, and Dan moaned enthusiastically in response. They kept this up until they were both panting and painfully hard. As he was catching his breath, Phil leaned back to admire Dan, who was flushed, sweaty, and looked like he was about to fall to pieces – he was unbelievably sexy when he was a mess like this. Dan groaned as he made another feeble thrust of his hips, “Ugh, Phil, I’m so close.”

“Me too,” Phil said, as he started moving his hand from Dan’s hip. “Can I try something?”

When Dan nodded, Phil reached between them and pulled both of their hard cocks out of their pants. He shifted himself until he could wrap his hand around both of them at the same time, and he started stroking them together. Dan, who hadn’t been expecting this, started falling apart right away.

“Oh God,” Dan moaned. “I’ve never felt… I didn’t think that it could feel so good… just the feel of your cock beside mine—” His words abruptly cut off with another moan.

Phil chuckled as he continued softly squeezing both of them in his hand, working up from the bases of their cocks to then rub his palm over their tips. “I love the noises you make, sweetheart. But if you get too loud my family will hear. I don’t mind too much. Oh fuck, I don’t mind that much at all right now when it feels so good to be with you right now. But I know that you can get loud, so I’m just saying if you can, maybe please have mercy on me? I’d kind of like to be able to look at my mum in the eyes tomorrow without blushing.”

Dan nodded as he put his fist in his mouth to quiet himself, but little groans were still audible. The sight of Dan like that started to push Phil over the edge, and he quickened the pace of his hand on their cocks.

Dan’s teeth started to dig into his fist, and Phil could see the skin blanching white beneath the pressure. Then his body trembled and jerked, and Phil felt hot liquid rushing over his palm. At the sight of Dan coming, Phil felt himself teetering on the edge. His palm was now slick and warm, so it only took a couple more strokes for own orgasm hit him so hard that it knocked the breath out of his chest, and he thrust his hips forward one last time, coming against Dan’s stomach.

As he closed his eyes to even his breathing, Phil felt chapped lips brush against his forehead, and he smiled. Phil sighed, “You feel so warm.”

Dan snuggled closer, ignoring the stickiness between them. “So do you.”

Phil opened his eyes, staring into the chocolate eyes before his. “Dan… that thing we were talking about before… I’m not going to say it because I don’t want you to feel pressured, but I just want you to know that I do. I really do. So much.”

“Me too,” Dan said with a nod. “And thanks for not pressuring me.”

He gave Dan another kiss before sitting up so that he could grab a package of moist towelettes from his bedside drawer. They each grabbed a wipe to clean themselves, but Dan’s black t-shirt was such a mess that he just stripped it off and tossed it to the floor before lying down again without a shirt.

Phil rolled to the side to toss away the soiled towelettes in the trash bin, and as he did he saw the words that Dan had traced in the snow. More snow had fallen, but the words were still legible and were undisturbed by their activities in bed. Phil smiled as he rolled back to face Dan.

Dan returned the smile as he reached out to run his fingers through Phil’s hair. “You have snow in your hair.”

Phil looked up. The snowfall had slowed significantly, but the warm flakes had settled in mounds across the room – he was almost taken by a childish desire to flop onto the floor and flail his limbs, but he didn’t because lying beside Dan was so much nicer. He looked at Dan as he asked, “So, what caused this? The snow?”

Dan’s cheeks got a bit pink. “Oh, that. I was upset and lost control. I feel better now, and I can make the snow go away.”

“No!” Phil hurried to say. “Don’t. I like it. It’s pretty.”

“Okay,” Dan said with a smile, and they both looked up, watching the snowflakes drifting from the ceiling, which settled across the room and their bodies like a warm blanket. Dan shook his head slightly. “Adam would be disappointed in me. Not only did I unintentionally cast this illusion, but I got the temperature wrong, too.”

“I like this,” Phil said as he ran his fingers through the warm snow that had settled on the sheets. Then he thought about something Dan said, and he looked at him with wide eyes. “You didn’t intentionally do any of this. This happened because you were upset. Was that about what I said to my mum? That wasn’t how you wanted to hear how I felt about you? I’m sorry.”

Dan laughed and shook his head. “No, and I already knew how you felt. You said it once before.”

Phil’s eyebrows knit together as he thought, but he had no idea what Dan was talking about, so he shook his head. “I never said it before. I wish I had, though. That shouldn’t have been how you heard those words, and it probably hurt.”

“Like a knife to the chest. But that really wasn’t the first time you said it. You said it right before falling asleep after the first time we had sex.”

Phil’s cheeks got hot, but then he smiled. That was a much better time for Dan to have learned how Phil felt, even if Phil couldn’t remember it. Also, now that he thought about it, some things that happened around that time started to make sense: the way that Dan ran away, how he said it was because of something Phil said, and then he insisted that what Phil said wasn’t a bad thing. Phil had told Dan he loved him on the edge of sleep.

Phil shook his head at himself with a bemused smile. Then he asked, “If you weren’t upset to hear how I felt about you when I was talking to my mum, then it was what I said about you? That’s what made you cry?”

Dan nodded. “For some reason I thought it was obvious how much I cared about you. I thought you knew. And when you said that it broke my heart. It made me think that I must have treated you horribly, since you thought I felt nothing for you.”

Phil shook his head and leaned forward to stop Dan’s words with a kiss, and he said, “You treat me wonderfully. I’m so sorry that I hurt you. It was my own insecurities that made me think that someone as amazing as you couldn’t like me in that way. I had this awful idea that maybe you were only hanging around for sex.”

Dan gave a soft chuckle. “Seriously, Phil? Wow, I guess that’s what I get for making the first move that night.” He shook his head at the concerned look Phil gave him. “It’s okay. Don’t worry about it. We’re on the same page now. This is so much more than sex for both of us.”

Once more, Phil found himself biting his tongue to hold in the words ‘I love you’, but he was going to wait until Dan was ready to say it out loud, so that he could say it in return. Phil could be patient. This moment was so perfect already, and he had everything he needed.

Phil gave Dan one last smile before reaching behind him to turn off the light. Then he held his arms open, saying, “Come here so that I can cuddle you.”

Dan settled against his chest, and Phil wrapped his arms around him.

 

 

The next morning while Dan was still asleep, Phil put on his glasses. The snow had vanished overnight. He might have to ask Dan to do that illusion sometime again later, so that he could enjoy it properly.

Phil got out of bed, following the smell of coffee to the kitchen, where he found his mum. As they drank their coffee, his mum commented, “You’re smiling a lot this morning.”

Phil grinned over his mug at her. Then he said, “He loves me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: this is my second draft of this chapter. I had to completely rewrite this because the first version was awkward, tense, and the vibe was off as I tried to have the characters just talk. So, I added smut to fix it? I swear I'm not trying to make this story all smut. But for some reason it felt like this scene needed to happen to defuse the tension in the room in order for them to be able to talk through their issues. I don't know why, sorry.
> 
> Just a heads up, I'm off work on Monday, so I'm thinking of posting the chapter early on Monday (rather than at night). I'll be hanging out on the internet all day while writing, and I'd love it if you dropped by to leave a comment on Monday's chapter, or you could come by tumblr and ask me anonymous questions here https://elleberquist6.tumblr.com/ask  
> Yeah, my writing process is weird. I write a few paragraphs of a fic, check the internet, and then go back to the fic I was working on... That's why each chapter takes me 2-3 nights' work to write, haha


	25. Chapter 25

_Kitsune fact:_ _Foxes have a sort of informal class system. At the bottom are the babbling, lunkheaded would-be tricksters… At the top are the graceful, elegant scholars and scholarly maidens whose sophistication makes human scholars' heads spin. This is truly an unwritten rule because no fox story ever juxtaposes, say, a rice-thief fox with a scholar-fox, and no character, fox or human, ever alludes to a class difference between foxes, but it's clear in the way different foxes are characterized. [http://academia.issendai.com/unwritten-fox-rules.shtml]_

  
**~ 4 days ~**

  
           

After Martyn’s birthday, they caught an early train to London and were home before 9am. They stopped at Dan’s house first since he had to get dressed for a shift at the coffeeshop. Phil had planned on being exhausted from travel, so he had used another vacation day, and he flopped on Dan’s bed while Dan pulled on his work clothes.

As Dan’s head popped out of the top of his black polo shirt, he smiled at Phil while he adjusted his hair. “If you’re tired, you can take a nap or just hang out here for a while.”

Phil held out his hand waiting until Dan took it. He pulled Dan closer and stole a quick kiss before saying, “Thanks. I think I will. I miss you already, so come back soon, please.”

Dan leaned in to give him another quick kiss before saying, “I’ll be back soon. I miss you, too.”

Phil wrapped his arms tighter around Dan’s waist, holding onto him until he got one last deeper kiss. Then he rested his face against Dan’s neck, feeling the warmth of him and inhaling his scent. He sighed against the skin and murmured, “Don’t go. I want you to stay here so that I can hold you.”

Dan ran his fingers through Phil’s hair. “I want to stay so that you can hold me. I really do, but if I don’t leave now I’ll be late for work.”

Phil released him, and Dan took a step back; he was giving Phil a concerned look. Phil thought he knew why – lately, Dan was the one who was needy, while Phil comforted him. Just now the opposite was true. Phil forced a smile onto his face. “I hope you have fun at work.”

Dan snorted, but he no longer looked as concerned. “That’s not likely. Okay, I’ll see you for dinner once I get off?”

“Yup, see you,” Phil said, still holding the smile on his face.

Once Dan left, Phil leaned back in Dan’s bed with a sigh. He couldn’t fall apart like this, not when Dan needed him. They were both keenly aware of the fact that Dan’s birthday was in 4 days. It had been a while since they talked about it, but he still knew that Dan was terrified and convinced that his life as he knew it would be over on that day. Phil had promised him that everything would be okay, but Phil was having trouble convincing himself of that now.

After spending the last few days loving Dan and being loved in return, it somehow seemed like they both had so much more to lose if the worst happened when Dan turned 21. But, no. Phil couldn’t think like that. Everything was going to be okay – he had told Dan that it would, so he had to believe it, too. He had to stay strong for Dan.

Phil had just closed his eyes, deciding that napping in Dan’s bed sounded like a good idea, when he heard a voice, “Oh, it’s you.”

Phil opened his eyes and sat up in bed. “Adam! Good to see you.”

Adam smiled and sat on the end of the bed. “I forgot why I liked you. Most people aren’t happy to see me. Did I miss Dan? I came to welcome him home.”

“Yeah, he just went to work. I’ll tell him you dropped by. So, what have you been up to?”

Adam shrugged and looked at an empty corner of the room. “Not much, tbh. I hadn’t realized how much my life revolved around my brother, not until he went on a trip with you. I don’t really talk to anyone besides him. I used to have friends, but none of them knew that I was a kitsune, so it’s impossible to explain to them or anyone else why my life is like this now. Dan is all I have.”

Phil wished that he could reach out and touch the spirit, but he settled for a reassuring smile. “You have me now. I’m your friend, Adam.”

Dan’s brother smiled. “You’re sweet. Thanks. I’m glad Dan found you.”

 Phil hesitated, since there was something he wanted to ask, but this hadn’t gone well the last time. However, with Dan’s birthday drawing closer, he had to ask now. “Adam, could I talk to you about what’s going to happen on Dan’s 21st?”

Adam smirked. “I thought you might say that. So, your museum plan didn’t go well, I take it?”

Phil’s cheeks flushed. “No. You were right. That was a dumb idea anyway. So, I just want to know more about what’s going to happen on Dan’s birthday so that I can be there for him.”

“Sure, I might be able to help a bit,” Adam said with a nod. “Oh! But maybe we should find Grandma. She’s the smartest person I know, so there are probably things that she could explain better than me.”

“Sure, sounds great.”

Adam led Phil through the house, and they found his grandmother in the kitchen, where she had been sipping coffee while reading the newspaper. After Adam explained that Phil wanted to know more about kitsune, she picked up her coffee and led them to a room that Phil had never been in before – it was a cozy library cluttered with books.

Elspeth placed her cup of coffee on a desk and she started pulling books from the shelves. As her fingers traced contemplatively over the spines of the leather-bound books, she said to Phil, “These contain everything we know. What exactly were you hoping to learn?”

Phil shifted uncomfortably. All he wanted was for her to reassure him that Dan would be okay, but he asked, “What are the different things that Dan could become? He’s convinced that it will be something bad.”

“Hmm, this book I think…” Elspeth said as she pulled a book out of the stack. As she flipped the book open to the first page, Phil read:

 

_The Transactions of the Asiatic Society of Japan/Inari:_

_Its Origin, Development, and Nature_

_By: Rev. D.C. Buchanan, M. A., Ph.D._

_December 1935_

           

Elspeth flipped open to page 34, and she started reading aloud:

 

_Fox Names and Grades_

_The following are some of them:_

_Kitsune(_ _狐_ _) The Ordinary name for "fox"._

 _Byakko(_ _百狐_ _) "White Fox"; the tutelary diety of Inari._

 _Genko(_ _黒狐_ _) "Black Fox", whose appearance like the "White Fox" is a good omen._

 _Shakko(_ _赤狐_ _) "Red Fox"; also a beast of good omen._

 _Kuko(_ _空狐_ _) "Air Fox"; the same as "Tengu" (goblin) and exceedingly malevolent._

_Reiko "Supernatural Fox"; a powerful demon, exceedingly clever at bewitching men._

_Tenko(_ _天狐_ _) "Celestial Fox"; who flies like a bird and may be a "Tengu"._

_Koryo "Haunting Fox"; who delights in bewitching men._

_Yakan "Field Shield"; the most harmful and haunting of all foxes._

_Yako(_ _野狐_ _) "Field Fox"; the lowest grade of fox._

_Yorikata "Assistants"; a grade higher than "Field Fox"._

_Shuryo "Chief"; highest rank of fox._

_Nogitsune_ _“Wild Fox”; not really considered evil, more like prankish._

 

Phil did his best to listen, but he shook his head as he became even more confused. This wasn’t really what he needed to hear. He needed to hear about Dan. When Elspeth looked up from the book, Phil caught her eye. Phil said, “Um, could I ask you something different?”

Elspeth closed the book, smoothing the cover under her hands – Phil focused on her hands for a moment. She wore several large silver rings that were set with gems, and her nails were carefully trimmed. Her hands weren’t exactly beautiful, though. The knuckles were large and the backs of her hands were veiny. She had the hands of an old woman, and that comforted him – she looked wise. She asked, “Of course. What would you like to know, sweetie?”

“I’m not really familiar with any of the terms you’re using. Could you just tell me about Dan? Like, what is going to happen to him? He’s just going to wake up on the day of his birth with a different personality, based on whatever kind of kitsune he’s become?”

“No, he won’t just wake up like it. I woke up completely fine,” Adam answered, and he waved at his transparent body. “This happened to me in the late afternoon of my birthday.”

“It was at his time of birth,” Elspeth interjected. “The exact hour of his birth. He started feeling odd, we told him to sit down, and then he faded before our eyes.”

Phil gave Adam an apologetic look, and then he nodded at Elspeth because he finally felt like he was learning something important. He asked, “So, do you know the hour of Dan’s birth?”

“Yes, he was born just after midnight.”

Phil nodded. He wished that Dan was born later in the day like his brother, since that would give them more time. But something that Dan said made even more sense now: he wanted to spend the nights before his birthday in Phil’s arms. Now Phil knew that they would be lying in bed when this thing happened to Dan, right after midnight. Dan would be lying in his arms, and there was a chance that the last thing he would ever feel would be Phil’s arms around his body.

Elspeth was looking at the books again, glancing at the covers while rearranging them on the desk. Finally, she looked up. “Sweetie, I’d love to help you some more, but I’m meeting a friend for lunch. If you have any more questions, feel free to come find me later. Until then, you’re welcome to look through my library.”

Phil hadn’t been sure what else he wanted to ask her, so he thanked her as she left the room. Then he took her chair behind the desk. He looked over the covers of the books, unsure where to start. He glanced at Adam, who was drifting around the room, staring at nothing. “I don’t know where to start. Any advice?”

Adam shrugged. “Not really. I’m not into this stuff. I think I’m going to go, too.”

“You’re bored?” Phil asked with a smile. “Okay, I’ll see you later, Adam.”

“Later,” he said as he drifted through the door.

Phil read for a few hours before deciding that he needed to rest his eyes for just a moment, so he pillowed his cheek on the page he had been reading. Before he closed his eyes, he noticed something odd about this book. A handful of pages had been ripped out of the section he had been reading. Who would do that?

Someone shook his shoulder to rouse him. Phil blinked his sleepy eyes, realizing that he must have fallen asleep. As he sat up he straightened his glasses on his face and saw that Dan was waking him up. Phil smiled at him. “You’re home.”

Dan ran his fingers through Phil’s hair. “I am. I’m hungry. Do you want to get something to eat?”

 

 

A few hours later, they were lying beside each other in Dan’s bed. Phil was running his fingers idly across Dan’s body, but Dan was distracted. He said, “Phil… about the books you were reading today…”

Phil sighed. “Yeah, I didn’t understand a lot of it. It’s hard to read an ancient Japanese myth and put it in the context of you and me.”

Dan rolled onto his stomach and shifted until he was lying across Phil’s chest. He murmured contentedly as Phil wrapped his arms around him, and Dan spoke softly against Phil’s neck. “Don’t, then. Don’t try to put us in that context. I want to just be you and me, not a kitsune and a human.”

“Okay. We’ll be you and me, then. Dan… about your birthday, tell me if there’s anything you would like me to do.”

“Thanks.” Dan snuggled closer. “I told my manager that I couldn’t work on the day before or the day of my birthday. He was mad since I just used time off, but I insisted. It’s not like I can work anyway if I’m going to become a spirit on my birthday.”

“That’s not going to happen.”

“Phil…” Dan said as he ignored what Phil had just said. “Will you spend the day before with me? The whole day? I’m scared and there’s no one else I want to be with on that day. Just you.”

“I’m going to be there,” Phil insisted as he placed a kiss on Dan’s head.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that list of different kitsune types that Elspeth read... what would you think if I said that Dan is most likely going to become one of these very shortly?  
> When I first decided to have this twist occur in the story, I read up on the various types of kitsune. I wanted the characteristics of what he became to be reflected in the traits of this creature, so I carefully picked the type of kitsune based on what I read about it. There is much more written about some of the kitsune on this list, and if you're familiar then perhaps you have already caught the hints I've dropped which reveal which one he'll become.  
> If you haven't don't worry because all will be revealed soon :)  
> I was just curious -- do you have any guesses?  
> I'd love to hear about it in the comments, especially because I'm stuck at home tomorrow with nothing to entertain me besides a writer's notebook and the internet. You could also drop by here to ask me anon questions https://elleberquist6.tumblr.com/ask  
> I finally have all of my work posted on tumblr and I'm going to start posting the new chapters of this fic there on the same day, but don't worry -- I will always post on AO3 first because you all are the best <3


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why an update today instead of tomorrow? I thought today was Wed not Tues and didn't realize until I was about to post. I decided to post anyway. I'm a disorganized mess and I hope you won't judge me for it, sorry.  
> Oh! And thank you for over 100 kudos and over 2,000 hits, this makes me so happy <3

_Kitsune fact: Foxes are outside human society, and their affairs make no permanent change to humanity. This is true even of foxes who married human men and were respected members of society. If a fox-wife flees her human in-laws, taking her human child with her, no one goes after her; if a fox-wife dies and it becomes known that she was a fox, the surface of society seems to shiver, then glaze neatly over the hole where she had been. [http://academia.issendai.com/unwritten-fox-rules.shtml]_

  
**~ 1 day ~**

  
           

Dan opened his eyes. He saw Phil’s head resting on the pillow beside his. His eyes were still closed, light brown lashes splayed over pale cheeks, and his dark fringe was tousled by sleep. He was so lovely, and Dan wanted nothing more than to snuggle against him and to enjoy the warmth of his body in this perfect moment.

It wasn’t perfect, though. Dan felt despair clawing at his chest and tears were stinging in his eyes, but he focused on evening his breathing. He refused to have Phil wake up to the sight of him sobbing. He knew that he would be crying again before the end of the day, but he wanted to put off inflicting that on Phil for as long as possible. What was really ripping Dan apart in this moment was how unfair it all was. Why did he have to meet Phil now, at the end of everything? Why didn’t he get more time with him?

Throughout their relationship, Dan had tried so many times to keep Phil at a distance because he knew how much more both of them would hurt at the end of it if they cared too much. Surely it was better to not love at all, rather than to end up with a broken heart? It was too late to think like that anymore, since Dan had fallen so hard. All he could do was try to withstand the feeling of his heart breaking, but he didn’t want to be the cause of Phil’s. And he knew that Phil was hurting in spite of his best efforts to look strong and stay positive for Dan.

Despite everything, Dan couldn’t regret the fact that Phil was in his life and he wouldn’t change a thing about the time they had spent together. He felt selfish for thinking it, but he wanted Phil here right now, even if this was the end of his life, their relationship, and everything. Dan didn’t believe in soulmates or fate, but he felt drawn to Phil. He felt like half a person when Phil wasn’t around, and he knew that they belonged together. And _fuck_ , but he hated the fact that this. Dan knew that they belonged together, so why was this happening to them? It wasn’t fair.

Dan was doing his best to stifle his sobs, but he was making choked noises that were loud enough to wake Phil. As Phil stirred against his pillow, Dan covered his mouth with his hand, trying to muffle the sound, but it was too late. Phil opened his eyes, blinked, and then his eyes widened as he focused on Dan’s face.

Phil’s limbs seemed heavy with sleep, but he reached for Dan’s hand that was covering his mouth and he gave his wrist a squeeze. Phil cleared his throat and said, “Dan, sweetheart, don’t cry.”

Dan shook his head as he dropped his hand from his mouth. “I’m… I’m trying, but I can’t stop.”

“Shhh shhh.” Phil wrapped his arms around Dan and pulled him against his chest.

Over the course of their relationship, Dan had found that his face fit perfectly in the crook of Phil’s shoulder. He rested his face there now as he focused on evening his breathing by inhaling Phil’s scent. He loved the smell of Phil in the morning before he had applied Lynx deodorant. He just smelled like… Phil. Dan still felt like he was falling apart on the inside, but he managed to make his outside look a bit better. Once he had stopped crying, he leaned back to give Phil a wobbly smile. “I’m fine,” he said. “I promise.”

Phil didn’t look convinced, but he ran his fingers through Dan’s tangled fringe. “Are you hungry? What would you like for breakfast?”

Dan glanced at the clock. It was closer to lunchtime than breakfast, but he wasn’t complaining. He knew that he had Phil for the whole day, and that Phil was going to do everything he could to make today a good day. Dan bit his lip as he thought, and then said, “I’d like to have cereal on the sofa with you while we watch anime.”

“Are you sure?” Phil asked as he continued stroking Dan’s hair. “We do that every day. Don’t you want something fancier?”

Dan shook his head. “No. Every day with you is perfect, and I want that.”

 

 

Dan wanted to enjoy his morning with Phil. He really did, but after a couple episodes of _Death Note_ he became distracted by the fact that there was no point in watching it – there were too many unwatched episodes to complete in a day. If today went badly, he would never see the end of the show, so what was the point?

Phil was staring at him, seeming to note his mood. He sighed and turned off the tv. “You’re not enjoying this.”

“Not really,” he admitted sadly. “I’m sorry. I want to be happy for you.”

“Don’t think like that. You don’t have to be anything for me.” Phil started rubbing the back of Dan’s tense neck.

Dan leaned into the caress. “But I do. This might not just be my last day. This is our last day together, and if I become a spirit I don’t want you to remember me like this. I don’t want to be a complete wreck and have you feel bad for me or regret anything – you know you make me happy, right?”

Phil wrapped his arms around Dan. “I… oh, Dan. I really don’t want you worrying about me right now, but thank you. You make me happy, too.”

Dan rested his head on Phil’s shoulder. He could feel the warmth radiating from Phil’s body, smell the sweet scent of sugary coffee on his breath, and he could feel the softness of his skin where Phil’s neck was brushing his cheek. If Dan became a spirit at midnight, he would never experience any of these things again, and that fact was killing him. He wasn’t sure if he wanted Phil to hold him tighter or let him go, so he sat still, letting Phil envelope him in the embrace.

After a long moment, Phil leaned away. He trailed his fingertips across Dan’s cheek as he asked, “Is there anything I can do? Let me know what I can do, and I’ll do it.”

“Just let me be close to you. Hold me. Even closer than this. I need you,” Dan said in a whisper. After looking in Phil’s eyes to see that it was okay, he started unbuttoning Phil’s shirt. He ran a hand across Phil’s chest, which was lightly dusted with fine hairs.

Phil shivered under his touch and then said, “You have me. I’m yours. Dan… I want you to take me.”

Dan’s eyes widened. “Do you mean what I think you mean? Are you sure? I’ve never done that before…”

Phil’s cheeks turned a lovely shade of pink and he nodded. “If you want to, we could try it. If you think you’d like it. I’d like to do that with you.”

Dan lunged forward to press his lips against Phil’s, trying to communicate without words. Phil responded by moving his body against Dan’s, and they did their best to remove their clothes without parting their lips. Dan only pulled back so that he could admire the sight of Phil lying nude beneath him as he asked, “Lube?”

There was an end table beside the sofa. Phil opened a drawer of the table and pulled out a bottle of lube, which he handed to Dan. He parted his knees, inviting Dan to come closer. Dan hesitantly pressed a finger into Phil. He was so worried that he would hurt Phil, since he didn’t know what he was doing. He asked, “Is this okay?”

“Yes,” Phil said with a breathy laugh. “Relax, Dan. You won’t hurt me. You know what you like when I do this to you. Just try to move your hand the way I do when I’m in you.”

“Oh, okay…” Dan said nervously, but then he tried something that made Phil gasp in pleasure. This and the expression on Phil’s face was so different from how Phil acted when he was inside Dan. It made Dan feel intrigued, wanting to see the different ways that he could make Phil feel good, so he inserted another finger and searched for Phil’s prostate. He found it, and quickly became addicted to the little groans falling from Phil’s mouth.

“Hmm, I need you,” Phil begged. “I’m ready, Dan.”

“Are you sure?” Dan asked, confidence wavering. He was still worried about hurting Phil. “Maybe another finger first…”

Phil squeezed him with his thighs and fisted Dan’s curls to pull him into a quick kiss. Then he said, “I’m ready. I promise.”

Dan was still nervous, but he was no longer scared as long as he could look at Phil’s smiling face. After slicking himself with lube, he slowly sank into Phil’s body, encouraged by little comments from Phil, and then his breathy gasps and moans. Phil was much quieter than Dan during sex, and Dan smirked as he decided to take that fact as a challenge. He found the spot in Phil that made him moan, and kept going until Phil was a trembling, sticky mess beneath him.

The sight of Phil falling apart beneath him pushed Dan over the edge, and he buried himself deep in Phil before releasing with his own moan. His arms buckled and he couldn’t help it when he collapsed on top of Phil, who gave a surprised shout.

“Um, sorry,” Dan said as he rolled off of Phil, feeling his softening erection slide out of him at the same time.

Phil laughed as he rolled onto his side so that they both fit on the couch. “It’s okay. I liked it.”

“Good. Me too.” Dan ran his fingers through Phil’s hair. Whenever Phil finished in this role, he usually got up to retrieve something to clean their bodies with, but Dan was feeling too lazy and content to move from this spot yet. So, he stayed where he was with his sticky body pressed against Phil, hoping that he didn’t mind too much. Finally, he realized what he wanted to do today. “Phil… if you want to, could we spend the day in bed? Doing this. You and me. This way and the way we usually do it – I like both. Could we?”

Phil giggled again before kissing him. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

 

 

The red lights on Phil’s bedside clock were glaring at him, so he shut his eyes. It was 11:55PM. If he closed his eyes he could pretend that this was just any night, and he was warm and safe in bed beside his boyfriend. He snuggled closer to Phil.

“Mmmh,” Phil sighed as he brushed his fingertips across Dan’s cheek. “Don’t fall asleep.”

“Hmm?” Dan hummed in response. “Why? I’m tired.”

“It’s almost midnight. We’ll know soon if you just stay awake.” Phil’s fingers traveled from Dan’s cheek to his hair, where they tangled in the curls. “Dan… even if the worst happens, nothing has to change. I want you to know that. I still want you to stay with me. I’ll still…”

Phil would still love him? Dan bit his lip to stop himself from saying anything. He didn’t want to say how he felt just because this might be their last night together. Phil deserved more than a deathbed confession. And Phil was wrong. If Dan ended up like Adam – and he was sure that was about to happen – he wouldn’t stick around. Seeing Phil and never being able to touch him again would be torture.

Dan tightened his grip on Phil, never wanting to let go. With his cheek resting on Phil’s chest, it didn’t take him long to notice how Phil’s breathing had evened. Phil was asleep. Dan let his breathing fall into a similar rhythm, wanting to see Phil in his dreams.

 

 


	27. Chapter 27

_Kitsune fact:_ _But no matter what shape a Kitsune takes, there will always be one give-away. He must keep his hoshi no tama, a glowing ball or iridescent gem, with him at all times. The ball contains his soul, and without it, he will grow powerless and die. In human form, Kitsunes usually wear their hoshi no tamas as amulets, but in fox form, they carry the magical balls in their mouths or fasten them to their tails. [https://mythology.net/japanese/japanese-creatures/kitsune/]_

  
  
           

Phil jolted awake from a dream he didn’t remember. His room was bright with sunlight, and as he blinked into the light he knew that should mean something. Today was important, but his brain was too sluggish at the moment to recall why. He made an instinctive grab for his glasses on the nightstand and he put them on to bring the room into focus. Then he saw the boy sleeping in bed beside him. Oh God, it was Dan. He was 21-years-old today. Phil started to reach for him, but he hesitated. Dan looked solid, but what if Phil’s hand went through him? What would he do? The answer was simple: he would love him. He wouldn’t stop loving him, even if he could never touch him again. The spirit would still be Dan.

So, Phil made his fingers travel the last few inches towards Dan. He hovered just over the tanned, freckled skin of Dan’s shoulder. He still wasn’t touching his skin, but as Phil’s hand hovered there he closed his eyes for a moment and focused. He felt it then – the warmth radiating from Dan’s body. Phil sucked in a shuddering breath as he closed his hand around Dan’s warm shoulder. In response, Dan stirred in his sleep, but then he groaned and buried his face in his pillow.

Phil took a few deep breaths to calm himself because the desire he had to cry was ridiculous – Dan was fine. He was alive, warm, and solid under Phil’s hand. There was no reason to cry. Phil leaned back against the headboard. He brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, thinking that he would be able to steady himself better in this position, but as he stared at Dan he couldn’t stop the tears that started to roll down his cheeks.

Dan’s eyes snapped open and he whispered, “Phil?”

Phil swiped his hands across his cheeks to dry them. “I’m here.”

Dan propped himself up on his elbow so that he could see Phil. He looked like he thought he might be dreaming. “Am I… can you… Phil, what do I look like?”

“You look beautiful,” he said, his voice quavering as he was still half-crying.

“No, I mean… I… Can you see me? Can you see through me? Am I solid?”

Phil smiled as he unclasped the hands wrapped around his knees. He reached out and gripped Dan’s wrist. He held Dan’s hand before Dan’s eyes so that he could see for himself how solid he was. “You’re okay, Dan. I can see you. I can touch you. You’re alive. Everything is fine.”

“Oh,” Dan said with wide eyes as he stared at his hand. He twisted his wrist in Phil’s grip, not trying to get away but just testing the solidity of his flesh. “I’m not a spirit.”

“No,” Phil said with a soft laugh. “You’re you. But… I was wondering though, what kind of kitsune are you now? Do you know?”

Dan shook his head. Then he looked down at his body that was covered by a thin sheet. Using his free hand, he shifted the sheet to expose a long stretch of bare thigh. He closed his eyes for a moment, but Phil was watching as Dan’s tail appeared, resting beside his thigh.

“It changed colors,” Phil commented.

Dan opened his eyes to see that his white tail had turned black. He pursed his lips as he regarded it, and the tip of the tail flicked. Dan said, “I like it.”

Phil nodded. “I thought you would, given your taste in clothes. It will match your wardrobe now.”

“I’ll be able to accessorize,” Dan snorted.

“So,” Phil said. He hesitated for a moment as this drew Dan’s attention back to him, but then he asked, “Does this mean that you’re the same type of kitsune as your dad and grandma?”

“I don’t know. I guess that wouldn’t be a bad thing. They’re able to be good people, despite what they are. I just didn’t see this coming. I’m not really like them in any other way. I didn’t think I would end up being the same kind of kitsune as them.”

Phil nodded, since this fit with what Adam said about kitsune and values. But Dan was okay, and he didn’t want to question this too much right now; he just wanted to enjoy this moment. He was staring curiously at the black tail that was still flicking idly at Dan’s side when he asked, “Can I touch your tail?”

Dan shrugged as he drew his tail in front of him, running his fingertips through the black fur. “I’m not exactly sure if you can. I can touch it and feel it because it’s a part of me, but it’s not solid. My tail is a part of my spirit, not my body. That’s why Adam’s tail always shows – he doesn’t have a body, just a spirit. You can try to touch it, though.”

Phil reached for the tail, but when his fingertips should have touched fur, all he felt was warmth. He kept reaching, watching in fascination as his fingertips sunk into the tail with a sensation like he was lowering his hand into a pool of warm water. “It feels nice to me. What does that feel like for you?” he asked Dan.

Dan shrugged again, but the corners of his lips quirked. “It kind of tickles.”

Phil was going to draw his fingers away when he made contact with something solid. He closed his fingers around it as he pulled his hand out of Dan’s tail. “What’s this?” he asked as he opened his palm to display the object that had been in the tail. “It looks like a black pearl.”

Dan’s eyes widened. In an oddly intense voice, he asked, “Give it back, please.”

Phil quickly placed the pearl in Dan’s palm. “I’m sorry.”

Dan sighed as he looked at the pearl. “No, I’m sorry. You didn’t understand what it was.” He held the pearl between two of his fingers so that they could both see it clearly. “It’s called a _hoshi no tama._ This is my soul.”

Phil gaped at the pearl. “Are you serious?”

“What? You thought I didn’t have a soul?” Dan asked with a laugh.

“No! It’s just… I was holding your soul a moment ago. It’s hard to wrap my mind around that. What if I’d dropped it?”

 “I don’t think it would break or anything,” Dan said with a smile. Then he placed the _hoshi no tama_ in the fur of his tail, and then both vanished from sight. He looked at Phil. “The risk is more in if it gets lost. My power comes from it, and the human who holds it gets control over me. I have to keep it on me at all times.”

Phil nodded. “I would too if my soul were detachable like that. So, Dan… what did you want to do today?”

“Oh,” Dan said with wide eyes. “I hadn’t thought about that. I didn’t think I’d still be here today. Um, I guess I should go see my family. They’re probably wondering if I’m still alive.”

“Okay, but one sec. I want to give you something before we go.” Phil rolled away from Dan and reached under his bed, where he had hidden a package wrapped in colorful paper. Then he rolled back to Dan and placed the package on his lap.

Dan stared at it with wide eyes. “What’s this?”

“A present. It’s your birthday, so…”

“You didn’t have to do this. I wasn’t expecting anything,” Dan said as he examined the package. It was oddly shaped and as he gave it a squeeze he found that the object inside was squishy.

Phil laughed and shook his head. “I wanted to get you something. It’s just something small, so don’t make a big deal about it.”

“Okay, I guess I should open it. It’s kind of starting to open itself anyway,” he said with a wry smile as he looked at the poorly taped corner that was peeling up without any help.

“Yeah, I’m not the best at wrapping, but it’s the thought that counts, right?” Phil said with a slight flush.

“No, sorry. I’m being a dick. You just caught me off guard with this, and when I feel vulnerable I act… yeah, I’m sorry. Thanks for this,” Dan said, as his fingers started to pick at the tape on the package.

“You weren’t expecting a present on your birthday?” Phil asked with a smile because Dan was cute and soft when all his walls were down like this.

Dan shook his head as he continued staring at the present that he was slowly and carefully unwrapping in his lap. “I kind of figured that getting to spend the whole day with you yesterday was my present. There’s nothing more that I could have asked after you gave me that.” Then he peeled back the paper, revealing the plush toy inside. “It’s a vulpix.”

Phil watched Dan carefully for his reaction, which purely surprise at the moment. Then Phil’s cheeks flushed again, darker this time, and he said defensively, “Because you like Pokémon. And I read that vulpix is a kitsune like you… so, um, so I thought you might like it. It made me think of you, and I—”

“I love it,” Dan said, picking up the toy to examine it closer. Finally, he met Phil’s eyes. “More than anything, it means so much to me that you did all this. You bought me something, you put thought into it, and you even wrapped it, all because you believed that I would be around today to open it. Thank you. For always believing that things will work out for the best.”

 

 

An hour later, they were standing on the porch of the funeral home. Before Dan could use his key, his grandmother opened the door and pulled him into a hug. She cupped a hand behind his neck and pulled his head down so that she could place a kiss on his forehead. As she released him, she said, “Happy birthday, sweetie.” Then she shook a finger at him. “Answer your phone next time. We’ve been calling all day.”

“Sorry, I turned it off yesterday,” Dan said as they followed his grandmother into the house. It was true – they had wanted privacy yesterday, and Dan hadn’t turned his phone back on yet. Dan asked, “Is Adam around? I was expecting him to drop in on us to see what happened to me.”

“I haven’t seen him,” she said with a shake of her head as she led them into the kitchen.

Dan’s parents were there, leaning against the kitchen counter while they sipped coffee. When they saw him, Dan’s dad smiled with dimples, and his mum ran over to pull him into a tight hug.

Phil stayed in the doorway to give the family some space as they fussed over Dan, asking him how he felt and making him show them his newly-black tail. Phil was hoping that they would have an idea of what Dan was now – if he had become a kitsune like his dad and grandma – but none of them seemed sure and they were just glad that Dan still had his body.

“He looks happy,” someone said behind him in a soft voice.

Phil turned around, seeing Adam peering into the kitchen from the next room. “Oh, hey.”

Adam gave him a small smile. “Nicely done, Phil. He was probably a mess yesterday. Thanks for getting my brother through that.”

“Of course,” Phil said, glancing at Dan who was still in the kitchen with his parents. The family looked happy and normal as Dan’s mum rummaged through the fridge, offering choices for breakfast. Phil turned back to the spirit, who would unfortunately be unable to join the rest of his family for this meal.

Adam shifted uncomfortably in place. He was looking at a window in the dining room like he wanted to be outside instead of in here, but he looked up when Phil approached him. He asked, “What is it?”

Phil stopped a couple feet away from him and averted his gaze. “I just… I wanted to say I’m sorry. Today went well for Dan, but you’re still… I wish I could do something to help you. You don’t deserve to be stuck like this.”

Adam’s lips twisted in a mirthless smirk. He shook his head as he said, “No one can help me. Look, Phil… don’t worry about me. Just worry about my brother. Take care of him.”

“Dan is fine,” Phil insisted. He didn’t like the way Adam’s eyes narrowed suspiciously, leaving an unasked question hanging in the air, _Are you sure?_

Adam glanced at the kitchen, and then away. “I’m getting out of here. Tell Dan I say ‘hey’.” Without waiting for Phil to say anything else, he drifted through a wall and out of sight.

With a frown, Phil started walking back to the kitchen. He tried to shake off the unsettling feeling that Adam’s words had left him with – Dan was alive, and all Phil wanted to be right now was happy. Phil found himself pausing once more in the doorway, frozen in place by what he saw. Dan was at his mum’s side as she plated some bacon that she had just fried in a pan. Dan snatched a piece of bacon from the plate and made an appreciative sound as he ate. The kitchen was filled with the smell of cooked meat.

Phil had never cared either way what Dan wanted to eat. Vegetarian or not, it didn’t make a difference to Phil – he just wanted Dan. So, why did the sight of Dan eating bacon bother him so much? Because today Dan had been convinced that everything would change, and here was a small sign that something had changed. The smell of cooked meat no longer bothered Dan, and he had so easily abandoned a moral battle with his mother after a year of avoiding her cooking.

This domestic scene looked so innocent on the surface, but Adam’s words were still ringing in Phil’s ears, _Just worry about my brother._

Phil knew now that it wasn’t over. Something was wrong.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple notes: 
> 
> \- Sorry to any vegetarians offended by the ending scene. I wanted to rep vegetarians well with this fic, but that scene was important for the plot. I promise Dan doesn't eat any more meat during this story. 
> 
> \- While the sources I'm quoting alternate between calling the thing in Dan's tail a hoshi no tama, a kitsune ball, and a star ball, I'm going to be sticking to the Japanese word "hoshi no tama" because I can't take myself seriously if I'm talking about Dan's ball... sorry. 
> 
> \- A couple days ago I was reading "Strangers" by waveydnp and there was a scene in that were Dan's mum gave him a birthday present, which is when I realized that it was Dan's birthday in this chapter and it would be odd if he got no presents, so the vulpix plushie in this chapter was a very late edition in my editing, and it's thanks to waveydnp being my inspiration here. 
> 
> \- The next update will be up late on Saturday, and hopefully I'll get my update schedule back to normal after that


	28. Chapter 28

_Kitsune fact:_ _One of the most important things to a Kitsune is freedom. They do not fare well to being locked away, and do not like to be forced to do something they don't want to. Kitsune love playing tricks. They like to take things and hide them from people, or do just about anything else to piss someone off. Kitsunes' have things called Kitsune balls, or star balls, which is a small white-gold ball that is a Kitsune's most prized possession, since it is almost like their life force in a ball. If you get your hands on a Kitsune's star ball, you would have the ability to control the Kitsune, and make it do your bidding. However, Kitsune hate being stripped of their freedom, and there will be serious repercussions for you to deal with. [http://www.mythicalcreaturesguide.com/page/Kitsune/]_

 

  
           

Dan was leaning on the counter at the coffee shop, wondering what he was doing here. The small of his back was aching from being on his feet for so long. He had scalded his hand making a cup of tea for a customer earlier. He had been here for so long that he now hated the smell of coffee beans, a scent he loved before this place had tainted it. What was he doing with his life? Why was he here when he could be sitting on the sofa, playing video games?

A man entered the coffee shop, so Dan straightened his spine and pasted a smile on his face. “Hello there,” Dan greeted the customer.

Rather than returning the smile or greeting, the man frowned at him. “Make me a coffee.”

Dan’s shoulders stiffened, but that was the only visible reaction he allowed himself to have to the man’s rudeness as he went through the motions of taking the details of the order. Then he was able to turn his back on the man as he started making the coffee. Dan grinned to himself as he decided to add something special to the coffee. He had a new pen in his pocket – it was black and filled with liquid ink. Dan cracked the pen and poured the ink into the coffee.

Then he put the lid on the coffee and turned with a polite smile to give it to the customer. If the man couldn’t even return a courteous smile, it seemed right that his coffee should paint his teeth black. Dan was only teaching him a lesson.

A couple mind-numbing hours of work later, another customer stood out to him. The man came in when the shop was mostly empty, and he handed Dan a large bill that required change. While Dan was counting his change, out of the corner of his eye he saw the man steal a £5 note out of the tip jar.

Dan felt his blood boil, but just before he called the man out on the theft he had a better idea. He was holding the man’s change – a £10 note – when he intentionally dropped a coin and ducked below the counter to retrieve the coin. A leaf had blown behind the counter from the front door, and Dan cast a quick illusion on the leaf to make it resemble a 10. Then he handed it to the customer, who smirked like he had outwitted Dan. What an asshole. Dan returned the smile, satisfied with the fact that the next time the man glanced in his wallet he would see a leaf.

When the man left, Dan stuffed the real 10 in the tip jar. As he returned to leaning against the counter, he was still miserable, but at least he felt smug whenever he glanced at the tip jar.

 

 

Dan was taking out the trash a couple hours later. He stood by the dumpster for a few moments, staring at the door that would take him back to work, but he didn’t have the motivation to take a single step towards it. He could think of a hundred things he would rather be doing right now, and not one reason to go back inside. Why was he spending his time working? Why did he take this job in the first place? He couldn’t remember what he was doing here.

Dan stripped off his apron and tossed it in the dumpster before walking away. Now that his night was open, he smiled as he realized where he wanted to be, and he started walking in the direction of Phil’s apartment. Knowing that Phil would still be out for a bit longer, Dan used his key to let himself into Phil’s apartment. He looked around the empty room, grinning as he thought of something that would be fun.

Dan found a great place to hide, and he was out of sight behind the back of the sofa when Phil walked in the front door. Peeking around the edge of the sofa, he saw Phil lock the front door and hang up his jacket. Phil glanced at his phone, perhaps checking the time, and then he started walking towards the kitchen.

Dan took a shallow breath, closed his eyes for a moment, and then heard a knock on the front door. When he opened his eyes, he saw Phil crossing the room again so that he could answer the door. Dan covered his mouth with his hand to stifle the laughter he already felt bubbling in his chest.

When Phil opened the door, his jaw dropped. A grizzly bear was standing on its hind legs in the doorway. As Phil stared at it, the bear rumbled with a growl and reached forward with its claws. Meanwhile, Dan bit his lip, a bit disappointed that Phil wasn’t running or screaming. Did he know it was an illusion? It looked perfectly real, and Dan was even putting in some effort to make the bear’s breath stink like rotting meat. Frustrated, Dan decided to take this to the next level.

The bear’s jaw dropped further, slobber hanging from its sharp teeth as it let out a roar loud enough to make the pictures on the walls shake. Then it flailed its claws in the air, getting closer to Phil this time. Phil let out a small shriek as he retreated a few steps. He glanced over his shoulder in the direction of the stairs. The bear was too tall to fit through the doorway on its hind legs, so it dropped to all fours. Phil screamed again as he ran for the stairs. The bear snarled as it lumbered after him.

Dan could no longer contain his laughter, but Phil didn’t notice as he sprinted up the stairs, away from the bear. Dan had to wrap an arm around his stomach because it ached from laughing. Just as he was gasping for breath, he heard Phil shout again, but this time the sound was followed by a crash. Dan looked up in surprise. His bear illusion had been shambling near the stairs, and it _popped_ out of existence as Dan’s chest squeezed with worry as he listened harder – Phil wasn’t making a sound.

Dan scrambled to his feet and ran to the stairs. Standing at the bottom, he looked up and saw Phil sprawled across the stairs. Dan’s breath caught in his chest, but as he watched Phil started to move as he tried to sit up. He sprinted up the stairs to Phil’s side. “Are you okay? Please tell me you’re okay.”

Phil’s eyes widened, but he allowed Dan to help him sit up. He glanced downstairs, and then to Dan again as Dan settled onto the step beside him. “The bear? That was you?”

“Yes, I thought it would be funny. I’m so sorry. I didn’t think that you would get hurt. Are you okay? Please Phil, tell me if you’re hurt.”

Phil flexed his arms experimentally and stretched his back, all without complaint, but he hissed in pain when he moved his left ankle. He drew his knee closer to his chest so that he could reach his ankle and rub it. “I don’t think it’s broken. It feels like I twisted it when I fell.”

Dan stared in horror at Phil, who was sinking his teeth into his bottom lip as he moved his foot, testing the range of motion he was capable of, which didn’t seem to be that much. “I… hurt you,” Dan whispered in disbelief. “Oh God, I hurt you.”

Phil shook his head, though they both knew it was true.

“I’m sorry. I’m… Let me help you. You need ice. You need to lie down somewhere comfortable. Let me take care of you,” Dan insisted, and Phil didn’t protest. Dan carried Phil down the stairs and placed him gently on the sofa. He arranged the pillows behind Phil’s back and under his injured foot while Phil smiled as if to reassure him, and then Dan ran to the kitchen for an ice pack. He carefully removed Phil’s sneaker from his foot, but he couldn’t do it without causing Phil some pain, and Dan cringed every time Phil winced.

Finally, Phil’s foot was bare except for a batman sock, and Dan placed the ice pack over the injury. Sighing, Dan settled on his knees beside the sofa. Hoping that Phil didn’t hate him too much, Dan leaned forward to rest his face against Phil’s stomach.

Phil ran his fingers through Dan’s curls. “What are you doing?” he asked.

Dan shook his head and mumbled against the front of the t-shirt, “I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

Dan turned his head so that he could see Phil’s face as he asked, “In what way was this not my fault?”

Phil bit his lip and looked away. Then he said, “It’s not your fault. This is just something that happened to you. I don’t blame you. You didn’t want this. You’re different now, but that doesn’t change how I feel about you. Please know that.”

Dan shivered as he realized what Phil was saying. “It’s the fox. I’m… I’m different? Oh, fuck. I’m different. I hurt you.”

“Shh shh,” Phil tried to comfort him by stroking his hair and rubbing his neck. Phil was lying injured on the sofa, and he was actually trying to comfort Dan. Phil was too good for him – how could he not see that?

Dan shook his head, but he didn’t pull away from Phil’s soft hands. He said, “You don’t understand. I’ve been doing awful things all day. I feel like I’ve been riding a high, like I was on a drug – and I’m only just coming down from it right now. I couldn’t see that my actions had negative consequences because what I was doing just felt so good and right, even though it was terrible.”

Dan started breathing heavily as he thought back on his day with a clear mind. He had walked out on his job because he couldn’t remember that he was there to earn money for college. His mind had been so clouded by the fox that he had completely forgotten about his life goals. How is that possible? His eyes widened in alarm as he looked at Phil, “I could have killed you, Phil. And I would have laughed while you were dying.”

Phil closed his eyes and swallowed heavily. Then he opened his eyes and took a steadying breath before saying, “I can’t say that this doesn’t scare me, but we can get through this. It’s no different than how things were before your birthday. We still have a problem, and all we have to do is work on it. It’s going to be okay, Dan.”

Dan’s jaw dropped slightly as he understood what Phil was thinking. “You want to do research again. You think there’s something we can do to fix this. I… I’m not sure we’ll find any answers, but I want to try. I don’t want to hurt you or anyone else.”

Phil smiled and found Dan’s hand so that he could give it a squeeze. “You won’t. We’re going to fix this. I promise. Believe me.”

 

 

After Dan cooked dinner which he brought to Phil on the sofa, they ate while watching tv. Dan ate sitting on the floor beside the sofa, but after he’d finished dinner Phil wrapped his arms around Dan. He coaxed Dan onto the sofa beside him with soft kisses to his neck and assurances that his ankle felt fine and Dan wasn’t disturbing him. Once Dan joined him, Phil rolled them onto their sides and wrapped his arms around him. Dan melted against the touch, but his brow was still creased with worry. He asked, “Phil, what about your job? You have to walk Rotty tomorrow. What about your ankle?”

“Hmmm,” Phil sighed as he thought. “I don’t think the sprain is that bad, but I’ll see how I feel in the morning. If my ankle still hurts, I’ll call out sick – I don’t want to make it worse by forcing myself to walk on it.”

“Could I fill in for you? I don’t want you to get in trouble for calling out, and my day is free. I sort of quit my job today.”

Phil sighed and hugged him tighter. “I thought you were home a bit early… Um, no. Thanks for the offer, but I don’t think that will be necessary. I also don’t think that’s a good idea, considering…”

Dan bit his lip as he thought about what Phil was saying: it wasn’t a good idea for him to walk Rotty, considering… considering everything that was going on right now. He remembered the day that Phil had encouraged him to pet Rotty because in his opinion ‘Dan had a good nature’, so the dog would like him. Things had changed, though.

Dan’s breathing got a bit heavier as he was getting very close to losing the shaky grasp he had on himself, and tears were already threatening to fall from his eyes. As Phil’s arm tightened around him and his chin rested on Dan’s shoulder, he felt himself being anchored by Phil. By his warmth, his touch, and his scent. Phil grounded him when Dan thought it was no longer possible to touch the ground.

Phil promised, “It’s going to be okay.”

Dan didn’t believe him, but the words were enough to calm him for the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why a bear? Dan's Psycho Thoughts video
> 
> So, after reading the comments on the last chapter, I realized that my thought process behind the meat-eating scene might have been unclear. I wanted to explain it:  
> Foxes are omnivores (they eat meat). At the start of this story, Dan was just a young, weak kitsune pup, and this meant that his personality, impulses, and thoughts were all his own. Now that he's older and has come into his full power as a kitsune he has a much stronger fox spirit inside of him, and this spirit will be influencing his behavior. So, he forgot for a moment that he doesn't eat meat (because the fox in him has different desires and values). 
> 
> I hope that this clears up any questions!


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised to a reader, I must say at the beginning of this chapter "arishipsphan, forgive me for what is revealed in this chapter."

From Season 3 of Teen Wolf [https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3460980/quotes] _:_

_Nogitsune: You don't understand, do you? It's a riddle. Do you know any riddles, Stiles?_

_Stiles: A few._

_Nogitsune: What gets bigger the more you take away?_

_Stiles: A hole._

_Nogitsune: What gets wetter the more it dries?_

_Stiles: A towel._

_Nogitsune: When is a door not a door?_

_Stiles: [Anguished] When it's ajar._

_Nogitsune: Everyone has it, but no one can lose it. What is it? What is it?_

_Stiles: I don't know._

_Nogitsune: What is it, Stiles?_

_Stiles: A shadow._

 

 

  
Things were a bit tense the next morning, as Phil discovered his ankle was too tender for him to walk on – he was able to limp to the bathroom, but he had to call in sick to the dog walking agency. Phil kept a smile pasted on his face the whole morning and assured Dan that he was fine whenever he asked or offered help, but it was obvious that Phil was just trying to protect Dan from the truth.

Dan knew, though. He hated the way that Phil winced every time he took a step, and when Phil caught Dan staring at him, Phil would smile and do his best to hide his pain. Phil was hurt, but he was trying to be strong for Dan, which only made Dan feel worse. Weak. Worthless.

Dan was sick with guilt and self-loathing. If Phil weren’t here right now, Dan would lock himself in a dark room and hide from the world for the rest of the day. He had no energy to do anything else, not even compose his expression. He felt like his skin was a brittle shell surrounding a hollow center, and that the surface would soon crack; he would blow away like dust in the wind.

Phil needed him now though, so Dan had to hold himself together for Phil. Dan knew that he wasn’t worthy of Phil’s love or forgiveness, but Phil was offering it, so all Dan could do was take it. It was hard being here, but Dan wasn’t going to run while Phil needed him, as much as he wanted to run from this situation and the guilt that burned so intensely that he felt it would leave blisters on his skin. He didn’t run, though. He deserved this pain.

 

 

Dan wasn’t going to deny anything Phil requested right now, so he didn’t protest when Phil suggested that they take a cab to the funeral home so that they could peruse Grandma’s library. He supported Phil as he limped up the stairs, and then helped to settle him behind Grandma’s desk. He then turned to stare at the books on the shelves and piled on every surface of the room.

Dan didn’t want to be here. After the things he did to Phil and other people yesterday, he felt completely out of control. Yesterday, he lost himself. When he realized he had hurt Phil, he knew how truly lost he was. He knew he was lost and he didn’t know how to find himself again. Looking at these books just made him feel even more overwhelmed.

Dan wanted to run, but instead he just sighed while he looked at the books. “Where do you want to start?”

“I don’t know,” Phil said as he shifted the books that were already on the desk. “These are the books that your grandma got out for me the last time I was in here. She selected them when she was trying to help me understand what you were going to become. I guess that is a good place to start – we need to know what you are now because I think that you’re different from what your dad and grandma are. We have to understand this.”

Dan nodded. He didn’t say anything else as he grabbed a couple books from the desk and settled into a nearby chair. They started reading in silence.

A while later, Dan looked up from the page he was reading. Phil was examining the book before him, but he wasn’t reading. Instead, he was running his fingers over the frayed remains of the edges of some pages, which had been torn out. He noticed Dan’s gaze on him and looked up with a smile. “Did you find something?” Phil asked.

Dan shrugged and looked at the page he was reading. He couldn’t deny that it was something though, so he got up and carried the book over to Phil. He placed what he had been reading over the damaged book and said, “What do you think?”

Phil blinked at the page before he started reading aloud, “ _Myobu are the kitsune who follow Inari, considered good foxes. Myobu prefer to drive away nogitsune, instead of killing them. Nogitsune are the wild kitsune who do not follow Inari. These are considered to be 'bad' kitsune, though they are not really evil, rather just more unruly and mischievous than most. Kitsune live by an honor code that is believed to be set by Inari. Though the details are not written in stone, and each Myobu kitsune follows it in his or her own way. Nogitsune, on the other hand, don't feel a need to follow any such code and merely do what they wish. This gives them much more freedom, but also makes them much more dangerous to deal with. Nogitsune are mischievous and trick people. They are not really considered evil, more like prankish._ ”

Phil looked up from the page with wide eyes. “This sounds like you.”

Dan nodded. His throat felt dry as he swallowed heavily before saying, “I guess that’s what I am now. A nogitsune.”

Phil’s eyes flicked between the page and Dan’s face. “Okay, so this is a good thing. We’re getting somewhere. We understand what you are now.”

Dan took the book from Phil’s hands and shut it before placing it back on the desk. “No, we’re not getting anywhere. It makes no difference to have a word for what I am. You saw the words that this book used to describe me: bad, unruly, dangerous. I’m going to hurt people. I’ll hurt you again. Phil, I… I don’t want to know this stuff. I just want to lock myself in my room and never come out again.”

Phil reached across the desk to squeeze Dan’s hand. “No, don’t hide. There’s an answer in here. I’m sure. We’re going to fix this. We just need to keep reading.”

Dan had to take several calming breaths to stop himself from crying. “Phil, I can’t. I don’t believe that anything will help. My head is clear right now, but soon I’m going to become this violent thing again. I… I don’t want to do this now. Not while I’m myself. I feel like I’m on borrowed time, and if this time is limited this isn’t what I want to do with it. I can’t anyway. I’m exhausted. My eyes hurt. I just want to rest.”

Phil got to his feet and only hissed softly as he put weight on his ankle. Before Dan could do anything, Phil pulled him into a tight hug. He spoke into his curly hair. “I’m sorry. I was so focused on helping you that I didn’t think about how hard all of this is on you. Of course you can get some rest. Go take a nap, sweetheart. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Dan relaxed against the hug and was too tired to object to what Phil was suggesting. Dan gave Phil a quick kiss to thank him before leaving the room. He went into his room and burrowed under his duvet, reassured by the fact that Phil was in the next room. He had wanted to be here in his dim bedroom all day, but he thought that being here would be accompanied by the feeling of having abandoned Phil. He hadn’t left Phil though, and he fell asleep, content in the knowledge that Phil was only a couple rooms away.

 

 

“Hey, Dan.”

Dan recognized Phil’s voice on the edge of sleep, but he still groaned and buried his face in his pillow. He groaned louder when Phil shook his shoulder.

“Dan, I’m sorry, but wake up. I found something. I mean it, I wouldn’t be waking you up if it weren’t important.”

That sounded interesting, so Dan struggled to full consciousness. He sat up, rubbing his eyes. Phil was sitting on the edge of his bed, and he had turned on the bedside lamp. He felt a strange sensation that he recognized as hope – the feeling of it scared him, but he gave Phil a smile because Phil was smiling, which was contagious. Dan asked, “What did you find?”

“Well, I started with this,” Phil said, placing a book on the duvet on Dan’s lap. It was the damaged book he had been looking at earlier. “I thought it was odd that these pages were torn out, and it made me curious. I wondered who would do that and why.”

Dan shrugged as he looked at the book. “Maybe it was damaged when my grandma bought it? I don’t know. You think it’s important?”

“I thought it might be, so I decided to find out what was written on those pages.” Phil picked up Dan’s laptop, which was open on the floor, and he turned the screen to face Dan. “I borrowed your laptop and searched for the book. It turns out there was a version available online. After seeing it, I think it’s possible that the pages were removed so that you didn’t read them. Dan, do you think your family would have anything against you becoming a human?”

“What?” Dan gasped. He stared at the computer screen, but his mind was racing too fast to focus on the words displayed there. “Are you saying…?”

“Yes,” Phil said, his voiced choked with emotion. “You can become human.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The paragraph that Phil read about nogitsune is a compilation of quotes from several sources, some of which you might have seen bits of in the "kitsune facts" at the beginning of chapters. Now that you see this paragraph, I hope you'll see why I picked this type of kitsune for Dan. 
> 
> Are you looking forward to what Phil is going to tell Dan in the next chapter :) ?
> 
> OMG, only 10 chapters left? When did that happen?


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While this scenario is heavily inspired by the Korean drama "My Girlfriend is a Gumiho (aka My Girlfriend is a 9-tailed Fox) I will be taking my own spin on it, so don't think you know what will happen if you're familiar with it :)

_Kitsune fact: The Kumiho (_ _구미호_ _), or Gumiho is similar to other fox creatures, such as the Japanese kitsune… Of these long-lived legendary creatures, the Kumiho is the only fox that kills and eats humans. Ways in which a Kumiho can become human include:_

  * _The Kumiho must refrain from killing and eating humans for 1,000 days_
  * _A person who has found the Kumiho’s true nature must tell no one of its secret for 10 years_
  * _Over a period of 100 days, the Kumiho must not show its true form to a human, take no human or animal lives, and help anyone that needs aid. If the Kumiho fails on this quest it will lose any chance of becoming human and will be a demon for 1,000 years._



_[https://thesupernaturalfoxsisters.com/2015/06/03/monster-of-the-week-kumiho/]_

 

  
           

“How?” Dan pleaded. His eyes were full of trust and longing.

Phil didn’t want to get anything wrong, so he consulted the computer screen once more before answering. “It says that if you want to become human, you need the help of a human. And you need to use the thing in your tail that you showed me, your _hoshi no tama._ If you trust this human and let him hold onto your _hoshi no tama_ for 100 days, you can become human on the 100 th day if the human returns it to you.”

“Is that all?” Dan asked because it seemed so simple at first. As he thought more about it though, he had to say, “Fuck, but that’s a lot though. You would have to hold my soul for all that time. You’d have complete control over me. This is serious. Do you really want to do this?”

Phil bit his lip before nodding. “I promised you that I would save you. I asked you to believe in me. I can do this, Dan. Let me.”

Dan just stared at him.

Phil’s cheeks flushed. “I mean, if you want to. I’m assuming a lot here. I don’t even know if you would want any of this, and please don’t do it because you think I want you to. I’m just telling you this to give you an option: if you want to, you can become human.”

“Of course I want to,” Dan said in a whisper. He cleared his throat and continued in a stronger voice. “I was just overwhelmed there for a second. I didn’t think that any of this was possible, and I never thought that I could trust someone as much as I trust you. I do believe in you, Phil. I’m a total pessimist and I always think that the worst is going to happen, but I believe in you. I believe in us. We can do this.”

Phil beamed at him and leaned forward to kiss him. He pulled away a moment later with a giddy laugh. “So, we’re doing this. Um, do you want to do this now? Or is there something else we have to talk about first? Are we ready for this?”

“No, I’m ready if you are. I just want to be human as soon as possible.” Dan threw back the duvet and his newly-black tail appeared. He draped it across his lap and reached into the fur, extracting the black pearl that was his soul. Then he held it out for Phil in the center of his open palm.

Phil reached for it, but his hand shook slightly and he pulled away. He bit his lip as he looked at Dan.

Dan gave him a reassuring smile. “It’s okay. You don’t have to be brave for me all the time. I know this is scary. You can let me see that – I know that being scared doesn’t change how you feel about me.”

Phil nodded. “I’m scared of letting you down. I’m usually pretty responsible and I don’t lose things, but what if I lose this? It’s so small. Where am I supposed to keep it? I’m supposed to have it on me all the time, right? Should I keep it in my wallet? I don’t even always have my wallet on me, so…”

“I have an idea,” Dan said as he crawled out of bed. He walked over to his desk, where he kept his box of earrings. Inside, he also had a watch on a chain that he never wore after he bought it impulsively years ago. The back of it had an empty compartment that opened to hold a picture. The compartment was just big enough to hold the small _hoshi no tama._ He placed it inside and then walked back to his bed, where Phil was still sitting. He held it out to show Phil. “How about this? Can you keep this with you for the next 100 days?”

“I’d do anything for you,” Phil said. He let Dan place the chain of the watch around his neck, and then he tucked it into the collar of his t-shirt. Phil placed him palm on the fabric over the watch as he looked at Dan. “How do you feel? Any different?”

Dan shook his head. “Not yet. What about you? Do you feel different? Like, you’re supposed to be able to control me now if you want to.”

“I don’t want to control you,” Phil said as his cheeks flushed. As he stared at Dan, the flush darkened. “Um, I’m not sure if…”

Dan giggled, and then his eyes widened. “This morning I felt so awful that I couldn’t imagine laughing again. I feel light as air right now. You’re amazing, you know that? You’ve given me hope.” He reached out to give Phil’s wrist a squeeze. “Hey, what is it? You look so worried. What are you having trouble saying?”

Phil shook his head. “I was just thinking for a second of asking you to do something to see what would happen. Like, if I asked you to kiss me. But then I realized how wrong that would be. I can’t do that to you.”

“I know you can’t,” Dan said with a smile. “I told you, I trust you. There’s no one else who I would do this with, just you. And not only because I know you won’t abuse this power, but because my soul is already yours. I’m yours.”

“Me too. I’m yours. I…” Phil had been leaning forward, but he hesitated and bit his lip to stop himself from saying something.

“You can say it if you want to,” Dan said in a soft voice. “I’m ready now.”

Phil bit his lip harder. Why did this feel like jumping off a cliff? Why was he so scared? He just had to trust Dan not to let him hit the ground, as he said, “I love you, Dan.”

Dan became very still for a moment. Then he smiled. “I love you, too.”

The breath caught in Phil’s chest, but he had enough left to say, “Really?”

Dan nodded. “Always. I just didn’t want to say it when it might be over soon. I wanted to say it at the beginning of something, when we knew we had more time. Forever, even. Does that make sense?”

Phil rushed forward, crashing Dan against his pillows as he pressed their lips together. Dan grunted and squirmed beneath him, so Phil lifted himself off Dan’s body. “I’m sorry, is something wrong?”

“Something is stabbing me in the back,” he said as he reached under himself, pulling the book with the torn pages from under his spine. Dan tossed it on the floor, grabbed a handful of Phil’s shirt, and tugged. “Come back here.”

Phil let Dan pull him into a kiss, but he leaned back once more as Dan started unbuttoning his shirt. He frowned at the dejected look that Dan gave him. “I want you. You know I do, but it scares me that I supposedly have control over you now. Does that mean that you can’t consent to this?”

Dan frowned. “Phil, I appreciate that you’re thinking about that, but I know I want this. I always want you. But I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable. Do you want to stop?”

Phil sighed. “I’m not uncomfortable. I just want to make some rules. Dan, I don’t want to initiate anything right now. I don’t even want to tell you to do something. I want to leave it up to you.”

“Okay, then,” Dan said, giving Phil a smile. He put his hands on Phil’s hips, settling him between his open knees. “I’ll tell you what I want you to do: fuck me.”

The words spark something in Phil, as well as the situation – they had never done more than cuddle in Dan’s bed, so this was a first. Having a ‘first’ with Dan was always exhilarating, so Phil quickly stripped them of their clothes before settling back between Dan’s thighs. The only thing Phil was wearing was the watch on a chain, and it hung between them, resting against Dan’s chest. They both looked at the silver metal resting against Dan’s tanned skin. Phil asked, “Do you want me to take it off?”

“No,” Dan said as he swallowed heavily. “Don’t take it off. I like it.”

He trailed his fingertips across Dan’s thighs “I didn’t bring anything with me. Do you have lube?” Phil asked, thinking of things in the bathroom cupboard that they might be able to use as a substitute.

Dan smiled and reached into a bedside drawer, pulling out a bottle of cherry lube. “I bought it the other day, thinking we might get into this situation eventually.”

“You’re so sexy,” Phil said as he leaned forward to crash their lips together. He didn’t break the kiss as he put lube on his fingertips and reached between them. Dan opened his thighs a bit wider and started gasping against Phil’s mouth as Phil stretched him open. The strong artificial scent of cherry invaded Phil’s senses as he breathed heavily between kisses. He pressed another finger into Dan’s body.

Dan shifted his hips, moving against Phil’s fingers for a few minutes. Then he grabbed Phil’s hips and tugged him closer. He said, “I’m ready. I want you.”

Phil kissed him once more before pulling away so that he could coat his length in lube before pressing slowly into Dan’s body, enjoying the soft sounds Dan made as he adjusted. Dan had shut his eyes as he tried to steady his breathing while Phil moved deeper into him, so Phil had no shame in staring unblinkingly at Dan’s face.

Phil had long since memorized every feature on this face, down to the last freckle. He knew which muscles would twitch under Dan’s skin when he was amused by something, and also which ones would split his face with a grin when he was overjoyed. He knew how Dan looked when he was struck by a beam of sunlight, which would make his skin glow, his hair pop with highlights, and his brown eyes flash with gold flecks; yet he also knew how Dan looked in the dark when his face was edged with moonlight and his tanned skin looked pale even when it pressed against Phil’s. Phil knew everything about this beautiful boy, yet he hardly believed he was real. Dan was too perfect.

Dan’s eyes opened and he smiled up at Phil. “Move please. I’m ready.”

They started moving together, as Phil thrust into him, searching for the spot that would make Dan moan. When he found it, he also reached between them to stroke Dan’s erection; he just wanted to make Dan feel good right now, and he was hardly even focusing on himself, despite how incredible the warm tightness of Dan’s body felt wrapped around him.

“Oh,” Dan gasped. He buried his face in Phil’s neck and pressed his hands into Phil’s shoulders so hard that Phil could feel the crescents of nails digging into his skin. Dan mumbled against Phil’s neck, “I’m close.”

“Good. I want you to come.” Phil continued softly squeezing Dan’s cock in his hand as he thrust against his prostate. Dan’s body jerked when he came with a moan, and his come spilled over Phil’s hand. His body tightened around Phil’s length, making Phil groan.

Phil came after a few more thrusts, spilling into Dan’s body. He collapsed on top of Dan, who didn’t seem to mind as he held him closer, so Phil didn’t pull out of Dan’s body yet. He was so warm. The watch was pressed securely between their skin; the metal had been cool when Dan gave it to him, but it was now heated by their bodies.

Dan was running his hands over Phil’s back. He whispered, “I love you.”

Phil smiled as he kissed Dan softly. He had wanted to say this so many times when they were in bed, and Dan had just beaten him to it. Not minding too much, Phil sighed against Dan’s lips, “I love you, too.”


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my favorite chapter of this story for the sole reason that it was the most fun to write. I based the shopping mall in this chapter on my own local shopping mall :) Enjoy!

_Kitsune fact: Kitsune are also accompanied by hoshi no tama, or star balls; these are pearl- or onion-shaped orbs of fire that either float around them or are carried in their tails or jaws. Much of their power depends on these items, and they are, in a sense, their removable souls. If a human captures the hoshi no tama of a kitsune, the fox has to do what the human commands. This is just one attribute that kitsune share with the Western 'faerie' tradition. Their morality is inhuman; their physical gifts of money or wealth are often worthless items transformed by illusion; their marriages to mortals often have unhappy endings._ _[http://brer-powerofbabel.blogspot.com/2011/07/kitsune-japanese-fox-spirits.html]_

 

 

  
The next morning, Dan woke to the sight of Phil pulling on a black t-shirt from his wardrobe. He saw Dan watching him and smiled, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Morning. I hope you don’t mind me borrowing your clothes.”

“Not at all,” Dan responded, his voice still scratchy with sleep. “Though, it’s kind of odd seeing you in black. I’ve gotten used to your bright colors.”

Phil looked at the contrast of the black fabric against his pale skin. “Yeah, I prefer color. I like to be able to walk into a room and stand out, like ‘ _Pow_ I’m Phil’, but this will have to do since I don’t have time to stop home and change before work.”

Dan’s eyes widened. “You’re going to work? What about your ankle?”

Phil lifted his leg and turned his ankle in circles in demonstration. “All better. I’m ready to go back to work. Will you be alright here without me?”

“Of course,” Dan said, pasting a smile on his face, though he was honestly a bit worried. His mind still felt clear since that awful moment when he saw Phil lying on the stairs, but Dan knew it was going to happen again – the fox would take over and he would be carried away by a wave of intense impulses and corrupt desires. Any moment now, he would no longer be himself.

Phil leaned in, brushing the curls back from Dan’s forehead before placing a kiss goodbye there. As he did this, he seemed to brush away some of Dan’s worries as well. Dan was starting to believe in Phil. They could get through anything together.

After sleeping in a bit longer since he didn’t have anywhere to be today, Dan grabbed a bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee from the kitchen. Then he returned to his bedroom, where he had a tv and game console. He sat on the floor, leaning against his bed with his controller and breakfast beside him.

Dan was just making some progress in Skyrim when Adam walked through his closed bedroom door. Dan frowned, imagining Adam doing that sometime when he and Phil were having sex. Dan said, “Hey, could you knock?”

“No,” Adam said as he sat on the floor next to Dan.

Dan sighed and tried to ignore his brother, who was silently staring at the screen of the tv. It was distracting though, and Dan accidentally made his character walk off a cliff. Rather than picking up from the place where he last saved, he growled and tossed the controller across the room. Dan turned to his brother and snapped, “What? What do you want?”

Adam shrugged. “Just wanted to hang out.”

“Oh,” Dan sighed. Then he took a deep breath to calm himself. “Sorry. Fine. What do you want to do?”

Adam shrugged again. “We never go out. Did you want to go to the mall or something?”

“You want to do something in public? You’re see-through though. Wouldn’t that be awkward?”

“Not at all,” Adam said with a grin. “I can be invisible, too. Would you have any issues with having a conversation in public with thin air?”

Dan laughed, since this actually sounded fun. “Not at all. Let’s go.”

 

 

As they entered the mall with Adam walking unseen beside him, there was only one awkward moment when a girl saw Dan, seeming to be in deep conversation with no one but himself. He made eye contact with the girl, blushed beneath her accusing gaze, and then awkwardly pretended that he was singing a song out-loud by Pharrell. She didn’t buy it and hurried to put some distance between them.

Dan’s blush only deepened as he heard his invisible brother snickering at his embarrassment. “Shut up, Adam.”

As they entered the main part of the mall, Dan looked up. The architecture of the mall was actually really beautiful. The ceilings were high with glass skylights dazzling the space with natural light. As he looked at the blue sky above, he saw birds flitting around near the ceiling. There always seemed to be birds trapped in here, and if he didn’t see them he always heard them chirping. He felt sorry for them when he was a kid, but now he had to wonder if they liked it in here, since they must live off scraps of food they found in the food court. Did they live a happy life, safe and warm indoors? Or did they see the skylights and long for freedom? He didn’t know.

“Come on then,” Adam muttered, tired of standing by the doors.

They walked further into the mall. Dan glanced in shop windows with interest at the latest trends in men’s fashion, and he accepted a sample of tea that was sitting alluringly in the doorway to a shop, but he didn’t go in. Sipping the tea, he walked over to the fountain that was in the center of the mall. The fountain was filled with glittering coins and flanked by a double staircase that led to the next level of the mall. In the center of the fountain was the statue of a lion with water pouring out of his mouth.

Dan sat on the edge of the fountain, assuming that Adam had followed him and would sit beside him. He asked, “What do you feel like doing?”

“Something fun,” Adam responded. “I have a few ideas.”

“Oh?”

“Here’s one: guess where I am.”

Dan looked in the empty air around him, but Adam’s voice had sounded like it was coming from the space near his left ear. He pointed and said, “Aren’t you right here?”

“Don’t guess yet! Give me a minute. Just look around.”

“Okay…” Dan waited patiently, his eyes scanning the crowd. The food court was nearby and most people in the crowd were pushing towards it. Several chairs were filled with lonely elderly people enjoying the company of this public place while reading books. He continued looking until he saw a shop window where a female mannequin’s head turned as he was looking at her. She had been positioned with her arm upturned so that her elbow would hold a purse, and while Dan watched her hand started to turn at the wrist so that she was waving. Knowing that Adam would be watching, Dan mouthed the words, “I see you.”

A moment later, the voice returned to Dan’s side, “Good eye. That was fun. Want to take it up a notch?”

“What did you have in mind?” Dan asked, feeling a thrill of excitement shoot through him.

“You’ll see,” Adam said.

Dan anxiously scanned the mall. It didn’t take long for him to see what was out of place. A man was renting motorized plush toys on wheels that were large enough for children to ride. The man shouted in alarm when the toy shaped like a horse took off, seemingly without a rider, and started to plow through the crowd. Dan dissolved into a fit of giggles at the shocked faces of people who turned around to angrily shout at the child driving into them, only to see that there was no one riding the toy. The toy eventually drove over to Dan and nudged him in the knee with the soft head of the plush horse. Dan whispered, seeing the man who was renting the toys sprinting over to them, “Fuck off, Adam. He’s going to think I had something to do with this.”

Just as the man was reaching them, the toy zipped off again. An elevator had just arrived to deposit some people on this floor. When they moved out of the way, the toy drove onto the elevator and the doors closed behind it just as the man chasing it caught up. He pounded on the doors in frustration.

“You ready to try one?” Adam said, his voice once more coming from the empty space to Dan’s left.

Dan snorted. “I think everyone would see if I tried riding on one of those toys.”

“You could try an illusion,” Adam suggested.

“Oh, no. I suck at illusions,” Dan moaned.

“It doesn’t have to be a big one. Here, look behind you.”

Dan turned, looking at the water first, but then a movement drew his eye to the statue. The lion was moving, turning his head from side to side and flexing his jaw. He snarled around the mouthful of water that was spilling into the fountain and started making spluttering noises. It became clear that the lion was choking on the water, and Dan was impressed by the illusion – the lion’s facial expressions were a testament to the beauty and subtly of Adam’s work – until he heard a child shriek. Dan hissed under his breath, “Adam, stop. You’re scaring a kid.”

“Mummy, the lion is drowning!” a little girl cried, but the lion statue had stopped moving.

“It’s just a fountain, darling,” the girl’s mother said before leading her away.

Dan frowned at the fountain before looking at the air where he thought Adam might be. “I don’t want to scare kids.”

“Then don’t,” Adam said, but he didn’t pressure Dan further.

Dan closed his eyes. In his mind, his childhood was divided into a distinct ‘before’ and ‘after’. He thought of that day that he had told Phil about – that awful day when Dan had been attacked by some older boys who saw him doing an illusion. He never felt like a kid after that day, once he learned how cruel people could be. His worldview had darkened, having fun was so much harder, and he always expected the worst to happen.

Dan exhaled and tried to return to the mindset he had had before. He just wanted to let go of his insecurities and have fun. When he was a kid, he had loved spending time outside, just enjoying nature. He loved frogs. He pictured frogs right now: the bumpy texture of their skin, the sound they made, the smell of them.

When he opened his eyes, Dan laughed, seeing the slimy amphibians leaping and clambering out of the fountain. There were hundreds of them. Several adults in the area screamed in alarm, but the children were rushing forward, scooping up the frogs to play with them. Dan smiled at the sight and touched the head of a frog that was perched on the edge of the fountain beside him. Adam made a sound of approval at the frogs. “Well done, little brother.”

Dan’s hand started to shake where he was touching the frog. Suddenly, the effort of holding his hand up and even his eyes open was too much. “Um, Adam, I don’t feel so good.”

“What? Are you sick or something? You look pale.”

Dan gripped the edge of the fountain because he felt like he was about to fall backward into the fountain. “I don’t know. I… I think I’m going to pass out.” He tipped forward, falling into blackness.


	32. Chapter 32

_Kitsune fact: One belief is that when a kitsune changes shape, its hoshi no tama holds a portion of its magical power. Another tradition is that the pearl represents the kitsune's soul; the kitsune will die if separated from it for long. Those who obtain the ball may be able to extract a promise from the kitsune to help them in exchange for its return. For example, a 12th-century tale describes a man using a fox's hoshi no tama to secure a favor:_

_"Confound you!" snapped the fox. "Give me back my ball!" The man ignored its pleas till finally it said tearfully, "All right, you've got the ball, but you don't know how to keep it. It won't be any good to you. For me, it's a terrible loss. I tell you, if you don't give it back, I'll be your enemy forever. If you do give it back though, I'll stick to you like a protector god."_

 _The fox later saves his life by leading him past a band of armed robbers._ _[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kitsune]_

 

 

Phil got a call from a number that he didn’t know while he was dropping off Rotty at his home. The number was local though, so he answered curiously, “Hello?”

“Hello, is this Phil Lester?”

“Um, yes?” Phil responded nervously.

“I work for security at the mall. I’m calling on behalf of Daniel Howell, who provided me with your contact information. He fainted and is currently resting on a sofa in the security office. Someone needs to pick him up.”

Phil took a deep breath to calm himself. “I’m coming. Thank you.”

When the security officers directed him to the empty office where they said Dan was sleeping, Phil hesitantly pushed open the door, unsure what he expected to see. Like the mall security had said, Dan was stretched out on a sofa. His eyes were closed and his hand was hanging off the side with his fingers brushing the floor, the sight of which bothered Phil. Phil hastily shut the door and ran to the side of the sofa, gently picking up Dan’s hand by the wrist and placing it on his stomach.

Dan’s eyelids fluttered. He looked at the hand now resting on his stomach and then at Phil. His eyes widened. “You.”

“Yeah, it’s me.” Phil knelt beside the sofa and brushed the hair back from Dan’s forehead, noting how clammy and pale his skin was. “How do you feel, sweetheart?”

Dan ignored his question and tugged on the front of Phil’s shirt. Phil leaned closer, thinking that Dan was trying to kiss him, but Dan’s pawing at his shirt only became more frantic and he shot Phil an annoyed glance. “Where is it? What have you done with it?”

Phil shook his head. He thought he knew what Dan was asking about, but his tone confused him and the wildness in his eyes was scary.

It became even more terrifying when Dan’s eyes welled with tears and his chest started hitching with sobs. “What do you want with it? It’s mine. It won’t do you any good. Give it back please.”

Phil shook his head. “You told me to hold it for you. I can’t give it back now. We’ve only just started. I’ll give it back to you eventually, but it’s safe for now. Don’t worry.”

These words only seemed to upset Dan further. “You don’t understand, I need it. I need it right now. I can feel the empty place where it is supposed to be like a gaping hole, and it _hurts._ Why do you want me to feel like this? I thought you loved me.” He ignored the way that Phil shook his head and the pained expression on his face. Dan continued, “At least let me hold it for a second. Please. I’m so weak right now.”

“Let him hold it,” said a voice.

Phil looked around, but he didn’t see anyone. The voice was familiar though, so Phil guessed, “Adam? Are you here?”

Adam appeared at his side and nodded. “Let him hold it for a minute. He’s hurt and it will help.”

Phil nodded and pulled the watch out of his shirt by the chain. Dan grabbed for it and clutched the watch. The motion jerked Phil’s neck at a slightly uncomfortable angle, but he quickly forgot at the sight of Dan closing his eyes and shaking while clutching the watch with a white-knuckled grasp. Phil shifted wide eyes to Adam’s face. “What happened to him?”

Adam snorted as he stared at Dan. “That’s his _hoshi no tama_ , isn’t it? The idiot tried to cast a massive illusion without it – the source of his power. He could have accidentally killed himself.”

Phil swallowed heavily as he looked at Dan, who was still shuddering. He could have lost Dan today; he didn’t know how to process this information, so he just stared at Dan’s face, noting the signs of life there as Dan breathed in short, puffing breaths.

“So,” Adam said, drawing Phil’s attention. “My brother is trying to become human?”

Phil nodded warily, remembering the fact that someone in Dan’s home had ripped the information about becoming human out of a book.

Adam frowned, looking at the death grip that Dan had on the watch. “I should have known he would do something like this. I shouldn’t have told him to cast an illusion. Of course the stupid kid wouldn’t know he could hurt himself like this if he didn’t have his _hoshi no tama._ This is my fault.”

Phil sighed, tired of the Howell family’s constant guilt trips – he didn’t mind offering reassurances, but he was kind of worn thin after all that Dan had required of him recently. Still, he had to try, so he said, “It’s not your fault, Adam. You couldn’t have known that Dan and I had decided to do this.”

“I should have known,” Adam said with a shake of his head before focusing on Phil again. “So, did you guys figure out what kind of kitsune he is? Is it something bad?”

“Yes, we think he’s a nogitsune. We read a description, and it seemed to fit. He didn’t feel like himself the other day. He pulled some pranks that went too far. He even quit his job, walking out in the middle of a shift because he couldn’t remember why he was working. He just wants to be himself again, and this is a way to make that happen. I’m not pressuring him to do this – I just want to help him.”

Adam nodded. He looked like he was about to say something when he glanced at Dan, and his attention was caught by the tremor that shook Dan’s body.

Phil stared helplessly at Dan too, unsure what to do. Adam seemed to think that holding the _hoshi no tama_ would help, so Phil didn’t know what to do but wait. As he sat there, he thought of something that he needed to ask and started hesitantly, “Adam… do you know why a book in your grandma’s library would have pages torn out of it? The pages that we needed to read to know about _hoshi no tama_? I’m just wondering because you seem to know about this stuff, and we had to go online to find it.”

“Hmm…” Adam mused, not seeming too interested in the topic, but he answered Phil. “I don’t know who would do that to Grandma’s book. I’ve never been too interested in her library, but I know what I do because she told me. When I became a spirit, she talked to me about _hoshi no tama_ because if I become human I could get my body back. The funny thing was that she said not to tell anyone else what she had told me, it had to be our secret.”

Phil stared with wide eyes at the watch clasped in Dan’s hands as he asked, “Adam, did you try it? Did you try to become human and it didn’t work?”

Adam snorted. “No, I’m not giving anyone my _hoshi no tama_. There’s no human who I would trust with it, no offense.”

Phil returned Adam’s smirk, and then they looked back to Dan. Dan had finally relaxed with sleep, as his breathing had evened and his grip had slackened around the watch. “He looks a bit better,” Phil commented, noting that Dan’s skin was less sweaty and pale.

“Yeah, he does.” Adam cleared his throat. “Listen, Phil… you’ve got this, right? Can I leave him with you?”

Phil looked up with narrowed eyes. He asked in a hard voice, “Are you bored again?”

Adam shook his head. “It’s just that I feel awful about today. I could have gotten him killed. I don’t know how I’ll be able to look him in the eyes when he wakes up.”

Phil frowned. “He’s not going to blame you.”

“I blame me,” Adam said as he rose from his knees and started for the door. “Bye, Phil.”

Phil watched the spirit fade from sight just before he passed through the door. He sighed as he looked at Dan, wishing that he had some help. He wasn’t sure what Dan was going to be like when he woke up, and the memory of the suspicious and wild-eyed Dan from earlier was scary. As he thought about it, Phil decided to bring Dan back to the funeral home, where maybe his grandmother would have some advice.

“Hmmm,” Dan sighed, making Phil’s eyes dart to his face. Dan gave him a wide smile as he shifted sleepily on the sofa, the watch completely forgotten as he stretched. “Phil…”

“Hi, sweetheart,” Phil said with a startled laugh as he ran his fingers through Dan’s curls “How do you feel?”

“Sleepy. Really tired actually.” Dan bit his lip as he looked at Phil with worried eyes. “Why am I so exhausted? Where am I? I don’t remember how I got here. The last thing I remember was hanging out with my brother at the mall.”

“You’re still in the mall. Don’t worry. You’re fine.”

Dan took a deep calming breath. “I don’t feel fine. I feel like I need to sleep for like a decade. What’s wrong with me?”

“It’s okay,” he said as he rubbed Dan’s arm soothingly. “You’re going to be fine. We were just about to leave. We’re going home, and then you can take a nap.”

“Alright, let’s go then.” As Dan sat up, exhaustion settled over him and he became putty in Phil’s hands.

Phil helped him to stand up and walk to the door, and then down the hallway. As Dan leaned against him, Phil reveled in the familiarity of the body pressed against him – his warmth and softness. He knew this body so well, and he took comfort in it. Because Phil couldn’t shake the uneasiness that he felt at the thought of the wild-eyed person who had grabbed at the watch around his throat. That person didn’t seem like his Dan. So, who had he been? 


	33. Chapter 33

_From_ My Girlfriend Is A Nine-Tailed Fox _[Korean Drama]:_  
Mi-ho: _I can see really far and hear very well, but since I can’t see or hear you, you must really be far away. I’ve been living for so long that I didn’t know how time flowed, but after I met you my heart began to tell time. While I was with you, I would think, ‘Just a little longer’ while the time passed really quickly. But without you, time goes so slowly as I think, ‘I miss you.’ You know what? It feels like my heart has been bewitched by you and counts time all on its own._  
[https://asiandramaquotes.wordpress.com/index/my-girlfriend-is-a-nine-tailed-fox-quotes/]

 

 

  
Phil helped Dan to his bedroom in the funeral home and pulled the covers up to his chin. Dan sighed happily as he settled into bed for a nap before dinnertime. “Sorry,” Dan said. “I don’t know why I’m so tired.”

Phil frowned, since he knew. As he saw the exhaustion on Dan’s face, the watch hanging around his neck felt heavy. Dan could have died today. When they decided that it was a good idea for Dan to become human, neither of them had known the risks involved. It wasn’t worth it if Dan got hurt like this, so Phil asked, “Dan, would you like me to give you your watch back?”

Dan’s eyes opened wide. “What do you mean? Are you offering me my _hoshi no tama_? No, it’s only been a day.”

“It’s just… it’s the source of your power. You’re weak right now. If you hold onto it, you’ll get stronger faster,” he offered, omitting the fact for now that Dan could die if he tried to cast an illusion. He would make sure that Dan was aware of that later, but at the moment he just looked so tired.

Dan shook his head and closed his eyes. “You hold onto it. I want to be human and I don’t want to wait longer.”

Phil sighed and ran his fingers through the softness of Dan’s hair. “Okay. You get some rest. I’m going to see if your grandma is around. I’d like to talk to her.”

After leaving Dan in his room, Phil found Elspeth in the kitchen, icing some cookies that she had just baked. She put the piping bag down on the counter when he walked in as she smiled at him.

Elspeth offered him one of the finished cookies, which was decorated with a pink flower. “It’s good to see you, Phil. Will you be staying for dinner?”

Phil nodded as he accepted the cookie. “I think so, unless Dan wants to do something else.” He took a nibble of the cookie and made an appreciative noise. “This is very good. Thank you.”

Her grin widened as she returned to icing her cookies. “You’re welcome. So, how has my grandson been doing? I haven’t seen much of him since his birthday.”

Taking advantage of an excuse to pause before answering, Phil took a large bite of the cookie while he organized his thoughts. When he swallowed, he admitted to her, “He hasn’t been good. We figured out that he’s a nogitsune, and he’s been having a rough week. It… kind of took over. He even quit his job. He’s…”

Elspeth sighed and gave up on her cookies. “I was afraid that something like this would happen. At least he’s in a better situation than his brother, but… oh, my poor Dan. He’s such an independent boy. I don’t know how he’s going to handle this, having something inside of him that is compromising his free will and influencing him. I wish that I could do something to help.”

Phil bit his lip in a moment of hesitation, but this was what he wanted to ask Elspeth about – he was just afraid that she was going to tell him that he had done the wrong thing. “I, um… Dan and I already came up with an idea. We read about _hoshi no tama_ and how Dan could use his to become human.”

Her eyes widened. “Oh, Phil, that’s—”

“Not going to happen,” someone interrupted.

Phil and Elspeth both jumped as they turned to see Dan’s mum in the doorway to the kitchen. Her hands were fisted at her sides and she was breathing heavily. Elspeth sighed as she said, “Trudy, be reasonable.”

Trudy shook her head so fast that her neck popped. Her glare shifted between Elspeth and Phil until it settled on Phil, and he had to resist the urge to cringe. “My son is not going to become human,” she said in a hard voice. “He wouldn’t want to become human, so just forget this plan of yours. He’s going to be a fox like the rest of his family.”

“But…” Phil stammered. “He wants to be human.”

She gaped at him for a moment before closing her mouth. “Is he in his room right now?”

Phil’s stomach sank as he realized what he just did; he’d turned Dan’s mum’s wrath on him. “Um, wait. He’s taking a nap. Please let him rest. We can talk about this for now.”

“Talk? To you?” She snorted before turning in the doorway with a flick of dark brown hair. As she turned the corner, he heard her shout, “Daniel James Howell, you wake up right now!”

Phil shifted wide eyes to Elspeth. “Can you do anything about this?”

She shook her head. “I’m going to stay out of it. There’s no reasoning with Trudy when she gets like this.”

This was his fault, so he couldn’t stay out of it, not when Dan needed him. Phil followed the path that Dan’s mum took to his bedroom and stopped in the doorway to take in the scene. Dan was still in bed. He was sitting up now, looking stunned as his mouth hung slightly open. It seemed like his brain hadn’t quite caught up with this moment and he didn’t understand why his mother had burst into his room to yell at him.

Dan’s mum was standing at the foot of his bed with her hands on her hips, as she shouted, “What is this I hear? Where is your _hoshi no tama_? Tell me that this boy is lying. You can’t possibly want to be human. You aren’t that stupid.”

“How is it stupid?” Dan asked in a small voice.

“You’re going to change what you are for a man?” she snorted. “That sounds pretty stupid to me.”

Dan didn’t show any reaction to this accusation, but Phil cringed because he had never wanted to be in a relationship like that: a relationship where one person forces the other to change into something else. That wasn’t what he was doing to Dan, was it?

Dan’s eyes flicked to Phil. He had noticed Phil in the doorway, though his mum hadn’t yet. Dan said, “Phil isn’t trying to change me.”

“Yes, he is,” his mum insisted. “He’s forcing you to give up the most important part of yourself. If you become human, you will lose the only thing that makes you special.”

The words sent a shock through Phil because she was wrong. So wrong. “No,” he said, drawing her attention to him. “You really don’t know him that well, do you? The fact that he’s a kitsune is the least special thing about him.” His words were met with a smile from Dan and a glare from Dan’s mum. Phil accepted the fact that she was always going to hate him. He wasn’t too fond of her either as he realized something. “You’re the one who tore the pages out of that book in the library, aren’t you? You knew that Dan would want this, so you tried to stop him from finding out about it.”

She turned away from him, ignoring him as she glared at Dan again. “So, you’re doing this? You’re going to become a human?”

Dan swallowed heavily before nodding.

“Then get out,” she said in a cold voice. “If you’re too good to be a fox, then you wouldn’t want to live with us.”

“Mum, it’s not like that,” he whispered as he shook his head. “I don’t think I’m better than anyone. I’ve been different since my birthday. I just want to feel like me again. I—”

“I’m your mother,” she cut him off. Her voice had softened, but only a bit. “I know you better than anyone else, so listen to me when I tell you something: right now, you are who you are supposed to be. Don’t do this, Daniel. You will regret it.”

Dan bit his lip and didn’t respond to her.

“So, you’re going to do it anyway?” she asked with a shake of her head. The glint in her eyes showed that she wasn’t surprised, but she was disappointed. “Then get out of my house. You’re not doing this under my roof.”

Dan shook his head. He was breathing heavily. “Mum, you don’t mean that.”

“I do,” she said in an icy voice. “I gave birth to a kitsune, not a human. You’re not my son anymore if you do this. Pack your bags. I don’t want to see you again.”

Trudy turned to leave the room pausing only for a moment in the doorway as she met Phil’s eyes. Her eyes were blazing with fury, but her lips twisted with a smirk. The sight sent a chill down Phil’s spine; it was the worst kind of smile, like she was finding dark amusement at the sight of a tragedy. “I don’t know my son, you say?” she asked in a cold voice.

Phil swallowed heavily.

“Mum, leave him alone,” Dan said behind her. He started to try to climb out of bed, but his limbs were still sluggish with exhaustion, and his feet became tangled in his sheets.

Trudy ignored her son as she said to Phil, “Well, maybe you’re right. Maybe I don’t know him very well, but I know the fox. And that’s why you’re the one who is wrong. So wrong, Phil, because you should have gotten to know the fox before you decided to do this. I know it would kill my son if something happened to you, and you have no idea what you’re up against. I hope you learn before it’s too late. I’m not saying this as a threat. I really hope you do.”

Phil didn’t want her words to be true, so he shook his head in denial.

She sighed in exasperation and her shoulder collided with his as she stormed out of the room. Phil stumbled a step back after the collision, but barely noticed as he saw the tears spilling from Dan’s eyes. Phil ran to him, sat on the bed beside him, and wrapped his arms around Dan’s shaking body. “Shhh, shhh.” Phil tried to soothe him as he rubbed soft circles against Dan’s back. “I’ve got you. It’s okay.”

Dan shook his head. “No, it’s not. My home… Where am I going to go?”

“Well, that’s simple, isn’t it?” Phil said, noticing when Dan became very still in his arms.

Dan held his breath for a moment before asking, “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“I think so. This is my fault that you’re being forced to leave your home. So, come live with me.”

Dan pulled out of the hug with a frown. He ran his fingers through his hair, absentmindedly mussing his curls. “Um, Phil… I know you’re not just my boyfriend. You’re my best friend, too. Usually I love that we’re friends, but you just asked me to live with you like a friend would. And it bothered me. Does that make sense? I’m sorry, but this is an important moment, and I…”

Phil leaned forward to kiss Dan. While their lips were connected he combed his fingers through Dan’s hair, wanting to make everything better. As they pulled apart, Phil said, “Dan, I love you. Please come live with me. I always want us to be together.”

Dan nodded before pressing their foreheads together. “Thank you. I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may have noticed that the total Ch# on this fic has gone from 37, to 38, to 39, and then to 40. I swear I'm going to stop adding extra chapters now :D Thank you for your patience with me


	34. Chapter 34

_Kitsune fact:_ _Foxes cannot physically harm humans._ _In story after story, humans beat, rape, even kill foxes, and the best the foxes can do is... struggle. If they're lucky, they can escape, but they don't get to come back swinging. In one story, a slighted fox rounds up teams of fox "warriors" to attack the human man who refused to give the fox his daughter in marriage, but the foxes' swords are only reeds, and the skirmishes all end with no human injuries. If a fox wants to hurt a human, she or he must attack indirectly, through tricks, spells, and fire._ _[http://academia.issendai.com/unwritten-_ fox _-rules.shtml]_

 

 

  
They left the funeral home with a few bags in hand, full of clothes, necessities, electronics, and a few sentimental items since Dan didn’t trust his mum to not throw all of his belongings on the lawn, though he hoped she’d let him come back to collect them. As Phil let them into the apartment and they dropped the bags in the living room, they both looked around the apartment with fresh eyes. It was no longer just Phil’s – it was now their home. 

Phil looked at Dan, who seemed a bit nervous. He asked, “Are you okay?”

Dan nodded. “Yeah, it’s just that I’ve always lived at the funeral home. I haven’t always liked it, but it’s been home. It feels strange to me that I don’t have that anymore.”

Phil smiled at Dan. “I know what you’re feeling. When I moved away from my parent’s house, I was on my own and had to make somewhere else my home. It’s a scary thing. But you have me. I want to make a home with you.”

Dan wrapped his arms around Phil and rested his face against Phil’s shoulder. As Phil held him, Dan murmured, “Thank you. I want that, too.”

It was late now and both of them were too exhausted to cook anything for dinner, so Phil ordered takeout. He left Dan on the sofa as he answered the door, and when he returned to the living room with their food Adam was sitting in his place on the sofa. It was hard to tell since Adam was transparent, but he didn’t look too good. He sagged against the back of the sofa, lacking most of his normal swagger.

Dan seemed to notice the same thing as he asked his brother, “Are you okay?”

Adam shrugged as he avoided Dan’s gaze. “Remember that thing I told you about? Emily?”

Phil hoped that he wasn’t interrupting, but he couldn’t resist asking, “Who is Emily? Adam, have you got a girlfriend?”

Adam looked up to see Phil standing in the doorway, and he smirked at Phil as he shook his head. “Just a girl I knew when I was a kid. She nearly killed me. Not intentionally, but she made me regret something bad that I did, and regret kills kitsune.”

Phil placed the takeout bag on the coffee table before sitting in a chair near the sofa. He stared at the brothers with wide eyes, finding it hard to believe that there were still things about kitsune that he didn’t understand. “Regret? Seriously?”

Dan laughed before nodding. He said, “Yes, I didn’t believe it until it happened to me once.” At Phil’s look, he elaborated, “The night I told you that I only wanted to be friends, I got really sick. I already knew that I’d made a mistake before I got sick, but this gave me the encouragement I needed to tell you how I felt. I needed to be with you so badly that it nearly killed me to say otherwise.”

“That’s… terrifying,” Phil had to admit, looking forward to the day when Dan was human. It just seemed like Dan would be less vulnerable when he was no longer a kitsune.

Dan shrugged before returning his attention to Adam. “So, what made you think of Emily?”

“I started feeling off,” Adam said as he slumped further against the sofa. “Then I realized that I felt like I did when Emily made me regret my actions. Dan, about what happened at the mall, I’m sorry.”

Dan’s eyes widened. He glanced between his brother and Phil. “Guys, about the mall, I’m not entirely clear about what happened today…”

Adam sighed. “It was my fault. I encouraged you to cast an illusion, and because you didn’t have your _hoshi no tama_ it nearly killed you. I’m sorry.”

Dan shook his head. “You didn’t know. It wasn’t your fault.” Dan bit his lip as he glanced between Phil and Adam, searching for answers. “So, that’s what happened to me? When I fainted it was because of the illusion? I can’t cast illusions anymore?”

“No,” Adam said. “I should have warned you. I could have gotten you killed today.”

Dan shook his head harder. “You didn’t know. Adam, this wasn’t your fault. What can I say to convince you?”

Adam rubbed at his chest. “Just say you forgive me. Please. I’m so sorry.”

“Of course I forgive you. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Dan watched his brother carefully as Adam dropped his hand from his chest and exhaled. “Are you going to be alright now?”

Adam nodded as he sat up a bit straighter. “I think that did it. I don’t feel regret anymore. Thanks, Dan. For forgiving me.”

Phil exhaled in relief before reaching into the takeout bag. He passed Dan his dinner before retrieving his own. Dan opened a container of Lo Mein, poked at it with chopsticks, but hesitated before taking a bite. He asked his brother, “Is this okay, Adam? I always feel weird eating in front of you…”

“Go for it. I don’t mind.” Adam snorted. Then he said, “So, Mum kicked you out?”

Dan nodded, but Phil grimaced. He still hadn’t gotten over the shock of seeing a mother throw her son on the curb, but the brothers didn’t even see phased by it. Dan said, “Yeah, I think she didn’t expect me to actually stand up to her. I think she was bluffing at first, or she expected me to come back after a day or two and admit that she was right. But she’s wrong. I’m never going back.”

“I can’t believe she did that to you,” Phil said as he shook his head. “Just because you want to be human… You’re still her son. You always will be.”

Dan shrugged and took another bite of noodles. It seemed like Phil’s words didn’t mean much – Dan wanted to hear this, but from his mum, not his boyfriend.

“Phil, you can see why she did it though, can’t you?” Adam asked. When Phil shook his head in response, Adam explained, “Mum just lost everything, her entire plan for the future. She’s a logical woman who looks at people and sees what she can get out of them, even if those people are her own kids. Usually what she wants to get is continued access to the thing that gives her life: livers. Her mum and husband have always been that source, but they’re not going to be around forever, so she has always hoped that Dan and I would step up, take over the business, and agree to take care of her. I obviously can’t do that like I am now, so all her hopes fell on Dan.”

Dan sighed in exasperation. “I told her that I wanted nothing to do with the business.”

“I know,” Adam said with a nod. “She’s been in denial of what you want for a long time. I guess hearing that you want to be human did it for her. She finally accepted that you want different things in life. She also had to accept the fact that her life might go a little differently than she had planned. And it pissed her off, you know, because she’s Mum.”

Dan snorted. “That sounds about right.”

“So, what’s next for you guys?” Adam asked as he glanced between Dan and Phil.

Dan shrugged while he chewed a mouthful of noodles.

Phil answered. “We’re just going to get through the next 98 days together. And then live the rest of our lives.”

 

 

The next few months weren’t without some challenges. While spending his days and nights with Dan were amazing, sometimes Dan wasn’t just Dan. A shadow would pass over his eyes and he would get distant. Or something would catch his attention and his eyes would glint with mischief.

One time Phil walked out of their bedroom to find Dan staring over the railing to the stairs and landing below. He stood silently at Dan’s side for a few moments before asking, “What are you doing, Dan?”

Dan jumped, startled since he hadn’t noticed Phil standing at his side. He glanced between Phil’s face and the landing below. “Oh. It’s just… do you ever get the urge to throw yourself down things?”

Phil shook his head and swallowed heavily. “I can’t say that I do.”

“I don’t mean to scare you. I won’t do it. Of course I don’t want to,” Dan took a step forward, resting his forehead against Phil’s shoulder, and Phil relaxed.

Sometimes when Dan was different they actually had fun together. Not long after they moved in together, they got into an epic prank war. It started when Dan brought him a cup of tea, and Phil gagged at the taste of it.

“Ugh, what’s in this?” Phil asked, spitting the tea back into the mug.

The glint of mischief left Dan’s eyes. “Salt. I’m sorry. I couldn’t help it. The fox…”

Phil laughed. “Don’t worry about that. Worry about the fact that I’m going to get you back for this.”

“Oh really?” Dan chuckled. “Now I’m scared.”

This began an epic exchange of pranks. Phil was particularly fond of hiding in places like a wardrobe and trying to startle Dan by jumping out at him. Dan did the same thing once while wearing a wolf mask that nearly gave him a heart attack. Phil finally called truce to the prank war when Dan filled his hairdryer with flour, which got all over his skin that was still damp from taking a shower.

Dan made up for it by kissing Phil’s lips to clean them of flour. “Thank you for this,” Dan said. “I had been feeling like I had this nervous energy building up inside me, and the pranks helped me to get it out. So, thank you.”

“Anytime,” Phil said.

The times that scared Phil the most were when he wasn’t with Dan. Even when they were only apart for a few seconds once, Dan returned from answering the door with both their dinner and the money he was supposed to use to pay for it in hand.

“What did you pay the delivery guy with?” Phil asked.

Dan shrugged. “I pulled a dead leaf off of one of your houseplants and made it look like money with an illusion.”

Phil’s throat felt tight and he knew that it wouldn’t be easy to eat his dinner now. “Why did you do that?”

“He was 30 minutes late.”

Phil took a calming breath. “You’re not supposed to do illusions now. How do you feel?”

Dan shrugged again, seeming oblivious to Phil’s distress as he stared at the tv. “A bit weak and dizzy. But it was worth it.”

After witnessing Dan doing things like this, it was hard to think about what mischief he could get up to if he went out alone. Phil still had to leave to go to work every day and while Dan preferred to stay inside, he mentioned that he wanted to be helpful by doing household tasks like picking up the groceries. Phil mentioned he could do it after work, but Dan insisted.

When Dan came home with the groceries, Phil asked him, “Did you pay for them? With real money?”

“Of course. I used my own money from my savings account – I don’t want to be a burden on you by living here without a job,” Dan’s brow creased as he stared at Phil, realizing that money was the least of Phil’s worries. “I’m me right now. I know the difference between right and wrong.”

Phil sighed as he hugged Dan. “I know. I’m sorry.”

It scared him when his Dan was gone. Sometimes even when he was standing beside Phil, he was just gone. They were leaning against a wall in the Underground once, waiting for their train to arrive. Phil saw Dan intently staring at a girl in a purple sweater who was having an intense phone conversation while standing near the tracks.

Phil asked, “What are you thinking about?”

“I could push her,” Dan responded.

“What?”

“I’m not going to. But I could. Right now, if I wanted to, I could just push her. She would die. But I’m not going to.”

“Okay,” Phil said as he tried to even his breathing.

But then things would be good again. They would be really good. Dan would be his Dan again. They would lie in bed together, the watch pressed between the bare skin of their chests, and they would both feel the promise that one day soon everything would be perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um, yeah, I just fast-forwarded through 3 months in one chapter. Don't be mad at me because it isn't easy for me to write like this, and I hope you liked it.  
> If you know who the girl in the purple sweater is, gold star for you :) . Actually let me know and I'll give you one in the comments!  
> Also in case you're wondering why Dan keeps turning leaves into money, this is actually something taken directly from the kitsune lore so I liked using it


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do wild animals do when they feel cornered and threatened?

_Kitsune fact: Foxes who take on human form are not expected to remain in human society for long. Foxes' existences in human society are built on illusions that are expected to eventually fail, or crafted in abandoned corners that are eventually reclaimed by their human owners. Foxes themselves are often light, transitory creatures—the wandering priest, the scholar who drifts into town to take part in the latest contest, the mysterious maiden who comes to the door in the night, the succubus who drains her lovers dry and tosses them aside—so their very natures ensure that they will not stay in one place for long._

_Humans know and expect this, so when they discover that someone is a fox, they are willing to excuse almost any behavior as long as the fox takes itself and its unsettling habits out of town. [http://academia.issendai.com/unwritten-fox-rules.shtml]_

 

 

  
Dan wasn’t sure how long he had been standing there. When Phil made his morning coffee, he had left all the cupboards open in the kitchen and he had spilled sugar all over the counter. Dan had walked into the kitchen with a sigh, only intending to clean up the mess, but he had become distracted by the calendar hanging from the fridge door. That was a lot of red ‘x’s. Phil had been crossing off the days on the calendar with red ink since he had started carrying Dan’s _hoshi no tama._ Dan walked closer to the calendar. He turned the pages and he started counting the ‘x’s until he realized that this was the last week. The ‘x’s started swirling before his vision. Dan stared at the red ink until he could see nothing else.

Dan reached into a drawer and withdrew a carving knife – his movements were slow, like he was in a trance, and as he lifted the knife to examine it he could see his reflection in the stainless steel. His eyes were glassy and his pupils were dilated.

“Dan?”

The voice sounded like it was coming from far away.

“Dan, what are you doing?”

“What are you doing?” Dan repeated the words as he looked up. Phil was standing in the doorway of the kitchen, and Dan’s eyes were drawn to the front of Phil’s shirt, which he knew was covering the watch.

“Dan?” Phil asked again.

Dan started crossing the kitchen, getting closer to Phil. He kept his eyes fixed on the patch of fabric over Phil’s chest. “Give it back.” The knife had been hanging limply at his side, but he raised it when they were only a foot apart and pointed it at the front of Phil’s shirt.

Phil’s blue-green eyes tracked the tip of the knife. When the knife stopped moving, his eyes flicked up to Dan’s.

Dan had wanted to keep staring at the place where the watch rested, but the sight of Phil’s lovely eyes was too alluring, and Dan couldn’t help returning the gaze. Phil’s eyes were so wide and deep; he could go swimming in those eyes. Dan knew the placement of the yellow flecks in the blue better than he knew the freckles on the back of his own hand. Why did Dan’s head feel so cloudy? He shook his head to clear it.

“Dan, sweetheart, listen to me. Would you please put down the knife? I know you don’t want to use it.”

“Knife?” Dan looked down at the weight he felt in his hand. “Oh, that…” He walked to a kitchen cupboard, shoved the knife in haphazardly, and slammed the door before the knife could fall out. Dan took a deep breath before turning to face Phil with shimmering eyes. “Phil…”

Phil walked over and wrapped his arms around Dan. “It’s okay,” he said. Dan shook his head, which was resting on Phil’s shoulder. Phil insisted, “You didn’t hurt me.”

Dan pulled away from Phil, his eyes wide with a sudden realization. “I could hurt you next time. Phil, we can’t both stay here.”

Phil shook his head. “What? That’s crazy. Don’t talk like that.”

“Phil,” Dan said with a sad laugh. “You’re the one who sounds crazy. I just came at you with a knife. Please take this seriously. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Okay.” Phil took a deep breath before nodding. “You’re right. We need a plan. If this happens again—”

“No, when,” Dan interrupted, staring at Phil intently to make sure that he understood.

“Alright, when this happens again,” Phil accepted with a sigh” I will give you a command. If I have control over you because of the _hoshi no tama_ , we might as well get something good out of it. I’ll command you to drop the knife, rather than asking nicely.”

Dan bit his lip as he considered it. “That might work. But I don’t think the nogitsune will like being given a command. You might get the fox to put down one knife, but then make it even angrier so it picks up another knife. Phil, I don’t think living together is a good idea right now.”

Phil shook his head. “I hate being apart. I always want to be with you. It will be okay – we have a plan now.”

“Okay,” Dan accepted with a sigh.

 

 

A few days passed without incident, which was almost enough to make Dan forget all of his worries. He was waiting for Phil to come home from work. It was almost dinnertime, so Dan decided to make a veggie stir fry for dinner. He found what he needed in the fridge and then he opened a drawer to look for a knife to use to chop the veggies.

The drawer was empty. Phil had moved the knives. Dan checked a few more drawers just in case Phil had reorganized the kitchen without telling him, but no. The knives were missing. Phil must have hidden them.

Dan settled into one of the stools by the counter as he tried to even his breathing, but it was no use. Phil didn’t trust him. Phil was scared of him. Why couldn’t he have just let them spend some time apart when Dan had asked that of him? It would have hurt so much less than this.

Dan felt his blood boil and he stood up so fast that the stool fell over. If he wanted to use those knives, he would. He started searching the kitchen more thoroughly, checking in pots and behind appliances. Phil kept hiding things from him. He was taking things that belonged to Dan and not giving them back. He thought he knew what was best for Dan, and it was infuriating. Phil was so controlling, and Dan had had enough of this.

When Dan stood up on his toes to reach on top of the kitchen cabinets, his fingers connected with cold metal. He pulled the carving knife down and placed it on the kitchen counter. Dan was sitting on the stool with the knife resting before him when he heard the front door open and close. Phil called out to announce that he was home, but Dan remained silent as he waited.

Phil walked into the kitchen and froze in the doorway, eyes flicking between Dan’s face and the knife that was resting an inch from where Dan’s arms were crossed on the countertop. As the eyes settled on Dan’s face, Dan smirked in response. Phil greeted him, “Nogitsune.”

The smirk broadened. “Hey, Phil. You stink like wet dog.”

“It was raining for a while and I had to towel off Rotty.” His eyes flicked to the knife again. “What are you doing with that?”

“Oh, this?” He pinched the knife between his fingertips and flicked his wrist, causing the knife to spin lazily on the countertop. “I found this on top of the kitchen cupboard. Any idea what it would be doing up there?”

Phil sighed. “I just thought that…”

“You thought that you could hide it from me,” Dan snapped. “You keep hiding things from me. But the thing you don’t realize is that I know you, Phil. I know where you hide things. You can’t out-fox me. I’m always going to be two steps ahead of you.”

“You’re so full of yourself,” Phil said under his breath, the sound slightly muffled as he ran a hand over his face and rubbed his eyes. He sighed as he dropped his hand to his side. “So, are you going to stab me with that knife until I give you back your _hoshi no tama_?”

Dan snorted in dismissal of the idea. “You think I need this knife to hurt you? Despite your best efforts, I’m still a kitsune and I have power. I don’t need a knife.” Dan held his hand palm-up before his chin. He then opened his mouth and exhaled, breathing out glowing embers that rolled in his palm until they formed a tight sphere that hovered in his palm. The sphere was a bit smaller than a baseball, but he proudly held it up in demonstration. “See? I don’t need a knife.”

Phil gasped. “Dan, you can’t do that.”

Dan narrowed his eyes. “Don’t tell me what to do.”

“Dan, please, no. You can’t do fox magic without your _hoshi no tama._ You’ll hurt yourself.”

“Then give it back to me and I won’t get hurt.” He curled his fingers around the ball of fire, thinking about if he should throw it or if it would be more effective to make it float before Phil’s face, so close that Phil would be able to feel it singe the hairs on his skin.

“Dan, I command you to make it disappear. Now!” Phil demanded.

Dan gasped as the ball of fire in his palm _popped_ out of existence. He stared at his empty palm, which suddenly felt very cold. Tears sprung to Dan’s eyes as he looked up at Phil. “I can’t believe you did that. You took away my free will.”

“I’m sorry.” Phil crossed the kitchen quickly until he was standing in front of Dan. “I didn’t think I had a choice. You were going to hurt yourself.”

“No, you hurt me. You lied to me. When I gave you my _hoshi no tama_ you promised that you would never do that to me. You fucking lied to me.” Dan’s empty palm formed a tight fist and he swung at Phil’s face. Pain lanced at Dan’s knuckles as they connected with Phil’s cheekbone, and Dan gasped in surprise since he had never hit anyone before and hadn’t expected it to hurt. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Phil stumble backward and fall, hitting his back on a kitchen cupboard. Dan closed his eyes, focusing on the pain in his hand as it cut through the fog in his mind and helped him to find himself. When he opened his eyes again, the paranoia and violent tendencies had left him, and he was horrified with himself. “Phil?”

Phil didn’t notice the shift in Dan. As he sat on the floor, he glanced at the knife as if he was expecting Dan to grab it. “Dan, get out. That’s a command. Get out and don’t come back until you are yourself again.”

Dan rose from the stool without another word, only pausing to look over his shoulder and swallow heavily as he saw that Phil still sat on the floor. Dan was himself, so the weight of the command only carried him as far as the other side of the door. He didn’t turn around and go back inside. He kept walking away.

 

The air was misty with rain, and Dan ignored the way it dampened his shirt and clung to his curls. He kept walking until he found himself back at the beginning. It was dark out now and the only light in the area was coming from a nearby lamppost – it cast a yellow glow that was captured by the minuscule raindrops, making the air around it look hazy with light.

Dan had stopped walking as he stared at the metal bench in Regent’s Park where his path first crossed with Phil’s. If Phil had only sat on another bench on that fateful day, then none of this would have happened. As Dan tried to picture his life without Phil, all he could see was darkness. Phil had brought the light into Dan’s life, but Dan’s darkness had taken some of the light out of Phil’s. Dan hated that about himself. He knew that he was the worst thing that had ever happened to Phil.

And now it was over. This bench had been the beginning of them, and now there was nothing left. Phil had kicked him out, so that meant that he had finally realized how awful Dan was for him. The bench was short, but Dan curled up on it as he drew his knees up to his chest. He swiped at his cheeks to dry them of tears, which were falling incessantly. As the misty rain, started to dampen his face too, Dan gave up trying to hold himself together. He fell to pieces, feeling completely miserable as he was sorry for himself, sorry for Phil, and just so damn sorry about everything. He wished that he had never met Phil, for Phil’s sake.

“Dan?”

Dan recognized his brother’s voice, so he covered his face with his arm, wanting Adam to go away.

“What are you doing here? I felt you crying. What’s wrong?”

He wanted to deny it, but his body shook with a sob, even as he tried to hold it in.

“Did you have a fight with Phil?”

If only Adam knew – he was probably picturing an argument, not knives. Oh god, Dan could have stabbed Phil. He shuddered at the thought.

“You have to go home, Dan. It’s probably cold out here. Are you cold? You can’t stay here.” Adam waited, but Dan continued to ignore him. “I’m going to find Phil and let him know where you are.”

Dan opened his mouth to protest, but when he moved his arm from his eyes he didn’t see anyone. Adam had left. Not wanting to move, Dan sighed and closed his eyes. Casting that illusion had exhausted him, and he was unwilling to move from this spot. He just waited as the tears continued to roll down his cheeks.

“Dan.” It was Adam’s voice again.

He opened his eyes, expecting to see his brother and Phil, but Adam was alone. Was Phil so angry that he didn’t want to come? Dan couldn’t blame him for that.

“The apartment is empty,” Adam said. “You should go home.”

“Empty?” Dan asked as he sat up. “Phil’s not home?”

Adam shook his head. “No. He left a note. I… I think you should go home and read it.”

Those words gave Dan the motivation he needed to drag his tired body home. Dan found the note on the coffee table. It was brief – he could see that at a glance – but he still took a deep breath and settled onto the sofa before reading it:

  
_Dan,_

_I want you to know that I still don’t blame you. I’ll never blame you for any of this. But you were right about it being a bad idea for us to be in the apartment together right now. But don’t worry. I won’t forget. I’ll see you at the end of the 100 days._

_\- Phil_

Not worry? Phil didn’t want him to worry? That was impossible because the note wasn’t the only thing Phil had left here. On the table beside the note, Phil had left his cellphone. Phil didn’t want to talk to him. It really was over, wasn’t it?

Dan rolled onto his stomach on the sofa, burying his face so hard in a pillow that it was difficult to breathe. If he didn’t have Phil, then what was the point in becoming human? Nothing mattered anymore.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic just passed 150 kudos and is also about to pass 3,000 hits. Thank you so much <3 <3


	36. Chapter 36

_From_ My Girlfriend Is A Nine-Tailed Fox _[Korean Drama]:  
_ Mi-ho: _Think of all of this as a dream. From the time I appeared before you; think of it all as a dream. If you think these are all dreams, when you open your eyes, it won’t hurt you at all. Forget all the scary memories and just think of me as a really really really good dream… As we grow older together and as we continue to change with age, there is one thing that will never change. I will always keep on falling in love with you._ _[http://koreandsquotes.blogspot.com/2013/08/my-girlfriend-is-gumiho.html]_

 

 

  
A realization was slowly creeping up on Phil as he lay on his back, staring up at his bedroom walls. This wasn’t the bedroom at home that he shared with Dan – this was his childhood bedroom. The wallpaper was patterned with green and blue stripes and there were posters of emo bands stuck to the walls.

Sighing, he accepted what was wrong with him. He hadn’t learned anything since he was the child who lived in this room. He was so foolish. Phil jumped in surprise when his bedroom door opened slightly. He saw his brother peek around the door.

“Can I come in?” Martyn asked

“Yeah,” Phil said, sitting up in bed. “What are you doing here?”

“Mum told me you were here,” Martyn said as he sat on the end of Phil’s bed. He tilted his head as he looked at Phil’s face. “That’s some bruise you’ve got there.”

“Oh, this,” Phil started to touch his cheek lightly, but dropped his hand when it stung. It wasn’t that bad though since his mum had made him hold a bag of frozen peas on it as soon as she saw his face when he arrived home. “It’s nothing.”

“I noticed Dan’s not here,” Martyn said slowly, inviting Phil to comment. When he didn’t, Martyn continued, “Did Dan have something to do with that?”

Phil shrugged and broke eye contact. He wasn’t sure how to explain this.

“Do I need to go kick his ass?”

Phil laughed and shook his head. “No, Martyn. Thank you. It wasn’t what you’re thinking.”

“Are you sure?” Martyn sighed. “My little brother shows up with a bruise on his face. Your boyfriend hit you. What am I supposed to think?”

Phil shook his head. “He’s not abusive. I swear. He’s the sweetest person I’ve ever met. We had a fight and he punched me, that’s it. He’s never hit me before.”

“Hmmm…” Martyn considered it for a moment, his eyes still on the bruise. Then he said, “Okay, I believe you, but I still don’t like it. What was the fight about?”

Phil bit his lip, since he couldn’t think of a way to explain it simply. “I don’t want to say. It’s personal. Please don’t pressure me?”

“Fine, whatever you say. You know me. I don’t pry.”

Phil nodded, since he knew this was true. He picked up a rubber band ball that was sitting on his nightstand. It was another relic of his childhood and some of the ancient rubber bands were starting to crumble, but it was still bouncy. He tossed it experimentally between his palms and smiled when he saw Martyn hold out his hands in invitation. They tossed the rubber band ball back and forth for a few minutes, and Phil knew that Martyn was going easy on him since Phil hadn’t fumbled any of the catches yet. Finally, as he threw the ball back to Martyn, he asked, “Mar, am I childish?”

Martyn dropped the ball in his surprise and it bounced on the bed between them before rolling towards Phil. Martyn asked, “Why? Did Dan call you childish?”

As he rolled the rubber band ball on the bed between his palms, Phil said, “No, not at all. He’s never insulted me. It’s just something I’ve been thinking about myself. Mar, tell me. Am I childish?”

Martyn shrugged. “There’s good and bad things about being childish. When I think about you in that way, I think about the fact that you’re playful and fun. You have the remarkable ability to have a good time, no matter the situation.”

Phil frowned. “Is that really remarkable?”

“Yeah, it is,” Martyn said with a smile. He held his palm open on the bed, and they rolled the ball across the bed between them. “I was reading a book the other day that reminded me of you. The book had a character who was interested in gems, which she believed had magical qualities. She had a black diamond that she said would allow her to see the joy in all things. There was a villain in the book, too. Once he stole the diamond he actually showed some redeemable qualities. He saved the life of a woman whom he believed was pregnant with his child, and he touched her stomach. For the first time in his life, he was able to see the joy in all things.”

“How did this book remind you of me?” Phil asked with a laugh.

“You don’t need a black diamond,” Martyn said. “You’ve always been able to see the joy in all things. It’s a special quality. It’s something that most people lose the ability to see when they’re no longer children. Like, you get excited when it snows. Most people moan, thinking about how they have to shovel their sidewalks. You’re childish, but it makes you special.”

Phil bit his lip as he considered it. He said, “It’s not always a good thing, though. I do stupid things. I don’t want to go into detail about what happened with Dan, but when he knew that something bad was going to happen to him, I told him it wouldn’t. I insisted again and again that he would be fine. He just kept giving me a sad look because he knew I was wrong. And then when it happened, I told him I’d help him. I asked him to believe in me.”

Martyn’s eyes widened as he tried to absorb this sudden influx of information. He grasped the last part as he said, “Phil, if you asked me to believe in you, I would. You’ve always been a good friend and brother to me. You’re fiercely loyal and protective. You’ve always been there for me when I needed you. I’m sure it’s the same for Dan.”

“I… I try. I’ve tried to help Dan. I will always try to help Dan, but this past time… I tried to stay positive, so much so that I was blind to everything reasonable Dan was saying. I’m such a fool. He must have known, but he didn’t say it. He’s never told me that I’m a fool, even when he should. And then we both got hurt because of me. I’m so embarrassed. That’s why I’m here. I can’t stand to face him right now. I even left my phone at home because I don’t know what to say to him.”

Martyn nodded and idly picked at some of the rubber bands that were flaking off the ball while he thought. As he did, Phil fully realized the situation he had left Dan in – oh God, Dan must be freaking out right now.

Finally, Martyn looked up as he said, “I think you’re being too hard on yourself. I don’t understand what happened between you and Dan, but from what you’ve told me it sounds like you don’t like the way you handled a situation that kept coming up. So, you’re here at Mum’s because you needed to take a step back and get some perspective on the situation, am I right?” When Phil nodded, Martyn continued, “See? You’re doing the right thing.”

Phil shook his head fervently. “I ran away from my problems like a child.”

“No, you’re sitting here thinking about ways that you want to handle your problems better in the future. You’re trying to grow and mature, which can only help. If you want to give it another shot with Dan, you’ll be going back into the relationship as a better person, and you won’t make the same mistakes.”

Phil bit his lip and looked away. He wasn’t even sure if Dan would still want him. He had kicked Dan out and then ran away from their home before Dan returned. They would have to see each other again so that he could return the _hoshi no tama,_ but he wasn’t sure if Dan would still want him. Phil sighed, “I don’t know, Mar. I need to think.”

Martyn reached out to give Phil’s ankle a squeeze. “Okay, then. I’ll let you do some thinking. Talk to you later.”

“Bye, Mar. Thanks,” Phil said, giving his brother a small smile as Martyn climbed off the bed and walked to the door.

 

 

Phil’s parents had been staring at his eye since he showed up last night. While he had been able to avoid them and their questions by hiding in his room, it all became impossible when he sat down to have dinner with his mum and dad. Mum pointedly stared at him as she passed him a serving platter of mashed potatoes. “So…” Mum said slowly. “I spoke to your brother after he talked to you this afternoon.”

“Oh?” Phil said as he thought. He had known that Mum called Martyn over to fish for info. He had also known that Mum would grill Martyn when he left, but Phil had forgotten to tell Martyn what it was okay to share with her. If he had remembered, he would have said that the details of their conversation should stay between them, knowing that Martyn would keep his confidence. Now it looked like Mum might know everything, judging by her expression.

“Yes, so apparently Dan is the one who gave you that bruise. Would you tell me more about that?” she asked.

Phil shook his head, seeing how his response made her concern battle with frustration. He hated that she was worried, but he didn’t know what to say.

Meanwhile, his dad’s eyes widened at Mum’s words. Apparently she hadn’t told him that she learned who hit Phil. “Hey, son, do you want me to show you some defensive moves?” Dad held up his fists in demonstration of a fighter’s pose. “I could even show you how to get some good jabs in next time.”

Phil paled and shook his head harder.

Mum looked just as horrified. “Nigel! It’s not like some boy hit him on the playground. This is his boyfriend we’re talking about.”

“Thanks, Mum,” he mumbled, but then shrank under her heavy gaze.

“Phil… I’ll admit that I liked Dan when I met him, but now all I want is to hear you say it’s over. Tell me you’re not going back to him.”

His eyes got misty because even though he had doubts about his relationship, Phil hated the fact that she disliked Dan now. “Mum, you don’t understand what happened. It wasn’t like that. We had a fight, but he wasn’t abusive.”

“So, you’re going back to him?” She asked in a hard voice. He didn’t answer, but Mum saw something in his expression that made her shake her head. “Phil, since you started dating this guy, I’ve seen the effort that you’ve had to put into this relationship. The joke you two have about him ‘spending the majority of your relationship running’. How hard it was for you to get him to tell you that he loved you. And now he hit you? This relationship just seems so difficult. Are you sure it’s worth what you’re putting into it?”

“Yes,” he said as a sudden realization shot through him, making his heart pound. He returned his mum’s stare without flinching. “It’s worth it. Nothing worth having in life comes easy.”

“Phil, I’m not sure that…” Mum started to protest, but he wasn’t listening. All he could think about was the fact that this relationship was worth it. And he had walked away from it.

Phil stood from the table. “Um, Mum, I’m not very hungry… I’m sorry, but I’d like to go to my room.”

She might have made a sound of protest, but he wasn’t listening as he was already walking away. Phil went to his bedroom and closed the door. As he settled on his bed, his hands were shaking as the revelation he had downstairs was still sending thrills of adrenaline through his body. Dan was worth it. Phil knew it. But he had walked away from Dan.

Phil shut his eyes, and all he could see was Dan. Tears streamed down his face as words and images flashed through his mind.

The first time he saw Dan’s dimples as he smiled through the pain of a dislocated shoulder, and the sight had made Phil’s stomach flip.

“ _You’re not going to like me once you get to know me_ ,” Dan had said the first time Phil tried to kiss him. Even then he had been trying to protect Phil.

Phil remembered the moment that Dan told him he liked him on the London Eye, “ _I fell out of a tree, and I feel like I’m still falling. I’ve never stopped. I’ve been falling for you since we met_.” That moment had been perfect.

“ _It’s been years since I got to pet a dog. A friend of mine had a puppy that I used to play with. It would bite me sometimes, but I didn’t care. When the puppy grew up though, it didn’t like me anymore. This is so amazing_.” Phil remembered Dan’s face in that moment, as it was lit with a childlike glee. Dan was stunning, inside and out.

He remembered how beautiful, shy, and flushed Dan looked lying beneath him right before the first time they had sex. “ _I never let anyone get close to me before you. I never wanted to be close to anyone before you._ ”

And he remembered when Dan told him that they might only have two weeks together. Dan believed that they would be the last two weeks of his life, and all he wanted was Phil. “ _I’ve been thinking about how I want to spend those days. I want to see you every day and I want to spend every night in your arms. Please?_ ”

Then the first time Dan told him that he loved him in the snow, and Phil knew it was true. He saw it in the soft flush in Dan’s cheeks, the nervous way that he bit his bottom lip, and felt it in the way Dan’s foot kept ‘accidentally’ brushing his calf.

And then when he had tried to give Dan a perfect day, all Dan had wanted was to be with him. “ _Just let me be close to you. Hold me. Even closer than this. I need you_.”

It took a while, but Dan finally felt comfortable saying how he felt about Phil out loud. “ _Always. I just didn’t want to say it when it might be over soon. I wanted to say it at the beginning of something, when we knew we had more time. Forever, even. Does that make sense?_ ” It took time, but it had been worth the wait.

Then there was the moment that he had asked Dan to live with him. “ _I know you’re not just my boyfriend. You’re my best friend, too. Usually I love that we’re friends, but you just asked me to live with you like a friend would. And it bothered me_.” Dan was his everything: best friend, boyfriend, lover, and soulmate.

Phil’s pillow was soaked with tears by now. In his exhaustion he fell asleep, crying for Dan.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it didn't bother anyone that this chapter focused so much on domestic violence. I didn't want to completely ignore the fact that Phil got hit by his partner. It bothers me when novels like "The Host" by Stephenie Meyer do that, so I had to make Phil's family address it and make sure he was okay.
> 
> The book I have Martyn mention is Outlander (I'm not going to bother to say which book in the series, because the diamond passes hands throughout the series and you get to say how the diamond [if it has magical qualities] impacts several characters). Just... go read Outlander :) but skip the Wentworth prison chapters :(
> 
> Anyway, do you have a guess about what will happen in the next chapter? Let me know


	37. Chapter 37

_From_ My Girlfriend Is A Nine-Tailed Fox _[Korean Drama]:  
_ Mi-ho: _I like you so much that now, I can’t stop there. I can’t pretend I don’t like you, either. All I can do is not show you that I like you. All I can do is keep from begging you to like me. If I’m going to slowly distance myself from you, I think I’ll have to run really hard._

Cha Dae Wong: _It’s not okay. It’s absurd and outrageous and crazy, but I like you. I don’t like you because it’s okay to like you – it’s because I like you that everything is okay._

_[http://koreandsquotes.blogspot.com/2013/08/my-girlfriend-is-gumiho.html]_

 

 

Phil wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but he woke at what seemed to be hours later. The house was dark and quiet, so he both felt and heard it when his stomach growled. He crawled out of bed and tiptoed downstairs to the kitchen in search of a snack. He put a plate on the counter and was just about to open the fridge in search of bread and lunchmeat when he heard the rain.

Phil loved the sound of rain and thunder – he knew he got more excited by it than the average person, but something about weather like this had always made him feel energized. After glancing to make sure that the outside porchlight was turned on, he peered through the curtains of the backdoor to admire the storm. He watched for a moment as the tree in the backyard twisted in a strong breeze, raindrops and leaves swirling around it. 

Then, just as he was about to drop the curtain, he looked down to the steps that led to the back door. An alarmed squeak caught in his throat as he saw the hunched form of a man sitting on the steps. His back was facing the door and his rigid shoulders shook with a tremor – the man was obviously cold and he was soaking wet.

As unexpected as seeing Dan here was, Phil knew him instantly. He had seen that back of Dan’s damp head so many times when they stood in the shower while Phil shampooed it, and the sight was unmistakable, even in the dim glow of the porchlight. Phil unlocked the door and flung it open, making Dan jump in surprise. “Dan! What are you doing out there? It’s raining! Come here.”

For a moment, Dan just stared over his shoulder, eyes wide as he took in the sight of Phil in the doorway. Rain was dripping from the ends of Dan’s curly fringe and running down his cheeks. Phil held out a hand, beckoning Dan to come closer, and finally he stood up. As Dan stepped into the kitchen, his soaked sneakers squished with rainwater.

Phil looked him over once more, now that they were was standing in the light. He was wearing a black jacket that was zipped up to his chin, and his body was shaking as he shivered with his arms wrapped around his middle. Water was dripping from the hem of his jacket. Dan made a sound of protest when Phil pulled him into a tight hug. “I-I-I am going to get you all wet.”

“Well, that’s your fault,” Phil mumbled as he pressed his face against the cold skin of Dan’s neck. He placed a kiss there before saying, “What were you thinking? Why didn’t you knock?”

“I-I-I didn’t want to wake you up…” Dan stuttered.

Phil didn’t want to let go, but he needed to get Dan warm and dry. He pulled out the hug so that he could unzip Dan’s wet jacket. The black t-shirt beneath was also soaked and stuck to Dan’s skin. As he peeled the jacket off Dan and hung it on a hook to dry, Phil said, “Let’s go to my room. I’ll get you some dry clothes.”

“Ok-k-kay, one sec,” Dan stuttered as he kicked off his wet sneakers so that he wouldn’t ruin the carpet in the next room. Then he gave Phil a small smile. “Ready.”

Phil took Dan’s hand as he led him through the dark house, only stopping briefly at the linen closet to grab a towel. Once they were in his room, Phil turned on the light and closed the door behind them. Dan stood in the middle of the room, shivering as he rubbed his arms to get the blood moving. “Let me,” Phil said as he stepped closer with the towel. He rubbed Dan’s arms to dry them until the skin became slightly pink. Then he asked, “Take your shirt off?”

Dan obeyed, dropping his wet t-shirt on the floor. He glanced at the towel. “I can do it.”

“Let me take care of you,” Phil said as he took another step closer. He ran the towel across Dan’s hair and then over his shoulders. Dan leaned against him while Phil dried his back. Phil gratefully noted that Dan had stopped shivering, but now he seemed exhausted. “Why don’t you go to my bed, sweetheart? I’ll bring you some pjs.”

“Thanks,” Dan sighed, his breath ghosting across Phil’s neck. They pulled apart and Dan slipped out of his wet jeans before sitting on the edge of Phil’s bed. Phil sat beside him and pushed Dan’s hands through the sleeves of a warm flannel pj top. Dan’s eyes stayed fixed on Phil’s face as Phil worked on the buttons. When it was buttoned up to his chin, Dan said, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Want to lie down?” Phil asked as he ran his hand over Dan’s wrist, feeling how the warmth was returning to his skin and the goosebumps were fading.

Dan pulled on the pj bottoms before settling into bed beside Phil. Dan’s eyes narrowed slightly with suspicion as Phil pulled the duvet up his chest, tucking him in snuggly. Dan asked, “Why are you being so nice to me?”

“You deserve nice things.”    

“I don’t see how you can think that, after everything that happened,” Dan said as he shook his head.

“I don’t see how you can think otherwise, after everything we’ve been through together,” Phil said with a smile, remembering all of the good times.

Dan frowned and he reached out, fingertips lightly brushing across the bruise on Phil’s cheek. “I’m so sorry about this.”

Phil grasped the fingers on his cheek, giving Dan’s hand a squeeze. “Don’t worry about it. I’m okay. Dan, I’m so happy you’re here.” Then he realized how unreal this moment was. It felt like one of the many beautiful illusions that Phil had found himself in since meeting Dan. Or maybe it was a dream. Phil laughed as he requested, “Pinch me, Dan. I’m not sure that I’m awake.”

Dan chuckled softly. “You’re awake. This is real.”

“But how! How are you here? How did you get here? This feels like magic.”

“Not magic,” Dan said with a smile. “I got here the way any normal person would: I hopped on a train and then took a cab here from the train station.”

“Okay, but how did you know where I was?”

Dan had been pale since he arrived, but at these words his cheeks flushed, the skin becoming warm and pink. “I… felt you.”

“Felt me?” Phil focused on Dan’s hair, which was drying in a tangled mess of curls. He ran his fingers through it, gently combing out some of the knots.

Dan nodded. “I felt you crying. When you left, I thought I’d really screwed up this time. I thought it was over since you left your phone. You obviously didn’t want to talk to me. But when I felt you crying I knew that you still loved me. Phil… I know that we have issues, but I—”

Phil placed his fingers on Dan’s lips to stop him from talking before dropping his hand between them. “I’m sorry I left like that. I should have talked to you. I shouldn’t have left my phone. I was dealing with my own issues, and I didn’t realize that leaving like that would make you think that we were over. I’ve never stopped loving you. I was just embarrassed. I blame myself for what happened in the kitchen that second time. I should have listened to you when—”

This time Dan was the one who placed his fingers on Phil’s lips to stop him from talking. As Dan stared at him with wide chocolate eyes, Phil kissed the fingertips until Dan smiled and moved them away. “You mean that? You still love me?”

Phil laughed and shifted so that they were lying closer, so close that he could feel Dan’s breath on his skin. “I thought you came here because you felt me crying, so you knew I still loved you.”

Dan bit his lip before nodding. “I did, but I still had some doubts, so it’s nice to hear you say it.”

“Oh. Well I love you. My heart will always be yours.”

“I love you, too,” Dan said, but his brows knit together with worry. “Phil, should I have come here? You left for a very good reason. I’m still a kitsune and I’m dangerous. I could…”

Phil shook his head. “I’m not underestimating how serious this is, but you’re you right now. You’re not dangerous. You’re my Dan.” His words made tears shimmer in Dan’s eyes. In the past he would have comforted Dan and tried to make him smile, but not now. Phil also felt like crying. There was only one thing he wanted to say. They weren’t his words either – Dan had said this once, and the words had been perfect then. He thought they would be perfect in this moment, too. “I don’t want to think like that right now. I want to just be you and me, not a kitsune and a human.”   

“Okay,” Dan said with a watery smile. “We’ll just be you and me, then.”

They both had tears rolling down their cheeks when Phil leaned in to kiss Dan, lingering until their heavy breathing made them pull apart to catch their breaths. As Dan dried his cheeks, he said, “It feels so odd to be with you while you’re crying.”

“Does it feel bad?” Phil asked as he tried to even his breathing, horrified by the thought that his tears might be hurting Dan. “I’m trying to stop. I…”

“No, it’s okay,” Dan said as he reached out to touch Phil’s face, running the pad of his thumb lightly under Phil’s eye where the moisture had gathered. “It feels odd, but in a good way. When you cry, I feel pulled to you. So, when I’m lying beside you… I just want to be even closer.”

 “Closer?” Phil asked as he ran his hands under the flannel pj top so that he could feel the smooth skin underneath. “Like this?”

“Hmmm, your hands feel nice,” Dan sighed. Then he pushed the pj bottoms down and kicked his legs to free himself of them.

“Are you sure? You seemed tired a moment ago.” His hands froze on Dan’s chest as he became concerned.

He put a hand on Phil’s hip, pulling him closer. “I’m tired, but I want you. You’ll just have to be slow and sweet with me.”

“I can do that,” Phil said as he slipped out of his own pj bottoms. Unlike Dan, he wasn’t wearing anything underneath, and he shivered when he felt Dan’s fingertips graze over the now-bare skin of his hip.

“If you’re cold, come here. Let me warm you up,” Dan whispered.

Phil had never wanted Dan so badly as he did in that moment. He wanted to make up for the time they had lost in the days they were apart. He wanted to show Dan with his body how very much he still loved him. He never wanted to leave Dan’s side again; however, he did have to roll away briefly to get something from his nightstand. Phil showed what he had retrieved to Dan. “Vaseline. It’s all we have to work with. I don’t keep bottles of lube lying around my mum’s house, and I didn’t expect you to show up, so…”

“That should be fine,” Dan said with a reassuring smile as he opened his thighs wider, inviting Phil to come closer.

Phil leaned over Dan, enjoying a kiss that quickly became deeper. While he was enjoying Dan’s lips, he dipped a finger into the jar of Vaseline and then reached between them, surprising Dan when he started to press the finger into him. Dan gasped against his mouth, so Phil pulled back. “I didn’t hurt you, did I? Sorry, I just love the sounds you make.”

“Mmmh, no you didn’t hurt me,” Dan sighed as he moved against Phil’s finger. “Just keep going. More. I want more than your hand.”

Phil’s cock twitched in response, and he made quick but gentle work of opening Dan with his fingers. As he slicked Vaseline over himself while at looking Dan, he asked, “Are you ready?”

“Always for you,” Dan said as he pulled Phil closer by his shoulders. 

Phil reconnected their lips and he pressed slowly into Dan’s body, and soon they were both breathing too heavily to do more than brush lips, but still it was perfect. When he was fully inside of Dan’s body, he didn’t move, but he leaned back so that he could admire Dan’s face. He supported his weight on one elbow while he reached up a hand, running his fingers through Dan’s hair and then across his cheek.

Dan leaned into the caress as he sighed. “You can move. I’m ready.”

“I’ll move, but I just wanted to say something first.”

“Oh?” Dan blinked up at him.

“Yes. I’m never going to walk away from us again. I’m never going to let you go. I know who you are now: you’re my soulmate.”

Dan closed his eyes as he took a deep breath. When he opened his eyes again, he looked up at Phil with a smile. “I still don’t like that word, but now I think it’s only the word that bothers me. I hate labels like that… but the emotion and significance behind that word? Yeah, that’s something I can get behind. I believe that I was born to love you. Is it enough if I say that?”

“Oh, yes,” Phil sighed as he leaned in to kiss Dan. While their lips were touching, he started shifting his hips and Dan gasped against his mouth when Phil’s cock started moving inside him. Phil moaned between kisses, “Mmmh, I missed you so much.”

“Missed you, too.” Dan wrapped his arms across Phil’s shoulders and squeezed him with his thighs like he never wanted to let Phil go. “Move faster please?”

“Anything for you,” Phil said as he started thrusting faster. As he went deeper, he found Dan’s prostate, and he started moaning beneath Phil, who pressed incessantly against it. While supporting his weight on his elbows, he leaned back to see Dan’s face. Dan’s eyes were closed, so he didn’t notice Phil staring at him in adoration. Phil loved seeing the effect that he was having on Dan, whose cheeks were flushed, nose was scrunched, and his mouth was open as he continued to let out little noises of pleasure. Just seeing Dan look so blissed out made a wave of euphoria hit Phil.

Dan shuddered and he opened his eyes. “I’m not going to last much longer. Phil?”

“Me too,” Phil said, and he leaned in. Dan clearly expected Phil’s lips to be on his again, but Phil paused to admire the features on the face that still made his heart flutter. He placed a quick kiss between Dan’s eyebrows, on the tip of his nose, and then on each of his dimples before settling on his lips.

When they had to pull apart to breathe, Dan murmured, “You’re still strange, but I love you.”

“Mmmh,” Phil sighed as he rested his face against Dan’s neck, since he was too close to form coherent speech. His strokes became faster before he buried himself deep in Dan as he came. Dan gasped at the feeling and he squeezed Phil’s hips with his thighs. Phil was still shaking with his high, but he asked, “Are you still close? Do you want me to?”

“Yes,” Dan sighed when he felt Phil reach between them to grasp his cock. After a few strokes, Dan orgasmed in his hand.

The sensitivity was becoming too much as Dan’s body was squeezing his spent cock. He continued to stroke Dan through his orgasm, but he slipped out of his body as gently as possible before lying beside him. A moment later, they were both panting and sticky and couldn’t care less as they stared at each other. 

Dan took a deep breath. “Phil, I…”

He ran his fingers lightly across Dan’s cheek. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“I came here too soon,” Dan said with a sigh. “We’ve still got a day before I can become human. What if I attack you again? I shouldn’t stay.”

Phil trailed his hand down to Dan’s shoulder. He gave the shoulder a firm squeeze, as if Dan was trying to run away and Phil needed to hold him in place. Dan wasn’t trying to leave, though.

Phil insisted, “Don’t go. I understand how serious this is. I really do, but we belong together. You’re my Dan right now, and if that changes then we’ll handle it. We’ll work through it just like we have all of our problems.” Phil gave Dan a reassuring smile. “Besides, we won’t be alone. My family is here. I’ll ask my brother to hang out with us tomorrow. If anything happens, he mentioned something about wanting to kick your ass, so…”

Dan buried his face in a pillow as he groaned. He said in a muffled voice, “Oh God, your family hates me now. Not that I can blame them.”

Phil shifted closer, hating that there was so much space between them, even just a few inches of it. “No one is going to hate you. I won’t allow it. You deserve to be loved.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this the longest chapter yet? I think so


	38. Chapter 38

_Kitsune fact: Kitsune spirits enjoy playing tricks on people nearly as much as the Tengu… Kitsune are more playful in nature and are almost always portrayed as helpful allies to humans (as long as they are treated with respect). The kitsune are strong, stubborn, wise, and clever beings… In fact, myths warn that you should be kind to foxes if they are not doing any harm, because you might accidentally end up offending a kitsune, and that is something you really don’t want to do._ _[https://books.google.com/books?id=f-RsCs5dJRwC &printsec=frontcover&dq=The+Complete+Idiot%27s+Guide+to+World+Mythology&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiYrb7SnPrbAhULzlkKHQlRDHcQ6AEIKTAA#v=onepage&q=The%20Complete%20Idiot's%20Guide%20to%20World%20Mythology&f=false]_

 

 

  
When he woke up, Dan kept his eyes squeezed tightly shut. He took a deep breath as he looked inward, unsure what he would see when he did. His grandmother had given him this advice though, and she was the smartest person he knew so he was going to do it.

Before he bought his train ticket to come see Phil, Dan had asked Grandma for her opinion on the situation. First, he told her everything that had happened in the kitchen with the nogitsune. Then he told her that he knew Phil was crying for him. He’d said, _I want to go to him, but I’m scared_. _What if I hurt him again?_

 _You won’t_ , Grandma assured him simply.

 _How do you know_? he had asked her.

Grandma just laughed. _I told you already. So long ago when you and Phil first started dating. Love is a more powerful form of magic than anything we kitsune can perform. If you can stay focused on your love, you will stay strong and the nogitsune will not overpower you._

At the time of hearing this, Dan was a bit skeptical, but he knew that Phil needed him. So, he had thanked his grandmother and bought a train ticket. Now that he was in bed beside Phil, he became nervous once more. What if the nogitsune was waiting in the shadows of his mind, ready to take over and attack Phil?

Dan kept his eyes closed as he thought to himself, _I’m Dan. I know the difference between right and wrong. I love Phil. I would never hurt Phil. I love Phil more than anything. I was born to love Phil._  This was all true. He knew it down to the very cells of his being. And for the moment, the violent fox spirit inside him was dormant. He was himself and only himself.

Dan opened his eyes, seeing Phil sleeping in bed beside him. The chain of the watch was visible near the collar of his shirt, and all Dan felt was gratitude for the fact that Phil was helping him. If everything went well tomorrow afternoon, there was a chance that Dan could become human.

Not wanting to disturb Phil, Dan carefully got out of the bed. He slipped into the pajama bottoms that Phil lent him last night before walking to the bathroom. When he came back out a few moments later, Dan was startled to see that there was someone waiting for him.

His cheeks flushed as he made eye contact with Phil’s mum – he knew that he would be seeing her today, but he hadn’t had a chance to mentally prepare himself to meet her accusing glare. “Hi, Kath. I mean… Good morning, Mrs. Lester.”

She frowned, but at least the intensity of her glare lessened. “I saw your coat and shoes in the kitchen. You came in last night?”

Dan nodded. He swallowed heavily and stayed quiet because the tension of this moment was choking him – he could tell that she absolutely hated him now. Not that he could blame her, after seeing the bruise on Phil’s cheek.

She narrowed her eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“Um…” Dan hesitated because he hadn’t talked about this with Phil yet. Phil’s family didn’t know what Dan was, so there was no way to explain the fact that he had shown up because he felt Phil crying. So, he simply said, “I’m here for Phil.”

“I don’t like you,” Kath said in a cold voice.

Dan winced. “I know. I don’t like myself much either at the moment.”

“Is that supposed to be funny?”

Dan shook his head fervently in response.

Kath sighed and rubbed her eyes. “I can’t pretend that I’m happy to see you. You hit my son. But I suppose that you’re here to make up for that?”

Dan nodded, though he honestly didn’t know how to go about making this up to Phil. At least Phil had been happy to see him show up, so maybe that had been a start?

“You’re going to try to earn his forgiveness?” Kath asked as she carefully watched Dan’s face. Her scowl hardened, and Dan didn’t like it – Kath had a bubbly personality and a face that was made for smiling, so he hated the fact that he brought out this side of her. “He already has forgiven you, hasn’t he? I shouldn’t be surprised. My son forgives easily. But you’re going to find that the rest of this family is a bit harder to win over.”

“It doesn’t matter,” he said. At the look she gave him, Dan explained, “It doesn’t matter who forgives me because I will never forgive myself for putting my hands on Phil, and I’m going to spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to him, and no matter what I do it will never be enough. Still, I’m going to try.”

There was a long moment of silence as Kath just stared at him. Then she nodded and her lips quirked up a bit – was that almost a smile? “Okay. I guess you’re going to be around for a while then. Good. He’s happy when you’re here. I’ll see you at breakfast.”

Stunned, Dan stood in the hallway and watched as she walked away. Maybe Phil’s family wouldn’t always hate him after all.

 

 

It seemed like Kath or Phil said something to the rest of the family because Martyn and his father barely blinked an eye when Dan joined them for a late breakfast. It was the weekend and the Lesters had planned on spending the whole day together, so after pancakes they moved to the living room for a game of Monopoly. 

They sat on the sofa while Martyn knelt beside the coffee table to unbox the game, while Phil’s parents stayed in the kitchen to make a pitcher of iced tea. Phil picked up one of the game pieces and offered it to Dan in an open palm. With a smirk, Phil teased, “Are you sure you want to join us? See, you don’t really know what you’re getting yourself into.”

Dan couldn’t help seeing parallels in this moment to their situation with the _hoshi no tama_ – 99 days ago, he had held out a silver watch containing his soul to Phil, and neither of them had known what they were signing up for. As he looked at Phil’s palm though, the only thing resting there was an adorable token shaped like a Scottie dog, and Dan smiled. He asked, “Oh really? So, tell me. What am I signing up for?”

Phil’s grin broadened. “We take this game very seriously, and when we start playing we’re all making a commitment. No one leaves, no one abandons the game – we keep going until the end, regardless of the time or effort it takes. Because it’s worth it. So, Dan, are you ready for this commitment?”

Dan took the Scottie dog token from Phil’s palm. “I’m ready,” he said, his voice entirely free of sarcasm.  

Phil hadn’t been exaggerating. It took most of the day to complete the game. Playing with Phil’s family was much different than playing with his own, since the Howells were all very competitive and usually ended a game angry with each other. Phil’s family was just fun though, as they cheered each other on when they bought properties and happily handed over rent money. When Dan went bankrupt, he didn’t even care. He just leaned back against the sofa and started rooting for Phil to win, making encouraging sounds whenever Phil bought a new house for his properties.

Kath had also gone bankrupt, so she got up to order a pizza for dinner, which arrived when the game was down to just Phil and Martyn. In the end, Martyn won, and though Phil vowed to beat him when they had a rematch sometime, he was grinning broadly as he said it.

The family settled down after that, putting a movie on the tv as they finished eating the pizza. Phil was oblivious to the glances his family was casting him as he snuggled close to Dan, and soon Dan was able to ignore the looks too. He remembered how awkward he had been around Phil’s family the last time he was here, letting their interest impact the way he behaved around Phil. He didn’t want to do that anymore – he just wanted to be himself with Phil. So, he snuggled against him, enjoying the feeling of the warm familiar body beside him as they finished watching the movie.

When it was over, Phil stood with a stretch. He asked, “Ready for bed?”

“Mmm hmm,” Dan sighed as he fought to hold in a yawn.

Martyn also stood up. “Hey, did I hear you guys are catching the train back to London tomorrow night?”

When they both nodded in response, Martyn stepped closer to give Phil a hug. Phil hugged him back, but he laughed when they pulled apart. “What was that for?”

Martyn shrugged. “I won’t be around tomorrow, so this is bye for now. Take care of yourself.” Then Martyn looked at Dan with a grin, and he patted Dan on the shoulder. “You’ll take care of him for me, won’t you?”

“Hey!” Phil protested with mock indignation before laughing. “I can take care of myself.

Martyn wasn’t waiting for an answer, but Dan still had to say, “I will.” He felt like he had been trusted with something precious, and he was being trusted despite the fact that he had done nothing to deserve it. Still, he wasn’t going to betray Martyn’s trust. From now on, he was going to keep Phil safe.

           

           

Once they were in Phil’s room, they closed the door and settled in his bed. The bedside lamp was still on and Dan saw a worried crease appear between Phil’s eyebrows. He poked a finger at the ivory skin until it smoothed under his fingertip as Phil stared at him in surprise. Dan smiled reassuringly as he asked, “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Phil shrugged. “It’s just… the game today went on a lot longer than I had expected. If we were alone, I would have asked you… I would have given you an excuse to quit if you wanted… Dan, was today boring for you?”

Dan gave a surprised laugh. “Phil, no. Not at all. I loved it.”

“Oh?” Phil took a deep breath as he relaxed. “Okay. I’m glad. Maybe we could do it again sometime. If you wanted to.”

Dan nodded, but he looked away nervously as he said, “Phil, you’re worried that doing things like this are going to be boring… normal things like playing board games, but that’s going to be our life after tomorrow. I don’t find this stuff boring, but will you? When there’s nothing supernatural about me anymore and we just have to entertain ourselves with things like games?”

“Oh, Dan, no.” Phil wrapped his arms around Dan. “That sounds like the best life ever. I want that with you.”

Dan frowned even though he knew Phil was being honest and would stay with him – but still, he felt insecure. “Phil, could we talk about something? I want you to be blunt with me. It won’t hurt my feelings. There’s just something that I’m curious about.”

Phil leaned back so that he could see Dan’s face. “What is it?”

“I know what we’ve done is the right thing. I need to be human again so that I can just be me, not a nogitsune that might hurt you, but Phil… Tell me, is there anything you’re going to miss about me being a kitsune?”

“You mean honestly?” Phil bit his lip as he thought. Then he nodded. “The snow.”

Dan looked around the room, remembering the fight they’d had here before he told Phil that he loved him. “The warm snow? You’re going to miss that?”

“Yes, I always meant to ask you to cast that illusion again. So that I could enjoy it properly.”

Dan nodded. “So, should I do it now?”

Phil gaped at him. “Dan, you can’t. You’ll hurt yourself.”

“No, let me see the watch,” Dan insisted. When Phil pulled it out from under his shirt, Dan held the watch which was still hanging around Phil’s neck. He closed his eyes for a moment and then smiled when he felt warm snowflakes drifting across his skin. He opened his eyes, seeing snow swirling in the air around him and his black tail flicking idly at his side. Dan released the watch around Phil’s neck, pleased with the way his blue-green eyes were wide with wonder at the sight of the snow. Dan asked, “You like it?”          

“Yes,” Phil said with a nod, but he shifted concerned eyes to Dan’s face. “Are you okay? You really didn’t have to do this.”

“I’m fine. I got the power from my _hoshi no tama_. Besides, this is my last chance to do an illusion, so I wanted to make it a good one.”

“Okay. Well, it’s perfect. Thank you.” Neither of them said anything for a moment as they watched the snow. Dan smiled, loving the way the snowflakes settled in Phil’s black hair. Then Phil frowned as he said, “I love this. I really do. But it just reminded me of a conversation I had with Martyn yesterday.”

“Oh?” Dan prompted.

Phil hesitated before saying, “Yeah, I was asking my brother if I’m childish. He told me I am, but it’s a good thing. Like how I get excited when it snows. He said I’m childish, but it’s the thing that makes me special. He said I see the joy in all things.”

Dan thought about it before nodding. “I think he’s right. I think that’s what drew me to you in the beginning.”

Phil’s eyebrows rose. “What? Really?”

“Yeah, I needed someone like you. You’ve made me a better person.” Dan couldn’t maintain eye contact as he admitted, “I didn’t have much of a life before you. I never did anything for fun – it had been so long I’d forgotten how to have fun. And then I met you and you brought out this side of me that I thought had died back when I was a kid. I grew up too fast and I didn’t know how to be different, the way you are. I admire so much about you. Like the thing your brother said about the snow. I wanted to be like you. I wanted to see life in the way you do, so when we met I wanted to spend more and more time with you. I got addicted to you and your rose-colored view of the world.”

At the sound of Phil’s heavy swallow, Dan looked up and met his gaze again. Phil asked, “And what about now? Now that we’re always together?”

Dan smiled in understanding; Phil was asking why Dan was with him. “I think that now that we’re always together things will be perfect. I’m too much of an adult and you’re a bit like a kid. I like the way you see the world, and sometimes when I’m with you I can see the world in that way, too. Not all the time, but sometimes. It’s perfect because we balance each other out. I’ll be okay as long as I have you.”

Phil reached across the bed and squeezed Dan’s hands. “Same. I need you.” Then he smiled broadly. “Hey, Dan?”

“Hmmm?”

“Come be a kid with me.” Then he dragged Dan gently off the bed and they settled onto the floor, which was dusted with an inch of snow. Phil grabbed a handful of snow and quickly formed a tight snowball with it.

Dan grinned, unafraid of the weapon that Phil was now bouncing in his palm. “Come on, you’re not going to throw that at me.”

“Are you sure, Howell?”

“Yes, Lester,” Dan teased, flashing his dimples because he knew Phil liked them. “You like my face. You’re not going to hit me in the face with a snowball.”

“I do like your face,” Phil admitted as he continued to bounce the snowball. He tilted his head as if he was appraising Dan. “Okay, you don’t think I’m going to do it, right? If you’re so sure then close your eyes.”

Dan closed his eyes, feeling them crease at the corners with amusement as he continued to smile. Then he felt the back of his t-shirt being pulled out by the collar before Phil dumped a handful of snow down it. The snow was warm so at least there wasn’t the sensation of cold sliding down his spine, but still he gasped in surprise at the sensation and smacked Phil’s hands away from his neck. “You absolute rat! I trusted you.”

Phil covered his mouth with his hand to muffle his laughter. “Oh my gosh. Don’t make me laugh so loud. My mum might come in to see what’s going on. We have to keep it down.”

Dan nodded, knowing that they couldn’t let Phil’s family see this. He felt a rush of excitement at the thought that tomorrow they wouldn’t need to hide anything from Phil’s family anymore because he would be human. Still, he couldn’t help grinning at the thought of Kath overhearing Phil’s laughter because he had done that. He had made Phil laugh, and he wanted Kath to hear it. They made each other happy, and everyone should know that.

“Hey, come lie beside me,” Phil said. They laid on their backs on the floor, moving their arms and legs in ways that would leave impressions in the snow, but neither of them got up to see the shapes that they had left behind. Instead, they looked up, watching the snow continue to fall above them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This whole chapter was not a part of my original plan. It was a very late edition, and the ch that ultimately took this story from 39 to 40 total chapters (the last time the count jumped up a #).  
> (Arishipsphan, you requested fluff a few chapters ago, is this fluffy enough for you? :) )
> 
> Fun fact: I wrote the snowball scene before their Estes Park photos, thinking only of the short video Dan took a few months ago wen he hit Phil in the face with a snowball when he was taking a selfie.


	39. Chapter 39

_Kitsune fact:_ _Foxes and humans agree that humanity is a preferable state and that humans are superior to foxes. This is part of the Buddhist karmic ladder, in which souls migrate up and down the evolutionary chain according to their spiritual merit and the pinnacle of the chain is Homo sapiens._ _[https://mythology.net/japanese/japanese-creatures/kitsune/]_

  

  
             
Soft morning light was filtering through the curtains of Phil’s bedroom. They both woke slowly and silently as they blinked at each other while the realization of what day it was dawned on them. Dan asked in a soft voice, “How are we going to do this?”

When Dan’s words broke the spell, Phil took a deep breath before saying, “I don’t think we should do this yet. You became a nogitsune on the hour of your birth, not just the day. I think we should wait until the hour of the afternoon when you gave me your _hoshi no tama_ for me to give it back.”

Dan swallowed heavily before nodding. Then he said in a small voice, “Good idea.”

Phil reached out to run a fingertip across Dan’s smooth cheek. “You look scared. Don’t be scared, sweetheart. It’s going to be okay.”

The lovely hot chocolate eyes closed for a moment. When they reopened, the fear that had widened his eyes was gone, and they had crinkled at the corners slightly as he gave Phil a sweet smile. “I know. I’m just a bit nervous, but I know it’s going to be okay. So, what should we do until this afternoon?”

“Just spend time together. Like always.” 

 

 

During breakfast with Phil’s family, Phil’s mum seemed to have sensed that something was off. She didn’t say anything, but she was casting curious glances at the tense couple. When they had finished eating, Phil mumbled an excuse to leave and he dragged Dan out of the room. They sat on the sofa and put a movie on the tv, but both of them were too distracted to focus on it. While Dan’s leg constantly jiggled with nervous energy, Phil found himself checking the time on his phone more and more often to the point that he stopped watching the tv entirely and just stared at the minutes changing on his phone.

Dan, who had noticed this, asked in a whisper, “It’s almost time, isn’t it?”

Phil looked up from the time displayed on the screen with a nod. He answered in a soft voice so that his parents in the next room wouldn’t hear, “Yeah, just about.”

Dan glanced around the empty room. “Should we do this here? Or…”

Phil knew what Dan was saying. They didn’t really know what was going to happen when Phil returned the _hoshi no tama_. In the past, Phil would have reassured Dan and told him that nothing bad was going to happen, but he wasn’t underestimating the situation anymore. Trusting Dan was one thing, but Dan wasn’t always Dan and if this situation brought out the violent nogitsune in him, then Phil didn’t want that to happen here. What if the nogitsune started to shout at Phil and Mum walked into the room? What if the nogitsune hurt Mum?

“We could go for a walk,” Phil suggested.

Dan nodded in acceptance, and they turned off the tv.

It was a bit chilly out, so they stopped by the coat rack by the door and they each grabbed a jacket. In a sudden fit of protectiveness, Phil also grabbed a long red scarf from the rack and he took a step closer to Dan. As Phil wrapped the scarf a few times around Dan’s neck before tucking in the corner securely, Dan watched him with a bemused expression on his face but didn’t say anything. Phil’s fingers lingered near Dan’s neck for a bit longer than necessary as they stared at each other in silence.

“Are you going out?”

They both jumped at the sound of Mum’s voice and turned to face her. Phil nodded in response to her question. “Yes, Mum. We’re just going for a walk.”

She nodded as she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “Okay, be careful. And don’t forget to come home in time for lunch.”

Dan nodded, and Phil said, “We will. See you later.”

When they were outside and walking down the sidewalk, Dan asked him, “So, where are we walking?”

“Follow me,” Phil said with a smile. “There’s a hill nearby. We should be able to spend some time up there alone.”

As they walked and the cottages of the neighborhood fell behind them, they followed a dirt trail that cut through the trees. The incline sharpened as they hiked up the hill, and then it peaked as they cleared the tree line. Dan made an appreciative noise as he took in the scenery. He said, “It’s too bad we didn’t bring a camera with us. This would be a nice place to take aesthetic photos.”

Phil saw that Dan was about to walk into a muddy puddle, and he grabbed Dan’s arm to redirect his path into a grassier patch. “Careful, or you might slip and slide down the hill.”

“Hmmm, thanks. Sliding down the hill on my ass sounds like something I would do.” Dan stopped walking and turned to Phil with a wobbly smile. “Well, we’re here now. Should we do this?”

Phil placed a hand on his own chest, feeling the watch beneath his t-shirt, and he imagined for a moment that he could feel it ticking, pulsing like the beat of a heart. Then he reached into his shirt and drew it out by the chain. He opened his mouth for a moment as he was about to ask Dan what he should do, but then he closed his mouth as it suddenly all became clear to him. Phil lifted the chain of the watch from around his neck, and he stepped closer to Dan with it held out. He didn’t need to tell Dan what he was doing; Dan understood as he unwrapped the scarf from around his neck so that Phil could slip the watch over his head and hang it around his neck.

That had been easy, hadn’t it? So easy. Phil stared at Dan with wide eyes because he hasn’t been expecting this to go down without any complications. The nogitsune hadn’t attacked, and it was now over. They blinked at each other for a few heartbeats, and then Dan sucked in a sharp breath as his hand flew to his chest. Phil’s eyes went wide. “Dan? Are you okay?”

“I’m… it hurts,” Dan mumbled as his hand shook where he held it against his chest. His face had gone pale and the line of his jaw sharpened as he grimaced in pain.

Phil stared in horror. Oh God, what had he done to Dan? They had no idea what they were doing when they decided to do this. What if it had all been a mistake? What if Dan was dying?

Dan swayed in place before he stumbled back a step and started to fall. Phil grabbed him by his arms and guided him carefully to his knees. Phil stroked his cheek, trying to smooth out Dan’s pained expression. Phil pleaded, “Tell me what’s wrong, sweetheart. What are you feeling?”

Dan shook his head a bit, and Phil realized that Dan hadn’t inhaled or exhaled since he sucked in that sharp breath and since he was still clutching at his chest, Phil became worried that he wasn’t breathing. Was his pale face about to start turning red? Phil’s heart was pounding with panic – he didn’t know what to do. Why did he never know what to do?

Phil gripped Dan’s arms harder and he insisted, “Talk to me, Dan. Tell me how to help you.”

Dan shook his head again, but this time he sucked in a ragged breath. He muttered, “Hurts… Everything hurts… Ah! My tail,” Dan exclaimed as the tail appeared at his side. He pulled it across his lap with shaking hands.

They were both staring at it when it faded from existence. Dan’s hands, which had been gripping the black fur, tightened and he was holding nothing but air. Phil’s blue-green eyes were wide with confusion when Dan looked up, meeting his gaze. Phil asked, “What just happened? Why did your tail fade? Did you do that?”

“No,” Dan said as he cast one more quick glance down at his now-empty hands. His breathing was becoming even, and his skin was slowly returning to its normal color. “I don’t know… My tail is just gone. Even when you can’t see it, I can always feel it because it’s a part of me. But I can’t feel it anymore.”

Phil reached out to clasp Dan’s empty hands with both of his, and he gave them a squeeze. Dan returned the squeeze. In a soft voice, Phil asked, “Does this mean what I think it means?”

Dan took a steadying breath before saying, “I think so. Something feels different. I think it worked. I think I’m human.”

With a breathy laugh, Phil dropped Dan’s hands and pulled him into a hug. They stayed like that for a few moments as the panic left their shaking bodies and they calmed as they felt grounded by each other – an odd sensation had overcome Phil a moment ago when Dan had looked so ill. It was like they had climbed so high up this hill together, but they had walked too close the edge. Now that he had Dan safe in his arms, he no longer feared that one of them was going to fall.

Phil leaned out of the hug so that he could see Dan’s face, which was damp with tears. He didn’t seem to be in pain, so Phil calmly wiped them away with the pad of his thumb before cupping Dan’s cheek in his palm. “Are you okay, sweetheart?”

Dan nodded with his cheek still cupped in Phil’s palm. “Yes, I feel perfect. I’m just… Thank you, Phil. For everything. I’m me now. Just me. You saved me.”

Phil started to lean in to kiss Dan, but he stopped when he thought of something. “The watch,” Phil said as he reached for it and then examined it in his palm. “Is your _hoshi no tama_ still inside?”

Dan shrugged as best he could while his neck was being tugged forward by the chain of the watch. “I don’t know. I’m not a kitsune anymore and my tail has disappeared. Kitsunes have _hoshi no tama,_ so I shouldn’t have one now, right? I’m human.”

Carefully, Phil pried open the back of the watch with his fingertips, and he held it open. He had expected to see the black pearl that was Dan’s soul, but the watch was empty. Phil’s mouth was hanging open in shock when he looked up at Dan. Dan didn’t look too worried, so Phil was mostly trying to reassure himself as he suggested, “Maybe your soul went inside you? I’m sure that’s what happened. That’s why the _hoshi no tama_ isn’t in there. It’s in you now.”

“You’re always such an optimist,” Dan said with a smile. “This probably just means that I don’t have a soul anymore.” At Phil’s horrified look, Dan laughed and shook his head. He reached out to brush his fingers across Phil’s forehead, smoothing out the worry lines. “Phil, I don’t even care. You kept my soul safe for me when I needed you to, and now I have everything I could have ever wanted.”

Phil moved Dan’s hand from his forehead, clasped it in a tight grip, and then leaned forward to press their foreheads together. As he stared into Dan’s eyes – blue-green staring into chocolate brown – he said, “It was worth it. Now I have everything that I ever wanted, too.”

 

 

When they walked in the front door, Phil turned in the direction of the kitchen since he was hungry and looking forward to lunch, but Dan hesitated. He cast a glance to the stairs and said to Phil, “I left my phone in your room. I told my grandma that I would call her _after._ You know, to let her know that I’m okay? She’s probably waiting.”

“Okay, you should call her,” Phil said with a nod.

As Dan started for the stairs, Phil shifted in place as he thought about following him – he was still hungry, but he always wanted them to be together, especially on this day when it had seemed for a horrifying moment that everything was going to go wrong. He needed to see Dan’s smiling face right now because when he did he knew that everything was alright.

“Phil?”

He looked away from the stairs where Dan had disappeared to see his mum standing in the living room, watching him. She looked concerned, so he smiled to reassure her. “Hi. What is it?”

She nodded in the direction of the kitchen. “Would you come help me with something?”

Phil cast one last glance at the stairs. There would be time in the future to stare at Dan’s face, a lifetime of it. So, he nodded and followed his mum to the kitchen. Once there, she asked him if he could set the kitchen table for lunch. Since there would only be four people having lunch, this only took Phil a moment. He hadn’t thought that this was why his mum had asked him to join her in the kitchen though.

She sucked in a steadying breath before asking, “How was your walk?” She had tried for a casual tone but did not quite manage it.

“It was good,” Phil also attempted to sound casual but was unsure if he had accomplished it. Though everything had turned out well, his nerves were still jangling from today and he needed some time before he could properly feign to his family that they had just gone on a simple walk.

His mum gave him a suspicious glance a she placed a pitcher of iced tea on the table. “Good, hmm? Did you and Dan talk while you were out?”

He nodded but didn’t say anything. Should he and Dan have thought of a lie to explain what they did while they were out? No, Phil was awful at lying to people. He didn’t want to lie to his mum, and he shouldn’t have to anyway – couples go on walks all the time and didn’t have to tell people what they talked about while they were out. Mum knew that they had gotten past their fight, and she didn’t need to know anything more than that.

Mum was staring openly at him now, not even pretending to be worried about lunch anymore. She sighed. “Phil, it’s just that after we eat you’re getting ready to go back to London tonight. I wanted to make sure that you were okay before then. This is the last chance I have to ask you about that.”

He gave her a smile. “I know, mum. I understand. Thank you, but you really don’t need to worry about me. Everything is going to be fine now.”

She frowned. “How can I not worry? You haven’t even told me what the fight you had with Dan was about.” When he didn’t immediately respond, her frown deepened. “Are you ever going to tell me what that was about?”

Phil thought about it for a moment… about telling his rational and protective mother that his boyfriend used to be a supernatural fox demon. Obviously, he wasn’t going to do that now, but someday? Maybe years from now once she had learned to love Dan and accept that he wasn’t going anywhere?

For some reason, picturing the reaction that she might have on this hypothetical day in the future made him feel cheeky and mischievous, so he grinned at his mum. If she was horrified to learn what Dan was, all he could do would be to point to this moment and say, _You asked me to tell you.  
_

As she stared at him, seeming unsure why he was smiling at her like that, Phil assured her, “I may tell you someday.” She still seemed concerned, so Phil went on seriously, “Mum, it’s okay. I promise. I know it’s not fair to you that I came here when I was upset and won’t tell why. But please just trust me when I say that things are perfect with Dan right now. That’s all I can tell you. I love him, and he loves me.”

She nodded in acceptance and smiled at him.                       

           

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The setting of the hill is supposed to be the hill that real Dan fell down last year when he went on a walk up North :D  
> Anyone remember that? 
> 
> Special thanks to AmazingDandroid for letting me bounce ideas off of her for this chapter :)


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm starting out this final chapter with another version of that story that story from the beginning, "Tale of the Kitsune". It just felt right. I first read a variation of this story back in 2014 when I was taking a folklore/mythology class at college, and it has always stuck with me. I believe that it is the most romantic story in all of folklore -- it is a story of a man who knows who is wife is on the inside and loves who she is. It doesn't matter what her surface looks like because he knows who she really is and he unconditionally loves that person.
> 
> It has made me very happy to use this as the frame story for my fic :)

_Kitsune tale:_ _Once there was a man who married a beautiful woman. She had no family, but she was lovely of mien and manner, and he brought her to his home. In time, she bore him children, and they were very happy. One day, a dog ran into their house, and it ran at the woman, barking. The woman was very frightened, and as the dog rushed at her, she transformed into a fox and fled. The man was stunned to learn he had wed a shape-shifting fox — but he loved his wife. He followed her and said, “You are a fox, but you are my wife and the mother of my children. I love you. Please return with me.” And so, every night, the fox returned and stayed with the man, and tended her children. And though he knew she was a fox, he loved her, and they were very happy._ _[http://lauravanarendonkbaugh.com/the-first-day-of-kitsune/]_

 

 

  
The interviewer took one last look at his resume before smiling and shutting the folder on her desk. “Well, Mr. Howell. I still have to wait for the background check results to come in before I can give you a definite answer, but I have to say that this looks good. You most likely have a job here.”

Dan grinned ecstatically. It was just a job in a tea shop, not a dream job, but he was still happy. He had a 3-month employment gap on his resume and he couldn’t explain how his last job had ended if asked. Now that he was human and could go back to work without a fox spirit interfering with his actions, he had been worried that he wouldn’t be possible to explain his past if it came up during the interview.

Luckily, his grandmother knew the owner of this tea shop and she had gotten him an interview here. He wasn’t sure if Grandma had said something to the owner or if he had just gotten lucky, but the interview had gone down without incident.

Dan stood to shake the interviewer’s hand, thank her for her time, and then he left her office. He glanced around the tea shop as he was leaving, picturing himself spending 40 hours a week here. The air was thick with an herbal scent. Soft classical music was drifting around the room from speakers near the ceiling. The atmosphere was soothing, and even the customers looked relaxed and friendly. Dan thought he might like working here.

The bell on the door chimed as he exited the tea shop.

“Sweetie! Yoo hoo! Over here.”

At the sound of his grandmother’s voice, Dan turned to see her tucked into an outdoor table, sipping from a cup of tea. He hadn’t realized that she would be coming here on the day of his interview, and his cheeks flushed. Was she here to check up on him? Well, she had gotten him the interview, so Dan shook off his embarassment as he walked over to join her at the table. He smiled at her as he said, “I was just about to call you. It sounds like I got the job.”

“That’s wonderful,” Grandma said.

“Congrats, bro.”

Dan glanced at the empty air near the chair pulled out by Grandma’s side, knowing now that his brother was sitting there, out of sight. “Adam? What are you doing here?”

“I’ll tell you in a little bit,” Adam responded.

Dan arched an eyebrow curiously, but let it go as he turned back to his grandma. “Are you here to say ‘hello’ to your friend? The one who owns this shop?”

She shook her head. “I only came here to see how your interview went. I don’t know the owner.”

“But you told me…” Dan started running their conversation through his mind, wondering how he’d misunderstood.

Grandma took another sip of tea before responding, “Your mother is friends with the owner of the shop, not me. She wanted to get you this interview but knew you might still be angry with her for kicking you out. She was worried that if you knew the interview had been arranged by her that you wouldn’t go.”

“My mum got me this interview…” Dan said slowly in disbelief. For so many years, she had tried to get him to work in the family business. Now Mum had gotten him this job? And what was more human and normal than working in a shop? It seemed like so much more than just a job now. Hesitantly, Dan asked his grandma, “Do you… do you think this means she wants to talk to me?”

Grandma nodded. “I think she’s wanted to talk to you for a while, but she’s just giving you space in case you weren’t ready to reconcile.”

Dan stared at the top of the table as he thought about it. His mother had really hurt him when she had kicked him out. If she had randomly called him and tried to talk on the phone, he probably would have hung up on her. This though? She was giving him space. She had gotten him a job. It was an amazing gesture that said she had accepted him and the human life he wanted to live. He liked this gesture so much more than anything she could have said, so he smiled when he looked up from the table. He told his grandma, “I’m going to think about it. I’ll probably give her a call later.”

Grandma nodded, looking pleased. “If you feel comfortable doing that, then good. I’m happy for you, sweetie.” She looked at the empty chair where Adam was sitting, invisible. “Did you want to ask him now?”

Dan blinked and waited for whatever his brother had to say.

For a moment, they just sat in silence. Then Adam finally said, “Dan… I was hoping to ask you for a favor.”

“Anything,” Dan said with a nod, but then he had to wonder: Adam was a powerful Reiko kitsune, and now Dan was just a human. What could Dan do for him that Adam couldn’t do for himself. Dan asked, “What do you need?”

“Could you carry something for me for 100 days?”

“Are you serious?” Dan asked in a soft voice. “I didn’t know you wanted that.”

“I do,” Adam said. “I hadn’t wanted to let you know, but I’ve been tired of living like this. I’m miserable, but I always try to seem happy when you’re around. And just getting to the point where I can seem like a normal person in front of you… it’s exhausting.”

Dan nodded. He wasn’t exactly sure yet what Adam had been through, but after living with a powerful fox spirit inside of himself too, he thought he could relate.

He heard Adam sigh. “I’ve only ever wanted you to see me at my best, but on the days I go to see you and I seem normal that’s because I’ve had to work so hard to be that way. The fox in me fills me with a sense of mischief. The only way I’m able to feel like myself is by letting the mischief out, giving into the fox’s dark desires during the day. It takes so much time and energy, doing awful things just so that I can come visit and have a simple conversation with you. I don’t want to be like this anymore. I just want my life back.”

Dan nodded, getting a sense of the pressure that Phil must have felt when Dan handed him his soul. “And you want me to carry it for you? Your _hoshi no tama_?”

“If you’re willing, then yes. There’s no one else whom I would trust with it.”

Dan held his open palm out on the table. “I’ll do it. I want you to be happy.”

“Thanks,” Adam said, and though Dan couldn’t see his face he could tell that his brother was smiling. A moment later, the black pearl that was his soul appeared in Dan’s open palm as Adam placed it there.

 

 

As Dan walked through Regent’s Park, he loosened the tie around his neck and he looked up at the sky. There wasn’t a cloud above and sunlight was filtering through the leaves of the trees lining the path that he was walking down. The trees swayed in a breeze and Dan smiled. Tt was a warm day, and the breeze felt nice on his skin.

Then he returned his attention to the rest of the park: a squirrel scurried up the trunk of a nearby tree, a pond across the bridge was surrounded by ducks, and children shrieked in delight as they fed the eager ducks bites of bread. And then as Dan rounded a corner to see past the trees, his face broke into a wide grin as he saw Phil.

Phil had recently gotten a promotion at work, which meant that he was trusted with multiple clients. He got paid more and also got to spend time with more dogs. What more could a person want?

“Dan!” Phil shouted excitedly as he saw him rapidly approaching.

Dan’s grin got impossibly broader as he started jogging towards Phil. He also laughed as he took in the scene. Phil was sitting under a tree, the tangled leashes of five dogs surrounding him as the dogs snuffled in the grass around him. Dan stopped to give Rotty a pat on the head as he asked Phil, “Did they pull you over? Or did you fall over with out any help from the dogs?”

“Hey!” Phil said in mock indignation before laughing. “I didn’t fall, I just sat down. We just walked all over and are taking a break.”

Dan smiled because resting in the grass with the dogs sounded nice. He asked, “Can I join you?”

“Of course. Come here,” Phil held out a hand in invitation.

Dan took the hand and joined Phil in the grass. They laid on their backs, giggling as the dogs came closer to sniff them and lick their hands and faces. As Dan petted the happily wagging dogs, he remembered what he had just thought about Phil when he saw him sitting here with the dogs. What more could a person want? Dan honestly couldn’t imagine. He turned his head to see Phil. Dan had smiled so much today that the muscles in his cheeks now ached with it, and still he couldn’t stop.

Phil noticed and he laughed. “What? What are you smiling about?”

Dan shook his head, but he leaned in to kiss Phil. What more could he possibly want? He had everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...so, it's over. Thank you so much for coming on this journey with me. I hope that you have enjoyed reading this as much as I have loved writing it. If so, please let me know in a comment :)
> 
> ___  
> Shameless self promo: If you like my writing, please stay tuned. I have more that I will be posting on AO3 soon. On the 11th I'm posting a single-chaptered fic. It's a bit different from my other work, so feel free to skip it if the description doesn't sound like it's your thing.  
> If you like my mythology AUs though, I hope you'll check out the new chaptered fic that I will begin posting on the 13th. I have been working hard on this new fic, and I hope that you will check it out when I start to post it because I would love to hear from you in the comments there <3


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